Goodbye lullaby
by juliet2219
Summary: Bella is a famous rock-musician and is engaged to Jacob, her manager! Something horrible happens to them after the Forks concert where Jake dies! Bella has a hard time dealing with Jakes death and with what happened to her, until Edward comes along! Will Edward be able to save Bella from the brutality of what happened? AH
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**

**Bella Swan and her twin brother Emmett Swan are**** musicians and their band**_**, Punk Rocking Skulls, **_**are one of the most famous bands in the world.**

**Bella is engaged to her childhood friend and their new**

**manager, Jacob Black. Jacob organized a tour for them through the continental **

**of US. On the night of the Forks concert something horrible happens**

**to Jake and Bella and changes their lives forever. Bella throws herself**

**into her songwriting and music since it's the only time she feels normal and alive.**

**Edward Cullen is a new solo rock musician and meets Bella through his best**

**friend and manager! Edward has a hard time breaking through the walls **

**that ****Bella built around her heart. He can see something horrible happened in Bella's life but she **

**doesn't trust him and it seems that she hates him. Will Edward be able to help Bella and will Bella**

**trust Edward enough to tell him what has happened to her and let him into**

**her heart?**** Edward also has a past and is scared to death that Bella will want**

**nothing to do with him once she finds out. Together they learn how to heal and love again, and how to **

**be free from their haunting pasts!**

**All human **

* * *

><p><strong>Goodbye lullaby<strong>

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Avril Lavigne owns the song in this chapter and also the name of the book**

**Chapter 1**

**Bella's POV**

I looked at myself in the mirror to make sure I looked amazing. I wore my studded black and green hoodie with a pleated dark green mini skirt over fishnet stocking and of course my favorite 14-eye doc martins, every punk girls dream. I made an extra long side path into my hair and straightened them. I added extra black eye shadow around the edges of my eyes to give them a smoky look and added light pink lip-gloss to my lips.

"Bells, you look amazing as always, can we get on that stage now?" Emmett said. I nodded grabbed my heavy studded leather cuff-bracelet and we walked towards the stage. I turned my head to look at my twin brother, Em is big and very muscular and has short black hair and my mother's green eyes; I have inherited the _charming Charlie look_. Although we are twins, we don't look anything alike. Emmett is wearing a black tee with a white skull on and black cargo pants with his low _Chuck Taylor all-star_ sneaks. Our punk look and love for rock music, and of course the famous skulls on most of our tees gave Emmett the idea for a perfect band name, _Punk Rocking Skulls_, and I loved it. It said everything about us and about our music.

The crowd went crazy when we walked onto the stage and my heartbeat picked up. I stared into the screaming crowd and grinned. Emmett and I have been singing since forever but only started going serious last year. We never dreamed we would be this famous in only one year. I loved the rush I felt when I was standing in front of thousands of screaming fans, and to perform to them and know that I'm gonna rock their world with my songs. Emmett and I write most of our songs and it usually say a lot about our lives or us.

I turned around to look at my brother behind the drums and he smiled, his two dimples easily visible and I smiled back. Emmett plays the drums and electric guitar but he sticks to drums. He can also sing but leaves that to me. I can play a lot of instruments but the guitar is my favourite. My eyes refocused on the crowd when I heard Emmett's drums leading the song. I loved this song it was one of our firsts. My fingers slammed on the strings of my guitar, and the crowd went wild. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

"Hello Seattle, sing along if you know the words…." I shouted at them and started singing.

_He was a boy_

_She was a girl_

_Can I make it anymore obvious?_

_He was a punk_

_And she did ballet_

_What more can I say?_

_He wanted her_

_She'd never tell_

_Secretly she wanted him as well_

_And all of her friends_

_Stuck up their nose_

_And they had a problem with his baggy clothes_

_He was a skater boy she said see ya later boy_

_He wasn't good enough for her_

_She had a pretty face but her head was up in space_

_She needed to come back down to earth._

_Five years from now she sits at home feeding the baby, she's all alone_

_She turns on TV and guess who she sees_

_Skater boy rocking up MTV_

_She calls up her friends_

_They already know_

_And they've all got tickets to see his show_

_She tags along, stands in the crowd._

_Looks up at the man that she turned down_.

I loved singing this song and when the last notes ended, I wanted to scream of the thrill it gave me to perform to such an amazing crowd.

"Thank you Seattle…" I shouted out of breathe and they kept screaming and whistling. I motioned with my hands for them to calm down and the crowd became silent.

"You are one of our favorite crowds, and it's not because it's our hometown, it's the simple fact that you know how to be an awesome crowd. You make it so easy for Em and me to perform and we love it. Thanks for coming tonight and supporting us…We love you Seattle…" I shouted and they went crazy. I was out of breath when I walked backstage.

Emmett and I went to Forks High; we grew up there but moved to Seattle one year ago when we started singing. When we were seventeen Emmett met Heidi and fell in love with her, but she toyed with him. We didn't have a lot of money back then and Heidi wanted a rich boy. The bitch broke Emmett's heart. Last year Em wrote the _Sk8er boi_ song when Heidi phoned him after five years, asking him to come back to her. He told her to go screw herself of course, and then wrote the song.

"You were amazing Bella," my assistant, Leah, said and I grinned at her.

"You get paid to say that, Leah, but thanks anyways!" I said and felt two familiar arms go around my waist. I closed my eyes and laid my head back onto his chest, he tightened his hold, and I felt his lips on my head. Leah quickly left the room saying something about the rest room.

"You rocked," he whispered into my neck and it sent shivers down my body.

"I wanna rock your world babe," I whispered back and he turned my body around to face him. He lowered his head and his lips rested on mine, kissing me slowly at first and then started to kiss me feverishly. I parted my lips and he plunged his tongue into my mouth, and our tongues started fighting. I lifted my knee up to his thigh and his hands trailed down my back and stopped on my backside lifting me up so both my legs were around his waist. He walked me into a wall softly, for more support and his hands crept under my hoodie and rested on my breasts. I moaned into his mouth and he pulled away kissing my jaw line and moved to my neck. I came back to reality when Emmett cleared his throat and folded his arms across his chest. I heard Jake chuckle and I smacked him on his head playfully.

"What the hell you guys? Can't you wait to get a room or something? You're scaring the shit out of me being horny all the time. Jeez man and I have to see your hand all the way up my sister's hoodie, damn Jake that's just nasty," Emmett said and I blushed. I tilted my head to the side to see behind Jake and look at my brother.

"You're just jealous Em, because you can't do that. Wait till you meet someone, then I'll annoy the crap out of you," I said back and Emmett just shook his head. I looked back into Jake's eyes, the passion in them still very visible and I can feel my insides shiver.

"I just wanted to say, you already do rock my world baby, you are my little punk rock girl, and I love you to death," he whispered and chuckled again.

"Thanks babe, but Emmett seeing me make out like a teenage girl and with your hand up my hoodie is a big turn off," I said and unhooked my legs around his waist and my legs fell to the ground. I was pissed at Emmett for ruing our little _rock_ moment.

"Emmett, can't you knock?" I said and placed my hands on my hips tapping my one foot. My eyes widened in surprise when Emmett starting laughing loudly. "What the hell is so funny?" I asked him.

"Bella you can't make out backstage for crying out loud, what the hell are you thinking?" he asked and grinned.

"You know what you two Swans should do?" Jacob asked us and both of us shook our heads. "Write a song about _what the hell_, since it's the only three words you two uses," he said sarcastically and I wanted to kick him.

"You know what Jake; I can't believe I was all hot for you just a minute ago, because you are an ass now!" I said with my hands still on my hips.

"You still rock my world baby and you looked hot tonight, where did you get the outfit?" he asked me and my heart crumbled. He had me at _you still rock my world_. I walked to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him passionately. "I love you Jacob Black" I whispered into his mouth and heard him moan.

"Okay, if you two don't mind I'm still in the damn room." Em said disgustingly and both Jake and me chuckled.

"Okay dude, what's up?" Jake caved and asked him. He knew Em wanted something and Emmett was getting impatient.

"Let's grab a beer bro; I need to get some fun-time." Emmett said but Jake shook his head.

"We can't man, we have to drive to Forks," Jake said and Em and me both sighed loudly. We were so tired and wanted to get some rest. I felt Jake's body stiffen and I knew there was going to be trouble. Jake turned very strict since becoming our manager and he's been pushing us to work harder. We don't have fun anymore and it's getting on Emmett's nerves. Emmett is a fun and outgoing person, but Jake doesn't allow us to do that anymore.

Emmett walked to Jake and bumped him with his shoulder lightly and Jake's eyes narrowed.

"Come on dude; break the rules this one time please?" Emmett pleaded but Jake tightened his jaw, still pissed about the bump on the shoulder.

"Fuck off Emmett" he said annoyed. My eyes widened in surprise and I felt like slapping Jake. Where did that come from?

"Don't start your shit with me Jake, I've had a fucking hard day, and I'm exhausted. We're not you machines you know, we're human beings with needs. I've had it with your shit!" Emmett said furiously and I saw Jake's eyes turning cold. I wondered what was wrong with Jake, he's been acting weird since we started singing and it's kind off pissing me off as well.

"Guys let's just get to Forks and call it a night okay?" I said but I saw that none of them was going to budge. I can see that Emmett has had enough of Jake's shit and decided that tonight is the night that he's going to make an end to it all. I sighed and looked at Jake. He tightened his jaw and his eyes were full of rage. I turned back to Emmett and decided that Emmett was the calm one tonight but that made Emmett so much more dangerous.

"I just want to say one thing to you Jake," Emmett starting saying and looked Jake straight in his eyes. "It doesn't mean shit to me that you are our childhood friend or even the fact that you're engaged to my sister, you are our manager and that's it. We still pay your salary and we still get to decide what we wanna do, you don't own me or Bella, so stop making decisions for us," Emmett said calmly but I heard the warning in his tone. To my surprise, Jake grinned.

"One of these days Bella will be mine," he said and my head snapped up to him. _Oh no he didn't?_

"Um…Jake what the hell was that?" I asked him a little pissed now.

"Bella we're getting married," he explained and I furrowed my brow.

"It doesn't mean you will control me Jake, or make decisions for me. I will not bow to your orders do you understand that?" I asked him with my hands on my hips again. Okay so now I'm annoyed as hell and wanna have a beer but my stomach turned at the thought. I have other things to worry about for instance, why I'm four weeks late with my period? I know in my heart the truth but my mind still thinks there are other explanations. I'm screwed and I have to think about what I'm going to do, 'cause I don't want any kids now, maybe in the future but not now.

Emmett hissed, turned around, and stormed out of the building. I gave Jake a look that said _fuck-off_ and ran after my brother. He looked over his shoulder and stopped when he saw that it was just me.

"I'm sick of his shit Bells, I can't take it anymore. When was the last time we had a fun night? I don't even remember the last time. What happened to Jake, he used to be fun to be around with," he said angrily. I decided since we were alone that I wanted to tell my brother about my pregnancy, and my stomach turned upside down. I'm nervous as hell and afraid of what he'll think off me. I'm always messing up and Em cleans up afterwards. I must be such a disappointment.

"Em, I have to tell you something," I whispered and I heard the nervousness in my own voice. I felt tears form in my eyes but I didn't want to wipe them away 'cause then he will see that I'm crying.

"Bells, why the nervousness?" he asked and walked towards me and wrapped me in his big strong arms. The tears were falling down my cheeks and I just blurted it out. "I think I'm pregnant," I whispered and started crying loudly. Emmett pulled away and looked into my eyes. "No Bells, this can't be…" he whispered back and pulled me into his arms again. I felt Emmett's tears on my hair and new sobs escaped my mouth. I hate myself for doing this to Emmett. He pulled away quickly and cleared his throat.

"Wait you said you think you're pregnant?" he asked and I heard the hope in his voice. I shook my head and looked down.

"I mean, I think I know. I'm four weeks late Emmett. Jake doesn't know yet, because I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to figure it out first," I explained and he sighed.

"Bells, whatever you decide please promise me one thing first?" he asked and sounded nervous.

"Anything" I answered and Emmett sighed again.

"Don't marry Jake just because you're pregnant. Don't rush into it Bells, I know you love him but please just wait," he pleaded and looked down. I pulled myself to him and started crying again. He rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

"I won't Em, I promise. I don't deserve a brother like you. I'm sorry for disappointing you again," I said but Emmett tightened his arms around me.

"Don't ever think that, you're not a disappointment to me. You are my sister and I love you with everything I have Bella; I'll do anything for you, anything. We'll always be there for each other, because that's what we do." He said and I relaxed into his arms.

"Let's hit the road to Forks so we can get some well deserved sleep," he whispered and I chuckled.

We walked back to the building only to find Jake standing at the door with his arms folded across his chest.

"Is the little family reunion over?" he asked sarcastically and I narrowed my eyes at Jake.

"You are a real jerk Jake," I said and walked past him into the building. Emmett walked past him and pushed him with his shoulder. Jake didn't say anything he just followed us and Emmett turned around to face him.

"I'm going to say this only once Jake so listen and listen good. We're not taking orders from you anymore. We didn't make you the manager to control us, we made you the manager to organize things for us while we write songs and sing. You are not our boss. What happened to you Jake? You used to be fun to be around with, now we don't want to be in the same room with you." Emmett said and I could see Jake's face turning sad and he sighed.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I know I've been a pain, I'm just so scared that I'll disappoint you guys. I just want what's best for you and Bella and I guess I got carried away. You never said anything so I assumed I was doing the right thing," Jake said and his voice trembled. This discovery was a big surprise to me, I knew something was up, but never thought that Jake was afraid he didn't do a good job. He's one of the best there is and we love the work he's been doing, he's just been pushing us so hard. We haven't had a break since the band started and we're exhausted.

"Jake, you were our friend long before our manager. You'll never disappoint us, we miss the fun Jake that was up for anything. We'll work everything out, just be normal please?" Emmett said and punched him lightly on the shoulder. He grinned at Emmett and punched him back. It's amazing how men can sort their shit out by simply bumping their shoulders or punching each other lightly.

"Is that some sort of guy-thing, the punching and pushing and stuff…" I asked them both and they chuckled.

Jake walked towards me and placed his hands on my waist. My heartbeat raced and goose bumps spread across my body. I shivered and he smiled.

"I want you so bad," he whispered into my neck while trailing kisses up my neck to my jaw line and stopped at my mouth. I parted my lips for him and he took control of my mouth. My body arched to his and he pulled me closer to him. He slowed the kiss and I knew he was going to stop so I moaned and he chuckled. He pulled away from me and I stomped my foot.

"Baby, we have to leave now," he whispered and chuckled while continuing "Be patient a little while longer" he said and I nodded in agreement.

"Jake's got a point Bella, plus the fact that I'm still in the damn room is a big no no for you guys. You really need to get laid soon, I'm freaking out having the two of you in one room with me," Emmett said in disgust and I stuck my tongue out at him. He bursted out in laughter and I wanted to kick his ass.

"Let's go, I'm exhausted," Jake said and even sounded tired. My pour guy was so stressed about doing his job he forgot how to relax and have fun. I'm going to change that very soon.

"Where did you book us babe?" I asked him while all of us walked to our cars.

"I hope you packed your surfing gear baby, I got us two cabins at the Quileute Oceanside resort it's right on first beach down at La Push…" he answered me and I screamed in excitement.

"Sheesh Bella, it's just a cabin," Emmett said and I glared at him.

"No, Em it's not just a cabin, it's on the beach and I'm going surfing," I said and he smiled back at me. Why is Emmett being difficult tonight, he knows me better than anyone does and he knows how much I love the beach and surfing. He pushed me lightly with his shoulder and I wanted to kick him.

"Relax Bella, I'm joking, what's happening to your moods? You're gonna kill me if you keep it up," he said and I grinned. I'm having a lot of mood changes and it's irritating the shit out of me. It must be the pregnancy thing. I'm just gonna stop thinking about that tonight it just freaks me out and I want to concentrate on Jake tonight. I turned to Jake and kissed him in his neck.

"Thank you for the cabin at the beach, I love you so much more for doing it for me," I whispered and he smiled his eyes full of love. Emmett shook his head and walked to his big black Jeep when we stopped at Jake's black Mercedes.

"See you guys at Forks…and please don't make out in the car right now, let's get there?" Emmett pleaded and Jake chuckled. He opened the door for me and I climbed in and relaxed against the black leather seats. This car is damn comfortable and I loved it. Jake got in next to me and started the engine. I lowered my body, laid my head on the headrest of the seat, and placed my hand on his inner thigh. Jake moaned loudly and I chuckled. I closed my eyes for a moment but was to exhausted to open them again. I was thankful that it was June and I could surf and would do that first thing tomorrow morning. I drifted to sleep while thinking about the beach and the big waves while Jake drove to La Push.

I felt Jake carrying me and I opened my eyes to look straight into his. My lips curled up into a lazy smile.

"That was fast," I said sleepily and he chuckled.

"For you, I wasn't sleeping remember?" he said.

"I'm sorry Jake, I was going to close my eyes only for a sec and couldn't open them again," I started apologizing but his lips came crushing on mine and I forgot all about my apologies. He walked through the door and straight to the bedroom laying me on the bed and went to lock the door. When he came back, he walked straight to me and climbed on the bed with me. His hand went around my waist to pull me closer to him and he slowly kissed my neck, I pulled my head back and moaned. He hovered on top of me and kissed me feverishly and I wanted to rip his cloths off.

"Make love to me Jake, now!" I whispered with determination and I heard him chuckle. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were dark with passion, and I locked my legs around his waist to pull him closer to me. He moaned loudly and unzipped my hoodie while trailing kisses from my throat to my chest. My breathing became uneven and I wanted him so bad it hurt. "I love you Jake," I whispered and he looked up from my chest into my eyes. "I love you more than you'll ever know Bella," he whispered back and I saw the love he has for me in his brown eyes.

We made love three times that night and I would have gone for more but I was exhausted. While laying in Jake's arms I started thinking about the fact that I might be pregnant. I don't know what the hell to do? I didn't want kids and I'm scared to death. I don't think I'll be able to go for an abortion, and I won't be able to give it up for adoption while I carried it for nine months anyway, so the only way out is to keep it. I'll have to keep the baby and I have to tell Jake. My stomach turned thinking about having a baby and my hand moved to my abdomen. I closed my eyes and felt tears rolling down my cheeks. My life feels messed up right now and I don't have a clue how to fix it. I felt Jake move a little and he kissed me on my shoulder.

"What's up babe?" he asked me his voice sounded lazy.

"Why?" I asked back ignoring his question. "I thought you were sleeping," I added quickly to try and change the subject, but my voice gave my tears away and he lifted himself resting his head on his fist.

"I was, but I felt you crying, your whole body is shaking. Now tell me what is wrong?" he asked again and I knew I could no longer put it off.

"Jake, I think um…I think I'm pregnant," I whispered. I was still lying with my back against him and I didn't want to turn around to face him. His hand came around my waist and pulled me around to look at him.

"I thought you were on the pill?" he asked softly and I nodded my head in agreement.

"I am I don't know how this happened and I'm so scared," I said and started crying again.

"I'll get a pregnancy test first thing tomorrow so we can be sure and then we'll take it from there. Bella I love you and we'll work everything out. I'll never leave you," he said and I nodded to afraid to speak.

"Now go to sleep baby, you need the rest," he whispered. I closed my eyes while he lightly trailed his fingers up and down my back, and I felt my body relax. "Love you Jake," I whispered while drifting to sleep.

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Avril Lavigne owns the song!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

**Bella's POV**

I woke up with Jake's fingers trailing up and down my back. I yawned loudly and stretched myself out. Jake chuckled and he looked so much different from yesterday. It was a good thing Em had the talk with Jake he is so relaxed.

"Good morning baby," he whispered and kissed me softly.

"Mmm it's a good morning indeed," I said and placed my hand around his neck and brought his lips to mine. He kissed me back but I felt his hesitance.

"What's wrong?" I asked him and he just shook his head.

"I thought you wanted to go surf today … and I want to go to the store and get that pregnancy test." He added the last sentence a bit nervously.

"Urg, what a way to ruin my good morning," I said annoyed and Jake looked at me confusingly. _Oh shit_ I forgot to mention last night, that I didn't want any babies now.

"Please explain that phrase," he said and I felt like screaming.

"I just didn't want to think about it now babe. I didn't want this and it's annoying me and scaring me at the same time and right now the annoying part is winning, so don't start," I warned him and to my surprise his face broke into a smile.

"I can see that," he started saying "Look we have to face this Bella, whether you like it or not, it's reality. Why don't you get ready for surfing and I'll make us some breakfast," he said and his tone was uplifting. I felt like I didn't deserve a man like Jake and I kept thinking how lucky I was to have him in my life. I went to the bathroom and climbed into the shower. The water ran down my body and it felt damn good. I looked down at my stomach and moved my hand over it. One of these days I'm going to start showing and my first thought was my band, what the hell am I going to do? My head snapped up remembering what Jake said about a song I should write about _what the hell_, maybe it's not such a bad idea. I started humming and tried to sing the words…._aaaaa what the hell…_it doesn't sound bad at all. I climbed out of the shower and quickly brushed my teeth. I rushed out of the bathroom to find Jake in the tiny kitchen preparing pancakes.

"Why do I love you again?" I asked him sniffing in the air. He just laughed and shook his head.

"I hope it's not because of my cooking, 'cause I will stop right now," he threatened and I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his back.

"No I love you not only for your cooking, but it's a big part of it. You should be grateful that I appreciate your good food babe, and that you have been blessed with the ability to cook because we would have had many take-outs," I said and he laughed loudly.

"Gosh I would have loved to see you fit into your famous fishnet stocking eating all that take-outs," he said and I slapped him playfully and huffed. He turned around to look at me and gasped.

"Why aren't you dressed baby? Get some clothes on that tempting body please. I won't be able to eat if you sit across the table with only the towel wrapped around your body," he said with lust in his eyes. I walked to our room and went through my bags searching for my black and pink wetsuit, and finally pulled it out. I dressed quickly when I heard my stomach growl in hunger. I sat by the little dining table and filled my plate with pancakes. I took Jake's hand into mine and brought it to my lips kissing him softly.

"Thanks babe," I said and he nodded with his mouth full of food.

"I'm thinking about the _what the hell_ song…" I started saying and he bursted out in laughter. I looked at him with confusion and he shook his head.

"Bella, I wasn't being serious," he said but I quickly interrupted him.

"I know but I think it could be a good song. When I come back from surfing I'm going to write the song and you'll be the first to hear it," I said.

Jake rented me a surfboard since I couldn't bring mine along and I walked to the beach. The weather was nice and I couldn't wait to get into the water and ride the waves. My mind shuts down from the world when I'm in the water and it makes me feel amazing, just like my music. I ran into the ocean with my board and my heart rate accelerated. After an hour of surfing, I ran out of the ocean and fell on the beach completely exhausted. I laid there for a few minutes to catch my breath when I saw Jake walking towards me. I stood up and he took my hand and with his other hand grabbed my surfboard.

"How was it?" he asked me but he already knew the answer, he could see it on my face.

"Amazingly awesome," I answered him. We walked in silence back to our cabin. I was on my way to the bathroom to take a shower when Jake held me back, placing something in my hands. I knew it was the dreadful pregnancy test. I took it and walked to the bathroom. I opened the packet and read the instruction, and I saw my hand shaking. I took the test and climbed into the shower taking my absolute time. I knew what the test was going to say but I still had hopes that it will be negative and that there's something else wrong with me. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I picked the stick up and sighed when I saw that it was positive. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wanted to scream, 'cause now it was real and now I had to face it. That test just made it reality and my life will never be the same after this. When I opened the door, I walked straight into Jake and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Were you standing there the whole time?" I asked him and he blushed. I bursted out in laughter since I've never seen Jake blush before and it looked kind off cute. When he looked back up at me I saw the seriousness on his face and I sighed.

"It's positive Jake, we're going to have a baby," I said and I saw a tear roll down his cheek. He wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly when sobs escaped my throat. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, and poured his love out on me. He made love to me with not only passion but with need and we clung to each other's bodies, never wanting to let go. "I love you Bella and everything's gonna work out fine, I promise," he whispered after our passionate lovemaking and I felt my heart pound.

"I love you to Jake…" I simply said because I didn't have other words or promises like Jake had. I was scared to death and didn't believe that everything's going to work out.

"_All my life I've been good, but now __aaaaaalll I'm thinking what the hell?"_ I sang softly and wrote the music down. I had a feeling that this song was going to be big. "_You say that I'm messing with your head, yeah yeah yeah yeah" _I continued singing. I continued writing and singing and when Jake woke up after his nap, I finished the whole song. He was excited and begged me to sing it to him. I played the song for him on my guitar and sang.

"_la la la la la la la la la…"_ I sang and ended the song.

"Bella, that was amazing. You did all that in one afternoon?" he asked me and I nodded quickly.

"Yes, and I'm so excited about this song Jake, I'm going to phone Emmett right now," I said excitedly and took my phone of the bedside table. I dialled Emmett's number and after two rings, he answered.

"I hope you have a good reason for waking me up dear sister," he said and I could hear that he was sleeping. I laughed and heard him cuss softly.

"Emmett, I wrote a song and it's amazing. It's called _What the hell_. Can I come to your cabin and play it for you please?" I asked and heard him sigh.

"Aah shit you took Jake's advice and wrote a song about our favourite line. Okay Bells, come on over." He said and hung up.

"Bella the concert is in three hours, so don't take to long okay," Jake said and I hurried to Emmett's cabin with my guitar.

I've spend almost an hour with Em where we changed some of the words and music. Emmett was just as excited as I was and we were planning to perform it at the next concert. When I got back to my cabin Jake was already dressed and ready, so I took a quick shower. I decided to wear my red and black polka dot tee and a black jacket with my black and red plaid pants and my _all-star_ sneakers. I applied firey eye shadow around my eyes and light lip-gloss. I straightened my hair and stacked my wrist with three black studded leather cuff-bracelets.

When I walked back into the room Jake's eyes widened and I didn't need another mirror to tell me I looked gorgeous.

"Bella, you look amazing," he simply said and I kissed him softly.

"Are we ready?" I asked and he nodded. We walked down the beach to the stage 'cause Jake was so amazing to organize a beach concert here on first beach in La Push. It's going to be awesome. Emmett was waiting for me backstage, wearing ruined black jeans and a white skull tee with _doc martins_. "You ready?" he asked me and I nodded. He squeezed my hand and we walked onto the stage. There weren't a lot of people but more than I expected from Forks. They went mad when Em and me walked onto the stage and I felt my heart racing. That feeling will never go away and I smiled at myself. Emmett waved at the crowd and the girls screamed loudly.

I started singing when I heard the notes and I closed my eyes to connect with the song. I adored my music and my songs.

_Keep holding on_

'_Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

_Just stay strong_

'_Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you_

_There's nothing you could say_

_Nothing you could do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

'_Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

_La da da da_

_La da da da_

_La da da da da da da da da _

I walked off the stage with Emmett and found Jake waiting for us backstage.

"You were amazing guys," he complimented Em and me. I walked into Jake's arms and he kissed me on my head.

"Thanks babe," I said and kissed him on his lips.

"Let's go for a ride Bella," Jake said and I nodded my head excitedly. We said goodnight to Emmett and walked back to our cabin to get the car.

We drove around La Push, my hand on his thigh and talked about our life together and the baby. When Jake mentioned marriage, my stomach turned and I felt nauseous. I don't want to get married right now and I feel pushed enough with the pregnancy and everything. I didn't want to ruin the evening with my insecurities about marriage so I kept my mouth shut. We drove around Forks to see what changed and didn't even find it funny that everything's still the same. "I love you so much Bella," he whispered and my heart pounded. "I love you to Jake," I said back. I know I love Jake, I can feel it but I don't know why I'm hesitant to marry him now.

"What the…" Jake said and my eyes turned back to the road. There was someone in the road next to a car commanding us to stop. My heartbeat accelerated out of fear, I had a bad feeling about this. Jake slowed down and he was actually thinking about stopping the car.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. ****Taylor Swift owns the songs.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

**Jacob's POV**

"Jake, don't stop this car. I've got a bad feeling about this." She commanded and I frowned. Was she being serious? Someone is stuck in the middle of the road and he needs help, and she wants me to leave him here.

"Baby, I can't drive by without stopping, I'll never sleep tonight, and besides if it were you, would you have wanted me to drive by?" I asked her and frowned. She shook her head quickly and I stopped a few feet away from his car. "I'll be right back okay," I said and kissed her softly. I climbed out of the car and slowly walked to the man still standing in the road. He looked muscular and had long black dreadlocks. He didn't even attempt to meet me halfway. My head snapped to the side when I saw another man coming from the side of the vehicle and I frowned feeling anxious. The other man was also muscular but had long blonde hair pulled back into a pony. My eyes narrowed when they walked to each other and waited for me. I decided that I'm not taking another step and stopped.

"Good evening, do you need help?" I asked them and my heart started to pound against my chest when I saw them grinning at each other. I should have listened to Bella, I know we're in trouble I can sense it.

"Yes a good evening indeed, and you could be of some help," _Dreads _said and his voice gave me goose bumps.

They walked closer to me and I saw a handgun in the blonde's hand. I was trying to think of ways to warn Bella but nothing would work out in my head.

"Why don't you walk over to your little girlfriend and bring her here," the blonde said with a grin and I noticed how _Dreads_ licked his lips.

"And if I don't…" I asked them and they laughed evilly.

"Then we'll shoot you right now and take her with us anyways," _Dreads _said. I nodded and walked to my car my mind thinking about ways to get Bella out of this shit. She opened the door when I was next to the car and I felt blackness overcome me when the blonde hit me over my head with the back of the gun. My last thought was the fear in Bella's eyes.

I heard Bella screaming and crying, pleading with the men and I heard them hushing her and laughing. I tried to open my eyes but my vision was blurred and I couldn't see clearly. My hand reached for the aching pain in my head and I felt the sticky blood in my hair. My head hurts badly and I feel dizzy but I have to see what they're doing to Bella. I tried to pull myself up but the wound in my head started pounding and I fell back down. My eyes opened when Bella screamed my name. I rolled to my side to see a lantern burning and I saw _Dreads'_ shadow. I tried to be still so they won't hear me and my eyes shifted to the blonde who was completely naked and on top of Bella. I couldn't see Bella's face only her hand and it was full of blood. My body started shaking from the rage and I jumped up and ran towards the blonde

"Nooooo, you fucking bastard," I shouted at him but was kicked in my side by _Dreads_. I fell to the ground and the pain shot through my ribs knowing that they are broken; I felt it in my breathing. He stood over me and kept kicking me in my ribs and the pain was excruciating. My energy was drained and I rolled to my other side to look at Bella when I heard her whimpering my name. I felt the warm tears running down my face for what they are doing to her. My heart broke into little pieces knowing how she must feel and what she's going through. _Dreads _grabbed me and pulled me up onto my knees right in front of Bella.

"No need to watch from the back, we've got you front row tickets," he whispered into my ear and I shivered in fear. Sitting on my knees made it almost impossible to breathe. I wanted to lie down but _Dreads_ pulled my hair to keep my head up and face Bella.

Raw sobs escaped my throat when I looked at her and saw her face beaten up and blood streaming out of her nose and lips but what terrified me the most was her eyes, they were cold, empty, and almost lifeless. My head pounded more from the sobs and my ribs ached and made it hard for me to breath. I reached my hand for Bella's hand and she stretched her hand to mine but we were too far apart. _Dreads _pulled my arm back and I hissed.

"Baby, look at me, I love you okay" I whispered and felt more tears streaming down my face. She just nodded as she laid there, her body looked completely numb. I felt nauseous when I saw the blonde's body shaking and fall onto Bella's. _Dreads_ threw me down and I fell on my face. I screamed out as pain spread across my body. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw _Dreads _removing his clothes. The blonde grabbed me and held me up just like _Dreads_ did. Bella started screaming when he touched her breast and he slapped her across her face.

"Don't you dare touch her you piece of shit," I yelled at him and the blonde punched my jaw. My head fell and new tears formed in my eyes. I looked at Bella again and tears were streaming out of her eyes, and I cried along with her. Her hand was still pointing towards me and I closed my eyes imagining I held her warm hand in mine. I wanted to scream loudly for feeling so helpless and it kills me to watch them rape and beat Bella. When _Dreads_ was done, he tried to kiss Bella and she bit his lip. He screamed out in painful agony and I quickly stood up and ran to Bella but I felt one of them kicking me in my back and I fell to my face. I tried to roll over but felt another kick to my side and struggled breathing. I lifted my head when I heard Bella's screams and saw that _Dreads_ was kicking her in her stomach repeatedly. Her body was bruised badly and full of blood. My eyes widened in horror when I saw the blonde holding up the gun, pointing it towards me and fired a single shot. I didn't even feel the bullet go into my flesh I just wanted to get to Bella and make sure she was alive. I heard them laughing as they walked away from their victims. I saw the light of the lantern disappear with them and knew they were gone. I felt weak and knew I wouldn't live through this night to see the sun come up tomorrow and it's probably for the best, how can I ever look at the sun again when my life would be filled with darkness after what I witnessed Bella go through tonight. I pulled myself on the grass towards Bella, and when I touched her, her body stiffened and she screamed out in fear.

"Shh baby it's me, I want to know if you are okay?" I asked her and I struggled breathing. If I could only make it through to get Bella to safety.

"J..a..k..e.." she whispered struggling to speak. "J..ak..e." she whispered again, fear in her voice.

"Yes baby it's me," I confirmed and placed my hand in hers. I could see more clearly it will be morning soon. My heart pounded and it hurt like hell when I thought about how long they had us and how many times they raped Bella. A sob escaped my throat and I punched the ground with my fist.

"My ph…one in m..y p..ock..et..." she said and I saw her pants lying next to her. I'm so damn weak and I knew I was dying. I had to hold on a little longer for Bella and to make sure she's safe. I grabbed the pants and I felt in the pockets but there was nothing inside, it must have fallen out. I ran my hands through the grass trying to find the phone by touch and sighed in relief when I felt the phone. I grabbed it and scrolled to Emmett's number, he's the only one who knew these woods like I did. I dialed his number and he answered immediately.

"Bells what's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked and sounded worried.

"Em, listen we're in trouble okay, don't interrupt me. We've been kidnapped and they dragged us into the woods, we've been beaten up and Bella…um…she's been raped and beaten badly Em. I've been shot, and barely hanging on," I explained and heard him cuss and then he cried. I could hardly breathe and it hurt like hell when I did. I started explaining to him where we were. I told him that I wouldn't hang up the phone so I could lead him when he wasn't sure and he could listen to me and Bella. Bella cried again and I placed my arms around her. I took my shirt off slowly and pulled it over Bella. Blood was streaming out of my chest and saw where the bullet went in.

"Baby, would you do me a favor?" I asked her and felt her nod her head. "Sing to me one last time," I pleaded and she started crying.

"Ja..ke no don…'t say that pl..ease," she whispered back crying.

"Bella I love you with all of my heart and soul and I'm so sorry that I weren't able to protect you tonight. Please Bella, I don't have much time, and I need to hear your voice, sing to me…" I said weakly and felt the warm tears streaming down my face. I don't have any regrets about my life. I've lived every second loving Bella and to know she loved me back made me the happiest man alive. She's my life and I just hope she survives to live up to her dreams. She started singing struggling at first and I don't know if she realized that it was the last song she would sing to me and then poured her heart and soul into the song.

_Mmm mmm mmm_

_Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm_

_Mmm mmm mmm_

_Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm_

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,_

_It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see_

'_Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,_

_Now I don't know what to be without you around._

_And we know it's never simple,_

_Never easy._

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me._

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,_

_And I can't_

_Breathe,_

_Without you,_

_But I have to,_

_Breathe_

_Without you, _

_But I have to_

Raw sobs escaped her throat when she stopped singing and I reached up to kiss her on her head.

"Jake, please…don't leave m…e. I nee…d you so m..uch…" she sobbed and I felt the warm tears roll down my cheeks.

"Thanks for the song baby, p…romise me one thing?" I whispered and it hurt so much more to speak than it did before. She nodded as tears streamed down her face. "Promise me that you will live Bella, pr…om..ise me that you will go on with..out me and yo..u will keep on sin..ging, do it for me please." I said and her eyes widened.

"Jake, I feel…weak…I'm not sure that…I'll make it…" she said and I shook my head forcefully.

"No Bel…la, I'll make sure you ma…ke it, now promise me," I demanded. My chest hurt and breathing is difficult. I feel suffocated and I'm not going to make it another ten minutes. Where the hell is Emmett? I touched the phone to talk to him but Bella's phone was dead. I prayed silently for Emmett to find us.

"I promise, Jake…" she whispered and cried softly. I sighed in relief knowing she will live on. After a few more minutes, I heard someone calling our names.

"Bells, listen…" I whispered almost unable to say anything. I felt her move next to me, and saw that she was trying to sit up. "What are you doing baby, stay down," I pleaded but she shook her head and she lifted my head to rest on her legs. I pulled myself up laying my head on her chest and sobbed softly. "I love you Jake always," she whispered and I closed my eyes to hide my fear of dying. I never wanted to leave her and it scares me to death not knowing how she would cope with what happened to us tonight. "I love you with every breath in my body and with everything that I am Bella," I whispered back. I closed my eyes for a second and heard Bella singing again while rocking me, and I felt her tears fall on my forehead.

_I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_

_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_

_There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions._

_But now I'll go sit on the floor_

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is that_

_I don't know how to be something you miss_

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips…_

She brought her bloody lips to mine and kissed me softly and it felt like heaven to me. "Jake, don't leave me now, I need you," she whispered and when I looked into her tear-filled eyes, it broke my heart into a million pieces to know I can't give her what she asked for. "Be..ll..a I don't h..av..e the…" I started saying but couldn't finish my sentence. I stared into her beautiful brown eyes one last time and closed my eyes, not having the strength to stay awake anymore. I lay in my only love's arms and I opened my mouth and whispered my last words to Bella, "Thanks for the … l..a..s..t.. k.i.s.s and ..the…s…oo..n..g," and I felt my life slip away and my whole body went numb.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"Thanks for the … l..a..s..t.. k.i.s.s and ..the…s…oo..n..g," he whispered with his eyes still closed and my heart broke knowing that he said goodbye with those words. I felt his body shake as he struggled breathing and a painful sob escaped my throat, and I screamed loudly. I can't live without Jake. "Jake, no, please I can't live through this without you…" I pleaded softly while rocking him. I shook him trying to wake him up but he didn't open his eyes. His breathing slowly stopped and a low sigh escaped his mouth and his head fell to the side. I sat there with Jake's head against my chest and I had to watch the man I love, die in my arms. I kept rocking him and something inside me snapped. I started screaming out his name in pain. My body was shaking from shock and the pain was excruciating. My body was getting weaker and death couldn't come any sooner. I would welcome death with open arms right now.

I felt two strong arms go around me and I screamed out in fear, "Don't touch me," but the arms wouldn't let go and fear overwhelmed me. "Please don't touch me, don't hurt me again, rather kill me. I'm begging you to kill me," I pleaded while crying out in agony. My body is bruised and I'm bleeding but that's nothing compared to what my heart is going through now. There is nothing more I wanted than to die.

"Bells, it's me Emmett," he whispered and rocked me back and forth. I twisted my head to see a glimpse of Emmett's face and I felt the fear leaving my body.

"Emmett, thank God, I was so scared and I'm hurting really bad. I'm loosing a lot of blood and I'm barely hanging on." I said crying again as I felt relief wash over me. I felt Emmett's body shake as he sobbed into my neck. He tried to pull me away from Jake, but I held on to him. I wasn't going to let go of him.

"Bells, let go and I'll see what I can do for him," he whispered and I screamed in horror. If only there was a way for him to still be alive.

"He's dead, Emmett. I'll never see my guy again," I whispered and felt my heart being ripped into a million pieces. Emmett left my side and rushed to Jake's to make sure I was telling the truth. He cried out and I heard the pain in his voice. My own tears flooded my face and I wanted to die. I had no will to live anymore. I felt weak and my vision was blurred.

"Emmett, I love you and thank you for…" I whispered to him before it was too late but he stopped me as he rushed to my side and took me into his arms. I still held Jake I couldn't let go, I wanted to hold him for as long as I could, knowing that I'll never feel or see him again.

"Don't you dare say your goodbyes do you hear me? The paramedics are here Bella they followed me and they're going to take you to the hospital. Hang on Bells," he said and I nodded my head and closed my eyes, and before I drifted away I whispered to my brother, "Don't let them wash the shirt I have on and don't throw it away. Promise me Emmett…" I said and he agreed. I sighed and drifted to sleep. I just wanted to get away from this pain and horror. I felt someone pull Jake out of my arms and I wanted to scream to them but couldn't get anything out. I couldn't even open my eyes, maybe this was it, maybe this was my last moments.

"She lost a lot of blood we need to get her to the hospital now," someone said. I couldn't make anything else out and fell into darkness.

**Emmett's POV**

"How fucking long is this going to take?" I asked the nurse that walked by. She explained that there was a lot of damage and that they're still trying to keep Bella alive. I felt bad for being rude to her and apologized. She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

I feel irritated and very fucking annoyed. If only I could know what the hell was happening to Bella and if she's okay. If only I could get my hands on the bastards who did this, I'll kill them with my bare hands. I took a seat in one of the chairs and thought about Jake. My heart pounded against my chest and it hurt so bad to know I'll never see my best friend again. I'm going to miss him so much. My eyes filled with tears and I sobbed softly. Every time I close my eyes, I see Jake's face in front of me laughing and his eyes sparkling. Our lives will never be the same without Jake. He was a part of the team and a big part of our lives.

I can't imagine what they went through last night. How Jake must have felt when they raped my sister in front of him the whole time, and he couldn't do anything. And Bella…being raped over and over again and almost beaten to death and then they shot Jake in front of her. A shiver went through my body thinking about the possibility that I could have lost Bella forever if it wasn't for Bella having her cell phone in her pocket and me knowing these forests. I found the place Jake described easily; it was about five minutes from La Push if you run. I would have gotten to Bella sooner if it wasn't for the fact that I had to wait for the paramedics. When they arrived, I started running into the woods and they could barely keep up with my determination to get to my sister. The whole time I prayed that she would be okay, I never thought that Jake already died.

A tall doctor with blonde hair walked towards me and I quickly stood up.

"Mr. Swan?" he asked and I nodded. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen." He introduced himself.

"Just call me Emmett. How is my sister?" I asked and felt panic rise in my body when I saw the concern in Carlisle's eyes. My body felt numb and tears formed in my eyes.

"She's been through hell tonight and somewhere she must have a will to live, she fought hard for her life tonight. Bella lost a lot of blood from the beatings and the brutal rapes. She was hit in the head multiple times and has a concussion. She's in a coma now and before you ask, I don't know when she'll wake up. It takes time. Her nose is broken and she has a fractured jaw. Her face is swollen from the beatings and has many bruises. She has a few fractured ribs, luckily no broken ribs. Her stomach is bruised badly I think they kicked her a few times." He explained and I felt my heart break at all Bella's injuries. He didn't say anything about the baby, I made sure they knew when we brought Bella in.

"The…um…what about the baby?" I asked him hesitantly at first. I saw the sadness in his eyes and knew the answer to my question.

"She lost the baby, I'm sorry. Bella was about four weeks pregnant and she went through a lot of stress last night. Her body dealt with shock, beatings, and rape. Emmett, there might be a slight possibility that she won't be able to have children, but it's not hundred percent. We'll run some more tests when the time is right, but right now we have to concentrate on Bella getting better." He said sincerely and I started crying. The only thing left from Jake that would have maybe helped Bella is gone.

"Thank you for everything you did for her, I can't begin to show my gratitude. I just wish she would wake up" I whispered and Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"Son, it won't be the same Bella when she wakes up. She was raped, beaten up and her fiancé was shot in front of her and died in front of her. Plus she just lost her baby, that's a lot to deal with. She's going to need a lot of love and support, maybe a psychiatrist to talk to or help her." He said and I felt the tears stream down my face.

"Where's the shirt I asked them to keep?" I asked Carlisle and there was concern in his eyes when he looked at me.

"I promised her Carlisle, it was Jake's…he had it on before…" I said and swallowed the tears away. I couldn't say anymore.

"I'm sorry if it seems to you that I'm interfering but I don't think it's a good idea for Bella to hang on to the shirt. It's full of Jakes blood and to be honest it won't be good for Bella. It would be a constant reminder of that night and how Jake died," he whispered softly and spoke to me not as a doctor but almost like a father would speak to his son.

"I promised her Carlisle, I won't be able to handle it if she wakes up and asks me for the shirt and I can't give it to her. She would be even more broken…" I said and shook my head slowly.

"Okay I understand. Maybe if she wakes up she won't even remember the shirt." He said and I silently hoped for that.

"Carlisle, can we keep the pregnancy and rape out of the press please, I know we won't be able to hide the beatings, I mean Jake's death will hit the news but I don't want the world to know that my sister was raped and pregnant. If she decides to tell everyone it will be her decision." I said and Carlisle nodded his head in agreement.

"Of course, that won't be a problem. Follow me and I'll take you to Bella's room, but don't stay too long, visiting hours were over long ago" he whispered and smiled to me. I followed him in excitement. I wanted to make sure Bella was breathing and that she was okay.

I followed him into a room and shock went through my body when I saw my sister in the hospital bed. It didn't even look like Bella, she looked fine this morning when she was brought in. Her face was swollen and both her eyes were black. She had bruises everywhere in her face and neck. She looked awful and my heart ached again. Low sobs came out of my mouth and warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder and I silently thanked him, and he walked away. I moved to Bella's bed and took her hand in mine. How the hell did this happen to us? How did our lives change from being perfect to horrible and completely fucking ruined? I just hope that Bella wakes up soon and I hope she can deal with everything. I know she's strong I mean she's been through a lot, but what happened last night…it's not fucking normal and it's not shit you can easily deal with.

"Bells, I love you okay. Everything's going to be fine. I miss you and I need you to wake up please" I whispered and sobbed into her hand. I kissed her on her head softly and walked out of her room, and went back to my cabin. I haven't slept since before the concert and I'm so tired but I doubt if I'll be able to sleep now.

I walked to the beach and fell on the sand resting my arms on my knees. I miss Jake already and he's not even been gone a day. I never thought that I would feel like this again. When my mom and dad died last year in a car accident, I was broken and wanted to die. I never thought for one second that I would have to face another death a year later. It hurts so much and it still feels so unreal, it feels like Jake is gonna walk down the beach any moment and everything would turn out to be a nightmare. I stared across the ocean into the sunset. It's the most beautiful site I've ever seen, because now I appreciate it so much more than I did before. I'm thankful for every breath and that I'm able to live. I'll never take life for granted again. It amuses me that something so fucking horrible has to happen for people to realize how precious life is and how grateful we should be.

I remember when Jake and me played football on the beach and it felt so real that I could hear Jake's laughter and see him run with the ball. Raw sobs escaped my throat and I sat there crying and grieving over the loss of my best friend. I looked up at the sky and saw a few stars, and remembered when we use to sit on the beach making huge bon fires and Jake would listen to Bella and me singing. He always inspired us to go further and promised us we would be a success, he'll make sure of it. I cried again, when I thought about the other night when I gave him shit for controlling Bella and me, when he was just doing his job. I was wrong to accuse him and I'll never get the chance to say how sorry I was and to tell him that I still loved him like a brother. I sat there for a couple of hours thinking about Jake and the fun times we had before we had the band.

I finally stood up and headed back to my cabin. I plugged my phone in to charge and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I let the water run down my body and it felt good. I stood under the water until I used all the hot water. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked back into my room. I looked at my phone and saw the LED light flashing. It was a missed call from Billy. My heart started pounding in pain.

I wondered if the police went to Billy's to give him the news, 'cause I wasn't strong enough to do it. I will break down and I can't do that now, I need to be strong for Bella. I dialed his number and he answered immediately. "Emmett…" he said and he started crying. I also cried again hearing Billy's pain, he was like a second father to me and Bella and just listening to him cry made me hurt even more.

"I'm sorry Billy, I'm so sorry…" I whispered. I couldn't say anymore, I had no words of comfort. How do you comfort a father that just lost his son?

"How's Bells?" he asked with concern. Even in a time like this, he places everyone else's needs in front of his.

I explained everything to him just like Carlisle did to me and when I told Billy about Jake's baby he cried out in agony. He lost it completely and I wanted to go to him but he didn't want to hear about it. He said that Sue was there and he'll be fine.

"You'll have to come by tomorrow though, I need to arrange the funeral. We won't be able to wait for Bella, you realize that don't you?" he asked me.

"Yeah I know Billy. I'll work something out. See you tomorrow okay, get some rest," I said and hung up.

Jake's funeral without Bella is going to be hell. I'll have someone make a video recording of the funeral and give it to Bella when she wakes up. She can watch it whenever she's ready.

I fell on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I'm worried about the band, we still had a few concerts to do, our fans already bought the tickets…, and I'll have to find a new manager. I'll do it after Jake's funeral. I wondered where i would find a good manager. The question that scares me the most is if Bella would be able to perform again. Would she have the confidence? I miss her so much and I hope she wakes up soon.

I fell asleep and dreamed about Jake, telling me that he's fine and he'll watch over Bella and me. He asked me to take good care of Bella and that I must make sure she follows through on her promise…

I gasped for air and sat up. What was that? It felt so real I could even smell Jake, and what promise?

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	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**** Song owned by Simple Plan**

**Chapter 5**

**Edward's POV**

I stared out of the window, trying to find words to the song I'm writing. I was at the _Punk Rocking Skulls_ concert two nights ago, and they were amazing. I threw my guitar on the sofa and walked to the kitchen to get a beer. I opened the beer and took a swig when I heard Jasper behind me. I rolled my eyes knowing that he was going to say something about me drinking.

"Edward, how's the song coming?" he asked me and I slowly turned around to face my best friend and manager.

"It's coming along, Jaz." I answered him with a sigh. I hate it when he wants to act like my father.

"Can I hear it?" he asked and I rolled my eyes again.

"Okay but it's not much, so don't say anything," I warned him. I wasn't in the mood for Jasper right now and him being so pushy isn't helping my mood. I sat down on the sofa and grabbed my guitar. I started playing with the strings and felt my heartbeat accelerate. I loved music; it helps me to forget…

"_I __open my eyes_

_I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light,_

_I can't remember how_

_I can't remember why_

_I'm lying here tonight"_

I stopped playing and kept my eyes closed, because he would see the pain in them, and I don't want his sympathy.

"Ed," he whispered but I didn't look up I just shook my head sideways telling him that I didn't want to talk about it, but Jasper's not letting it go.

"You have to talk about it, bro. You can't go on like this…," he said but I interrupted him.

"Like what Jasper, I'm living aren't I?" I said harshly and threw my guitar down.

"Like drinking all the time, it won't take the pain away…" he spat back at me. I was about to tell him to go screw himself when there was a knock on the door. "Saved by the bell," I said and grinned at him. I walked to the door and my eyes widened when I found the drummer of _Punk Rocking Skulls _at our door.

"Hey. Sorry to barge in like this, are you Jasper?" he asked me. What would he want with Jasper?

"Hi, no I'm his new creation, Edward Cullen." I said and reached my hand to him.

"Great, can I see him?" he asked while shaking my hand. I motioned with my hand for him to come in.

"Jasper this is, Emmett, the drummer of _Punk Rocking Skulls. _He wants to see you," I said. I fell down on the sofa, grabbed my beer, and downed the rest of the fluid. They both looked at me as if I was crazy, but I didn't care.

"What can I do for you?" Jasper asked him and ignored me. Emmett looked tired and sad when he answered him.

"I need your help, I heard you are a good manager and we need one." He said.

"What?" I asked and Emmett looked at me annoyed. Screw him; he is trying to steal my manager. What happened to…I can't remember his name right now, but he had a manager.

"Emmett where did you find out that I was a manager?" Jasper asked.

"Carlisle." He said. This is confusing, how does he know my father and what happened to their manager? Jasper and I looked confused so Emmett sighed and started explaining.

"Our manager was murdered two nights ago and our band is supposed to be on tour, we still have two concerts left…," he whispered with pain-filled eyes.

"Shit, I'm sorry. What happened?" Jasper asked him.

"Two nights ago, two losers attacked Bella and Jake. They wanted money and stuff but unfortunately they didn't leave without beating the shit out of them and they shot Jake. He died before I could get to them. My sister is in the hospital and that's where I met Carlisle. Look I don't have much time, will you help me or not?" he asked and sounded irritated.

"How will you do this without Bella?" I asked him and continued, "She's like the lead-singer of the band, and she's in hospital, who will sing?" I asked him.

"I thought Jasper would have an idea." He said. Both of us looked at Jasper; he had his index finger on his mouth, probably thinking. I turned to the kitchen for another beer and threw one to Emmett. He opened it and downed the whole bottle.

"Edward, stop drinking so much" Jasper demanded and turned to Emmett, "and you, don't start drinking over this, it's not helping anything," he said and I rolled my eyes, he's going to be an annoying father one day I thought to myself and chuckled. Jasper challenged me with his eyes and I felt like kicking him.

"I'll drink as much as I want to Jasper, I'm twenty six years old for crying out loud plus I already have a father, he beat you to it twenty six years ago," I said.

"Why don't you act twenty six for once Edward, you're drinking too much and I'm going to need you sober for the plan I have…and for the other part, I thank God that I'm not your father!" he said. I grinned at him and started laughing, but then realized what he said.

"Wait, what?" I asked him in surprise. What plan did he have that involved me?

"Emmett, what would you say if we have two singers in one band?" he asked Emmett. Emmett furrowed his brow in confusion.

"We have one band that plays the instruments, and then two different vocalists, Bella and Edward. They won't sing together but we'll tour together," he explained. I nodded my head a little, it sounded like a great plan.

"I don't know if Bella will agree to this, she loves her music. We write our own music and music is her life," he whispered and I saw the pain in his eyes. He's not telling us everything, I can see it in his eyes.

"She will still write her own songs, Edward also writes his own songs, and they won't sing together. They will sing solo." He said and Emmett nodded his head in agreement but his head snapped up and looked at me.

"Wait, he has an alcohol problem and I don't want that," he said and I wanted to kill Jasper for saying that I had a problem. I looked at Jasper and he actually smiled back at me.

"Damn you Jasper!" I hissed at him and he grinned. "Look Emmett, I don't have a problem with alcohol. I like to drink sometimes but I don't have a problem. I don't need AA or anything. Jasper enjoys preaching to me, let's say it gives him pleasure to irritate the shit out of me." I said and felt like screaming for explaining myself like a little boy. "And I won't bother you or your sister. I'll write my songs and do what I have to do," I continued, still pissed at Jasper. "Hey Jaz, don't you have a house and wife to please?" I asked him and Jasper doubled over in laughter knowing that he completely pissed me off.

"Great, we'll give it a try, we have another performance at the reservation tonight, I hope you have a few songs." He said and I gave him a quick nod.

He turned to Jasper and they went through the details. I took my guitar and went to my room, leaving them to talk about things. I climbed out of my window to my roof; it was my favorite spot. I took a seat and let my fingers fall on the strings of my guitar. I want to work on the song I sang to Jasper. I looked up at the sky and started singing. It was easier now to fill the rest of the song with words. I sat there until I finished the song and quickly wrote down the music. I felt the pain in my chest and grabbed my shirt trying to take the pain away. While I was singing, I didn't feel any pain, that's why I love my music; I get lost in my songs and for a short amount of time I can forget what happened a year ago. I can forget why I feel guilty for being alive. I climbed through the window back into my room.

"Edward, are you ready?" I heard Jasper yelling from the living room. I pulled my black jeans on and a tight white tee with my black sneakers. I ran my fingers through my already messed up hair, because I liked it that way.

"Coming," I yelled back and walked out of my room with my guitar in my hands.

We drove to the reservation where they had the concert two nights ago and it confused me as to why he would want another concert at the same place. When I asked Jasper about it, he just shook his head and explained that they will announce Jake's death tonight and that Bella would be absent from the band for a while. Jasper had to organize press and everything for the event. When we stopped, I walked to the backstage and found Emmett sitting behind a mirror with his eyes closed. He had black rings around his eyes and he looked like shit. He had tight black jeans on with doc Martins and a blue graffiti shirt. I walked up behind him and he slowly opened his eyes, and I saw the tears in them.

"You okay dude?" I asked him and he nodded his head.

"Yeah, I'm just worried about tonight. I don't know if our fans will except you and I have to tell them about Jake, it's going to be hard. He was a part of this band and will be missed." He whispered while tears streamed freely down his face.

"Let's get out there and find out if they'll except me?" I said. He stood up and we walked to the stage. The crowd went crazy when they saw Emmett and when he didn't go to his usual spot behind the drums, everyone became silent.

"Um…I want to thank all of you for coming. First of all, two nights ago my sister and our manager got beaten up and Jake got shot." He said and I heard many gasps and sighs from the crowd. "Jacob Black was our childhood friend, my sisters fiancé and our manager, and he died two nights ago of a gunshot wound to his chest. We will miss him so much, there are no words to explain the pain we're going through of loosing Jake," he said and tears rolled down his face and most of the crowds faces. "Secondly, Bella is in a coma, we don't know when she'll wake up…" he started saying but his voice broke and loud sobs escaped his throat. Jasper walked to him and suggested that he would go on but Emmett shook his head, he wanted to finish his speech. I feel like Emmett is hiding something about what happened to Bella and Jake but it's none of my business, besides I've got my own baggage to carry.

"I found a new manager, Jasper Whitlock, and a new musician will be joining our band. Bella will still sing and write her own songs. The new guy, Edward Cullen, will also sing his own songs. They won't sing together we'll only tour together," he explained and heard the surprise in the crowd's gasps and we could see it on their faces. At least they're not _booing_ or throwing stuff at us. I hope this works out tonight, I need the distractions.

"Please give him a try, guys" Emmett pleaded and the crowd's applause echoed. My heartbeat sped up as I walked to the centre of the stage with my guitar in my hand. I stared into the crowd and was nervous as hell. I closed my eyes while waiting for the leading instruments to start. When I started singing the intense pain in my chest disappeared and I felt almost whole again.

"_And I can't stand the pain_

_And I can't make it go away_

_No I can't stand the pain_

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got no where to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

_Everybody's screaming_

_I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

_I'm slipping off the edge_

_I'm hanging by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't erase the things that I've done_

_No I can't_

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got no where to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

When I sang the last words of my song, it was so quiet. I started to panic and opened my eyes just to see most of the crowd was crying. I turned around to look at Emmett but even he was crying. When I turned back to the crowd, they applauded me.

"Um…I don't know what to say…I just want to thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to sing to you tonight, it's a great honor to be here. Thank you…" I said out of breath while walking of the stage with Emmett right behind me.

"Edward, thank you. You were great and our fans seem to love you, I just hope when Bella wakes up she'll be happy about my decision, but for now, welcome to the band," he said and patted my back.

"Thanks man," I said.

"Guys, you were great, I think this new band thing is going to work out and I'm really excited," Jasper said and he looked relaxed. I'm feeling calm and like before, whole. The pain disappeared while I was singing and for the first time in, I don't even know how long, I feel alive. I don't even feel like drinking, but I know the pain will come back later tonight, it never stays away and the vivid dreams will return when I go to sleep.

After we said goodnight to Emmett we drove back to Forks and went home. Jasper tried to talk to me on the way but I ignored him, he wanted to know about the song and I wasn't ready to explain myself to him. I love my best friend and appreciate what he's doing for me, but sometimes I wish he would back off. I'm not ready to talk about it and he keeps pushing me. It pisses me off.

When we got to my home, I went straight to my room and climbed to my roof. I looked up at the stars and tears started running down my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around my chest to keep the pain from coming, but of course, it didn't help. I cried for an hour and climbed back into my room. I fell down on my bed and closed my eyes. I drifted to sleep thinking about Emmett's sister; I wondered when she'll wake up and how she will react about my part in the band now.

Emmett came by the next morning and we discussed the band. The next concert was in Port Angeles and then we'll have a short break. Emmett suggested that I move in with him and at first I didn't like the idea but he explained that it would make things easier for now. I have to admit that our living arrangements would be a problem for now since they lived in Seattle and it would make things easier if we were closer. Emmett told me that they had a music room in their house and their own recording studio and I didn't have to worry about rooms, it was a four bedroom house and I would have my own bathroom and everything. That wasn't the reason I didn't want to move to Seattle, my past was lying in Seattle and I don't know if I'm ready to face it. Maybe it's time I do and maybe then I'll be able to go on with my life.

The Port Angeles concert was awesome and the fans welcomed me with open arms. I'm writing new songs everyday and love performing my songs, of course no one knows that most of the songs is based on my life. I'll give to much away, everyone would know that I'm a broken man with a horrible past.

Emmett's sister has been in a coma for almost three weeks now and it's draining the life from Emmett. I moved into his house a week ago and I spend more time in the music room than any other place in the house. I was practicing a new song when Emmett barged into the room and started crying. I knew he would break eventually. I waited patiently for him to talk to me. Emmett had a weird way of expressing his feelings and I didn't interfere in his life, although we became a lot closer. I wouldn't push him. When his sobs stopped, I stood up and walked to him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"You okay, dude?" I asked him and he sighed.

"What if she never wakes up, Edward? I don't know how to deal with this shit, I'm not sleeping at all. I'm so fucking exhausted. It's killing me that she's not waking up." He said and I can almost feel his pain.

"You have to be positive bro, I'm sure she'll wake up sooner than you think," I said but wasn't as confident as I tried to sound. "Let's grab a beer and then I'll play the new song for you." I said and punched his shoulder softly.

The next couple of weeks I had my hands full with Emmett. I never complained though because I could forget about my problems for a while. He was depressed all the time and almost never slept which made him pissed all day. He looked like a zombie and even Jasper tried to talk to him but he ignored us both. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when Emmett came in. I almost didn't recognize him, he hasn't been around and he's been stuck in his room the past few days.

"Wow, are you even alive?" I asked him sarcastically. I saw his head fall and felt guilty. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that" I apologized.

"It's okay. I know I've been a total ass lately, I just miss my sister so much. Nothing is the same without her and if it weren't for you living here with me I would have gone crazy. Thank you for everything Edward, I really appreciate it. You're a good friend." He said.

"I have to thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your band…" I said but Emmett's cell phone rang and I stopped talking. Emmett's eyes widened when he looked at the caller id and answered immediately.

"Carlisle, please tell me you have good news…" he said and I widened my eyes. My father won't call Emmett if he didn't have news whether it was good or bad.

I tried to listen to the conversation and by the look on Emmett's face it was definitely good news.

"I'm driving there right now, thank you Carlisle," he whispered as tears of joy streamed down his cheeks and he hung up.

"She's awake, Edward. She finally opened her eyes. I have to go," he said and sounded like a little kid before opening Christmas presents.

"Finally. Just go get her okay," I said and he turned around and ran out of the house to his Jeep. I chuckled to myself and hoped that everything would be okay now. There was still the little issue if Bella would welcome the idea of me being part of the band.

When Emmett left I felt the urge to go to the cemetery and visit my past. My heart started pounding painfully against my chest but I ignored it. I climbed into my Volvo and drove to the cemetery.

My feet felt heavy while I walked to the grave and when I finally stood in front of it and looked at the tiny photo in the middle of the gravestone, I fell to my knees while raw sobs escaped my mouth. I cried out in pain as my hand touched the gravestone and I felt sick. I wasn't ready to be here and I quickly ran to my car. I climbed in and rested my head against the steering wheel. I cried softly and I wanted to die. I have to get out of here for a while. I reached for my phone and dialed Jasper's number.

"Hallo," Jasper answered.

"Jaz, I want to leave for a while," I explained and heard him sigh.

"Edward, you can't keep running away bro, you have to face it." He said and before the anger could take over, I started crying again.

"I'm at her grave Jaz, and it's killing me. I thought I would be ready but…I just can't. Please," I sobbed.

"Okay, but I want to know where you're going and you have to call me on a regular basis. Edward you are in a band now, you can't just take off, I'll let you go this time 'cause I don't think Bella will be able to go back to work right away. I'll give you two weeks, but after that I want you back in Seattle…," he said and I quickly interrupted him.

"I think I'll go to the island in Brazil, I don't want to be disturbed. I promise to call you Jaz. I'll wait for Emmett and explain everything; will you book me a ticket please?" I asked him.

"Sure and don't wait for Em, I'll explain it if you want…" he said.

"It's okay, I'll do it. Thanks again Jaz, say hi to Alice for me." I said and hung up the phone.

When I got home, I started packing. Jasper phoned to tell me that my flight is tomorrow afternoon and I sighed. I wanted to get out of here tonight, but if that's the only way I'll take it. I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that Emmett has been gone for five hours. I dialed his number and he answered after three rings.

"Ed, what's up?" he answered and I cringed at the name. Why does everyone keep calling me that?

"Where are you?" I asked him and heard him sigh.

"Your dad wants to keep Bella overnight for more tests and stuff. She's not happy but if your dad wants her to stay, she will. I'm staying by your parents' house tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow okay," he said and I interrupted him.

"No, I'll come over now I need to speak to you. I'm on my way so I'll see you in about three hours." I said.

"Okay, see you later then," he said and I heard the tension in his voice. I hung up the phone and grabbed my suitcase.

The pain in my chest is excruciating and I hate feeling so weak. I hate running away but if I don't leave now I'll break. I'm not strong enough to face this now and I need some time to deal with my pain. Maybe I can come back whole.

Three hours later, I stopped at my parents' house and my mother came out to meet me by the door. I smiled up at her and climbed out of my car. I walked to her and pulled her in for a hug.

"I miss you so much," she whispered and I closed my eyes.

"Miss you to mom," I said and she pulled away. She looked into my eyes and her eyes narrowed.

"Want to talk about it," she said and I nodded my head.

"Let's get inside and I'll tell you everything," I explained.

I walked into the house and took a deep breath. I miss the smell of my mothers' food. Emmett came down the stairs and walked towards me hugging me with his shoulder. We've become so close and he is one of my best friends now.

"How's Bella?" I asked him and his eyes came alive. It's so good to see him happy again and I wish I could stay.

"She's good under the circumstances. Carlisle did some tests today and she can go home tomorrow. What's up with you?" he asked me.

"Um…I'm going away for two weeks, I already spoke to Jasper, and he organized everything. I'm sorry Em, I need to get away for a while. Maybe when I come back I can be open to you about what happened to me a year ago. I'm hurting and it's breaking me apart. I need closure and I can't do it here where everybody is constantly on my case. I need to be alone…" I said softly and let my head fall. I'm emotionally exhausted.

"I've seen the pain in your eyes Ed; I just didn't want to interfere. I hope you'll get yourself sorted out. When do you leave and where are you going?" he asked me.

"I'm leaving tomorrow and I'm going to Brazil, we have an island there." I said and his eyes widened. I chuckled and softly punched his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you won't be able to meet Bella tomorrow," he said.

"Yeah me to, but I'll meet her when I get back," I said and noticed how Emmett tensed.

"She's not happy about me being part of the band is she?" I asked him. Emmett shook his head sideways.

"That's not it; she's emotionally drained and she's not thinking clearly about anything. My problem would be when she's home and starts thinking about everything. Right now, she's crying more than anything else and she can only focus on a conversation for a moment and then when she thinks about Jake she starts crying again and forgets about our conversation. It's scaring the shit out of me to see her so broken. I don't know what to do to help her," he said. The pain in his voice made me sad and made me think about my own pain.

"Time heals everything Em, or so I've been told. I can't give you advice 'cause I'm struggling with the same shit. I have to heal first…" I said and he nodded.

"If you believe this is the right thing for you to do then I won't stand in your way. Just promise me that you will look after yourself and be safe." My mom said. I forgot she was in the room with me and Emmett and I smiled at her.

"Of course I'll be safe mom, and it's the right thing to do for now. I'll be back in two weeks and I'll take it from there," I said. I've never been alone since that night and I'm scared for what I'll have to face. When I was around my family, it was easy to keep my feelings hidden and to control them. When I'm alone it's so much harder and the feelings will come to the surface, I won't have a reason to control them and maybe that's what I need, but it's still scaring the shit out of me.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**Chapter 6**

**Bella's POV**

"Jake" I said but my throat was so dry that there was no sound. I tried to clear my throat and whispered, "Jake" again when someone touched my hand and hushed me. I didn't recognize the touch and tried to open my eyes, but found it almost impossible. The light was bright and hurt my eyes. "The light…" I whispered and heard someone walking to the switch the light off.

"Try again sweetie," he said. Who was the man in my room and where was I? I opened my eyes slowly and found it easier to do with the lights off. Someone was still standing by the light switch and the light was turned back on but he dimmed the light a little. He walked towards my bed and I pulled myself into a ball, and I felt my heartbeat accelerate.

"Don't hurt me please," I begged in a whisper. My body was shaking out of fear and it felt like someone was strangling me 'cause I couldn't breathe.

"No, Bella I'm your doctor, I won't hurt you. My name is Carlisle Cullen and you've been in the hospital for six weeks now, you were in a coma," he explained and his voice gave me comfort. I couldn't relax completely and I was still scared. "Where's Jake?" I asked him although I know where Jake was. I remember him dying in my arms and I cried out loud while punching my fists against the bed out of hurt and frustration, because of the fact that I'm not able to do anything about my pain and the loss of my love. I don't know how to get rid of this awful pain in my chest. I feel hollow, like there's nothing there.

Carlisle helped me to drink some water and I started crying again. He pulled me to him carefully to assure me he won't hurt me. I was so emotionally unstable that I went willingly into his arms. He rocked me until my sobs calmed. "Where's Emmett?" I asked into his chest. He released me but I clung to him. "Please don't let go. I'm sorry I'm just terrified of lying here alone. You're arms surrounding me makes me feel safe and warm." I whispered and I was breathing heavy. The thought of being here alone terrifies me and I'll go crazy.

"Bella, it's okay. I'm sorry you feel scared, but it's normal for you to feel this way. You've been through a lot and I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I promised your brother I would call him as soon as you woke up. I want to do that now, will you be okay for a few minutes?" he asked me and I nodded my head. I wanted to see my brother and I wanted to know about Jake. I can't believe I've been in a coma for six weeks, it's so long and I was curious about what happened with the band and everything. I closed my eyes as I felt the warm tears on my cheeks. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about everything, I don't even know how to cope and to do it without Jake will be hell. I miss him so much and I felt the aching pain in my chest. I started crying again, why does it have to hurt so much?

Carlisle came back into the room explaining that he had an emergency but Emmett would be here in three hours. A nurse came to help me stretch my legs and walk around. She also helped me take a shower and I felt better. I climbed back into my bed when my door opened and I saw Emmett running through the door.

"Bella…" Emmett yelled. I started crying again, when Emmett wrapped me in his arms. I clung to him and cried into his chest.

"Em, don't let go of me please," I pleaded with him and felt his body shaking.

"Never, Bells I promise you. We'll get through this together, I'll do anything for you." He promised and I relaxed against his chest. He held me for a while before he released me and I lay back against the pillows. I looked at my brother's face and worried.

"Em you look like shit," I said honestly and was worried about him. He looked down and started crying. I took his hand in mine and he pulled my hand to his face.

"Bells, I thought I lost you, and when Carlisle couldn't tell me when you would wake up it felt like I was going crazy. I'm not sleeping well and…I'm depressed all the time, I have missed you so much," he said and my heart broke into little pieces for the pain my brother has been through. I squeezed his hand and he looked into my eyes.

"Tell me about Jake, please Em" I asked him and I saw his eyes fill with pain and agony. New tears formed in my eyes but I closed them before Emmett could see. He sighed and I felt his hesitance. "Please Emmett," I pleaded.

"Bells, do you remember anything about that night?" he asked me, and my body started shaking. I nodded my head and saw the concern in his eyes.

"I remember what happened to Jake and me but it's…it's a blur" I answered honestly.

"Bells, when I got to you Jake were already dead. They shot him in his chest but that's not what killed him, one of the broken ribs punctured his lung and he suffocated. It's a miracle that he lived as long as he did, Bells. I recorded the funeral for you and as soon as you are ready, you can watch it. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I thought I wouldn't get through it. Billy is so broken and I hope he'll be strong enough to get over this. I wish you could have been there Bells," he said with tears in his eyes. My own tears flowed freely and the aching pain in my chest increased. I quickly wrapped my arms around me to hold myself together.

"Where's the shirt I asked you to keep for me Em?" I asked him. I noticed his body tensed and I closed my eyes.

"I promised you I would keep it Bells, and I did but I washed the shirt. I'm sorry, but it was full of blood and there was no way I would have given it to you like that." He explained and I nodded my head. He sighed and I could see he wanted to tell me something.

"Spit it out Emmett," I said and he smiled a little.

"I hired a new manager…" he started saying but I interrupted him.

"What? How could you do that Emmett?" I asked him angrily.

"Bella, I had to. We still had a tour to finish and I didn't know what else to do. Carlisle's son-in-law is a music manager and I hired him…," he said and sighed.

"There's more isn't there?" I asked him and he nodded.

"We have a new band member. Just listen Bella and don't freak out please. Jasper, the new manager, suggested that we have one band with two singers. You'll never have to perform together and both of you will write and sing your own songs, I know it sounds crazy but Bella it was the only way. I was lost without Jake and I don't have a clue how to do all these things. Jasper has been really good and he's been working really hard." He explained and it sounded insane. How the hell will our band work with two lead-singers?

"Who's the other singer?" I asked.

"Edward Cullen, also a rock musician and Bells for what it's worth he's really good, our fans love him. It's been working out and now that you are awake we can start working everything out together," he said and I just nodded my head. I felt tired and I wasn't in the mood to talk about the band now.

"Bells, the police want to ask you a few questions. They didn't catch the fuckers who did this to you. They don't have any leads, they would like to know if you could give them a description of the men who did this to you…," he said.

"I'll try but I can't remember clearly. Everything is a blur and I can only remember little things," I said and my hands started shaking.

"Emmett, what about…um…the baby?" I whispered.

"Bells, I'm so sorry…you lost the baby," he whispered back and tears rolled down his cheeks. I cried out in agony and Emmett pulled me into his arms. "No no no no…it was all I had left of him…now I have nothing," I cried and Emmett patted my back while rocking me.

"Bells, I have to ask you something about Jake?" he said and I looked up at him.

"What about Jake?" I asked.

"This sounds so stupid, but the night after Jake died I had a dream about him. He came to me and promised me he would look out for you and me and he said that he's fine we don't have to worry about him…and then…um…well he said that I had to make sure you follow through on the promise you made…" he said and looked confused. My eyes widened with this information and I knew what promise he was talking about.

"Before he died he made me promise that I'll go on with my life and live on without him and to make all my dreams come true. At first I didn't want to, I made excuses, like I wasn't going to make it but he said that he would make sure that I lived so I gave him the only thing I had left in me, I gave him my promise, but how can I do that now Emmett. I miss him so much and I don't know how to get through this without him. I can't live without him…and now I lost the baby…a baby that I didn't want in the beginning…a baby that I would have welcomed now because it was something of Jake's. I have nothing to live for Emmett…" I said but Emmett interrupted me with fury in his voice.

"Are you listening to yourself Bella? What about me? I won't make it without you Bella, you're my sister and everything that has meaning in my life. Now that I know what my dream meant I'll make damn sure that you follow through on that promise you made to Jake." He said and I was sorry that I made him mad.

"I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean it like that. It's just hard for me to think about everything I've been through, I can't even think about what those filthy men did to me, it will send me over the edge and I don't want to relive that day. Every time one of them touched me a piece of me died, it was horrible…" I said and raw sobs escaped my throat.

Emmett's whole body was shaking and he looked crazy. I reached for his hand but he pulled away and stood up.

"Bella, if I catch them I will kill them with my own two hands. Every time I close my eyes, I see your beaten up face in front of me and the fear in your eyes keeps haunting me. Your eyes are empty sis, and I hate what they've done to you. I have no idea how we are going to get through this and it scares the hell out of me. I don't know how to help you," he said and I saw the fear in his eyes. I know my eyes are empty I can feel it.

"I feel empty you know, I don't feel worthy of anything now. I feel so dirty Emmett, what they did to me will haunt me forever. My body feels numb; I don't feel anything, except for my heart. My heart is all fucked up and it's so painful. I loved Jake with everything I had and although I wish he was here, there's a sick part of me that's relieved he is dead…" I whispered and Emmett gasped. I saw the shock on his face and I started crying again explaining what I meant. "…how would I have lived with him after everything they did to me, he had to witness them raping me Emmett. How would I have looked into his eyes? I remember the hurt in his eyes when they forced him to watch while they raped me over and over again…" I said and cried out in agony. Emmett pulled me into his arms and I clung to him with everything I had. "I've never been so scared in my life, Em." I whispered and heard him cry.

"Bells, I wish I could take it all away. It kills me to see you like this; it's ripping me apart to know how hurt you are, but you shouldn't think about Jake like that. He would have loved you the same way Bella; he would have helped you to get through this. I think it killed him to watch them do that to you and he couldn't help you, he couldn't save you," he said.

"I know he would have loved me the same way, but I would have been the problem Emmett. It would have been hard to be with him…I never blamed him, he couldn't have done anything although he tried, but they hurt him even more every time he tried to save me," I whispered. Emmett reached for my hand and squeezed softly.

"I want to go home Emmett, I want to start writing songs again and compose my music. I want to try and live…" I whispered and knew it would almost be impossible to feel alive. I'm dead on the inside and maybe my music would change that.

"I'll go talk to Carlisle. Oh Bella one more thing…" he said and I frowned so he continued "…Edward lives with us now." He said quickly and ran out of the room. _Wait, what?_

"Coward" I shouted after him and heard him chuckle. He would have to face me eventually but for now, I just want to get out of this hospital and go home.

A few minutes later, I heard Emmett laughing as he walked through my door and Carlisle followed him in. He smiled at me and I smiled back but I knew it didn't reach my eyes.

"Your brother says that you're ready to go home?" he said and I quickly nodded.

"Well Bella, I want to give you good news now, but unfortunately I can't send you home today. I have to run some tests, you've been in a coma for six weeks, and we need to know that you are stable enough to go home. Therefore, I'm sorry but I can't send you home today. What about tomorrow morning?" he asked.

"Oh okay Carlisle. I'll wait until tomorrow then." I answered him and Emmett grinned. I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.

"You're not off the hook, brother." I said and Emmett laughed loudly. I didn't find it funny and laughing would not be a good thing for me now, I'll probably burst out in hysterics or something. When Emmett saw my expression, he stopped laughing and sighed. I looked down in embarrassment. I don't want to cause Emmett pain, it's not his fault that I'm not able to laugh. "Sorry Em," I whispered and he took my hand in his.

"Don't apologize Bells, I understand okay, I'll do everything in my power to help you." He said and I nodded.

"Emmett you're welcome to stay over at our place tonight, I'm sure Esme would love to have you," Carlisle suggested and Emmett nodded his head in agreement.

"Thanks Carlisle, I'd love to." Emmett answered and Carlisle walked out of the room.

"How do you know these people so well Emmett?" I asked him.

"Edward is their son Bella, and Jasper is their son-in-law. I've gotten to know them pretty well and their good people. They've been very supportive especially Edward. He's been helping me a lot, if it weren't for him I would have lost my mind." He explained and I felt thankful towards this Edward for helping my brother.

Emmett left that evening and I was scared to death of being alone. I couldn't wait for tomorrow morning to leave and go to my home. I would miss surfing but La Push is not that far from Seattle, I'll make a plan. I'm excited to get back to my music, it will help me to get rid off my pain. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Emmett came to pick me up and Carlisle signed my release forms. He promised to phone me once he had the test results back. Emmett helped me into his Jeep and he walked to the other side and climbed in. He started the engine and drove away from the hospital. I closed my eyes for a moment but drifted to sleep.

_**Flashback**_

"_**We don't want any money, we want you," he said and grabbed my arm. He pushed me against Jake's car and ran his hand up my shirt. He squeezed my breast to hard and I screamed out in pain. He brought his face closer to mine and licked my lips but I turned my head to the side. He got angry and slapped me across my cheek.**_

_**End of flashback**_

"Noooooo," I screamed and felt a hand on my shoulder. My body started shaking and I screamed out in fear. "Don't touch me" I spat at him and started crying.

"Bella, it's me," Emmett whispered. I opened my eyes and stared into my brothers eyes. I started sobbing and he pulled me into his arms. He hushed me the whole time but I couldn't stop crying.

"Em, will I ever be normal again? I can't even close my eyes without seeing their faces," I said while I cried into his chest.

"Let's get you inside sis." He said and I noticed for the first time that we were home. My hands wrapped around my torso when I remembered the first time we came to this house, Jake was so excited, and when we saw this house for the first time, we wanted it. It was big, but we needed big, we wanted our own music room and recording studio. _Jake ran to the front door not waiting for Emmett or me and before we walked through the front door, he came running back to us explaining to us that this was the one. Emmett and Jake argued, as usual but I walked through the house and agreed with Jake. We bought the house that same_ _day_. I felt the tears stream down my face and Emmett rested his hand on my shoulder.

"I know Bells, I see it every time I walk through the door," he whispered and I nodded my head. I walked to the door and my hand hesitated on the doorknob. I turned around to look at my brother and his eyes assured me that he'll help me. Emmett's eyes comforted me and I opened the door. I walked through the door and stopped in the living room. Everything looked the same and I saw Jake everywhere. Both of my hands grabbed my head and I started shaking, crying out as the pain tormented me. I felt my brother's arms around me. "Why is it so hard, Em?" I asked him my voice filled with pain.

"Bells, it will hurt for a while, it's normal. You only started grieving now; I had six weeks to grieve. I'm thankful for that 'cause now I can be strong for you. I miss Jake everyday Bells, but I promise you it gets better. Time heals all wounds," he explained and I couldn't believe him. My heart was broken into a million pieces and with every breath, it hurts.

"I want to go to my room," I whispered and Emmett looked concerned.

"Are you sure Bells, I mean you shared the room with Jake." He said and my heart pounded painfully against my chest.

"I know that Em, I have to try okay," I whispered and he took my arm to lead me up the stairs to my room. When I opened the door, I felt a familiar presence and wasn't scared. I felt Jake in my room and it was as if the fear disappeared.

"I'm okay Emmett, you can go. I want to be alone for a while please," I said.

"I'll be downstairs okay," he said and I nodded my head. He closed the door behind him and I walked towards my dressing table and picked up a photo of Jake and me. I looked at his brown eyes and he looked so happy in the photo. I always saw his love for me in his eyes. His overflowing love filled my heart and soul. My finger touched his cheek on the picture and I started crying.

"I miss you so much Jake. How will I live without you?" I whispered.

I walked out of my room to find Emmett and heard him in the kitchen.

"Em, I wanted to ask you something," I said and he lifted his head to look at my face.

"What's up," he said and continued chopping the onions.

"What did you tell the press? I mean, what does the world know about what happened to me?" I asked and let my head fall. I didn't want everyone to know but I know that if you're a celeb you can't hide everything.

"Just that you and Jake were attacked and robbed, I didn't mention anything about the rape and nothing about the baby. Don't worry Bella, no one knows except Carlisle. It's up to you to tell the world if you want, but you don't have to. No one needs to know," he assured me and I sighed in relief.

"I'm going to the beach I'll be back later." I said and walked out of the kitchen.

"Okay see you later. Be careful," he shouted.

"I'll be fine, I promise." I said and walked to my black Ferrari.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Avril Lavigne owns the song.**

**Chapter 7**

**Bella's POV**

My arms rested on my knees while I sat on the beach, staring at the ocean. I stood up and walked into the ocean deeper and deeper. The waves crashed against my body and it felt good. My body relaxed instantly and I felt calmness spread through my entire body. It feels amazing and I wish I could stay here forever. The agonizing pain in my chest is gone as if the ocean is a remedy to my broken heart. I feel safe in this water almost untouchable and it kind of makes me stronger. However, I know if I get out of the water, every painful memory would return. I swam through the waves until I was out of breath and my chest heaved up and down. I started swimming back to the shore and was terrified of the tormenting pain returning. I felt the sand under my feet and walked further. I turned around to look at the waves rumbling towards the beach and there's nothing more beautiful. The waves crashed against me while I walked to the shore and the pain in my chest was back.

I fell to my knees when my heart started pounding painfully against my chest and I took my head into my hands and screamed out in agony. Painful sobs escaped my mouth and I wrapped my arms around my torso. I cried for loosing the man I loved, the father of my unborn child. I cried for my unborn baby that I lost…a baby that I didn't want. It feels like I'm being punished for not wanting the baby in the beginning and that's why I lost Jake and the baby. I was being selfish and was only thinking about what I wanted. I should have ignored the doubts I had and married Jake right away. I cried out in pain as my heart felt like it was being ripped into a million pieces.

I sat on the beach for the rest of the afternoon and watched the sun set. My eyes burned from all the crying and I wanted to be in my room now. I stood up and walked to my car, and drove home.

I heard Emmett talking to someone in the kitchen and walked to him. Emmett's eyes lit up and smiled when he saw me and the other man turned around to face me. He was tall and muscular but not like Emmett. He had curly blonde hair and blue eyes and a strong jaw line. His lips curled into a smile and I smiled back. He held out his hand and I reached for it.

"Jasper Whitlock, it's nice to finally meet you in person. I've heard so much about you," he said and I smiled.

"All good things I hope. So you're the new manager?" I asked and he nodded his head in agreement.

"Yes I am. I'm sorry about what happened to you and Jake. I'm sure you need some time of so …," he said but I interrupted him.

"No, I don't need time off, I've been of for six weeks, and I want to start working on my music again. I need to," I explained and he smiled as if he understood.

"Edward also writes songs when he is hurting and it's usually turns out to be a good song. I understand your pain 'cause I have to see Edward in pain everyday and you're right about not taking time of. It won't help anything, you need to keep your mind busy and you'll find it's easier to deal with everything. Just give me the word and I'll start working on your first concert," he said and I sighed in relieve. He understands me, but where is this Edward?

"Thank you, Jasper. I'm ready so you can start organizing everything. Where is the other singer?" I asked and his eyes filled with sadness.

"He took some time of to face his pain. I'm sure once his ready he will tell you everything so you're not hearing it from me. I gave him two weeks, which means you have two weeks to write songs. You and Edward have so much in common it's freaky," he said and chuckled. I chose to ignore the last sentence and turned to Emmett.

"What did you make for dinner?" I asked him. It smelled divine and my stomach growled.

"Lasagna, your favorite... Why don't you take a shower and I'll prepare the salad while we wait for you. Oh yeah I almost forgot, Jasper and Alice would be joining us tonight," he said. I'm not looking forward to company and I sighed. Emmett kissed me on my head and whisper into my ear. "You can't hide Bells, and Alice has wanted to meet you since we started the band." I nodded my head and walked off to my room.

I let the warm water run down my body and placed my hands against the wall of the shower. I closed my eyes in relaxation of the water but my body stiffened when I remembered one of their faces. My hands pulled in fists and I opened my eyes but the memory remained. I slid down the shower wall and pulled my knees against my body as the memory played out in my mind.

_**Flashback**_

"_**Shut up" the blonde guy hissed at me and I sobbed softly. My eyes searched for Jake and he was still lying unconscious on the floor. I kept looking at him wishing he would wake up. I felt my body fill with pain when it connected with a tree. I screamed out in agony and fell to the ground on my face. The blonde was on top of me in an instant and I couldn't move. I tried to wiggle myself out of his grip but he hit me on my head. He grabbed a fist full of hair and pulled my head back. He pushed my legs apart with his knees and penetrated himself into me. I screamed and he slapped me on my back. **_

_**End of flashback**_

I cried out in agony remembering the awful things he did to me. The water was cold but I couldn't find the strength to stand up. Emmett came running through the door and looked away when he saw me naked on the floor. He quickly shut the water of, grabbed a towel, and pulled me up, wrapping the towel around my body. He picked me up and walked to my bed. He whispered comforting words to me the whole time and my body relaxed. I cried in relieve when I felt safe in his arms.

"What happened in there Bella?" he asked me.

I sobbed softly and started telling him of the memory I had. I gave him a description of the man and told him what I knew. I felt his body tensed when I told him about my last memory and then his body started shaking. When I looked up at him, tears streamed down his face.

"Bells, I'm so sorry you had to go through such brutality. Who the fuck does this to people?" he said and pulled me back into his arms.

"It was horrible. When I go to sleep I feel them on me licking me and punching me, but I can never remember everything from the beginning…" I started saying but my head snapped up when I saw someone standing in my door.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know…," she said and Emmett walked to her and sighed.

"You weren't supposed to hear that Alice, we didn't want anyone to know. Surely you can understand why?" he said and she nodded. She held her hand out to me and when I reached for hers, she pulled me into her arms.

"I know someone you can talk to, she's been through the same thing, and she can help you, if you want," she said.

"I'm okay for now, thanks," I said and she nodded.

"I'm Alice by the way, and don't worry I know who you are. I'll never tell anyone I promise you Bella. I want to be your friend and I want you to confide in me. I want to help you through this," she said softly and I started crying again. It actually feels good that someone else knows and that, that someone is a woman.

"Thanks Alice, I'm sure we'll be great friends," I said and noticed that Emmett left the room. I walked into my closet and pulled my black skinny jeans on. I looked through my t-shirts but grabbed a black and red hoodie instead. I slipped my _Chuck Taylor's _on and walked back to Alice. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and didn't apply any make-up.

"I'm ready," I said and Alice smiled.

"You look good, I like your style Bella, it's so….well it's so you," she said and I chuckled. Alice was so tiny, but gorgeous. She has short spiky black hair and green eyes and a beautiful figure. Everything about Alice is tiny and I chuckled. She looked at me and I started laughing. The sound startled me and she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"It will pass, it's good to hear you laugh though," she said and squeezed my shoulder.

The evening with Jasper and Alice was fun and I surprised myself by laughing a couple of times and saw the happiness in Emmett's eyes when I did. His whole face lit up when he heard me laughing and I felt guilty for being so morbid all the time. I vowed to myself to laugh more around Emmett. Alice helped me clean the kitchen when dinner was over.

"Let me get this straight, Edward is your brother?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yes he is. He is the oldest. I'm twenty three and he is twenty six years old. I love him to death and would do anything for him. I know Emmett's pain Bella, 'cause I'm going through the same thing now with my brother. He's hurting and I can't help him. It kills me to see him in so much agony and it pisses me off that I'm not able to help him. My heart aches with his and I wish I could see happiness in his eyes again. His eyes are dead just like his heart," she said and her head fell. I walked to her and placed my hand on her shoulder. I was panicked at the thought of having another broken person in the band. Where will the sunshine come from? We're going to be depressed all the time and poor Emmett would be in the middle of everything. How would he deal with everything?

"Alice, I'm worried about the fact that your brother is also broken. How will we deal with everything? How will we deal with all the sadness around us? There will only be darkness in the band and it worries me because I'm speaking for myself of course, but my songs consists of the feelings I have in my heart. And right now there's only sadness and bitterness," I explained and she frowned.

"You're right, Edward's songs also consist of his feelings, but everyone loves it. I hope he can work on his pain while he's away. I miss him already and he's only been gone two days," she said and I nodded in understanding.

"I know the feeling, me and Emmett are close and I'll do anything for him," I said and we laughed. It feels so good to let go for a while and not to think about Jake or the rape.

"So what do you do for a living Alice?" I asked her and she smiled in excitement.

"I'm a fashion designer. I'm the owner of a boutique and I design everything myself." She said and I gasped.

"Are you the owner of _Alice's_?" I asked her and she nodded.

"You know my boutique?" she asked.

"Well yes. I buy most of my clothes there," I explained and she smiled.

"I know, I've seen your clothing and I'm honored to be the designer of most of them," she said.

"I have a few ideas for tee's, would you be interested. I'm a punk rocker and my clothing consists mostly of tee's and hoodies," I said and she jumped up and down.

"I'm very interested, I'll come by in this week, and we'll sit down and talk okay," she said excitedly.

"Why don't I come by your boutique? I need some new stuff anyways," I said and she agreed. We made an appointment for the day after tomorrow and I felt excited.

After Jasper and Alice left I made hot chocolate for Emmett and me. We drank in silence for a while but Emmett cleared his throat and looked at me.

"Bells, are you okay?" he asked me concerned.

"Yes I am Emmett," I answered.

"I mean about Alice knowing…," he continued.

"Well I didn't want anyone to know, but I'm relieved that Alice knows. I can talk to her about my feelings and it makes everything easier, I think," I said and he nodded.

"I'm glad, Alice is great, and she'll be a good friend to you Bella. Plus I'm happy that you have someone you can talk to now." He said and blushed. I felt bad for always relying on him. I never wanted any girl friends and talked to Emmett about everything. Poor guy, his face reddened most of the times when I asked him something or told him something. I chuckled and Emmett looked at me.

"I'm just thinking about all the times when I talked to you about girly stuff and how your face reddened all the time, it was hilarious." I said and doubled over in laughter and Emmett joined in.

"You put me through hell with all your questions, and I swear you pretended not to know everything just to see my expression," he said and I laughed louder.

"It was funny bro, I used to sit on my bed and think of stuff to ask you, just to see you blush and I remember laughing my ass of at your answers," I said while laughing.

"I couldn't figure it out in the beginning, but after a while I got suspicious, I mean we're twins and I didn't believe for one second that you didn't know about the stuff you asked me, so I started making up answers," he said and laughed with me. I stopped laughing when I felt the warm tears roll down my cheeks and Emmett rushed to my side. I shook my head sideways.

"No, I'm fine. I just miss Jake now and all the laughing and thinking back overwhelmed me. I'm fine Em, I promise." I explained and he pulled me into his arms.

"You'll be fine Bella, I know you will. Let's get some sleep," he said and kissed my forehead. I nodded and we walked up the stairs. He walked with me to my room and helped me into bed. I feel like a little kid being tucked in by her father. I chuckled at the thought and Emmett smiled. He knew what I was thinking.

"I want to make sure you're okay, and it will give me comfort. Love you, sis." He said and I smiled at him.

"Love you, Em. Thank you for being my brother." I said and he walked to his own room. When I heard him in his own room, I climbed out of bed and walked to my closet. I found the shirt Jake had on when he died and brought it to my face. I inhaled deeply and although Emmett washed the shirt I can still smell Jake, I put it on with my pink and black boy shorts. I walked past my guitar and felt the urge to play. I grabbed my guitar and took a seat on the floor in the middle of my room. I brought the guitar to my body and let my fingers fall to the strings. My hands trembled and I closed my eyes remembering the last time I sang to Jake. "I miss you so much Jake and I wish you were here," I whispered while my fingers played the strings of my guitar. I closed my eyes while words flowed out of my mouth.

"_**Na na, na na na na na na,**_

_**I miss you, I miss you so bad**_

_**I don't forget you**_

_**Oh it's so sad.**_

_**I hope you can hear me**_

_**I remember it clearly**_

_**The day you slipped away**_

_**Was the day I found**_

_**It won't be the same**_

_**Oh"**_

**Emmett's POV**

I walked out of Bella's room and my heart filled with pain. I want to be strong in front of her but sometimes it's just so hard especially when she's having these flashbacks and when she's thinking about Jake. I can't take it when she's in so much pain. I was about to climb into my bed when I heard her in her room. I tiptoed to her room and heard her play on her guitar. It sends shivers down my body to hear her play again. I heard her sing but couldn't make out the words so I walked closer to her room and sat down against the wall next to her door.

I closed my eyes hearing her beautiful voice and it freaked me out to hear so much pain in her voice. I can hear it's real and my eyes filled with tears.

"_**Na na, na na na na na na**_

_**I didn't get around to kiss you**_

_**Goodbye on the hand**_

_**I wish that I could see you again**_

_**I know that I can't**_

_**I hope you can hear me**_

_**I remember it clearly"**_

I opened my eyes when she stopped singing but I could hear her writing something down. It always amazed me that she can think of a song so fast and compose music for the song. She started playing again and I closed my eyes listening to her faultless playing. She started singing the song from the beginning and stopped every now and then to change a note or lyric. It sounded perfect to me but Bella was a perfectionist and she'll do this the whole night until it was above perfect. I slowly stood up and walked back to my room. I'll ask her to play the rest of the song for me tomorrow but now I needed sleep. I'm exhausted and I feel like a zombie. I woke up hearing my phone ring and hurried to answer it seeing that it was Edward.

"Bro, it's good to hear from you," I answered yawning and heard him chuckle.

"Hallo Em, you're still sleeping?" he asked.

"Jip, I'm fucking exhausted man. What's the time?" I asked him.

"It's ten in the morning here in Brazil, I'm sorry to have woken you dude, I forgot that I'm four hours ahead of you guys. I just wanted to hear how everything's going with Bella? She's home right?" he asked.

"Yes I brought her home yesterday morning. She's good you know. Bella met Jasper and Alice, and their already friends so I'm very optimistic. How are you doing Ed?" I asked him and I'm sure he can hear the concern in my voice. I heard him sigh and I felt his pain.

"Okay I guess. I've never been more alone in my entire life but it's good, I mean I needed it. I've been throwing myself into my music and can't wait for you to hear it. The songs are really good since I'm dealing with some very emotional stuff, you know." He explained.

We talked for a while about his songs and music and then he hung up promising me that he'll call again. I climbed out of bed and took a long shower. I walked into my room with a towel around my waist and walked into my closet. I pulled on pleaded black knee shorts and a black and red skull tee with my _low Chuck Taylor all-star sneakers. _

I walked past Bella's room but she wasn't in her bed. I looked into the room and found it empty. I ran down the stairs and heard her guitar playing in the music room. I went to the kitchen first and made some coffee for the both of us. I walked back to the music room and looked at Bella. I placed the coffee on the table next to her and placed my hands on my hips.

"You haven't slept have you?" I asked her furiously and her head fell.

"I couldn't close my eyes Em, I saw them and I was afraid," she explained and I sighed.

"So how will you sleep Bella? You need the rest sis," I said softly and she nodded her head.

"I know, I'll sleep now while you're awake and where I can hear you," she said and I felt guilty for sleeping while she was awake the whole night.

"Can I hear the song please?" I asked her and she hesitated so I confessed to her that I heard the first part of the song last night. She nodded and started playing on her guitar. I can hear the improvements she made to the song and when she started singing, she closed her eyes. I didn't close my eyes and looked at the expressions on her face while she sang.

"_**I've had my wake up**_

_**Won't you wake up**_

_**I keep asking why?**_

_**I can't take it**_

_**It wasn't fake**_

_**It happened you passed by**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**There you go**_

_**There you go**_

_**Somewhere I can't bring you back**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**There you go**_

_**There you go**_

_**Somewhere you're not coming back**_

_**The day you slipped away**_

_**Was the day I found**_

_**It won't be the same**_

_**Oh**_

_**Na na, na na na na na na**_

_**I miss you"**_

Through the whole song, pain and agony filled her face and I felt every emotion she felt. Her music touched me in many ways. I know the song is about Jake and I felt her pain. Her cheeks were wet from her tears, but she didn't open her eyes. I waited patiently for her to open them and when she did, I saw pain and anger in them. It scared me, I've never seen her so angry.

"I hate them Emmett, I hate them for taking Jake away from me. The rapes were nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling for loosing Jake. I keep seeing his dying face in front of me and it kills me…," she screamed out and I rushed to her side and pulled her into my arms. I rocked her while she cried into my chest. I don't have words to comfort her and I hate feeling so helpless.

"Why don't we go and watch a movie Bells, you can try to sleep and I won't leave your side I promise." I said and she sighed in relieve.

"It sounds like a great plan, I'm so tired," she said and I pulled her up. She took her cup of coffee and sipped it down. I fetched her pillow and blanket and she lay down on the big sofa. She was fast asleep before I could find something to watch. I turned the volume down but she moaned something about turning it back up and I chuckled. I also felt tired from the early wake-up call from Edward and I drifted to sleep. _I dreamed about Jake again and he was unhappy that Bella was in so much pain. He reminded me of the promise she made and that he's watching over us. He promised me that Bella will be okay and that she will be happy again._

I woke up gasping for air. Why the hell am I dreaming about Jake and why is he telling me all these things? It's freaking me out. I looked at Bella and she was still sleeping. I rubbed my eyes and wished that Jake would stay out of my dreams. I was about to go and make coffee when the doorbell rang. I looked at Bella to see if it woke her but she just turned around in her sleep. I walked to the door and when I opened it Alice was standing there. She smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. She has brought sunshine into our lives especially mine.

"Morning Alice," I said but she rolled her eyes at me.

"Emmett it's three in the afternoon, really," she said and walked past me into our house. I chuckled at myself and Alice looked confused.

"I fell asleep watching over Bella and I've been sleeping the whole day, it's no wonder I feel so good and completely rested," I said.

"How's Bella?" she asked me and I shook my head slowly. I told her about last night and that Bella hasn't been sleeping at all. Alice looked concerned and had me worried.

"What's up Alice, tell me what you're thinking?" I asked her and she sighed.

"I'm sorry Emmett, I didn't mean to worry you, but Bella needs help. She's been through hell and she needs someone who can help her. I have a friend that's also been raped and beaten maybe I can introduce her to Bella. She can help Bella to confront her fears and emotions." She said and I thought it was a great idea, but to get through to Bella is another thing.

"Why don't you bring her over this weekend and we'll have a barbeque. We'll introduce her to Bella and see what happens." I said and she jumped up in excitement. I chuckled and we went to the kitchen.

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Linkin Park**** and Avril Lavigne owns the songs. The WTH tee's and hoodies are owned by Avril Lavigne. She designed them.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**Edwards' POV**

I sat on the beach staring at the ocean. I've been here for five days and miss my family so much, but I have to admit to myself that I miss Alice and Emmett the most. They are like the sunshine in my life, well not Emmett so much because he caused me more torturous pain than anything else, but there were days that he made me laugh. My lips curled up into a smile thinking about him. He looked so happy when I saw him the last time and it made me happy, and Alice she's been like my sun since forever. She has a very big personality for someone as tiny as she is. I chuckled to myself and it felt good. I was alone and didn't have to pretend and I could still smile and find things funny. It's a good sign for me and I have to admit that I've come a long way these past five days.

When I first arrived, I broke down. I didn't eat anything for two days and cried most of the time. It felt so good to let my emotions take over and not holding anything back. I should have come here right after the accident it would have spared me a lot of pain. I grieved for the first time not trying to be strong for anyone and not holding anything back for anyone. I could think about what I've done and the hardest part is over. I'm still hurting but I don't feel dead anymore, I'm alive and I can't wait to get back to Seattle and start working on new songs without pain.

The hardest part for me now would be the fact that I have to forgive myself for what I've done and I have to forgive Tanya. I wanted to go home today but I need to work through my bitterness. If I don't everything would be useless, 'cause right now my hatred is stronger than my pain. I hope I'll never have to see Tanya again.

After dinner, I looked through the photo album I brought with. I skipped the first few pages not wanting to see Tanya and when I found the first photo of my daughter, I smiled. She was so beautiful with her bronze curls and green eyes. I miss her so much and I wish she could be here with me today. I felt the tears sting my eyes and I closed them quickly. Before I came here, I couldn't even look at a photo of her, I had every photo removed from the frames and my family was so hurt of the fact that they won't be able to look at her anymore. I couldn't face it and broke down every time I saw a picture of her.

_I met Tanya one night while I performed in a bar.__ I was twenty years old and it was the first time I performed in front of a crowd. I thought she was the most beautiful woman alive and fell for her. I was busy studying music when we got married. I studied hard during the days and worked twice as hard at night to support my wife. _

_We were married for three months when she announced that she was pregnant. I was filled with happiness but she was bitter. She never wanted children and hated every moment of being pregnant. Our daughter made her appearance nine months later on August 14.__ Tanya didn't want to name our daughter so I named her Allison Cullen. _

_Tanya pushed her away and wanted nothing to do with her. I took care of my daughter while studying and working. I was to busy to realize that Tanya was never around__. She came home late at night and reeked of alcohol._

_When Allison turned one year old, Tanya cried and asked for my forgiveness. I hated her and my heart was filled with bitterness, but I thought about my daughter and the fact that she needed her mother. Tanya tried really hard with Allison and I thought everything would be okay but Tanya still went out at nights and came back drunk. I gave her an ultimatum either she stop__s fucking around or I want a divorce. She took the divorce. It was an ugly fight but I won custody of my daughter, Tanya had visitation rights. _

_I moved back in with my parents and my mother helped me with Allison while I started working on a music career. It was Allison's __fifth birthday and we held a party for her. Tanya was supposed to get her for the afternoon. I had a feeling that something horrible was going to happen but I never imagined it would be me loosing my daughter. _

_Tanya came by that afternoon to pick Allison up and my heart ached. I never liked saying goodbye to her and she usually took my face into her tiny hands and gave me wet kisses all over. I watched as Tanya drove away with my little girl and I went back into the house to help my mom clean up. I was restless the rest of the day and couldn't shake the__ awful feeling I had. _

_Later that night Tanya phoned me and I heard her slur. She was drunk and I shouted at her for being drunk while my daughter was over there. She laughed at me and told me that she's going to kill herself and she's going to take the only thing that mattered to me with her. She wanted to punish me for hating her and leaving her. I started crying and begged her not to do anything stupid but she laughed and hung up the phone.__ I got dressed and ran downstairs explaining everything to my parents. I ran to my car and started the engine. I drove towards Tanya's house, exceeding the speed limit. My phone rang and I looked down to see Tanya's name and answered quickly. I could hear cars in the background and knew she was driving. I was furious at her and yelled over the phone for her to pull her car over and wait for me, but she started crying and apologized for everything. _

_My heart raced in fear when I thought about my daughter being in that car with Tanya. My phone fell and I wanted to pick it up, but I heard Tanya's voice screaming over the phone and when I looked up, I saw the headlights of another car right in front of me. Our cars crashed into each other and I heard the glass shatter. I heard someone screaming from the other car and I tried to pull myself free from __my car. My door was smashed and couldn't open so I struggled to climb out of the window. I fell to the ground and felt an aching pain in my head but ignored it. _

_My eyes widened in fear when I saw that the other car was Tanya's. I didn't even bother to see if she was okay I ran straight to the back and found the backseat empty. I shouted at Tanya asking her where my baby was but she couldn't answer me. She was still slurring and I wanted to kill her right there. _

_I hea__rd soft cries and followed them where I found my daughter lying in the grass next to the road. I ran to her and turned her around slowly. Her face was full of blood and her body was broken. She looked at me and lifted her tiny hand slowly to touch my cheek. I closed my eyes when I felt her cold hand on my cheek and tears flowed down my cheeks. "Daddy, everything is so beautiful here, and I'm not hurting anymore daddy," she said softly and raw sobs escaped my throat. "It's okay baby, don't worry I'm going to get help okay," I said to her but she shook her head slowly. "No daddy, I have to go now, I love you so much," she whispered and her hand fell to the ground. I remember screaming out in agony while I held her tiny body to mine. _

I opened my tear-filled eyes after remembering everything. I haven't thought about that day in almost a year. She would have turned six in two weeks time. I loved her so much and miss her terribly.

I have blamed myself for the accident thinking it was my fault. Not anymore, all the evidence pointed to Tanya and even though I tried to pick my phone up I was still in my lane, she lost control of her car and crashed into mine. If she had been sober, my daughter would still be alive. I don't know if I'll ever forgive her but I'm not taking the blame for the accident anymore. I want to start having a life without feeling guilty or being in constant pain. I'm done with that life. I'll always miss my daughter and it feels good to grieve her death with a clear conscience. I understand now why I couldn't face it and deal with it. My pain was unhealthy and it made me sick. The pain I have now is healthy and I can be open about my feelings.

I dialed Jasper's number and he immediately picked up.

"Everything okay Ed?" he answered.

"More than okay dude, you can book me a flight, I'm coming home," I said and heard him gasp.

"Really? I mean are you sure, you've only been gone five days," he said as he stumbled over words and I chuckled.

"Yes I'm ready; I should have done this long ago. Book my flight Jaz, I wanna come home," I said again and heard him laugh.

"I'm on it, see you soon." He said and hung up.

I grabbed my guitar and ran to the beach. I have words for a song in my head and I want to compose the music. I fell down in excitement and started playing my guitar.

"_**In this farewell**_

_**There's no blood**_

_**There's no alibi**_

'_**cause I've drawn regret**_

_**From the truth**_

_**Of a thousand lies**_

_**So let mercy come**_

_**And wash away**_

_**What I've done**_

_**I'll face myself**_

_**To cross out what I've become**_

_**Erase myself**_

_**And let go of what I've done"**_

I cried tears of joy as every memory of my daughter came back to me. I don't know how I was able to hide them but I'm happy they're back. "I love you Allison," I said through tear-filled eyes and walked back to the house to pack my stuff. Jasper left a message on my phone that my flight was booked for the next day. I was excited of going home and be around my family and new friends.

**Bella's POV**

"Em, I'm on my way to Alice's boutique. I'll see you later okay," I said and he nodded. He was busy practicing on his drums.

I stopped in front of the boutique and went inside. I walked to the assistant behind the counter and asked her where I could find Alice and she showed me to her office. I walked into her big office and she looked up when she saw me, and a big smile spread across her face.

"Bella," she said and walked to me giving me a hug. I smiled back and relaxed. I felt scared driving alone and was a bit freaked.

"Hey Alice, are you ready?" I asked her and she nodded. We walked to a big table and took a seat. She opened a file with all her designs in and showed me the ones she's been working on since yesterday.

"These are really good Alice, I love the colors you're planning on using. But then again it's my favorite colors," I said and she chuckled.

"Bella I'm designing these clothes for you," she explained and I gasped. Wow, this is going to be big.

"Thanks Alice, it's awesome. I want to ask you something, I want tee's and hoodies with the WTH letters on. I want them in different colors," I started saying and she nodded.

"What does WTH stand for?" she asked me and I grinned.

"What the hell," I explained and my eyes turned sad remembering the song I sang to Jake. Her hand reached for mine and squeezed a little.

"What's wrong Bella?" she asked me and tears rolled down my cheeks.

"It was Jake's idea. Emmett and me use the phrase "_What the hell"_ a lot and he suggested that we do a song about the words, we laughed about it 'cause he was obviously joking but I liked the sound of it so I wrote a song about it. I sang it to him that afternoon before our last concert…" I told her and shivers ran through my body. She chuckled and my lips curled into a smile.

"It sounds like a fun song," she said and I nodded.

"It is, but I don't know if I can perform it now, it will bring back painful memories, and I don't want to cry in front of my fans," I said and chuckled.

"Bella you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know you miss Jake and right now you're hurting but the pain will pass, I promise you. The thing that bothers me is the other things that happened to you, you're pushing the memories away, and you need to face them Bella," she said seriously and I felt my body shaking.

"I know that, but I can't help that I don't remember clearly. It fucking kills me to think about it, every time when I have a memory it's as if I'm there again and I feel everything all over again. I don't want to feel it or face it, Alice." I said and was pissed at Alice.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm just worried about you, and I want you to be happy," she said and I felt embarrassed for loosing it with her. She saw through me and spoke quickly before I could apologize.

"Don't apologize, you have the right to loose it sometimes, and it helps you to heal Bella. Don't ever hide your feelings. My brother made a huge mistake by hiding his feelings all the time and it took him so much longer to get over his pain," she said and I nodded my head.

"Speaking of your brother, how is he doing?" I asked her. I frowned at myself because I had no idea where that came from. I don't even know the dude, why would I care how he's doing? I heard her chuckle and raised one eyebrow.

"You should see the look on your face, it's hilarious Bella." She said and I blushed.

"Really?" I said sarcastically and she doubled over in laughter. I huffed at her and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Never mind, Edward phoned last night, he's flying back today but he wants to stay over at my parents' house tonight and then he will come home tomorrow. He worked through everything and is very excited about coming home," she said and I looked confused.

"So it took him, what, five days to get over his pain?" I asked sarcastically and felt guilty.

"Bella, Edward walked with this pain for almost a year now, he couldn't deal with his pain because he blamed himself and felt guilty. He suppressed his feelings and memories and never faced them because he wanted to be brave in front of us," she explained and I nodded. I know how he feels.

"What happened to him?" I asked but she shook her head sideways.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you. I'm sure Edward will tell you himself, but it's still up to him if he wants you guys to know," Alice said and I nodded my head. I understand Edward in more ways than I realize and I haven't even met him yet.

"I have to go Alice, I'll see you tomorrow at the barbeque okay," I said.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, oh Bella, I'm bringing a friend. And I'll work on your tee's and hoodies okay," she said.

"Thanks," I said and walked out of her boutique. I drove back home and when I walked through the front door I heard Emmett's drums. I walked to the music room and fell on one of the sofas. He stopped playing when he saw me enter and smiled.

"You still practicing?" I asked and he chuckled.

"I'm just playing, I don't need practice. How was your afternoon with Alice?" he asked. I started telling him about the _what the hell_ tee's and hoodies and he looked excited. I must remember to ask Alice if she could design it for men as well.

"Oh I almost forgot, Edward's coming home tomorrow," I said and he smiled.

"I know. He phoned me a while ago and gave me the good news," he said. I wondered what this Edward was like. My brother spoke only good things about him and it was weird. Emmett never likes anyone and he barely knows Edward.

"Can we order a pizza? I'm starving," I asked and he looked guilty.

"I'm sorry Bells, I completely forgot about dinner," he said.

"Emmett, stop apologizing. I won't die from having pizza once in a while. You're freaking me out," I said and felt guilty when I saw the hurt expression on his face. I'm just hurting everyone today. I sighed and walked towards Emmett. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my chin on his head.

"I'm sorry; I can't even give you an excuse, because I don't have one. I'm irritated today and I don't know why. I'm sorry," I apologized and felt him nod his head. He placed his hand over my arm.

"Bells you're doing really good actually. Your inner strength amazes me and I'm so proud of you," he said and I frowned.

"You know what the weird part is?" I asked and he shook his head so I continued, "I don't feel strong at all. I feel weak and dead. I feel worthless Emmett," I said honestly and he quickly turned around to look into my eyes.

"Bella please tell me that you're not pretending in front of me, tell me that you're facing your feelings. Please don't pretend for my sake, I need you to get over this and I need you to face it in a healthy way," he said and I was surprised at my brother's words.

"Emmett, I'll deal with this my way, you sound just like Alice, and it's starting to piss me off. Back off," I said and walked away from him. "Forget the pizza, I lost my appetite," I shouted while running up the stairs. I slammed my door shut and fell on my bed crying myself to sleep.

I woke the next morning feeling drained and not rested at all. I don't want to get up or live anymore. I dread every morning that I have to wake up and to try to get through the day. My life is in a simple routine and I don't want it anymore. I hate feeling so scared all the time and I hate the excruciating pain that keeps pounding against my chest. I hate that I'm feeling so much hatred and bitterness and it's busy destroying my life. I took a quick shower feeling more depressed than I did before the shower. It's not going to be a good day for me and we have the barbeque today. I suddenly bursted into tears and broke down. I screamed out in agony and pulled my hands into fists. I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around my torso rocking my body gently. I kept seeing Jake's face before he died and the pain in his eyes are easily visible. Why did he have to die? I wanted to die that night, I knew it was going to be almost impossible to face what happened to me and if I could've had a choice I would have chosen death.

I sighed and stood back up, something I was getting use to. The tormenting pain would knock me down and then a little flame of hope and strength would help me back up. Even though the pain is so much bigger than the little flame, the flame always wins. I smiled at my myself and walked into my closet. I went through my clothes wondering what to wear. I decided on an off-the-shoulder white graphic tee and black tight leggings with my lace-up _Dr. Martins._ I straightened my hair and wore it in a long side path. I applied extra black eye shadow around my eyes and applied pale pink lip-gloss on my lips. I went through my jewelry box and wrapped my extra spiked black leather cuff around my wrist. I looked into the mirror and smiled. If I didn't look into my eyes I would almost look like the old Bella and I grinned at the thought. My eyes tell a different story though; it's filled with pain, hatred and bitterness.

I walked downstairs and found Emmett in front of the big screen. He didn't even look up when I entered the room and I knew he was pissed at me for last night. I sighed and walked to the kitchen. I'm not apologizing again he can forget it, it's all I've been doing since I came out of hospital and I'm not doing it anymore. I poured myself a cup of coffee and went to the music room. I placed my cup on one of the tables and took a seat behind the piano. It's been a while since I played and my fingers trembled. I placed my fingers on the keys and they just took over, I closed my eyes while my fingers played and felt my body shiver. It feels so good and I smiled. When I opened my eyes, Emmett was standing in front of me and I quickly looked away.

"That was beautiful Bella," he whispered and I felt tears form in my eyes and tried to swallow them away. I felt awful for my outburst last night but I didn't want to apologize 'cause then he would just do it again.

"Thanks," I said and smiled. He sighed and sadness filled his eyes.

"I'm sorry about last night Bella. You've been through a lot and everyone keeps pushing you, I won't do that again. You need to deal with it on your own and I know I'm in the way, because I'm overprotective." He said and my heart pounded against my chest.

"What are you saying Emmett?" I asked him and it felt like someone was strangling me. I had difficulty breathing and my chest heaved up and down.

"I was thinking about leaving for a while. I can't handle it when you're hurting and I know you are trying to be strong for my sake and you'll never face you're problems if I keep interfering," he said and I started to panic.

"Emmett, I'm not strong enough to be alone. To be completely honest if it weren't for you I would be dead now, I'm barely hanging on and you are the part that keeps my heart beating. You are not in the way I promise you, please don't leave. You promised that you'll never leave and you'll help me through this. I'll do anything Emmett, please just don't leave," I pleaded and he wrapped me up in his arms. We cried together and he promised he wouldn't leave.

**Edward's POV**

I'm on my way to Seattle and I'm very excited. I spend last night with my parents talking and laughing for the first time in a year. I was very open with them and shared my pain and guilt with them. We cried together when I shared my memory of the accident and the guilt I felt afterwards. My mom returned the pictures I took from the frames and Allison's face bloomed everywhere in the house again. I realized that I was being very selfish when I took all of her photo's out of the frames. I was only thinking about my pain and my loss, they lost their granddaughter, and I never thought about it. I feel so free and I can't wait to go to my daughters grave. I miss her more than anything in the world and no one can ever replace her in my heart, but I can find a way to live and be happy.

I drove straight to the cemetery and walked to her grave. I sat down next to the gravestone and rested my head against it. I feel so much calmer than the last time I was here. I sighed and felt sad. I'll always miss her and she'll be in my thoughts constantly. I know there will be days that I'll be hurting, but at least I can do it in a healthy way and not freak out like a crazy person when someone just mentions her name.

"I miss you so much baby girl. You're in my thoughts every single day and I love you very much. I wish you could be here with me. Everything I do is for you and in your memory," I whispered while warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I stood up and walked back to my car. I started the engine and drove to my new home.

When I walked through the front door, I found Emmett in front of the big screen. He looked up and his face lit up as if he was sad a moment ago. I frowned and didn't understand what could make him unhappy, Bella is out of her coma and he's supposed to be happy.

"Bro, it's fucking good to see you," he said and I chuckled. He bumped his shoulder with mine and it felt good to be back home.

"It's good seeing you too. What's up?" I asked him and he sighed. I knew it, something was up.

"Bella's going through a difficult time and has a hard time dealing with everything. I don't know how to help her and I suggested to leave so she can face everything and be alone but that just freaked her out more. I'm exhausted Ed, it's draining the life out of me," he said and I knew what he was saying.

"I don't know what to say bro, but I know one thing, she has to face her shit because one way or the other if those feelings come to the surface she'll be fucked no matter what. It won't stay away and it gets worse every day," I said and spoke out of experience.

"The problem is she misses Jake so much and she feels guilty for being alive while he died," he said and I chuckled.

He furrowed his brow and I quickly explained myself.

"I know the feeling, Emmett. I've felt guilty for almost a year and that was my problem to begin with. I dealt with that while I was on the island and here I am."

"Yeah, here you are. Come I want to introduce you to Bella," he said and I followed him to the music room. Both of us froze when we heard her singing and we tiptoed to the music room. She sat with her back to the door and wasn't able to see us. I only saw her dark brown hair and a huge spiked black leather cuff around her wrist. I grinned and Emmett bumped me with his shoulder to warn me to shut up. My heartbeat accelerated when she started singing again without any instruments. There was so much pain in her voice and in that song that I felt like crying. I wish I could help her but I remember when I was hurting, I didn't want any help, I though I could handle everything.

"_**Remember when I cried**_

_**To you a thousand times**_

_**I told you everything,**_

_**You know my feelings**_

_**It never crossed my mind**_

_**That**__** there would be a time**_

_**For us to say goodbye,**_

_**What a big surprise**_

_**But I'm not lost,**_

_**I'm not gone**_

_**I haven't forgot"**_

She stopped singing and let her head fall. I looked at Emmett and he just shook his head. Her head finally snapped up feeling our presence and turned around. My heart raced when I looked into her big brown eyes. She was so beautiful, I've never seen her in person from up close, and I must admit that she's gorgeous. I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers and it felt like she kept them captivated. Her eyes were filled with pain; I could see that a mile away and didn't need anyone to tell me that she's been through a lot more than Emmett's leading on. I felt an urge to wrap my arms around her and protect her from the things that frightens her, so I put my hands in my pockets instead and pulled them into fists. She finally looked at Emmett and raised her eyebrow which made me chuckle. She glared back at me and huffed.

"Um…Bella, this is Edward Cullen," he introduced me to his sister and I held my hand out to her. She looked at my hand with disgust and when she placed her hand in mine electric shocks went through my entire body. She pulled her hand back and I saw that her body was shaking.

"That was a good song," I said the only thing that came to my mind.

"I guess…" she said and walked past Emmett and me and left the room. I rubbed my forehead, not understanding her attitude towards me. Emmett chuckled and softly punched my shoulder.

"Is she always this friendly?" I asked him sarcastically and he bursted out in laughter. I didn't find it funny, she was being rude and had no reason whatsoever to be like that. I've done nothing to offend her.

"Get use to it bro, this is the new Bella. She has more mood swings than any other woman I know and it even scares the shit out of me, and I'm her brother. You are a stranger to her so I don't even know how she'll react around you," he said and laughed again.

"How do you stand it?" I asked him. I'm not standing for it, you get what you give. That's what I believe, and if she gives me the cold shoulder I'll return the favor.

"I understand what she's going through and I know she's in a lot of pain," he explained. I nodded my head. I knew the feelings, I was there, and there were times that I was being more than rude so I can't blame her, but she doesn't even know me and she's being rude. I shook my head in confusion and Emmett chuckled again.

**Bella's POV**

"_**But I'm not lost,**_

_**I'm not gone**_

_**I haven't forgot"**_

I stopped singing when the tormenting pain was too much. It's weird that I feel so much pain today while singing, usually the pain disappears when I sing. I let my head fall and felt tears sting my eyes but I realized that there was someone in the room and my head snapped up. I slowly turned around and looked into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They were a strange green and I felt mesmerized by them. I tried to look away but his eyes held mine and I felt shivers down my body. It felt like he look into my soul and it scared me. I found the strength to shut my eyes and look away towards Emmett. I raised my eyebrow at him, not knowing who this man is and wondered if he was going to introduce us. I heard the man chuckle and I looked back at him and huffed. Okay now I can look at him because I'm annoyed.

He's tall and I can see that he's working out, but it's not his first priority like it is Emmett's. I looked up at his face; his eyes were the weird green but I didn't look long enough, scared I would stare again, and he has a strong jaw line. My eyes rested on his hair and I wanted to chuckle but swallowed instead. He had beautiful hair, shades of bronze and it was very messy, but it completed him. He's so sexy and I don't know who he is but I don't want to see him again.

"Um…Bella, this is Edward Cullen," he introduced me to him and my heart started pounding in panic. _No, this can't be Edward,_ I'll have to see him everyday and I don't want to look into his eyes again. I saw his hand reached towards me and I looked at his hand like I would die if I touched him, but I placed my hand in his and quickly pulled away when I felt electricity run through my whole body. I felt my body shaking and I wanted to get out of this room, away from this man.

"That was a good song," he said with his velvet voice.

"I guess…" I replied and I know I'm being rude but I didn't care. I walked past them and almost ran to the kitchen. My heart was beating frantically and I don't like the way he makes me feel. I could easily forget about Jake while I'm with him and I don't want to forget about Jake. I felt the familiar pain enter my chest and sighed. The pain was gone while I was with him and it scared me.

I grabbed a beer and took a swig. It tasted good and I took another long swig. Emmett and Edward walked through the doors and Emmett's eyes widened in surprise when he saw me drinking but I warned him with my eyes to shut-up. Emmett has every right to look surprised; I haven't had a drink in…well let's just say too long. I didn't have to look at Edward to know his eyes were on me. It felt like he had some sort of magnetism in them and pulled my eyes to his. When my eyes reached his, I gasped and he smiled a weird crooked smile, but it looked sexy on him.

My heart raced and felt out of breath. I tore my eyes away from his and downed the rest of my beer. I heard a low chuckle escape his mouth but I ignored him.

"I'm going to unpack my stuff and take a shower," he said.

"Oh yeah bro, I forgot to tell you, we're having a barbeque tonight. Jaz and Alice will be here," Emmett said and I noticed how his face lit up when Emmett mentioned his sister's name. I wonder what he looked like before he went to the island. I can't see a hint of sadness in his eyes and I wish it could have been me. I want to get past the rape, but it scares me more than anything to think about it. I haven't had a flashback in four days and to be honest I don't mind. The flashbacks bring me back to that night and I can feel everything, I can even smell everything. Emmett rushed to my side and his voice was filled with panic and concern.

"Bells, are you okay?" he asked. I frowned in confusion and noticed that I had my arms wrapped around my torso and just by looking into Emmett's eyes; I could guess the expression on my face. I unwrapped my arms and started crying, I just exposed myself in front of Edward. I dared to look at his face and his eyes were full of pain and sadness. It saddened me more to see his pain-filled eyes. He quickly turned around and ran up the stairs. I sobbed loudly into Emmett's chest while he rocked my body.

"Emmett, I can smell them," I whispered and his body froze.

"Bella…what can I do?" he asked me and I felt his body shake from crying.

"Nothing, you can't do anything Emmett. I'm scared to death to remember everything. You were right, I'm suppressing my memories and feelings, because I'm too much of a fucking coward to face them," I screamed and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and punched lightly out of frustration and pain.

"Bella you are not a coward, stop bringing yourself down. I have only admiration for you and you'll remember when you are ready. You've been through nothing but hell Bella." He whispered and my body started to relax against him.

"Aren't you a bit tipsy from that beer?" he asked and I chuckled. My brother always knew how to make me feel better.

"Hah, from only one beer, you know I can take a lot more Em," I said and he smiled.

"I know, but that was like…almost a year ago I think. It was before we started the band when Jake…" he said but stopped when he realized that he mentioned Jake's name. I placed my hand on his and smiled a little.

"It's okay Em, you can talk about him. I won't freak out or anything. I think about him all the time, it gives me comfort sometimes. I think it's healthy to talk about him," I said and he smiled.

"I was going to say that the last time we had fun was before the band when Jake was still the fun guy. I wish we talked to him sooner, we might have had a last fun night together," he said and I felt the tears sting my eyes.

"Jip, at least I had my fun night…" I said and doubled over in laughter. He looked at me as if I was crazy and he waited for the hysterics but when it didn't come he joined in the laughter.

"You and Jake freaked me out like…all the time. You guys were horny all the time and I usually came into a room just when Jake's hand was up your shirt. I remember the first time I caught you guys, I wanted to rip Jake's throat out. I hated the idea of you dating Jake, but then I saw your feelings for him were real. Jake promised me that he loved you more than anything, even more than his own life. I never believed him Bella," he whispered and tears streamed down my face. He looked into my eyes and tears formed in his.

"I believe him now though, but it's to late now," he said and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Don't feel guilty Em, you are my brother and you just wanted to protect me. I don't blame you in fact I love you more today then I ever had. Thank you," I said and hugged him.

"I'm going to fix my make-up, I'm sure it's ruined from all the crying." I said and walked out of the kitchen. I walked into my room and heard the doorbell.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**Chapter 9**

**Bella's POV**

I fixed my make-up by applying more black eye shadow to make my eyes darker and smokier. I looked back into the mirror and I looked good. I walked downstairs and heard Alice in the kitchen. Her back was to the door and Edward was standing next to her. They looked like they were in a deep conversation and I was about to leave when Edward turned around. He narrowed his eyes at me and I frowned thinking that he can't honestly t think that I was eavesdropping. Alice noticed Edward's lack of conversation and turned around to see what distracted him. Her whole face lit up when she saw me and danced towards me and pulled me in for a hug.

"Hallo Alice," I said and smiled.

"Hi, before I forget, I've finished a few designs and I must admit Bella, it's going to be awesome," she said and I laughed.

"Great, while we're on the topic, I'm going to need a few men's designs for that tee's and hoodies." I said and she looked excited.

"Um…I already designed a few," she said and we both laughed. We don't even know each other one week and already we know what the other one wants. I have a feeling that Alice will become my best friend if she's not already. Edward cleared his throat and looked annoyed. _What's up his ass?_ He was fine when he went to his room.

"I'll leave you two to talk. Where's Emmett?" I asked Alice and she pointed to the backyard. I nodded my head and walked away. I haven't been in our backyard since Jake passed away, there was to many memories and I dreaded to go out. The swimming pool looks good and I suddenly have the urge to swim. It's not the same as the ocean but I know it will relax me. I'll take a swim tonight if I'm still up for it. I looked over at Emmett and Jasper but there was someone else with them. She is tall and has a perfect figure. She has long blonde hair and I walked over to see her from the front. Emmett almost ran to me when he saw me and there was something weird in his eyes. I punched him playfully and he grinned.

"Is the lady getting to you dear brother?" I asked him and he bumped me with his shoulder. I huffed and he started laughing.

"Shhhh, she'll hear you," he whispered and I chuckled. I shut my mouth when we approached them and I gasped when I looked at her. She's made of pure beauty. Her eyes are blue just like Jasper's and I wondered if they were related. There's definitely a resemblance.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I introduced myself when I saw that Emmett wasn't going to.

"I'm Rosalie Whitlock," she said.

"So you two are related?" I asked her while motioning with my hand between her and Jasper. She chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, I'm his sister." She said.

"I don't know how I made it to the age of twenty-eight with her," he said playfully and she pushed him.

"Hey…you always gave me a hard time remember. Brothers can be so annoying don't you agree?" she asked and I couldn't agree. I know they are joking around now, but even in a joke, I won't be able to say that about Emmett. He's been nothing but good to me, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. Emmett placed his arm around me and kissed me on my head. "Thank you sis," he whispered and I nodded. Jasper and Rosalie noticed my irritation and I placed unwelcome atmosphere in the group.

**Edward's POV**

"Edward," Alice shouted and I cringed. Damn that woman has a high shrill in her voice. My heart ached when I thought of Alice; I've been ignoring her these last few months. She reminded me of Allison and it hurt me to be in Alice's presence. She ran towards me and jumped into my arms. I tightened my grip when I felt her crying and my own tears started flowing.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," I whispered back. I released her and the first thing she did was to look into my eyes. She stared for a couple of seconds and a huge smile spread across her face. "You're back, you're really back," she said and my lips curled into a smile as I nodded. Jasper walked up to me and hugged me.

"Good to see you bro. You look…you look like the old Edward and it's fucking amazing," he said and I laughed. My heart tightened for the pain I've not only caused myself but caused my family as well. I saw Rosalie enter the door and we greeted each other.

"Emmett this is Rosalie, my sister." Jasper introduced them and I chuckled when I saw Emmett's jaw drop. I don't blame him Rosalie is beyond beautiful, but she's not my type. Besides I had enough trouble with the one blonde I had, I don't need or want another one. Alice took my hand and pulled me to the kitchen while the others went outside.

"Tell me everything," she said and I chuckled. This is so Alice, she can't wait for an appropriate time to talk about my visit to Brazil, she wants to do it at a barbeque.

"Alice, we're being rude. Can't we talk about it later?" I asked her but knew she wouldn't budge.

"Uh uh, I want to hear it now," she demanded and I sighed. I started telling her from the day I arrived on the island. I was about to tell her about the accident, 'cause I never told any of my family exactly what happened that day, when I felt someone behind us. I turned around slowly to find Bella standing in the doorway. I narrowed my eyes at her. I was about to blurt my past out and it would have been in front of her. I don't blame myself for the accident anymore but what if she blames me for it. My body tensed and I noticed that Alice was telling her something about designs and stuff. I've missed the whole conversation, but since Alice has Bella's undivided attention I could stare at Bella without being noticed. I looked at her face and my heart started racing. She's so damn beautiful with her pale skin, and cute rosy cheeks and when she pout her full lips like she does now, I'll go crazy. I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head and cleared my throat. Both of them looked at me and Bella's eyes were full of annoyance.

"I'll leave you two to talk. Where's Emmett?" she asked Alice and Alice pointed outside. Bella turned and walked out of the kitchen to join the others outside.

"You were rude," Alice accused me but I grinned. I know I was but earlier Bella was being rude to me.

"Do you want to hear the rest or not?" I asked her and she quickly nodded. I told her everything about the accident and when I came to the part of my daughter's last words Alice cried. I haven't even noticed my own tears when she pulled me into her arms.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that alone Edward, but I'm extremely happy that you faced it and that you can talk about Allison again. We all miss her so much and it was hell not to be able to talk to you about her." She said.

"I feel so ashamed for putting all of you through more hell than was necessary. I was being selfish in my own agony and pain that I never realized what my family was going through," I said.

"Why did you stay away from me?" she asked the one question I've been trying to ignore and my heart pounded painfully. I've hurt my sister the most and I don't know how to fix it.

"When we were little, I used to think of you as my little sun. You were my strength and my warmth Alice. I gave Allison a part of your name because she reminded me of you in so many ways. And when she died…I…I saw her in you. It broke me every time I had to face you and that's when I decided to stay away from you. I'm so sorry Alice, I hope you can forgive me for hurting you," I said and tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Edward, just promise me you'll never do that again," she said and I nodded my head. She bumped me with her shoulder playfully and smiled.

"Your sun, mmm?" she asked with raised eyebrows. I laughed and she joined in.

"It feels so good to laugh and know that it's not fake. Thanks Ali, and yeah, you'll always be my sun," I said and bumped her back and ran towards the back door. She chased me while both of us laughed. We're acting like kids again and I laughed even louder. We ran to the others and they looked at us like we're crazy, except for Emmett, 'cause he was the craziest person here. It looked like he wanted to join us and when we reached them he punched my shoulder.

"You look really good bro," he said honestly and I thanked him.

**Bella's POV**

Our heads snapped up when we heard laughter and saw that Alice was chasing Edward. They looked like little kids and I felt a little prick of jealousy. There was a time that Emmett and me would have fun like that. My head fell when I saw the happiness in Emmett's eyes. I'm bringing him down with me and I don't know how to stop.

"You look really good bro," Emmett said to Edward and I looked up to see Edward staring at me. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and I quickly looked away. I'll freak out when he does that. I don't even know this guy and he's starting to get to me. His eyes told me that he knows what I'm going through and he wanted to help. I shook my head and let my head fall. I took a seat on one of the chairs and hugged my knees to my body, and rested my head on them. Everyone followed me and took a seat. I feel so vulnerable in front of all these people, especially Edward. I quickly jumped up and asked if anyone wanted something to drink. Everyone wanted beer and I ran to the kitchen. I held onto the kitchen table when it felt like someone strangled me and I couldn't breathe. My chest heaved up and down and raw sobs escaped my throat. I heard footsteps and knew it wasn't Emmett. I let my head fall and my hair covered my face. I felt him coming closer and my heart started pounding painfully in panic.

"Don't," I said harshly. I closed my eyes and took a few breaths to calm down. I raised my head and turned around slowly to look into Edwards eyes. His jaw was clenched and his hands were in his pockets as if he had to hold himself back from doing something.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be harsh. You startled me," I explained but he kept staring at me. His eyes are telling me that he knows I'm lying about the startled shit.

"It's okay. Let's get the beers and head back to the others." He said and I sighed in relieve when he didn't push me for further explanations.

We grabbed a few beers and walked back to the others in silence. Jasper was right, it's freaky how much Edward and me have in common.

Edward opened my beer for me and our fingers lightly brushed against each other when he handed me the beer. My body shivered from the electricity that went through it and I heard him chuckle.

The rest of the afternoon was fun. We've gotten to know each other better and we talked and laughed when we shared memories. What fascinated me the most was my brothers' attraction towards Rosalie? He stared at her most of the afternoon with his mouth open. I wanted to laugh at his love sick puppy-eyes. I saw that my brother also fascinated Edward and I felt happy that Edward was my brothers' friend. Emmett never had any friends because of me; he always took care of me. I felt a bit tipsy from all the beers I had and closed my eyes. I thought about Edward and how mesmerizing his eyes were. My heart started pounding painfully when I saw the man with the dreadlocks in front of me. I can't have a memory now, and tried to shake it off but I couldn't suppress this one.

_**Flashback**_

_**They**__** dragged me deeper into the forest and my whole body was filled with panic. The blonde dragged Jake's body in front of us and I saw that blood was streaming out of his head. We stopped at some sort of clearing and it looked like they knew the place, as if they came here often. "I'll go first, James," the guy with the dreadlocks said to the blonde, James. "Just go easy Laurent, we've got the whole night." He said back and my eyes widened in fear. I shook my head sideways and Laurent grinned. He tried to undo my pants but I tried to run away. He grabbed me by my hair and slapped me across my face. I cried out and he punched me in my stomach, I fell to my knees struggling to breathe. They both laughed and James held my arms while Laurent tore my clothes off. I cried out in fear but they only laughed at me. James threw me on the ground and I started kicking and screaming when Laurent hovered over me. James grabbed my legs and spread them wide while Laurent plunged himself into me. I screamed out in agony but he kept penetrating me. I felt James' hands on my breasts and he squeezed them to hard. I kept screaming…**_

"Don't touch me you filthy fuck. Why are you doing this to me?" I screamed out when I felt warm hands on my cheeks.

"Look at me Bella, it's me, Emmett." I heard him say but I couldn't open my eyes instead I kept seeing Laurent's face in front of me.

_**He licked my breast and bit into my flesh and I screamed out in agony.**__** He forced himself deeper and deeper until his body collapsed onto mine. I cried out in disgust and felt sick. He ejected himself from me and I cried out when I saw James walking to me completely naked.**_

"Bella," I heard someone calling my name but couldn't get out of this memory. "No more, please, I can't take anymore, please don't…" I screamed out in fear. _Please_ wake me up, someone please get me out of this memory. I don't know what's real and what's not, I smell their sweat and semen and felt sick to my stomach.

"Bella, open your eyes love, look at me." Edward said and just by hearing his velvet voice, I calmed down. My whole body relaxed and I felt his arms go around me. "No one's going to hurt you I promise," he whispered into my ear. My eyes were still closed when I whispered back, "They already hurt me and you're wrong, they still hurt me every fucking day," I said and opened my eyes. I pushed him away and ran back to the house into my room.

I collapsed onto my floor and cried as the excruciating pain took over. I opened myself in front of Edward, in front of Jasper and Rosalie. I don't want all these people to know what happened to me. There was a soft knock on my door and Rosalie walked into my room. Her face was stained with tears and I couldn't understand what could have made her cry. She looks terrified and it confused me even more.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," she whispered and cried again. She fell to the floor beside me and wrapped me in her arms. We cried together and when she felt my body relax, she released me.

"What happened to you? Can you remember everything?" She asked me. My body tensed and she took my hand.

"Only little things, I keep having flashbacks but it's never from the beginning. It comes back in pieces, but it's so real Rosalie, as if I'm there again. I can feel every touch, every punch and I even smell their sweat mixed with their semen," I said and felt nauseous. I ran to my bathroom and threw up. Rosalie came to sit behind me and she held my hair back and gently rubbed my back. When I was done, she helped me up and I rinsed my mouth. She walked into my closet and came back with boy shorts and a shirt but I shook my head.

"I want the black shirt, it's on the floor," I whispered and she walked back into the closet to get the shirt.

"Bella, who did the shirt belong to?" she asked and I sighed.

"Jake, he had it on the night they shot him," I answered and she sighed.

"Sweetie, this isn't healthy at all. You have to let go," she said and my head snapped up.

"I can't Rose, Jake keeps me sane." I said and she shook her head. I couldn't believe that I was explaining myself to a complete stranger, but I felt a connection with this stranger and I felt safe with her, I didn't know why.

"That's not true and you know it. Jake keeps the memories away, think about it Bella. While we were outside laughing and joking around did you think about Jake?" she asked. I thought back to right before I had the flashback and I know I wasn't thinking about Jake, I was thinking about Edward's eyes and how he could easily get a glimpse of my soul if I let him.

"No, I thought about…I thought about…" I try to say but kept stumbling over my words.

"What were you thinking about?" she pushed and I wanted to scream out of frustration. How does she know so much about this stuff?

"Edward, okay. I was thinking about Edward," I shouted. I saw her smile and I felt like wiping that smug smile of her face.

"I want to help you Bella, would you let me help you?" she asked and I felt panic rise in my body.

"I don't want to remember any more Rose, please. I'm not strong enough for this," I said and she shook her head and took my hand.

"Bella, I'm a psychiatrist. Five years ago, four men raped me and they beat me up. My injuries were severe and I was told by Jasper that there was no hope for me. They actually waited for me to die, but I fought for my life Bella, even after everything I've been through I had a will to live. I've been through hell Bella. I don't want you to walk the same path as me please let me help you?" she pleaded and I started crying.

"You've been raped?" I asked and tears streamed down her face while she nodded her head. That's why I have a connection with Rose, that's why I feel so close to her now and feel safe. I cried loudly as I felt my heart tighten.

"I'm sorry Rose, I didn't know," I cried out as my whole body shivered. "Why do men feel they need to rape women and beat them up? Does it have to do with power?" I asked her softly.

"Some of them do it for that reason, but not all of them. One of my patients confessed that he's been raped and abused by his father. When he raped his first victim, he said that it felt right to do it. There's a lot of reasons Bella I can assure you, but it doesn't make it right. These men are criminals and need help; some of them are really mentally fucked." She said and I saw a glimpse of bitterness in her eyes, but she quickly recovered before I could see anything else. I don't know why she wants to hide it though I mean, I can't blame her I feel the same way and I don't know if I'll ever get rid of this bitterness and hatred.

"Rose, I'm scared to death, and I don't know if I want to be helped right now. I know you will want to bring back the memories and I don't want to remember everything. It's too fucking painful," I said and I tried to ignore the sympathy in her eyes. New tears pricked my eyes and I felt them roll down my cheeks.

"Bella, I know what you're going through right now, I've been there girl. You have to ask yourself, how long you are willing to go on like this. Think about Emmett, he is the most important person in your life right?" she asked and I nodded. "He is hurting with you Bella, he watches your every move and notices your every emotion, he loves you so much and I can see that there's a small part of Emmett that's blaming himself for what happened to you and Jake, I know, you don't have to say it but it's not going to help. You need to get better not only for yourself but for your brother Bella," she said seriously. I've never thought that Emmett would blame himself for what happened, I have to talk to him.

"I have to warn you though; the road to healing is extremely difficult. There's going to be days that you'll hate me and there'll be days that you'll be so emotionally drained that you wouldn't want to live anymore, but it's worth it I promise you. I want you to be happy," she said and her therapy sounded hard but I want to be normal again and happy. I want Emmett to be happy and I know he'll never be as long as I remain the victim of James and Laurent. I want to be able to talk about what happened to me as Rose did now, and I want to love again. I felt guilty for thinking the last part and shut my eyes, afraid Rose will see the guilt.

"I'll do it Rose. I want to live again and I don't want to be afraid anymore," I said.

"I promise you that you'll feel normal when I'm done with you. First get out of those clothes and into your shirt, just so you know, you're going to toss that shirt one of these days, so enjoy the shirt while you can okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning; I want to work on those memories." She said and I felt my body tense.

"Thanks Rose," I said and she winked at me before leaving my room. I quickly undressed and put Jake's shirt on with the black and red boy shorts Rose picked for me.

**Edward's POV**

We were all enjoying the evening while we had a couple of beers. Emmett started the barbeque and we laughed while Emmett shared memories of him and Bella. I looked over at Bella and noticed that her eyes were closed but it looked to me like she was thinking of something disturbing. Emmett noticed Bella's restlessness and before he could wake her up, she started screaming. My body froze because it was a scream of fear and pain.

"Don't touch me you filthy fuck. Why are you doing this to me?" She screamed out when Emmett touched her cheeks. "Look at me Bella, it's me, Emmett." He said and tried to comfort her but she kept screaming. What the fuck? I pushed him away from her and I saw his eyes fill with anger but I warned him with mine to shut-up.

"Bella," I said softly but she didn't respond. My heart tightened in fear when I heard her whimpering and pleading. I felt every ounce of pain in her voice when she screamed out, "No more, please, I can't take anymore, please don't…" I slowly stared into Emmett's eyes and tears fell down his cheeks. My heart tightened in fear for what really happened to her and I closed my eyes before the tears could form.

"Bella, open your eyes love, look at me." I whispered softly and felt her body relax. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and pulled her towards me. "No one's going to hurt you I promise," I whispered into her ear. Her eyes were still closed when she whispered back, "They already hurt me and you're wrong, they still hurt me every fucking day," she said and opened her eyes. She pushed me away and ran back to the house. I grabbed my head into my hands and wanted to scream out of frustration. I don't even know her a day but I have this intensive need to protect her. Rage filled my whole body and I looked at Emmett, he was pale and kept crying.

"Emmett, what the fuck was that?" I asked him and didn't care that he was emotional now, I wanted to know the truth.

"It's nothing," he tried to cover but it angered me more.

"Bullshit Emmett, what happened to her?" I asked again but he only shook his head. I wanted to rip him apart right now.

"What's it to you anyways Ed, you don't even know her," he said and those words hurt more than he will ever know.

"I don't know why I feel so protective of her, damn…I only met her a few hours ago, and I want to kill the fuckers who did this to her. I can only guess what happened to her and it kills me to think about it. I know what you meant now Emmett, when you said that it kills you to see her in so much pain and you don't know how to help her. I feel it now bro. Could this even be real?" I asked him and he looked shocked.

"Edward, are you telling me that you have fallen for my sister?" he asked and I frowned.

"I don't know Emmett, have I?" I answered him with a question.

"Well it sure sounds like it bro," he said and grinned. How can he grin at a time like this? "You're a sick man Emmett," I said and he doubled over in laughter.

"I'll go check on her," Rose announced and I was glad she was here, everyone knows what happened to Rose, and if there's one person that can help Bella it's Rose. I waited for Rose to enter the house and followed her. It was the only way to make sure Bella is okay. I tiptoed up the stairs and walked to her room, the door was open, and I took a stand next to the door.

"I can't Rose, Jake keeps me sane." I heard her say and my heart ached hearing her confess that the memory of Jake keeps her sane. Why couldn't I have met her before she fell in love with Jake?

"That's not true and you know it. Jake keeps the memories away, think about it Bella. While we were outside laughing and joking around did you think about Jake?" Rose asked her and Bella was silent for a while.

"No, I thought about…I thought about…" I heard her stumbling over her words.

"What were you thinking about?" Rose pushed her and I grinned. I was right about the fact that Rose would help Bella, she won't take her shit.

"Edward, okay. I was thinking about Edward," I heard Bella shout and my heartbeat accelerated. I closed my eyes and smiled. She was thinking about me, but my smile quickly faded when I realized what she was saying. She was thinking about me when the brutal memories came to the surface, why? Why only when she thought about me and not when she thinks about Jake? Why does Jake keep the memories away? I turned around and walked back to join the others outside. My heart was filled with sadness and I felt like screaming. Alice came to me and pulled me to her. I placed my head on her shoulder and heard her whisper into my ear, "I think you're falling in love with her and just so you know, I've watched Bella tonight, you're presence is not leaving her cold."

I wanted to believe her, but if my presence brings back painful memories, I'll rather leave. She's been through enough. Rose came back to join us and announced that Bella agreed into therapy. Jaz, Alice and Rose left shortly after without eating, we lost our appetites, besides I felt to sick to eat anything. Emmett and me remained seated in the backyard and had another beer. I didn't push Emmett for answers and decided that I'll mind my own business.

"I don't know everything that happened to her Edward, she doesn't even know. For some reason she suppresses the memories. The one flashback that she had was so brutal that my body shook from all the rage. I can only guess that the flashback she had tonight was even more brutal. She was completely lost in her memory tonight and I was so scared. If I find them I'll fucking kill them," he whispered and I took a swig of my beer before I turned to him.

"I don't understand any of this, why lie about it?" I asked him but knew the answer before he gave it to me.

"What do you think the press will do to her when they find out, I didn't want my sister to be the next front page sensation, I mean they don't care how you feel or what you're going through, as long as they get their story." He said out of anger. I knew what he meant and didn't push him further.

"I'm sorry Em, and I'll stay out of the way. I acted wrongly tonight and I'm sorry, it won't happen again," I said and sighed. I'm not interfering in their lives, and I'll stay away from Bella from now on.

"Are you crazy? Bella responded to the sound of your voice in an instant and when you wrapped your arms around her, she didn't even flinch. You can't back off now," he said but I already made up my mind so I just shook my head.

"Like you said, I don't even know her. I must be out of my fucking mind to fall in love so easily and with someone out of my league. I mean she's amazing; she's talented and smart and sexy as hell," I whispered and heard Emmett chuckle. "Dude you seriously need some of Rose's fucking therapy, you laugh when you're not suppose to and I think you need some serious help," I said but that only made him laugh louder.

"Bro, anyone who would have fallen in love with my sister today after she treated you like a disease deserves some respect man; she was being rude to you all day long. And when you found out that she's completely messed up, you stood by her and took control of the situation and comforted her. I think you're fucking amazing Ed and just the right man for my sister. I mean she needs a man that can tame her a bit, she can be feisty sometimes," he said and laughed again.

"Thanks man, I feel so much better now," I said in sarcasm and pulled my face. He chuckled again and punched my shoulder playfully.

"I'm bushed, I'll see you in the morning." He said and walked away. I remained seated and took another sip of my beer. I wish Bella would give me a chance to get to know her, but she doesn't like me. I mean who would like someone that brings them painful memories. I tried to shake the shitty thoughts out of my head when I heard footsteps. I slowly turned around thinking that it was Emmett, just to find Bella walking towards the pool. She haven't seen me and I didn't know if I should let her know I was here, she'll probably turn around and leave, or I can be smart for once in my life and just shut the hell up. She dropped her robe and I gasped for air. She wore a pink and black bikini and damn she looked hot. She has a perfect figure;_ no, she's absolutely fucking gorgeous_ I thought to myself while my chest heaved up and down from my heavy breathing. She slowly climbed in and went underwater. I was so thankful for the dark corner where I was seated. When she came back up, she started swimming a few laps. I remained in the corner and tried not to move, watching every move she made. She is so damn beautiful and I wanted her to be mine. I can't sit here and pretend anymore, I have to get up now while she wouldn't notice me. I slowly stood up and was about to walk away when her head snapped up and looked straight at me. She looked scared and I could kick myself for not thinking clearly. I just scared the hell out of her.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I said. I walked closer to the pool to try to comfort her.

"Please don't," she whispered and my head fell. What was I thinking? I should have said something when she wanted to climb into the pool. I'm so fucking stupid.

"I'll go," I whispered. She looked so fragile as if one touch could break her. She looked away from my eyes and I wanted to scream.

"Why do you hate me so much Bella? I whispered and her head snapped up.

"I don't hate you, I don't even know you." She answered and I heard her voice tremble. "You scare me, Edward," she whispered and I felt my heart tighten. I closed my eyes to hide the pain in them and whispered back "I'm sorry, I'll get out of your way." I turned around and walked away. I didn't turn around to see if she was looking. When I reached my room, I took a long hot shower. I dressed in only boxers. I know I won't be able to sleep now so I ran down the stairs to the music room. I took a seat behind the piano and placed my fingers on the keys. I closed my eyes and remembered the song Bella sang earlier, she sang without any instruments and I wanted to compose music for that song. I grabbed my music book and started composing music for Bella's song. It almost took me the whole night, but I didn't care, I wanted to finish it for her.

I went to the kitchen to get some coffee and bumped into Bella. We seem to be doing that a lot and I'm afraid she'll think that I'm stalking her. She looked stunned to see me awake and I grinned. I looked at her beautiful face and saw dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm guessing that you couldn't sleep," I said and her face turned crimson red. My heart raced at the sight of her blush, it's so cute, and it makes me feel all hot and tingly. I feel like a damn teenager who can't control his hormones.

"I don't sleep at all actually, but don't tell Emmett," she said full of guilt.

"How do you keep up?" I asked her shocked and she grinned.

"I don't know. I focus on my music," she said and poured us both a cup of coffee.

"I composed music for your song," I said and her head snapped up.

"What song is that?" she asked and I nodded towards the music room and she followed me. My heartbeat accelerated on the way there, out of excitement that she's not pushing me away, but also out of fear that she would freak out that I invaded her privacy. I don't know what to expect from her and it makes everything so much harder.

"I composed music for the song you sang this morning," I said and she frowned.

"But…" she said and before she could freak out, I interrupted her. "That song would be awesome with the piano. Please don't freak out, just give it a try." I said and I could see that she wanted to say no but thought about it and nodded instead. It's gonna take me forever to break through the walls she has build, and her being stubborn doesn't help me in any way. I took a seat behind the piano again and to my surprise, she came to sit next to me. My heartbeat immediately sped up and shivers ran through my body. My hands were shaking when I placed them on the white keys and if she noticed she didn't say anything.

I played the intro and the chorus for her and she hummed with the melody. She nodded her head that she got it and I started playing the intro again. When she started singing my body was covered in goose bumps. She has a beautiful voice, but it's filled with agonizing pain and I wish I could take all the pain away.

"**Remember when…**

**I remember when, it was "together till the end"**

**Now I'm alone again where do I begin**

**I cried a little bit,**

**You died a little bit**

**Please say there's no regrets,**

**And say you won't forget**

**But I'm not lost,**

**I'm not gone**

**I haven't forgot**

**These feelings I can't shake no more**

**This feelings' running out the door**

**I can feel it falling down**

**And I'm not coming back around**

**These feelings I can't take no more**

**This emptiness in the bottom drawer**

**It's getting harder to pretend**

**And I'm not coming back around again**

**Remember when…**

**That was then,**

**Now it's the end**

**I'm not going back**

**I can't pretend,**

**Remember when…"**

"Bella…" I whispered and felt the warmness of my tears as they rolled down my cheeks. I felt every single emotion Bella was feeling when she sang the song and I wanted so badly to hold her and take her fear and pain away, but she doesn't trust me. My head fell and I couldn't look at her.

"Thank you Edward, you were right, it does sound good with the piano. You didn't have to do that," she whispered and I heard the tears in her voice. She was trying to hold them back, but I couldn't even hold back mine after the song.

"I wanted to Bella," I said and I know I sounded tired and irritated, maybe I was. I know one thing though; I'm not strong enough to break through to Bella and help her, but maybe our music can help each other out. Our music is the one thing we have in common more than anything else does and I believe I'll get closer to her through music. She placed her hand on my arms and I felt her hand shaking. I slowly lifted my head and looked at her beautiful face.

"I'm scared of the way you make me feel Edward. You misunderstood earlier by the pool," she whispered and my heart skipped a beat.

"How do I make you feel Bella?" I asked her curiously.

"Loved…you make me feel so loved and it makes me feel guilty. Thanks again for the composition," she said and ran out of the room.

"Well goodnight to you too Bella," I said in sarcasm. I sighed loudly and thought about what she said. I make her feel loved but it makes her feel guilty. Why in the hell would she feel guilty about that? The room suddenly felt empty without the presence of Bella and I quickly went back into my own room.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**Chapter 10**

**Bella's POV**

"Bells, it's been a week since you got out of the coma, we need to go see Chief Weber in Forks. They want to ask you some questions in connection with…you know with everything that has happened," Emmett said and I nodded. I know I have to go, but I was dreading it. I'm afraid to go to Forks, it will bring back memories of Jake and I don't know if I'll be strong enough. I can't even watch the DVD of Jake's funeral. Emmett gave it to me the day I came out of the hospital, but I threw it in my drawer. I pulled a face and Emmett looked concerned. I felt even bitterer today and was so pissed at the world and everyone in it. I have a meeting with Rose today and wasn't looking forward to it, it's our first meeting and I'm terrified.

"You have to ask my psychiatrist Emmett, remember?" I said sarcastically and ignored Edward's eyes. I'm in a really bad mood today and I don't feel like explaining myself.

"Bella you wanted to get help by choice, nobody forced you." He said and sounded irritated. I know it's wrong for taking my mood out on Emmett but I didn't care.

"Whatever Emmett, when do you wanna go to Forks? Let's get this shit over and done with," I said harshly. My heart screamed out for me to stop but my head was saying something else. I'm on a roll with the bitterness today and I want to keep going. I want everyone to hurt the way I'm hurting, I want everyone as depressed as I am.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he apologized and I wanted to scream in frustration.

"Don't you dare apologize to me Emmett, don't you fucking dare. You did nothing wrong, stop treating me as if I'm going to fucking break. Why can't you treat me like before? What the fuck changed Emmett, I'm still me aren't I?" I asked him screaming and felt a bit hysterical, like I'm going to freak out or something.

"No Bella, you're not the same person. You're depressed all the time, you're in pain all the time, you're morbid over Jake's death all the time…nothing's the same Bella. One moment you're laughing, the next you're being fucking hysterical. I don't know how to act around you anymore." He screamed back at me and I felt my adrenalin pump.

"Do you even know how I miss our fights? I don't know how to let go of my anger and bitterness, because everyone is treating me like this fragile little girl. I'm depressed all the time because I'm fucking tired Emmett, I can't close my eyes for even a second, because I see those two scumbags hover over me or punching me. I've been awake for a week Emmett, I still miss Jake and I still love him, of course I'm morbid. I think I should get out of your way, you'll never be happy with me around. I'm always going to be in the way. I need to get away from you, I need to know that I'm alone and no one is going to protect me. I have to know that I'm alone and I'm not able to do it while you're always here." I cried loudly. My body was shaking from the sobs that escaped my mouth and I felt the familiar pain in my chest. I gripped my shirt where I felt my heart ache and screamed as loud as I could. I heard someone rush over to me and pulled me into his arms. I knew it wasn't Emmett and my body relaxed against his chest.

"You're not alone, love. I'm here and I'll never leave, I'll protect you with my life Bella," he whispered while gently rubbing my back.

"I don't want you to know Edward. Let me go please," I pleaded. I don't want Edward to know what they did to me, he'll never look at me the way he does now. He'll resent me because I'm dirty and I've been damaged. I'm mentally fucked and emotionally unstable. I have to leave before I hurt him as well. I'm done with being selfish. I just have to work my plans out carefully and leave. They can't know, they'll never let me go.

I pulled away from Edward and ignored the hurt expression on his face. I cleared my throat and when Emmett met my eyes he widened his, I don't know what he saw because I'm feeling all kinds of things today so I ignored him.

"I don't want to see Rose, tell her I'm sorry for wasting her time, I'm not ready to deal with this. I'll be in my room, getting ready for Forks. I want to stay there a couple of days before our first concert," I said with my head down, I couldn't face either of them knowing what I've got planned. I won't hurt Emmett anymore.

"Bella, you are not in my way, and I'll die without you. You are my sister and I'll always want to protect you. Bells you can't be alone right now, you need me and you need the band." Emmett said.

"You're wrong Emmett…" I said and both of them looked confused so I just smiled at them and continued, "…I don't need the band, and I don't need you. You won't die without me, I know you will be just fine, you've got Edward now and you two seem to get along pretty well," I said and walked away not giving one of them a chance to say something. I'm not going to let Emmett get to me, I've made up my mind and I'm going through with my plan…I just need to make a plan first.

I slammed my door behind me and walked into my closet. I stripped out of Jake's shirt and my shorts and walked to the mirror. I wasn't able to look at my body in a mirror but I'm going to do that now, I want to see where Laurent bit me and if it left a scar. I remember that it was bleeding so it must have left a scar. I walked closer to the mirror until I could see my body perfectly. I started exploring my breasts and gasped for air when I saw the bite marks Laurent left on my breast, I closed my eyes when I felt the tears form. I don't want to cry now, I need to deal with the pain.

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't take Bella's pain anymore, she's hurting and she wants everyone around her to feel the same way. I know she's tired and that makes her pissed. When she said that she would leave, my heart tightened. I don't want her to go. I rushed to her side when I heard her crying and pulled her into my arms. She didn't pull away and came willingly.

"You're not alone, love. I'm here and I'll never leave, I'll protect you with my life Bella," I whispered and rubbed her back gently. I want to protect her and I want to love her forever. I hate that she's hurting and that she's scared.

"I don't want you to know Edward. Let me go please," she pleaded and my heart pounded painfully against my chest. How can she ask me something like this? I can't let her go, I don't want to. I felt her body tense and I knew our moment was gone. She pulled away from me and ignored my eyes.

"I don't want to see Rose, tell her I'm sorry for wasting her time, I'm not ready to deal with this. I'll be in my room, getting ready for Forks. I want to stay there a couple of days before our first concert," she said and she reminded me so much of myself when I lost Allison, but by denying any help is going to make things only worse for her.

"Bella, you are not in my way, and I'll die without you. You are my sister and I'll always want to protect you. Bells you can't be alone right now, you need me and you need the band." Emmett said and I saw panic in his eyes. He must have seen something in Bella's eyes and it's got him panicked.

"You're wrong Emmett…," she said and both Emmett and I looked at her confused. She just smiled at us but it never reached her eyes, and continued, "…I don't need the band, and I don't need you. You won't die without me, I know you will be just fine, you've got Edward now and you two seem to get along pretty well," she said and walked away not giving us a chance to say something back. I looked at Emmett's stunned face and frowned.

"What the hell was that?" I asked him and he sighed.

"She's going to leave Edward. She won't leave now, but she's going to leave, you'll see." He explained.

"We have to stop her Emmett, she can't leave. I can't loose her too," I whispered and Emmett's head snapped up. I forgot that he doesn't know about Allison, but I didn't want to tell him right now so I just whispered, "never mind,"

When Rose came and Emmett told her about Bella, she looked worried. I hate it when they do that, it just makes me more anxious. "Why the worried look Rose?" I asked her and she stared at me.

"It's natural for her to act this way Edward; she's been out of the coma for a week and haven't had time to deal with everything. She's feeling bitter and angry and she hates that she's the only one feeling like that. She doesn't know how to deal with her emotions and it's freaking her out. I'm not surprised that she refuses to see me, but I hoped for the better. She's going to need time and all of our support." Rose explained and I nodded my head in agreement, but Emmett just stormed off. I know he is in pain and I know his angry right now, so I didn't say anything and Rose also ignored him.

"Yeah, the problem with supporting Bella is that she won't let me near her, it seems to me that she hates me." I said painfully and Rose softened her eyes.

"Edward, I can tell you that Bella feels something for you, but she won't act on it because she feels that she would betray Jake. Right now Bella's focus is on Jake's death and the loss of his love for her and she knows that she can suppress the other painful memories with the memories of Jake. She is so messed up and she doesn't even realize it. Don't rush into things with Bella, you will regret it Edward." She warned me.

"I just wish I could help her, she's talking about leaving. Do you think she'll do it?" I asked her and Rose smiled while nodding her head. My heart tightened and I wanted to scream.

"Yes she will, if she feels that she's in the way or that she's just hurting everyone by staying, she'll definitely leave. I'm sorry, I know it's not the answer you wanted to hear, but I'm not going to lie to you guys. Edward you know what I've been through and I know exactly the pain Bella's going through. I know the pain and bitterness firsthand." She said and smiled. I admire the woman in front of me, she's been through hell, and today she can talk about her ordeal and smile about it.

"Can I ask you something Rose?" I asked and she nodded so I continued, "Are you ready for a relationship?"

She stared at me and I saw my answer in her eyes, but waited patiently for her to answer.

"Yes, I think I am. You know that it's been five years since Royce and his gang raped me, and I've never been in a relationship. I felt dirty and damaged. I knew if I met someone, I would have to explain what happened to me and I wasn't ready for that. It freaked me out just to think about someone touching me, but I'm ready now. I want to be loved and I don't want to be alone any longer. I want a partner that fulfils me in every way possible." She answered honestly and I was so proud of Rose. She accomplished so much after they raped and almost killed her.

"What about Bella?" I asked and heard the fear in my own voice. Would I be able to wait five years for Bella, even longer?

"Edward, I don't know. Bella is going to need a lot of time. From what I've heard she lives for her music and I'm sure that will help her. I think you can try to connect to her through that, but don't push her into anything." She suggested and my heart raced. My lips curled up into a smile and she smiled with me. "Thanks Rose"

**Bella's POV**

Edward accompanied us to Forks and suggested that all of us stay at his parents' house. Emmett agreed before I could refuse and now we're driving to Forks in Edwards' car. The three-hour drive felt like forever when we finally reached the house. The Cullen's home is in the middle of the forest and from the outside; it looked like a very modern home. A short, lean woman ran out of the house toward Edward and his face lit up when he ran to her, wrapping her into his arms and spinning her around and around, while they're both laughing.

"Hi mom," he whispered and continued, "I want you to meet someone," and he pulled her towards me. She was beautiful and resembled Edward a lot. She has the same bronze hair and the same green eyes as Edward. Love and compassion filled her eyes and I wanted to cry just by looking into them. She's just like Edward and I wanted to get away from here. "Mom this is Bella Swan, and Bella this is my mother, Esme." He said and frowned when he saw the panic in my eyes. I shut my eyes for a second to get my emotions under control and stretched my hand toward hers, but she pulled me into a hug instead and I felt all her love fill me.

"I've heard so much about you and it feels that I already know you," she whispered and I felt my lips curl into a smile. "Let's get inside," she said further and started walking to the house. I turned to the car instead and wanted to get my bag, but I felt a warm hand on my wrist. I pulled away and regretted it instantly when I saw the hurt expression on his face. I don't know how to act around him and a simple touch from Edward sends my heart fluttering, and for that second I forget about Jake. "I'm sorry," he mumbled and I wanted to reach out for him but he stormed away. I let my head fall and warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I'm so fucking confused, and don't have a clue what to do. I want Edward to touch me, but on the other hand, I'm scared to death of his touch. I realize that I'll never have a normal relationship with anyone and I shouldn't let Edward into my life or into my heart. I'll only hurt him and it's the last thing I want. I grabbed my bag and walked to the house.

"Bella, it's so good to see you." Carlisle said and gently pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes as I remember a week ago when I woke up and Carlisle was there at my bedside, comforting me.

"Thank you for everything, Carlisle. I never thanked you." I whispered while new tears rolled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and accidentally met Edward's eyes. I might be mistaken, but he looked jealous over my relationship with his father. I huffed and challenged him with my eyes to say something. He went to the kitchen to find his mother.

"Emmett, I want to go to First beach. We don't have transport," I said accusingly. He glared at me with anger, I guess he was still pissed about this morning, but I didn't give a shit.

"What the fuck do you want me to do Bella?" he asked. My body started shaking out of anger, but I ignored him.

"Carlisle, where can I put my bag?" I asked and he motioned for me to follow him. He led me to a bedroom that has it's own bathroom and left. I threw my bag down and opened it. I went through my things and found my black wetsuit. I stripped and put the wetsuit on. I grabbed a black and white skull hoodie and put it on over the wetsuit. If I have to walk to First beach today, I'm going to. Emmett or anyone else won't stop me. I walked back to the living room and everyone looked up when I entered the room. Emmett's eyes told me that he was still furious, Edwards eyes looked surprise. I lifted my chin just an inch higher and looked at Edward when I spoke, "I want to go to First beach, I'll walk if I have to."

"I'll take you Bella, but I think there's a storm coming. What is it you want to do at the beach?" he asked me and I couldn't blame him for not knowing that I surfed. I don't speak to him about my life or my activities so I simply explained that I wanted to go surf and his eyes widened.

"Okay, but I'm not leaving you there alone. I'll wait for you," he said and I groaned. Great, I'm going to have a babysitter for the day.

"If that's my only option, I guess I'll take it then," I said and he grinned. I heard Emmett huff and mumbled some unintelligent words. I felt guilty for acting like a bitch towards my brother and promised myself that I'll make up with him when I return. We drove in silence to La Push, and he stopped at the resort we stayed before that horrible night. I went in to hire a surfboard. My heart tightened when I realized that Edward meant what he said about not leaving me alone. He walked with me to the beach and my heartbeat accelerated when I saw the big waves. I felt like running into the water and never come back.

"Thanks for doing this," I whispered to him and didn't wait for his response, I started running into the water. I lay on my surfboard and paddled deeper into the water.

**Edward's POV**

"Thanks for doing this," she whispered and ran off. I wanted to tell her to be careful and not to take too long, but she was already in the water. I never got the whole surfing thing, I tried it a couple of times but gave up, besides it's too freaking cold.

I watched as she paddled deeper into the ocean. This is a different side of Bella and I'm so happy to have the opportunity to see it and get to know her a little more. I saw her riding the first wave and she looked so free, as if nothing can touch or hurt her in the water. She rode the wave with confidents and it amazed me. She seems so strong in the water and on that surfboard, that it's hard for me to compare her to the broken Bella outside of the water. Bella is a very different person when she sings and when she surfs, she let's go of her fears and her pain.

After about an hour, she came running back to the shore and I saw her shoulders fall. She looked terrified of leaving the ocean and when she turned around to look at the waves my heart pounded painfully against my chest. The waves broke against her legs but she stood firm. She slowly turned around and I saw her tear-stained face. I quickly jumped up just as her knees buckled and she fell to them. She screamed out loudly in pain as she tried to pull her wetsuit where her heart is. I know the feeling, I've done it so many times, but it doesn't help anything. I rushed to her side and circled my arms around her. She was sobbing against me and her whole body was shaking.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not strong enough," she cried out. I gently rubbed her back while rocking her with my body. "Let's go into the ocean for a while," I suggested and her head snapped up. I saw her reaction in the ocean and I wanted to experience it firsthand. I wanted to see her face from up close and I wanted her to feel better. My heart raced when she nodded her head and I quickly helped her up. I kicked off my shoes and took my shirt off. She placed her hand in mine when we walked into the ocean together. The waves crashed against our bodies and I turned to look at her. Her face lit up and her eyes were alive, almost no pain was visible and I could see her brown eyes shine. I lifted my hand towards her face and trailed my index finger down her cheek. She closed her eyes and whimpered something, but I couldn't make it out. "You are the strongest person I know, don't ever doubt in yourself. You'll get through this Bella, I have faith in you." I whispered. I cupped her face with my one hand and she laid her head into my hand while closing her eyes. She slowly came closer to my body and her breathing became heavier. "Kiss me, Edward." She said and was shocked at first but cupped her cheeks with both of my hands and I lifted her face towards mine. Her chest heaved up and down in anticipation. I slowly rested my lips on hers and felt her body shiver. I was ready to pull away, but she shook her head slowly. I kissed her slowly, exploring every little detail of her lips and when she finally parted her lips, I gasped for air. Her warm breath tasted so sweetly and when her tongue slowly entered my mouth, I moaned loudly into hers. We slowly kissed exploring each other with our tongues. Our kiss deepened into a kiss of passion and need. Her hand grabbed a fistful of hair and held my head into place. I didn't touch her, I was to scared it would trigger something and I would blow everything. I was completely aroused for her but ignored it and concentrated only on her mouth and how good it felt to be inside her mouth. Shock after electric shock went through my body. My body froze when I heard her moan and she whimpered something, I couldn't make it out at the beginning and started focusing on her words. I heard it clearly now and my heart ached when she whimpered it again. "Jake." I quickly pulled away from her and she looked confused and hurt.

"What's wrong Edward? Did I do something wrong?" she asked and I wanted to scream.

"You honestly don't know what you just called me?" I asked her sarcastically and she furrowed her brow. I started walking back to the shore and ignored her when she called my name. I felt tears sting my eyes but I quickly wiped them away and walked away from Bella.

**Bella's POV**

I held onto his hand while we walked into the water together. His hand was so warm and shocks went through my whole body. I don't understand the feelings I have when I'm around Edward, I've never felt like this, not even with...I shook my head quickly to get rid of the guilt I was about to feel. The waves crashed against us and every wave felt like a remedy to my broken heart and body. I'm healing in the water and I wanted to stay here forever. I notice Edward's body turning towards me and when he looked at me my heartbeat sped up. He lifted his hand towards my face and trailed his finger down my cheek. It felt so damn good. I closed my eyes and felt my lips moving and I know I was mumbling and whimpering but I couldn't stop myself. "You are the strongest person I know, don't ever doubt in yourself. You'll get through this Bella, I have faith in you." He whispered and cupped my face with his hand. I rested my head into his hand and kept my eyes closed. I wanted this man with everything inside of me, my body screamed for him. What made it worse was the ocean, I didn't feel broken in the water, and my guard was down. I didn't feel dirty of damaged and I couldn't help myself for wanting Edward. I walked closer to him, breathing heavy. "Kiss me, Edward." I said and my own voice scared me. It sounded lustful to me and I wondered what he would think of me. He cupped my face with both of his hands and pulled me closer to him. My heart raced when I saw how close I was to his lips and I wanted to ravish his mouth, but instead he only rested his lips on mine. My head screamed for me to stop but my heart gave me permission to proceed. Shivers ran down my body and I felt Edward's hesitance. He was about to pull away and I did the only thing I was capable of doing, I shook my head. He kissed me slowly, so tenderly and so lovingly that I wanted to cry. I felt his love on my lips and my heart tightened. I parted my lips for him and heard him gasp. I slowly entered his mouth with my tongue and when his tongue met with mine he moaned loudly. Our kiss was slow and I loved it, there was so much emotion in his kiss and it touched my heart, body and soul. I wanted him so badly and I knew he wanted me, I could feel his hardness against my abdomen, but he never touched me. When our kiss deepened into passion and need, I reached up for his head and grabbed a fistful of hair pulling him closer to me. He didn't even attempt to touch me and it angered me and hurt me. So this is how all of my relationships is going to be. No one would ever want to touch me, I'm filthy and worthless. My mind traveled back to that last afternoon when Jake made love to me. He touched me with passion and love, as if he needed to touch me. I felt the familiar pain in my chest as I remembered the man I loved "Jake." I felt Edward's body froze and I started to panic when he pulled away from me. I looked at him confused and hurt, but he didn't say anything, in fact he looked hurt. What did I do?

"What's wrong Edward? Did I do something wrong?" I asked and saw the irritation on his face.

"You honestly don't know what you just called me?" he asked me sarcastically and I furrowed my brow. He just turned around and started walking back to the shore. I called his name but he just ignored me. What did I call him? I started going back to what I was thinking, but I couldn't think of anything…I gasped when I realized that I must have said Jake's name out loud. A raw sob escaped my throat and I fell to my knees. The waves crashed against me and I had to hold onto the sand not to be pulled in. I wanted to explain to him, but didn't bother. It's better this way and I let him go. I let him walk away from me and I promised myself that I'll never let him into my heart again. I just hurt him; it was all over his face and in his eyes. I'm not good for him.

I walked to the shore and fell down on the sand. I looked up at the thick black clouds and felt a raindrop on my head. I closed my eyes as more drops fell down and started laughing loudly. I loved the rumbling sound of the thunder and I felt myself drifting to sleep in the rain. I smiled at my craziness.

**Emmett's POV**

I paced up and down the living room floor, waiting for my sister to return. It's pouring outside and I'm worried about her being in the ocean when the storm hits. I should have gone with them, but once again, my pride won. I had no right to be angry with Bella; she's been through so much. I heard a car pull up and ran to the front door. Edward came running up the stairs, alone.

"Where's Bella?" I asked him, but he didn't answer me. He looked pissed and hurt at the same time and I was curious as to what happened between them, but I was worried about Bella and I had a strange feeling that she's in trouble. My chest heaved up and down when I asked him again.

"Edward. Where the fuck is my sister?" I asked him, a little pissed myself. He threw his car keys to me and answered my question.

"Go get her yourself. I feel sick to my stomach and I don't want to see her now," he said harshly and I wanted to grin, but I didn't know what kind of trouble my sister was in and I was pissed at Edward for just leaving her there.

"You just left her, by herself? Why the fuck would you do that. If anything happens to her, I'll kill you Edward Cullen," I hissed and he laughed hysterically.

"Yes Emmett, I left her there. While we were kissing, she whimpered her dead lovers' name, and excuse me for not being able to ignore it. I won't stand in his fucking shadow, you tell her that. I'm not Jacob Black, I'm Edward fucking Cullen." He shouted and if the situation wasn't so serious I would have laughed at him, but I was furious at Edward.

"I'm going to get my sister and then I'll come and deal with you. And I'm not telling her shit, I'm not the fucking messenger boy, deliver the message yourself." I said and stormed out of the house. I prayed all the way to La Push that she would be okay.

I ran down to First beach and couldn't see anything. It was pouring and I had to narrow my eyes to try to see through the rain. I ran closer to the beach and called out her name, but nothing. My body froze when I saw something black almost lying in the water. I rushed over and sighed in relieve when I recognized Bella. I placed my fingers on her wrist to feel for a pulse and closed my eyes when I felt it. I picked her up and walked to Edward's car. I exceeded the speed limit but I didn't care, she was lying in the rain and is bound to catch a cold or something worse. She was screaming out Edwards name a lot, but also Jake's name. My heart went out to her, she was confused and didn't know what to do. She'll end up hurting herself and Edward, I know she will. I reached the Cullen's house and rushed Bella inside.

"Carlisle," I yelled and he rushed over to me. I explained the situation and he looked furious at Edward. Esme accompanied Carlisle to strip Bella from her wetsuit. Edward looked like shit, but I couldn't care less. I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him against the wall of the living room.

"If you ever, and I mean ever hurt her again in any way Ed, I'll rip your fucking heart out. I love you as if you were my brother, but I will not tolerate your shit around Bella. She's got a lot on her plate right now, and you know that better than anyone else does, so back the fuck off!" I yelled and let go of his shirt.

"Emmett, I'm sorry for what I've done. It wasn't the right thing to do and I regret it more than you will ever know, but you will never touch me like that again. I'm a grown-ass man and you will not tell me what to do. I will not back off, I'm in love with that woman, and I'll be damned if I'm going to loose her over some dead guy," he said with venom in his voice. I grinned at him and he grinned back.

"Now this is more like it. I was wondering if you had any balls and now that I know you have I'm wondering where you were hiding them all this time," I said and doubled over in laughter. Edward punched me on my shoulder and laughed with me.

"We're seriously fucked you know?" He said honestly and I nodded my head but kept on smiling.

"Yeah we are, but who cares?" I said and laughed. The tormented look on Edwards face made me stop laughing and turn to him. "What's wrong bro?"

"What have I done Emmett? I left her there in the storm. I left her," he whispered and there was so much pain in his voice that I wanted to cry with him.

"You were angry, and I don't blame you. I mean if I kiss a girl I'm madly in love with and she whimpers some other dude's name, I'll go fucking crazy. I'm not sure I'll be able to leave though, I'll loose my mind right there," I said and he shook his head.

"It wasn't just some dude's name, it was a fucking dead dude's name," he said irritated. I laughed at him because he honestly didn't get it.

"Bro, the guy is dead. He can't come back do you even realize that? If he was still alive, you could be worried because he might return and she might take him back, but now she can only grieve his death and she has to realize that he's not coming back and she has to move forward. So be thankful that it's a dead dude's name," I explained but he still looked angry and irritated. I just sighed and patted him on the back.

Carlisle came back and both Edward and me jumped up. He assured us that she will be okay and that she was only sleeping. Edward wanted to see her and apologize, but I wanted to apologize first. He understood and will wait for me to return. I slowly walked to her room and when I entered her eyes opened. She smiled and held her hand out for me. I rushed into her arms and cried.

"I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean what I said this morning. Please forgive me," I said, but she hushed me.

"Emmett, don't apologize. I was wrong. I haven't been sleeping and I'm so exhausted in the mornings and during the days that it makes me edgy and I get irritated quickly. It wasn't a good day for me and felt bitter and angry at the world, so I took it out on you. I'm sorry," she said. I nodded my head and she looked different. I inhaled deeply before asking her about Edward. I didn't know if it was private or if she would talk to me about it.

"So…what happened with Edward," I asked and felt her body tense.

"Nothing, we kissed and I thought about Jake. Guess Edward didn't like it much, so he stormed off and left me in the rain," she said as if it meant nothing, but I saw the pain in her eyes.

"Bells, what would you do if you're in love with a guy and while you're kissing him he whimpers his dead fiancés name?" I asked her and saw shock cross her face. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she viciously wiped them away.

"I can't help it. And I didn't mean to, is he okay?" she asked and I laughed.

"He'll live, it's you I'm worried about," I said but she smiled.

"I'll be fine, please send Edward in. I need to explain to him," she said and I nodded. I kissed her forehead and walked back to the living room. Edward quickly jumped up when he saw me and I grinned.

"She's asking for you dude," I said and his eyes lit up.

**Edwards POV**

My heart pounded against my chest while I walked to Bella's room. I didn't know what to expect and I was going out of my mind. I have this cloud of guilt handing over my head and I felt ashamed of myself for leaving her there on the beach. If I could have that moment over, I would have kissed Jake's name out of her thoughts and out of her heart. I would have made sure that his name will never come out of Bella's lips again, but instead I ran like the coward I am. I knocked once and opened the door. She was lying on her side and when I entered, she lifted her head and fell back to the pillow. I took a stand by the side of the bed where I could face her and kneeled in front of her. I slowly reached for her hand and didn't see any hesitance in her eyes, and I took her hand in mine. I softly kissed her hand and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so very…sorry," I said but my voice broke at the last words and started crying into her hand. Her other hand rested on my head and gently pulled her fingers through my hair while she hushed me.

"Don't Edward, please don't. The last thing I need is to feel more guilty. I'm sorry about Jake's name, if I could have helped it, I wouldn't have done it. I was thinking…," she explained but didn't finish her last sentence. She sighed and her voice was trembling.

"What were you thinking Bella?" I pushed for an answer. I needed to know the truth and I needed to know if she thought it was Jake kissing her.

"While we were kissing, I couldn't help but notice that you never tried to touch me, I wanted you so bad, and I wanted to feel your arms around me. I started thinking about that last afternoon when Jake made love to me, he loved touching me and he touched me with need and love…but I wasn't dirty or damaged back then, and that's when I whimpered his name." she explained and my heart broke into a million pieces. She thought she wasn't good enough anymore, she thought that I didn't want to touch her because of what happened to her, I didn't even know everything that happened to her. I have an idea but I'm not hundred percent sure.

I kissed her hand again and whispered softly but seriously, "Bella, the reason that I didn't want to touch you, is that I didn't want to startle you. I didn't want to trigger a memory or something and blow our moment together. I never, and I mean never for one second thought about you being filthy or dirty or damaged. I'm crazy about you and only want what's best for you. I don't know everything that happened to you, but I can imagine. I mean it's not hard to think what happened, but I'll wait for you to tell me when you are ready. Don't ever think of yourself as damaged, because I think of you as perfect." I said and saw the tears fall down her face. She didn't even attempt to wipe them.

"Edward, I'll never be normal. I don't want you to always be careful around me. I'll never be able to have a normal relationship. I don't even know if I'll be able to make love to you." She whispered and closed her eyes as if it was too painful to look into mine.

"Can't we try Bella? I mean having a relationship not the…ah shit, that sounded lame. Can't we try to have a relationship?" I asked desperately. I had a feeling that she's ending it before it even started and I already felt my heart breaking.

"I can't Edward. You wouldn't want me anyways. Would you be happy just to kiss me all the time? Never being able to make love to me," she said and I stared at her.

"You're serious aren't you?" I said and felt like someone punched me in the stomach. She would never make love to me, I mean it's not important now, but in the future I would like to be intimate with her.

"Edward…I…I don't know how to make love to you and…and not hate you afterwards. I'm screwed up and it won't be fair to you. I'm done being selfish. The selfish Bella would have jumped at the opportunity to keep you forever just so she won't be hurt, but I'm not doing that anymore." She explained.

"You would hate me after I shower you with my love and passion?" I asked her stunned. How did everything get so sick?

"All I can give you is tonight Edward. After tonight, I can only be your friend. I won't be the one breaking your heart into a million pieces. Please don't try and fight me on this. I know what I'm capable of. You can leave or you can spend the night here with me. I'm not promising anything, but I can try," she whispered. It angered me that she thought I only wanted to sleep with her. A very big part of me wanted to, but I love her and would never take advantage of her in that way.

"Bella, I don't want you as a one-night-stand. I want to love you forever and be with you forever. What if I make love to you tonight and you hate me forever?" I asked her and she let her head fall.

"I don't think of it as a one-night-stand. When you kissed me in the ocean, I wanted you so bad and I think we would have made love right there if I didn't mess it up. I want to try again, please Edward. Please replace my nightmares with sweet dreams. Please, please, please," she started pleading and my will started to crumble. I went to her door and locked it. I walked back to her and climbed into her bed.

"Bella, I don't think this is a good idea. What if I add to your bad memories and nightmares? What if I'm the cause of everything, I'll never be able to forgive myself," I whispered.

"I've fallen for you Edward, and besides how can something so good, turn into something bad. I'll always remember you, just try. Please, please, please, please, ple…" she started pleading again and a low growl escaped my throat as I rested my lips on hers.

**Bella's POV**

I felt sick asking him to make love to me, no not asking, pleading with him. I hate using him like this, but I wanted to know how I would react to sex. My heart pounded painfully when I saw him locking the door and walked back to me, and climbed into my bed. I didn't feel one hint of fear and was surprised that I was actually relaxed. Edward looked scared and confused and I hated myself even more for pushing him.

"Bella, I don't think this is a good idea. What if I add to your bad memories and nightmares? What if I'm the cause of everything, I'll never be able to forgive myself," he whispered and I felt panic rise in my body. I quickly shook it off thinking about when he kissed me in the ocean with so much love and tenderness.

"I've fallen for you Edward, and besides how can something so good, turn into something bad. I'll always remember you, just try. Please, please, please, please, ple…" I started pleading again but his lips rested on mine before I could finish and I heard a low growl escape his throat. I would only think about him tonight and nothing else, I needed to know, and I needed a distraction from Jake's memory. I pulled him closer to me and deepened the kiss. He moaned against my mouth when our tongues met each other. He kissed me slowly and this time he touched me. I tried to quicken the pace but he was in no hurry. I felt so much love in his kiss and his touch that I wanted to cry out. This was so different from anything I've ever experienced. I ran my hands under his shirt and he lifted his arms for me to pull his shirt over his head. I pushed him back and started kissing him feverishly. He moaned when I moved to his jaw line and trailed kissed down to his chest. He was so amazingly beautiful, and I wanted to kiss every part of him. A memory of Jake's chest came into view but I only shook my head and made sure not to close my eyes. I made sure to moan Edwards name a couple of times, more to convince myself that it was Edward in my bed and not Jake. I moved my lips to his stomach and stopped at his shorts. I looked up at him and he stared into my eyes. I'm not sure what he was looking for but I quickly looked away, afraid he might see how terrified I actually felt about going through with this. I slipped my fingers into the sides of his pants; Edward lifted his hips so I could pull them off. He laid there in only his boxers and he came up to kiss me again. His lips moved to my neck and I actually threw my head back. I wanted to cry from the tenderness I felt and for the fact that I'm going to hurt him worse than I was hurting right now. He pulled my shirt over my head and laid me back against the pillows. I kept my eyes open, afraid that I'll see things when I close them. He gently massaged one of my breasts while his warm mouth lightly nibbled on my nipple. I arched my back at the sensation it caused and knotted my hand in his hair. I felt his body tense and he gasped. I knew he found the scar Laurent's teeth left in my flesh, but I didn't want to think about that now, I'll think about it later. "Don't stop Edward, please don't stop," I pleaded again when I felt the flashback of Laurent come into view. My chest heaved up and down and he looked at me with pain-filled eyes. He pulled back and went to sit at the edge of the bed. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him leaning against his back. I kissed the back of his head and felt his body shaking.

"I can't do this Bella, I'm sorry." He confessed and I sighed. I don't know what I was thinking anyways, I would have freaked out and caused a lot of shit. I would have hated him after tonight.

"It's okay Edward, I was about to stop you anyways." I lied and when he turned around to look into my eyes I had to think of something so he won't see through my lie.

"Let me explain, you only want me tonight and I'm sorry, but I don't want you for only one night. I know you are not ready for sex, I can feel it and see it Bella. You give me tonight only and I'm sorry I won't do that to you, you'll hate me forever, and I can't live knowing that the only person I care for hates me," he said and I knew he saw through my lie. I let my head fall not wanting to look into his eyes. I feel so ashamed of myself. He pulled my chin up with his fingers and stared into my eyes. I only saw love and tenderness in his eyes and it made me so sad that I'm not able to give myself to him completely and freely.

"Will you please stay with me tonight? Just hold me please," I asked him and honestly didn't want him to leave. He nodded and I crawled back under the sheets. He crawled up behind my back and pulled my body to his. My heart pounded and I didn't know if it was out of fear or if it was out of excitement, but I didn't care. I sighed when I thought about my plans. I'm going to do something I've never done in my whole life, I'm going to leave someone I really care for and I'm going to leave him broken. I felt his lips on my shoulder and it sent shivers down my body. He didn't say anything for the rest of the night and I was glad. I drifted to sleep feeling so safe and so loved.

_**Flashback in a dream**_

_**James entered me again with so much force that I screamed out in pain. I don't even know how many times they've raped me, but I was feeling sore and exhausted. I didn't fight them anymore, I just lay there and waited for them to be done. I prayed that they would kill me after they're done. He slapped me across my face, but I only cried. I had no will inside me to fight and it angered them. My body was numb, I didn't feel anything. James plunged harder and faster and tried to go deeper and I screamed out Jake's name. He slapped me again and I only whimpered now. I turned my head away so I wouldn't see James' face hovering over mine. I stared to where Jake was lying. He moved and my heartbeat picked up. I couldn't see what he was doing but the next thing he**__** jumped up and ran towards us "Nooooo, you bastard," he shouted, but James didn't even look up. Laurent came from the side and kicked him down. He kept kicking Jake and I wanted to beg him to stop. James was grinning and it felt like he was getting more excited. Violence turns him on and I felt sick to my stomach. Jake rolled over to look at me and I felt so ashamed. He has to witness them raping me and I could see the pain in his eyes. I tried to say something to him, but no words came out only whimpering. Jake started crying and I felt my own tears fall. I wanted to be strong for him so they won't hurt him anymore. "No need to watch from the back, we've got you front row tickets," Laurent whispered into his ear and made Jake sit on his knees right in front of me. Jake tried to lie down but Laurent grabbed him by his hair and held his head in place. I saw the hurt in Jakes eyes and I wanted to die right there. I hate that he is in so much pain. Raw sobs escaped his throat and the sound made my heart break. Jake reached for my hand and I tried to stretch my hand to his but Laurent pulled his arms back. "Baby, look at me, I love you okay"**_ _**Jake said. New tears formed in my eyes and my heart pounded painfully against my chest. I nodded and felt sick when James' body collapsed on top of mine. His warm breath against my neck made me nauseous and when he pulled himself out of me my stomach turned.**_

_**End of dream/flashback.**_

"Jake!" I screamed out and gasped for air.

**Edwards POV**

I woke up when I felt Bella's restlessness. Her head turned sideways and I felt her back arch. Her body shivered and I knew she was having a bad dream. I pulled her towards my body and my heart froze when she screamed out Jake's name.

"Jake!" she screamed out and gasped for air.

I instantly pulled away from her and she cried out in pain. My heart longed to touch her and pull her into my arms, but it's not me she wanted, she wants Jake. I can't compete with that.

"Edward," she whispered and switched on the bedside lamp. Her face was wet and agony filled her eyes. She tried to reach for me but I moved further away. I saw the hurt expression on her face, but hardened my heart against it.

"I'm sorry," she said and I felt so frustrated.

"Please don't apologize for your feelings Bella. You can't help what you're feeling and you can't control your dreams." I whispered, my heart aching for her.

"I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have stayed here with you tonight. I can't compete with Jake and I'm sure as hell not going to try. You don't want me, that's fine, but I'm not going to stand in his fucking shadow." I said and stormed out of her room. I'll never expose myself like that again. I'll only be her friend and nothing more.

I crawled into my bed and lay on my back. My heart is aching and it's so painful. I never wanted to feel this pain again. I don't even understand what the hell's going on, I've known her for four days and I can't get her out of my mind or out of my heart.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns the chara****cters and the songs are owned by Avril Lavigne and Linkin Park**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"Mrs. Swan I know you've been through a lot, I'm sorry for what happened to you." Chief Weber said.

"Please call me Bella, and can we get started, I want to go home," I said. I was feeling so nervous and I wish I would have let Emmett come with, but I wanted to be on my own. I'm leaving one of these days and I have to get use to the idea of being alone.

"Alright Bella, can you remember what happened that night?" he asked me and my heart tightened. I nodded my head and let my head fall. I started telling him the flashbacks I had and what the men looked like. My voice broke when I told him about Jake and how they shot him in front of me.

"You've been very helpful Bella. Will you be able to identify them through some pictures?" he asked and I nodded. He left the room and came back with a huge black album in his hands. He placed it in front of me and I turned the first page. I went through each page slowly to make sure I'm not missing anything. I was in the middle of the album when James' face looked back at me. My breathing became frantic and my chest heaved up and down. Funny sounds came out of my mouth and I pulled my hands into fists. Chief Weber rushed to my side and I slapped my hand on James' photo.

"Are you alright Bella? We still need the other guy, are you up for it or do you want to continue later?" he asked and I quickly shook my head. I wanted this to be the end. I don't want to come back again. I started turning the pages again, not going slowly this time. I know what I'm looking for and when I saw Laurent's face I punched it with my fist.

"You can go Bella, I'll be in touch." He said and I walked out of the police station. Emmett waited for me in the car and he relaxed when he saw me. We drove to the Cullen's in silence. When Emmett stopped the car, I turned to him and only said one thing, "I want to go home," and climbed out of the car. He followed me and pulled me back.

"I thought you wanted to go to Jake's grave?" he said and I only shook my head.

"I don't want to anymore; I wanna go home and get ready for our first concert. Don't push me Em, I'm not ready," I said and ran into the house. Edward didn't even look up when I entered the house. I stood there and waited for him to look at me, but he kept looking down. I cleared my throat before saying, "Can I talk to you?" He finally looked up and when my eyes met his, I wanted to cry. There was so much pain in his eyes and I knew that I was the reason for that pain. He nodded his head and walked out to the patio. He stood with his back to me and I felt weak all of a sudden. I shouldn't have demanded to talk to him.

"What is it you want to talk about Bella?" he asked irritated.

"Edward, I had a fucking dream last night, a bad nightmare to be honest," I started saying but he interrupted me.

"We had this discussion last night; I'm not having it again. I'll have to listen to you every night while you're having nightmares and scream out his name. I'm sorry but I'm not strong enough for that. Is there something else you wanted?" he asked and I shook my head. He wanted to rush of but when he came past me I grabbed his arm.

"Just remember that I'm messed up right now and I can't give you anything. I don't have anything to give you, but I'll get better someday. I'm sorry that I hurt you last night, it wasn't my intention. I understand that you hate me, and I promise you that I'll soon be gone. I'll get out of the way," I whispered and ran off.

I laid back in the seat and listened to some music on my iPod. We're almost back in Seattle and then I'll have to get my plans together. At least money is no problem. I don't have an idea where I would go, but I wanted to go someplace warm and where I could surf all day.

Edward never spoke to me again after our incident and Emmett was confused about our silence. I don't care right now, I'm so tired and I'm dealing with my own shit.

**Edward's POV**

I could see her in my rearview mirror and it's breaking my heart. She's lying with her eyes closed and she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I turned my attention back to the road and thought back on our conversation. What did she mean, she'll be gone soon? I'm so fucking frustrated with myself and I wanted to slap myself silly. I'm in love with Bella, but she only wanted me last night. I don't know if I'll be able to ignore her completely, but I'm sure as hell going to try. If she can't give me a real relationship, then I won't waste my time.

When I stopped the car, she jumped out and walked to the house. Emmett and I grabbed the bags and walked to the house together.

"What's up her ass?" he asked me and I chuckled.

"Me, I guess." I said and saw him grinning. I just shook my head and walked through the door. It's been a long day and I wanted to relax in the music room. Our concert is in less than a week and I'm not nearly as ready as I'm supposed to be.

"I'll be in the music room, Em. Just shout if you need me," I said and he chuckled. I just kept walking, not interested in knowing why he laughed. I grabbed my guitar and took a seat. I closed my eyes when I felt the strings under my fingers. I started strumming a song that I've been working on since I came back from the island.

"_**I dreamed I was missing**_

_**You were so scared**_

_**But no one would listen**_

'_**cause no one else cared**_

_**After my dreaming,**_

_**I woke with this fear**_

_**What am I leaving**_

_**When I'm done here?**_

_**So if you're asking me I want you to know…**_

_**When my time comes**_

_**Forget the wrong that I've done**_

_**Help me leave behind some, reasons to be missed**_

_**And don't resent me and when you're feeling empty**_

_**Keep me in your memory**_

_**Leave out all the rest**_

_**Leave out all the rest"**_

I threw my guitar down and dropped my head into my hands. I want her so bad and I want her to love me back and to be with me. How the hell am I suppose to concentrate on my music? I jumped up and walked to the kitchen to find Emmett preparing dinner.

"What are we having bro?" I asked and chuckled. He looked up and smiled.

"What the hell is so funny, Cullen?" he asked me and I couldn't help but laugh louder.

"It's the first time I see you cook dude, remember when Bella was in hospital, it was either me that cooked or we had take out. When is it Bella's turn?" I asked him and this time he laughed.

"Bella can't cook. It's the only thing she can't do. She'll probably burn the house down if you leave it up to her," he explained.

"So if you can't cook…" I said.

"Jake used to cook. When he couldn't and I wasn't around, they either went out or ordered in. Bella is terrible in the kitchen, and makes a fucking mess of everything," he said laughing. Just hearing Jakes name pissed me off.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going out tonight, don't wait up okay," I said and Emmett's eyes widened.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked and I shrugged my shoulders. Jake was Emmett's friend and I didn't want him to know my annoyance with his dead friend.

"Nah, I need to get out and get drunk." I said and Emmett doubled over in laughter.

"Dude, you're fucking jealous of a dead guy. Don't give me that look. And you don't need to just get drunk you need to get laid. Seriously dude, go out and get laid." He said. I turned around to walk to my room, and when I passed Bella's door I heard her sobbing. I placed the palm of my hand on her door and closed my eyes as if I could feel her through the door, as if I could comfort her. I sighed and let my hand fall. She's crying for Jake and longing for his touch, not mine. I slammed the door behind me.

**Bella's POV**

I walked into my room and my body relaxed. I can feel Jake in this room and it comforts me sometimes, but right now, it's not helping. I crawled onto my bed and pulled my body into a ball. I miss him so much and I wish he were here. I cried out in pain and let the tears run down my face onto my pillow. Images of Jake went through my mind and I placed my hand on my heart grabbing my shirt into my fist. If only it didn't hurt so bad, if only I could think about him without any pain. Edward's face replaced Jake's and I gasped for air. I tried to shake his image out of my head but couldn't. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I saw Edward's eyes filled with pain and I cried again.

I took a long hot shower and felt like going out. I reached for my phone and dialed Rosalie's number.

"Hallo," she answered.

"Rose, it's Bella. I was wondering if you'd like to go out tonight. I need to get out of this house," I said and heard her chuckle.

"Um…okay. Will Emmett be joining us?" she asked and I sighed. I actually wanted it to be a girl's night, but maybe my brother could also use a night out. I grinned when I thought of something.

"I guess, but I'm not inviting him, if you want him to come you're going to have to phone him and ask him yourself. See you in an hour," I answered her and hung up. Now I can only hope that she has the guts to phone him. Either way, I'm going out and I'm going to have fun. I still had the towel wrapped around my body and quickly ran to Emmett. He was standing in front of the oven and I chuckled. He turned around to look at me and a big smile spread across his face.

"Guess who phoned me?" he asked.

"Who?" I asked back acting as if I didn't know.

"Rose," he said and I acted surprised. He looked at me before he continued, "Yeah, she wants all of us to go out together. I'll phone her back with the details. I don't know where we can go," he said and laughed. I knew exactly where I wanted to go and I have an idea it's where Emmett wants to go. It will shock the hell out of Rose.

"Fun House," we said in unison and doubled over in laughter. Edward joined us in the kitchen and I noticed how he kept staring at me. I huffed silently and lifted my chin.

"I miss that place so much, especially the drunken basketball," I said and Emmett nodded.

"I miss the local music. I'll phone Rose now," he said. I felt Edward's eyes on me and blushed. I totally forgot that I only had a towel wrapped around me. I blushed crimson and ran up the stairs. I wanted to get away quickly, but still heard Edward chuckle.

I walked into my closet and went through my clothes. I finally decided on a pink pleated skirt over fishnet stockings and my _14-eye Doc Martins. _I grabbed a black tank top with a pink skull on the front and pulled it over my head. I darkened my eyes with my black eye-shadow. I left my hair straight and took my heavy studded bow cuff, and wrapped it around my wrist. I felt ready for the night and was somewhat excited.

Emmett and Edward were waiting in the living room and felt embarrassed for taking so long. Edward didn't even look up and I had to fight to pull my eyes away from him. He looked so sexy in his ruined black jeans, sneakers and black and red hoodie. I couldn't help myself from staring. I heard him chuckle and felt my cheeks turn red.

"We've invited Edward, Jasper and Alice." Emmett said and I felt my stomach turn. We don't even speak to each other, and why would he except the invitation if he wants nothing to do with me? Edward is the most complicated man I've ever met. Emmett was dressed in black cargo pants, white tee with a black skull in front and his low _all-star sneakers. _We were waiting for Rose and them in silence. Of course, Emmett couldn't contain his big smile and it was somewhat contagious. The doorbell rang and Emmett ran to the door. When Emmett was out of sight, I heard Edward sigh and I looked at him.

"Bella…" he started saying, but Emmett came back with Rose by his side. I wondered what he wanted to say, but when I saw Rosalie's cocktail dress I freaked out.

"What the hell Rose? We're not going to some fancy dress-up club, we're going to Fun House. Damn girl, we need to fix this," I said and saw Emmett's eyes give me a warning but I ignored him.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" she asked innocently and before Emmett could answer, I pulled her by her arm.

"Everything. Fun House is a punk rock club; it's not the Loft. There's a basketball hoop at the back of the club for crying out loud. Seriously Rose, we're punk rockers," I said maybe a bit too harshly, but at least I heard Edward chuckle. I pulled her towards the stairs and we went to my room. Luckily, Rose and I was the same shoe size. I pulled out my phone and dialed Alice's number.

"We're on our way Bella," she answered. I rolled my eyes knowing Alice; they're half an hour away.

"I need your help. Can you stop by your boutique?" I asked her.

"What do you need?" she asked and I grinned. I quickly explained to her what I wanted and in what size I wanted it.

"I'm on it, see you soon," she said and hung up.

"Rose come sit here at my dressing table and I'll start with your hair while we're waiting for Alice," I said but her eyes only widened. I wanted to laugh at her expression; she looked terrified as if I was going to slaughter her or something. I walked to her and pulled her by her arms towards the dressing table. I turned her away from the mirror, so she wouldn't say anything while I did her hair and make-up.

"Bella, I'm just a little worried about what you want to do," she started saying and I laughed.

"You don't even know what I want to do so just relax. I won't do anything weird okay, but you're going to look like a punk rocker when I'm done with you." I said and grinned.

I started to straight all the curls out of her hair. She really went through a lot of trouble to look beautiful tonight, but I know my brother's taste and he's going to love what I have in store for this blonde. I made an enormous bubble on the top of her head. I used dark red eye shadow for her eyes and applied black eye shadow around her eyes for the smoky look. It looked hot, almost firey. I used blood red lip-gloss for her lips that went well with her pale skin.

I searched through my jewelry box for some earrings and leather cuffs. When I pulled out the heavy studded leather cuffs, Rose's eyes widened even more and I couldn't help but laugh. I stacked her wrist with three studded cuffs and replaced her diamond earrings with huge black ring earrings that had little skulls on. Rose became paler by the minute and I had to control myself not to burst out in laughter.

Alice barged into the room out of breath and gasped when she laid eyes on Rose.

"Wow, this is a huge improvement. Rose you look amazing, well your make-up anyways," Alice said and I saw Rose's smile.

Alice wore simple black ruined skinny jeans and a white of the shoulder graffiti tee with _10-eye Marcie zip Doc Martins. _Her hair pointed in every direction and her make-up wasn't as dark as Rose and mine. I walked Rose into my closet and she stripped down. I pulled the black skinny leather pants out of the bag that Alice brought and Rose's eyes widened in horror. Alice chuckled and I warned Rose with my eyes, and she quickly pulled the pants on.

"You should switch to leather pants Rose it shows off your sexy ass," Alice said honestly and I couldn't agree more.

I threw her the red off the shoulder shirt that had a black skull on the front and she quickly pulled it over her head. I placed my _Diva Viviana doc Martins _in front of her and her eyes lit up. I thought she would at least love the boots and I was right. She pulled it over her pants and when she was fully dressed, both Alice and me gasped. She looked amazing and I motioned for her to go look in the mirror. As she slowly walked to the mirror, I couldn't help but laugh at the expression on her face. She stood in front of the mirror with wide eyes and walked closer to touch the mirror with her hand as if she wanted to make sure that it was her standing there. A big smile started spreading across her face and it only grew bigger and bigger.

"Bella, I…I…I…" she said stumbling over her words. I patted her back and chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Now let's go," I said and we all laughed together.

We went back to the living room where the men waited for us and when Emmett saw Rose his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. I knew he would love this look on Rose and felt proud of myself for doing something good for him and Rose. Emmett walked to Rose and took one of her hands in his.

"You look so fucking sexy; I'm not letting you out of my sight. I might loose you and I don't even have you yet," he said and we all bursted out in laughter.

"You already have me Emmett," she whispered to him and the look on Emmett's face was priceless.

Jasper and Alice went in their car and the rest of us went in Edward's Volvo. Emmett demanded in sitting at the back with Rose so I had no choice but to sit in front with Edward. Edward cleared his throat and asked me how we found the Fun House.

"Um...Jake worked there before we started the band and it was where our first performance was. We always feel welcome there and there's this amazing atmosphere especially when you had a couple of beers and you have to shoot some hoops. It's so much fun, I miss it a lot, and the best part is, the beer is cheap," I said and heard him chuckle.

"Well here we are, let's go, and have some fun," Emmett said and my heartbeat accelerated. It's been so long since we've been here.

When we entered the club, most of the locals cheered us and my heart skipped a beat. We just smiled and waved at everyone. We went to the outdoor patio and took a seat. I have really missed this place and can't believe that I've stayed away so long. The men went to the bar to get us some beers. There was a local band playing and they sounded good.

"They want us to perform a song after these dude's are done, are you up for it?" Emmett asked when they returned with our beers.

"You know I'm always up for it, but we don't have instruments here." I explained but he told me that we could use the local's instruments.

Edward gave me a beer and I took a huge sip from the bottle. I felt nervous all of a sudden to perform in front of Edward. Maybe it's because I feel so exposed in front of him and when I'm singing I'm exposing myself more. Everyone was having their own conversations ignoring me and Edward. He came to sit next to me and I could feel my body shivering. I couldn't help but notice how every man in the club stared at Rose and I knew I did something right with her outfit, not that she didn't look good before, it just wasn't suited for a punk rock club.

"Rose looks beautiful," I said to Edward leaning against him. He chuckled and I frowned. What could be so funny?

"I wouldn't know Bella. You're the only one I notice. I don't see anyone else, only you." He said and I gasped. Shit, he knows exactly what to say to make me feel good.

"We've got royalty in the house," Embry the manager shouted and could feel my cheeks turning red. Yes, we were a famous band and everything, but this was like a second home to us. They never treated us differently and I feel embarrassed to be addressed as royalty, even though I know Embry is joking.

"The Punk Rocking Skulls is here people, and they would like to perform, what do you think?" he shouted and everyone cheered. Emmett and me walked to the stage and smiled.

"I know this is painful, but we lost a very dear friend seven weeks ago. He worked here for two years and finally made these two people famous. He was the manager of The Punk Rocking Skulls and this beautiful young woman's fiancé. We will miss him every fucking day. You're in our memories bro. To Jacob Black," he shouted and everyone cheered. He turned to me and motioned with his hand to the mic and I went and stood behind it. I felt my hands shaking; no actually, my whole body was shaking in nervousness. I could see Edward and he looked straight at me. I picked up a guitar and adjusted the mic stand to the exact height. My thumb strummed through the strings and I felt excited.

"Um…guys this song is called 4 real," I said and started strumming the intro. I looked straight at Edward and he smiled at me. I started singing and lost myself in the song and in Edward's eyes.

"_**If I show you**_

_**Get to know you**_

_**If I hold you just for today**_

_**I'm not gonna wanna let go**_

_**I'm not gonna wanna go home**_

_**Tell me you feel the same**_

'_**Cause I'm for real**_

_**Are you for real?**_

_**I can't help myself**_

_**It's the way I feel**_

_**When you look me in the eyes like you did last night**_

_**I can't stand to hear you say goodbye**_

_**But it feels so right**_

'_**Cause it feels so right just to have you standing by my side**_

_**So don't let me go**_

'_**Cause you have my soul**_

_**And I just wanted you to know**_

_**I don't wanna look back**_

'_**Cause I know that we have**_

_**Something the past could never change**_

_**And I'm stuck in the moment**_

_**And my heart is open**_

_**Tell me that you feel the same**_

_**Hold (hold) me down (me down)**_

_**Hold (hold) me now**_

_**I'm safe (I'm safe)**_

_**I'm sound (sound)**_

_**When you're around**_

_**Hold (hold) me down (me down)**_

_**Hold (hold) me now**_

_**I'm safe (I'm safe)**_

_**I'm sound (sound)"**_

Everyone cheered when the last notes died. Edward's eyes never left mine and when he applauded us with the crowd, my heart started racing.

"Guys thank you so much." I said out of breath and waved while walking of the tiny stage. My hands were still shaking as I walked to Edward. He reached for my hand and it sent my heart fluttering when he leaned into me and whispered into my ear, "I'm for real Bella, I'm waiting for you." I gasped and looked straight into his eyes.

"How did you know?" I asked him. How could he know that the song was for him? He only chuckled and winked.

"Guys, let's grab a shot of tequila," Jasper suggested and I felt excited. I haven't had tequila in a long time.

"Yeah, a couple of tequila shots and then we head for the basketball hoop" Emmett, said while laughing.

We were laughing loudly and enjoying our evening. After about five tequila shots we headed for the basketball hoop. Rose was really tipsy and Emmett threw her the ball without thinking clearly, and it bounced against her head. All of us doubled over in laughter at Rose's expression. She looked lost and it didn't take her long to think about what happened before she joined in the laughter. We tried to shoot some hoops, but we laughed more than anything else. Edward and I walked to the bar hand in hand and I saw Embry glaring at me. He made me feel guilty so I quickly pulled my hand away as I saw Embry walking towards us. Edward furrowed his brow in confusion and I couldn't look into his eyes. Edward clenched his jaw and walked away. I wanted to cry but Embry pulled me by my hand. I don't blame him Jake was his best friend.

"What the fuck Bella?" he asked me furiously. I let my head fall in embarrassment.

"I'm so confused Embry. I miss Jake with all my heart and you know I loved him, but this guy he…he makes me forget about Jake and all the pain I have over loosing Jake. You have no clue what I've been through," I explained and felt like crying but quickly swallowed back the tears.

"Yeah right, and what about Jake? How much did you really love him if you can forget about him in such a short time?" he asked sarcastically and I suddenly felt anger fill my body.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Don't you think I feel guilty enough, as it is Embry? I'm alive and he's dead. I don't want to forget about him, but it's just so fucking painful to remember. I loved him with all of me, with everything I had…" I said but my voice broke and I started crying. The excruciating pain was back and the familiarity of it almost made me relax. It's not suppose to be this way, I'm suppose to be happy, but I'm not. I feel guilty every time I smile or every time Edward touches me. Embry wrapped his arms around me and gently rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean it. I miss him so much and when I saw you with another man, I freaked out. I know life goes on and I truly want you to be happy again, I know it's what Jake would have wanted, but Bella if you're still mourning Jake's death you won't have a healthy relationship with this dude. Get through Jake's death and everything that happened," he said.

"Thanks Embry, I miss him to. It's weird not having him around, I see him everywhere and feel him everywhere. I can still smell him and hear his laughter. Why did he have to die?" I cried out into his chest.

"Don't know Bells, everything has a purpose in life. Someday you will know the purpose of Jake's death," he said and excused himself. The bar was really busy and he had to help. I grabbed myself a couple of beers and didn't return to our table. I downed a couple of beers instead, because I knew I wouldn't be able to face Edward sober. I felt like an ass for how I've treated him. My head was twirling and everything started to blur. I made my way to our table but tripped. I felt someone catching me and when I tried to focus, I saw two green eyes look at me.

"You're drunk?" he said accusingly and I giggled.

"No shit," I slurred.

"Emmett, will you catch a ride with Jasper, I'm taking your sister back home," he said and I heard Emmett's laughter and then he agreed. Edward placed his arm around my waist to help me walk and I felt like such an idiot. I didn't say goodbye to Embry or anyone else, I felt to ashamed of myself. Edward helped me into his car and when he got into the drivers side he turned to look at me.

"You're so beautiful," I said to him but he didn't even smile.

"If that's the truth why do you feel ashamed to be seen with me?" he asked and I let my head fall, not that it was hard to do, I felt so drunk that my head fell on it's own. I wanted to laugh at myself but remembered that Edward was waiting for an answer.

"Not ashamed…guilty…Ja…" I slurred.

"Bella, please don't say his name right now. I won't be able to control myself," he said and started the engine. He drove in silence and I could only stare at him. When we stopped at our home, he got out and opened my door to help me out. We went into the house and he helped me up the stairs to my room. I fell on my bed and he picked my feet up to take my shoes of. I giggled a few times and saw a crooked smile form on his face. He pulled me to my feet and kneeled in front of me, I gasped when I felt his hands go under my skirt to pull down my fishnet stockings. I stared into his eyes and he swallowed, but he only continued to pull down the stockings.

**Edward's POV**

My hands trembled while I pulled her stockings down. I just want to help her get rid of the uncomfortable clothes, but in the mean time, I'm going crazy. I want her so bad, but she only wants Jake. I threw the stockings into the corner and she fell back down on the bed giggling. I couldn't help but smile, she looked so beautiful. I unzipped the skirt and she lifted herself up so I could pull the skirt down. Her eyes were closed but I noticed her chest heaving up and down, and I wanted to kiss her so badly. She makes me crazy and I won't be able to control myself around her.

"Will you be okay with the shirt on?" I asked her and she slowly opened her eyes to look into mine.

"Are you leaving if I say, yes?" she asked me and my heart tightened. I don't want to leave, but I can't stand to lie next to her and hear her call out Jake's name.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked her instead and she shook her slowly.

"Urg Bella, you're driving me insane. Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are right now and how much I want you?" I asked and pulled my hands through my hair. This is so frustrating.

"I don't feel sexy, but if you want me why don't you just take me?" she said and it felt like someone poured cold water over me.

"No Bella, I won't just take you, I'm not some fucking looser that's going to take advantage of you while you're drunk. Bella, you don't see yourself through my eyes, you're the most amazing person I know, and you are sexy. I'm not staying with you tonight, I'm sorry." I said and walked out of her room.

She just knows how to piss me off. Maybe it's for the best, I wouldn't have been able to control myself if I stayed in her bed tonight. The image of her long sexy legs in front of me keeps haunting me. Even the cold shower that I took didn't help to cool me off. I was about to drift off to sleep when I heard Bella's screaming and I felt my heart race in fear. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to her room. I turned on the light and saw Bella's body curled into a ball and painful sobs escaped her mouth. I rushed to her side and pulled her into my arms. I gently stroked her hair while I tried to hush her.

"Do you want to tell me about it love?" I asked her softly and she sighed.

"I see them when I close my eyes and then I smell them, oh Edward I feel them breathing on me and I can smell their breaths and their sweat," she said and I felt my body shake from rage. This is the first time that Bella has spoken directly to me about what she sees or dreams, not that it was clear to me what has happened to her, but it's hard to listen to what she has to deal with. I closed my eyes when I felt tears form and tightened my hold on her.

"Please don't leave me," she begged and I swallowed.

"Never," I promised and heard her sigh. I helped her back under the sheets and crawled in beside her. I pulled her body against mine and she snuggled into my chest.

"Edward, I know I can't promise you anything now, but I promise you that I'll get better. I'll get better for you." She said and my arms tightened around her.

I kissed her forehead and whispered, "Promise me that you'll get better for yourself love, not for me."

"Promise," she said and her voice sounded lazy. I felt her breathing deeply and knew she was sleeping. It felt good to have her in my arms and I never wanted to let go. I love her so much and I know that I've never felt this way before. I love Bella with all of my heart and I can only hope that she'll heal and give me a chance. I drifted to sleep with the woman I love in my arms and couldn't be happier.

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Songs are owned by Avril Lavigne and Metallica!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

**Bella's POV**

It was the night of my first concert since Jake's death. I was a little nervous and felt my insides turn. I've decided on a simple outfit, black knee shorts with a silver belt, a black tee with a silver star on the front and _low Chuck Taylor all-star sneakers. _I straightened my hair and made a middle path. My make-up was the usual smoky eyes with no lip-gloss this time. I put multiple black and silver bracelets on my wrist and placed huge black ring earrings in my ears.

I've never heard Edward sing now that I think about it and was excited in hearing him tonight. I heard him play the piano and even his guitar, but never heard him sing.

"Bella, are you ready?" Emmett asked me excitedly. He's been looking forward to this concert since Jasper told us about it. He looks really happy now that his relationship with Rose are starting to get serious. It's good, because once I leave, he'll need someone that can help him around. I'm just worried about Edward now.

"Bella," Emmett said impatiently.

"Sorry, yeah I'm ready. Let's rock," I said and he laughed.

When we walked onto the stage our fans went crazy, and I must admit that I've really missed it. People were jumping up and down and screaming out our names. My heartbeat accelerated and I felt my adrenalin pump. I was caught off guard by my emotions when I suddenly missed Jake. I remembered when he used to wait backstage and grabbed me in his arms and we would make out like teenagers. Everything became silent when they saw my expression and by the looks on some of their faces, I must really look bad. Well I felt bad; the pain in my chest was back and felt worse than ever. I felt Emmett's arms around me and whispered into my ear, asking if I was okay. I explained to him what I was feeling and he nodded. He understands the feelings, because he is feeling it too. He kissed my forehead and went back to his drums.

"It's so good to stand on this stage again. I hope you enjoy the evening," I shouted and the crowd screamed and whistled. I started strumming the strings of my guitar and started playing the intro. I closed my eyes and saw only one face in front of me, Edward. My heart raced in excitement and when I started singing, I felt every word of my song.

"_**I'm sorry if this hurts you,**_

_**But I tried to keep what we had once.**_

_**I was wrong it wasn't keeping me awake,**_

_**You didn't listen you didn't listen**_

_**You didn't hear me you didn't hear me**_

_**When I said I want more I got no more,**_

_**You weren't stealing me away**_

_**It's not enough it's not enough to give me what it is I want**_

_**It's not enough it's not enough to get me everything I need**_

_**And I wish it was I think it's time to give this up**_

_**Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh**_

_**Ohhhhh**_

_**All the memories that we're losing**_

_**All the time that I spent with you everyday**_

_**I think is running down the drain**_

_**I'm feeling that we're fading**_

_**Don't make this as hard as you think it would be it's a lot easier than it seems yeah"**_

It felt like I was singing that song for Edward, and was nervous to go backstage where he was waiting. He always sees through everything I plan and everything I do. He knows me so well and it scares me. The fans were still crazy and I only had the courage to wave at them. I know I won't be able to speak to them, I might just burst into tears and that's the last thing I want. I'm not ready to talk about the death of Jake in front of people, so instead I just walked off the stage to the backstage.

Edward waited for me as he said he would and pulled me into his arms. He made me feel so safe and so worthy of love. I just hope that he won't hate me after tonight. He brushed his lips against mine and chuckled when I sighed loudly.

"I'll be back love," he whispered and walked to the stage. He wore black cargo pants with a white graffiti tee and black sneakers.

**Edward's POV**

The crowd learned to love me over the couple of weeks when Bella was in a coma, so I wasn't nervous about standing in front of them tonight. My music is a bit different from Bella's but everyone seems to like it. She was amazing, I couldn't take my eyes of her while she performed, but I can't wait to get home though, to ask her about the last song she sang, I could swear she was trying to say something to me and I want to know what. I strummed a melody on my guitar while talking to the crowd.

"This is one of my new songs and I hope you guys enjoy it," I said and started playing the intro of my song. I closed my eyes and saw an image of Bella's eyes filled with pain when I started singing.

"_**Lay beside me, tell me what they've done**_

_**Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run**_

_**The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true**_

_**If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you**_

_**Lay beside me, under wicked sky**_

_**The black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze**_

_**The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through**_

_**Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through**_

_**No, there's no sun shining through**_

_**No, there's no sun shining…**_

_**What I've felt, what I've known**_

_**Sick and tired, I stand alone**_

_**Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you**_

_**Or are you unforgiven too?**_

_**Lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear**_

_**She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again**_

_**She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone**_

_**Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone**_

_**Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone**_

_**Dead sure she'll be there…**_

_**What I've felt, what I've known**_

_**Turn the pages, turn the stone**_

_**Behind the door, should I open it for you…?"**_

When my voice ended, the crowd went wild. They applauded me and I felt my heart race. This is almost the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I waved at the crowd while walking backstage with Emmett right behind me.

"We rocked you guys. They loved us," Emmett said excited.

"Yeah we did, but I'm so exhausted right now. I just wanna go home and rest," Bella said. We were working really hard practicing for this concert and I feel the same exhaustion as her. All of us agreed and went back home. I've been sleeping in Bella's bed ever since the night we came from Fun House. We never did anything; she only slept in my arms. She never dreamed about Jake, well not that I knew of, because she didn't scream out his name which made me extremely happy. When we arrived home, she excused herself and explained that she wanted to take a shower.

I know she's up to something, I can feel it. She's turning into the old Bella again and it scares me. She's slipping away from me and I can already feel my heart breaking. I want to tell her about Allison, I need to tell her tonight.

**Bella's POV**

I closed my bedroom door behind me and locked it. I don't have a lot of time. Edward knows I'm up to something, I saw the confused look on his face when I excused myself. I grabbed two suitcases and started packing my clothes. I only need a few outfits; I'll buy new clothes when I get to my destination.

When I opened one of my drawers, I gasped and my hand reached for my throat. I felt tears sting my eyes and they started rolling down my cheeks. I slowly reached for the little black box that held my engagement ring. How could I have forgotten about this?They took the ring of at the hospital and Emmett came home to search for the box. He kept it for me the whole time and when I came out of hospital, he gave it to me. I just threw it in the drawer along with the DVD of Jake's funeral, too broken to open the box. I fell on my knees while tears streamed down my face remembering the day Jake proposed to me.

_Jake wanted me to meet him on the beach and when I arrived, I was in awe. He created a path with red rose petals that led me __to him, where he was lying on a big blanket on the beach. My heart started pounding against my chest as I thought about how much I loved him. He looked up when I was halfway and smiled at me. He rested his upper body on his elbow when I reached the blanket. I fell to my knees and leaned in for a kiss, which was filled with so much passion that I wanted to scream out for more, but he ended the kiss and stared into my eyes. Love and passion filled his eyes and I felt my heart race in excitement. _

"_Mr. Black, what are you up to?" I asked him but he only grinned and pulled me in for another kiss. I moaned when his warm lips rested on mine and our lips started moving together. As our breathing became heavy, Jake pulled away before we could get out of hand. _

_He cleared his throat and looked into my eyes, "Bella, you know that I love you more than my own life. I've loved you since we were little kids, running around and playing. You are such an amazing person and I love you more everyday. I can't live without you Bella, you're like the air that I breathe and I need you every second of every day." He said seriously and I knew he had something heavy on his heart. He got up from his elbow and moved onto one knee as he pulled a little black box out of his pocket. He opened the black box and I gasped when I looked at the beautiful ring, it was a silver band which consisted of multiple black diamonds. It was so beautiful. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are my everything, I love you so much and I want to spend forever with you. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asked and tears rolled down my cheeks. _

"_Yes, Jake. I'll marry you," I said and he pulled me into his arms and kissed me fiercely laughing in-between. "You just made me the happiest man on the planet." He said while kissing me all over my face. He took my left hand in his and placed the ring on my finger. _

A few weeks after Jake proposed, I started having doubts of marrying him. I felt that we were still so young and it would be a mistake to get married. We had many arguments over this matter, but I never budged. Jake couldn't find a good enough reason to speed things up. I feel so guilty for not marrying him sooner, at least I would have given him something in return for everything he has done for me, but no, I had to be selfish and only think about myself. I never considered his feelings about marriage, I only considered my own. If only I could turn back time, I'd marry Jake right away and make him so happy. A raw sob escaped my throat and the familiar pain returned to my chest. "_I'm so sorry Jake. I miss you so much,"_ I whispered softly.

I stood up and finished my packing while crying my eyes out. I don't know if I'll have the strength to leave tomorrow morning, or if I have the strength to do this on my own. Edward and Emmett has been keeping me together and I'm so afraid that I'll break down once I leave, but maybe that's what I need. I just know that I have to get away from here and away from Edward. I'm not healthy right now and I'll only bring him down with me. It's the only way. I hid the suitcases in my closet and made sure I had everything. I went downstairs to spend the last night with Emmett. I felt my heart ache at the thought of my brother; I'm going to miss him terribly. He's like my rock, and I've never needed him more than I do right now, but I'm only hurting him in the process. I went to the music room where I heard Edward and Emmett playing.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" I asked them and the both looked up. Edward's face lit up when he looked at me and I wanted to run to him, but instead I just smiled and kept my distance. I saw the confused look on his face but ignored it.

"I'm writing a song," Edward said and I couldn't ignore the hurt in his eyes. I hate myself for doing this to him, but if I leave now he may find someone else and I could spare him a lot of pain. I'm not good for him right now, and I hope he'll see it.

"Aren't you guys tired?" I asked them and when they both grinned I continued, "I mean we just did a two-hour concert. I know I'm pretty exhausted."

"Bells, we need to get this out of our heads you know?" Emmett said and noticed for the first time that he was also writing.

"Sorry Em, I just don't know how you guys can think. I'm too tired to do anything," I said, but Emmett ignored me and continued with his writing.

"I just had to write this down while the words are in my head," Edward explained and I could understand that, I mean it happens to me all the time. Sometimes I'll get up in the middle of the night to write lyrics or music.

"Anything interesting?" I asked and he nodded his head in excitement. I walked closer to him where he was sitting at the piano and rested my hand on his shoulder. I could feel his body shivering under my hand and I quickly pulled my hand back. He sighed loudly and let his head fall.

"It's a surprise Bella," Edward said while he covered the two sheets. I just nodded my head and turned around to leave. While they were so busy in the music room, I could maybe sneak out my suitcases, it would spare me a couple of minutes if I do it now.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"I'm going to make coffee, would you like some?" I asked them and they both nodded and went back to their music. When I left the music room, I ran to my room to get the suitcases. Luckily, they had wheels so I pushed them easily. I didn't make a sound and when I threw the cases into the trunk of my car I sighed in relieve. I went back into the house and barely made it to the kitchen when Edward came looking for me. My insides were trembling out of nervousness and if he looked into my eyes right now, he'd see that something's up. I kept my head down while I poured coffee from the percolator.

"Bella," he whispered and I had to look up. How can I run away when he looks at me with so much love and adoration? I'm crazy about him, but I know I'll fuck his life up if I stay. So, I forced myself to look away.

"What?" I asked him a bit harshly. I'm ruining everything, even the friendship I have with this wonderful man. My head fell and I sighed. "I'm sorry I'm such a bitch, I'm having a really tough day, and I'm taking it out on you. I'm fucking everything up and making it worse, not only for myself but for you and Emmett as well." I simply said. I was beginning to feel pissed at the routine of apologizing every day and it sickens me to know what kind of person I've become. I'm struggling to live with myself, how can I expect Edward or Emmett to live with me.

"I'm sorry you're having a tough day, I wish I could make it better, but Bella you're not making anything worse for me and definitely not fucking anything up." He said with his velvety voice, trying to comfort me. "I have a surprise for you, will you come with me?" he asked me. I could only nod as he took my hand in his and leading me upstairs to his room. I fell on the black sofa in his room while he grabbed his guitar. My heartbeat picked up while he sat on the floor right in front of me and brought his guitar to his body.

"I wrote you a song Bells," he said using my brothers nickname for me. "I'm going to sing it for you now, but it's your song, I want you to sing it and perform it. It's the only thing I have to give to you because you don't want anything else from me," he explained and I wanted to jump into his arms and explain that it wasn't the case, but I only stared into his mesmerizing eyes and smiled. His beautiful long fingers started playing on the strings and my heart started pounding wildly. He closed his eyes while he played the intro and I could only stare at his beauty, it was astonishing. I wanted to reach out so bad and touch every little detail on his face, but folded my arms across my chest instead and clenched my fists. He started singing and his velvet voice made me crazy.

" _**Darlin'**_

_**You're hiding in the closet once again,**_

_**Start smiling**_

_**I know you're trying**_

_**Real hard not to turn your head away**_

_**Pretty darlin'**_

_**Face tomorrow, tomorrow is not yesterday**_

_**Yesterday oh oooooh**_

_**Pretty please**_

_**I know it's a drag**_

_**Wipe your eyes and put up your head**_

_**I wish you could be happy instead**_

_**There's nothing else I can do**_

_**But love you the best that I can**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah yeah**_

_**Darlin'**_

_**I was there, once a while ago**_

_**I know**_

_**That it's hard to be stuck with**_

_**People that you love**_

_**When nobody trusts**_

_**You're not the only one who's been through**_

_**I've been there alone and now so are you**_

_**I just want you to know, want you to know it's not your fault**_

_**It's not your fault**_

_**Your fault, your fault**_

_**It's not your fault**_

_**Your fault, your fault, your fault"**_

Tears streamed down my face when he stopped singing. Every word in this song is for me, and he wrote it for me. His eyes stared into mine and I could only see love in his.

"Thank you so much Edward, it's the best thing you could have ever given me. I love every word of the song and I'll always cherish it." I whispered and reached for his hand. He placed his guitar next to him on the ground and took my hand, pulling me onto his lap. I cradled myself into his chest while his arms wrapped around me. Tears flowed freely from my eyes and I knew it was because it was probably the last time I would get the chance to feel Edward's arms around me. I don't know if I'll get this chance again, so I took advantage of it. I felt so safe in his arms almost like I feel in the ocean. He kissed me repeatedly on my head while stroking my hair lightly. I lifted my head to look into his eyes and it felt like I was drowning in them. My hands locked behind his neck and I slowly pulled him to me. When his lips touched mine, I felt electricity go through my body. I ran my fingers through his hair and carefully locked my fingers in them. He moaned softly as I pulled him closer to me. Our lips brushed against each other's and when I parted my lips for him he slipped his tongue in and started exploring my mouth. Our tongues fought with each other while our breathing became inconstant. Edward sighed and I knew he was going to pull away, which made me frustrated on the one hand and happy on the other. I wasn't ready for intimacy, I know that and Edward knows that. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine, and sighed loudly.

"You'll be the death of me Bella," he said out of breath and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked him and silently prayed that he won't say no. I'm going to miss him so much and I needed him to hold me one last time.

"Yeah I will, I wanted to talk to you anyways," he simply said.

"It sounds serious, are you okay?" I asked him and noticed how the expressions on his face changed. There was pain written all over his face and sadness smothered his eyes. I wanted to die seeing him so sad and I was extremely thankful for not knowing the painful Edward, the one he left in Brazil.

"It is serious, but I'll talk to you in your room. I'm going to take a quick shower and then I'll come to your room," he said and I nodded. I stood up from his lap and went to find Emmett. I wanted to be with him before I leave. I went to the living room where he was watching a game and when I entered the room, a huge smile spread across his face.

"Hey you," I said and he grinned.

"Hey, what have you two been up to?" he asked me and I felt my cheeks turn red and heard Em chuckle before he continued, "never mind, I can see what's going on just by your blush." Why do I feel so guilty about being with Edward? It feels like I'm cheating on Jake and I hate feeling this way, I hate the guilt.

"Em, can I talk to you?" I asked and his face became serious and nodded, so I continued. "I've been missing Jake a lot today; I found my engagement ring," I said and started crying. "I can't believe I have forgotten about it. I've been home for almost three weeks and not once did I miss the ring. I feel so guilty, as if I've pushed Jake away and forgotten all about him. It feels like I'm cheating on him with Edward," I said and felt tears sting my eyes.

"Bells, don't feel guilty about Jake. You probably forgot about the ring because it would bring back painful memories and I know for a fact that you weren't ready to marry Jake. It was a huge problem in your relationship with Jake and I know even after you found out that you were pregnant that you still haven't considered marrying him. Plus life goes on Bella, you can't keep doing this to yourself you know?" he answered, but didn't make me feel better.

"I know Em, but it's still hard. It's only been three weeks for me and I miss him terribly. The engagement ring did bring back painful memories, and I couldn't even put it back on my finger," I said and he nodded. I placed the ring back into the black box and threw it in my suitcase.

"Bells, what about Edward?" he asked me and my head fell as I sighed loudly.

"I'm crazy about him," I said honestly and felt the warm tears roll down my cheeks. I knew it was the truth, I felt it in my heart, but for now, it wasn't enough to keep me here.

"But then what's the problem?" he asked me confused.

"I'm not well Emmett. I mean, I'm screwed up. I can't give him a healthy relationship right now. Plus whenever I'm around him I forget about Jake which is not good right now, I need to morn his death and get over it in a healthy way Em. Right now, I'm so confused and I know I'm only going to hurt Edward," I answered him as honest as I could and felt the hole in my chest growing.

"Bells please don't leave me," he begged and my head snapped up.

"How…" I asked him but he interrupted me before I could finish my question.

"I know you better then I know myself, we're twins remember." He said with a grin and continued, "I can see that you're up to something, but I'm begging you not to go. We'll work everything out together Bells, I need you too you know?" he said and saw the tears form in his eyes.

"Em I'm sorry, I can't. I can't stay here in Edwards' presence and get over Jake and the...the rapes. I need to be alone, away from Edward. Plus you are always around, I rely on you way too much. I have to learn to stand on my own two feet. I have to learn to fight for myself and stand up for myself." I explained but couldn't look into my brothers eyes as tears streamed down his cheeks. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Are you sure there's no other way?" he asked me hopeful and I felt his hands shaking while he gently rubbed my back.

"No Emmett, if I want a relationship with Edward then it's the only way. I don't want him to wait for me though, because obviously I don't know how long I'll be gone, so I'm not asking him to wait and I won't give him false hope. If I come back and he's with someone else, I'll be happy for him," I said into my brothers' chest while I silently cried.

"I understand, but this is going to kill him, do you realize that?" he asked me and I felt my body stiffen.

"You'll take care of him, just like you took care of me. I know he's in good hands with you. You're like his big brother and he will need you once I'm gone," I said smiling. I knew this was true, Emmett would never let anything happen to Edward, they are like brothers now and Emmett cares for him as he cares for me.

"I remember when I first met him, he was so depressed all the time and he looked like shit. It's going to be so hard to see him like that again, but I'll take good care of him, I promise," he said while he kissed me on my forehead.

"Thanks Em. I'm going to bed, Edwards' probably waiting for me. I love you so much," I whispered and kissed his cheek. I started walking out of the living room but Emmett's voice made me turn around and face him.

"You'll tell me when you're leaving right?" he asked hesitantly. I could only nod and look away, because he would see the truth in my eyes. I turned around and walked away from my brother while tears flowed freely down my face.

Edward's body was spread across the bed when I entered my room. He looked so sexy, with only his boxers on.

"I'm sorry I've kept you waiting," I apologized. He kept his eyes on me while I walked to the bed. I felt nervous of what he wanted to tell me since I had no idea what it's about. "Would you mind if I take a quick shower?" I asked him.

"No, take your time. I'll still be here waiting for you," he said smiling. There are new emotions in his eyes tonight and it scares me, because it's sadness and nervousness. It's not what I'm use to seeing in his eyes. I went to my bathroom and took a quick shower. I wrapped the towel around my body and realized that my clothes are in the closet and when I opened the door, I felt Edward's eyes on me. His eyes widened and I felt my cheeks turned crimson red as I hurried to my closet, pulling on pink knickers and Jake's shirt. I'm still not willing to let go of his shirt. All of his clothes are still hanging in my closet, but it doesn't bother me and I don't have the strength to throw them out now anyway. Maybe I'll be stronger if I return. It scares me that my mind keeps thinking about "if" I return and never "when" I return. I quickly shook my head to clear my thoughts so Edward wouldn't notice anything. When I returned to the bed I notice a little passion burning in his eyes and it's mixed with the sadness, love and nervousness. It's confusing to see Edward like this.

"Why do you wear this shirt all the time?" he asked me and I could feel my cheeks burn. I know he doesn't like it when I speak about Jake or think about him.

"Um…it was Jake's. It was the shirt he wore the night…the night they…they shot him," I said stumbling over words. I couldn't look into his eyes, so I kept my head down. His fingers lifted my chin up so my face was level with his and I wanted to cry when I saw the sympathy in his eyes.

"How long are you going to do this to yourself?" he asked me and I couldn't give him an honest answer. I can't tell him that I'm planning on leaving.

"Until I'm better. Look, the shirt gives me comfort in some ways just like you and Emmett gives me comfort in other ways," I said irritated and heard Edward sigh.

**Edward's POV**

"Bella I know you still miss Jacob, you don't have to feel guilty about that. I'll be here waiting for you, I'm not going anywhere," I whispered but I could see that it didn't comfort her. It looked like she was going to say something but I only heard her sigh.

"What did you want to tell me?" she asked instead. Now I needed courage to tell her my story. I'm a little freaked at what she might think and it's making me so nervous.

"Remember when you came out of hospital and I wasn't here?" I asked and she nodded. "Yeah, Alice said you were on some island in Brazil or something," she answered.

"Yeah I needed some time to myself. I was depressed all the time, I could hardly smile and when I did, it never reached my eyes. I had constant sadness in my heart and felt like dying. It felt like there was this huge hole in my chest and I can't even explain the excruciating pain I felt. That's why I know what you're going through right now, except nobody hurt me." I started to explain. I could see her brow furrow in confusion and I know it didn't make any sense that I could have felt that way.

"I know what you mean, I have that same hole in my chest, and it's killing me. The worst part is that it's getting bigger and not smaller and it gets more painful everyday," she confessed. It surprised me that she told me a little of what's going on inside her heart. What bothers me though is that her hole is getting bigger and that's not good news for me. It means that she's not getting better and it's scaring me.

"I'm sorry, this is about you so please go on," she said trying to encourage me. I felt sadness enter my heart, but it wasn't the same as before. It's much easier to think about my daughter, but I don't know if it will be easy to tell Bella about her.

"I had a daughter; she was five years old when she died." I said and felt tears sting my eyes. Bella gasped and looked shocked while she took in what I just told her. She turned pale and her eyes were full of tears now.

"How…I mean…shit, I don't know what to say." She stumbled and actually looked kind of cute. The sympathy in her eyes made me weak, and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my face and when she tried to pull me into her arms, I shook my head. I wanted to get this out before I changed my mind.

"I drove the car that crashed into the car she was in." I said and sobbed loudly. I saw her body stiffen while her eyes widened.

"I'm doing this the wrong way; let me start at the beginning." I said and started telling her how I met Tanya and how we rushed into marriage and then the pregnancy. Bella's every facial expression was very important to me and the emotions in her eyes, so I never looked away not even for a split second. I saw so many emotions in her eyes and it fascinated me. She shared every emotion with me, when I felt sad I saw sadness in her eyes and when I felt bitter, I saw it in her eyes as well. We have so much in common; we even share the same emotions.

"Why did Tanya leave?" she asked me and the same anger I felt back then came back to the surface.

"I gave her a choice; she either stopped fucking around or I'll leave. She chose the fucking around, it wasn't a surprise actually. I knew she was cheating on me and I knew she didn't give a damn about Allison. Allison was four at the time of our separation and I decided to move back in with my parents. I was still studying music while working my ass off, and at that time, I was going to be a single dad. You have no idea how exhausted I felt. My mom and Alice helped me a lot," I sighed. I noticed how new tears rolled down Bella's cheeks and I wasn't even at the hard part yet. I felt so relieved that I could talk about this without breaking apart.

"She didn't choose your daughter?" she asked shocked.

"No, Allison was always in Tanya's way. Tanya blamed my baby-girl for everything. She wasn't a good mother to Allison and pushed her off on other people." I answered her question. I felt so angry towards Tanya that my answer probably came out to harshly, but I could see that Bella understood what I was feeling.

"What happened the day of the accident?" she asked hesitantly, but placed her hand on mine and squeezed it gently. Bella had no idea how much I'm relying on her tonight, and how she strengthens me.

I started telling her about Allison's birthday and how Tanya came to pick her up. I told her about why I was driving and how I spoke to Tanya on the phone.

"I don't remember much, but I know my phone fell out of my hands and I reached down to pick it up. I took my eyes of the road for a split second, but in that second everything changed. I heard Tanya's screams on the phone and I remember seeing headlights, and the next thing I knew I was in a head on collision." I said and I felt tears form in my eyes. I knew that what I was about to tell Bella is going to hurt me and I didn't know how she's going to take it. Bella crawled closer to me and pulled me into her arms, my head resting on her chest. I could hear her heartbeat and right now it's the best sound I've ever heard. My tears stained Jacob's shirt, but I didn't care.

"You don't have to tell me Edward. I can see that it's very hard for you and I can feel your pain and it's killing me to see you like this." She said and I could hear her voice tremble.

"Now you know how I feel. I have to see you in this kind of pain every day and I can't do anything to help you. It's driving me crazy," I said and could actually smile.

"I'm sorry you're hurting, I wish I could take it away." She said soothingly, but she didn't have to worry about me. I overcame my past and I let go of it. I faced every single step and every single memory, it's just sad to sometimes think about my daughter. I still miss her so much.

"I have no idea why I wasn't injured and why I was alive. Alice said that it's a miracle that I was even alive." I said without humor and continued. "When I escaped my car I saw that the other car was Tanya's. I can't explain to you the fear I felt as I ran to the back of the car and couldn't find my daughter. I didn't even care about Tanya. Allison must have fallen out of the car because I heard her cries a few feet from the car." I sobbed. Bella's fingers gently stroked my hair as I cried into her chest. She gently rocked me until my sobs calmed. I took a deep breath before I continued.

"When I found her body I was horrified. She was full of blood and I could see that her tiny body was broken, but she never complained about pain. I remember her tiny hands cupped my face as she told me that she doesn't have pain and that she has to go. I knew then that my daughter was leaving me, and it felt like someone ripped my chest open and removed my heart. She told me that she loved me right before she blew out her last breath." I said as raw sobs escaped my throat. This was harder than I imagined it would be, maybe it was because I told it to the woman I loved. I felt Bella's body shaking and heard her heartbeat race. She kept kissing my head while rocking me and whispering soothing words into my ear.

"I'm so sorry Edward. This is awful, I can't imagine the pain you went through," she whispered and I heard the tears in her voice. She was crying and sharing my pain with me and it made me feel complete, as if I've found my other half. When my sobs calmed I continued.

"I blamed myself for her death for almost a year. Tanya had to go to rehab and get psychiatric help. That was her punishment for killing my baby-girl." I said and heard the bitterness in my own voice. I haven't felt that emotion since Brazil and it hurts so much to feel it now.

"How did you cope? I mean, how did you go on with your life?" she asked me.

"I didn't cope at all. I couldn't talk about Allison, I couldn't even say her name out loud. I freaked out every time my family mentioned her. I took down every photo of Allison, and refused to talk about her. I started drinking a lot and my music was filled with depression and pain and sometimes bitterness. I was screwed up, completely." I explained. Her eyes were wide and she looked shocked.

"That's why I admire you so much Bella, you've been through so much more than me and you're handling yourself very well. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for," I whispered into her chest. The shirt was soaked with my tears and I grinned. Now I'm a part of this shirt too.

"Edward, it's only been three weeks. Don't put me on a pedestal yet. I'm slowly but surely starting to fall apart." She said and I could hear her heart speeding up. "Anyway, go on please. How did you get better?" she continued.

"I missed my family, especially Alice; I've pushed her away since she reminded me of Allison. The day you came out of the coma, I went to my daughter's grave and almost freaked out. I decided to go to Brazil, my dad owns an island there, but I didn't go with the intention to resolve anything. I wanted to get away from everyone and when I got to Brazil, I cried for almost two days. I was alone and didn't have to pretend anymore, I could take the mask off and it was a good thing I did. I conquered my pain and bitterness. I actually forgave myself for killing my daughter and I know now that the accident wasn't my fault." I said and lifted my head to look into Bella's eyes. I wanted to see her emotions and I wanted to see her face.

"Edward how could you have blamed yourself? I mean from what you've told me, Tanya was drunk." She whispered while cupping my face with her hands.

"Bella, I lost my daughter. Tanya crashed into my car, my car Bella. Of course, I blamed myself. I realize now that it was unnecessary, but still the guilt was there and it was fucking me up. If I handled everything differently, I would have spared myself a lot of pain." I explained knowing that I was also trying to break through to her. I know what I'm talking about, if only she'd listen to me.

Neither of us felt the need to speak, so we just lay in each other's arms. Bella's fingers ran through my hair repeatedly and it felt amazing. _Right now, we have the weirdest relationship_; I thought to myself and grinned. We're actually just friends, but she's not able to sleep through one night without me being in her bed. We kiss every now and then and sometimes passion filled our kisses so much that I felt ready to explode of it. I'm so in love with this extraordinary woman and I wanted to make her mine, but I know that I have to be patient. She's in a lot of pain and right now, she still loves Jacob and there's no way in hell that I'm going to stand in his shadows. I love her too much and refuse to share her with anyone.

"I don't blame you for your daughter's death," she started saying and I felt her lips on my head when she continued. "I'm so proud of you Edward. I know you miss your daughter, I can feel and see it, but I can also see that you are okay. You've overcome so much and I'm really, really proud of you." She whispered and I felt my heart grew.

"You have no idea how much that meant to me Bella. I was terrified of the idea to tell you about Allison because I thought you would blame me too and it will make you hate me," I said but I felt her shaking her head.

"I can never hate you Edward," she simply said. _That's it, nothing more than that _I thought to myself. I felt my lips curl up into a smile, that's so Bella. I pulled out of her arms and we both crawled into bed. I pulled her to my body and held her tightly, kissing her head a few times. I almost drifted to sleep when I heard her sobbing softly.

"Bella," I started saying, but she quickly interrupted me.

"Promise me that you'll never hate me," she begged and I had to shake my head a few times to clear the confusion out of my thoughts. What the hell was this about?

"Where did that come from?" I asked her.

"Just promise me no matter what, you'll never hate me," she said with finality and I felt fear crawl into my heart.

"Okay love, I promise. Just relax okay and try to sleep," I whispered while gently stroking her hair.

It wasn't long before I felt Bella's deep breathing and knew she was asleep. I couldn't help but think about her request, but didn't linger on it for long before I drifted to sleep.

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><p>PLEASE REVIEW!<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

_**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 13<strong>_

_**Bella's POV**_

It was still dark when I woke the next morning. Edward's arm rested on my waist and I folded my hand over his. He stirred a little in his sleep and I felt his lips on my shoulder blade, which send shivers down my body. I pulled his hand to my mouth and kissed it softly, feeling warm tears roll down my cheeks. I have to gain the strength to get out of this bed and out of Edward's life, not knowing if I'll ever see him again or if he'll wait for me, not that I'm going to ask him to. I don't know for how long I laid in his arms, memorizing the warmth of his body. I finally sighed and slowly crawled out of bed. I silently prayed that he won't wake up while I got my things together.

I went to my closet and stripped out of my clothes, pulling on plain black knee shorts with a white skull tee and _low all-star Chuck Taylor _sneakers. It was a long drive to Los Angeles and I wanted to be comfortable. I don't want to fly because I needed my car. I made sure I packed everything last night so I would only need to grab my guitar and handbag. I tiptoed to the bed and stared at Edward's face where my closets' light shined on him.  
>Tears stung my eyes while I looked at him and felt the hole in my chest growing. This is going to be so hard, now I have another painful memory to deal with, Edward Cullen. I quickly bent over and kissed him on his lips before my courage could fade. He stirred in his sleep and I quickly pulled out the letter I've written him and placed it on my pillows. I stormed out of the room and ran downstairs, where I left Emmett's letter on the coffee table in the living room, where I know he'll find it first thing when he wakes up. I closed the front door behind me and didn't look back.<p>

I started the engine of my black Ferrari and drove off. I noticed that it was 5 a.m. which means that if I don't make a lot of stops, I'll be in Redding at about 4 p.m. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw my house disappear. Tears stung my eyes and flowed freely down my face as I left all familiarity behind. Everyone I know and love is in that house and I'm going to miss them so much. I don't know if I'll ever return and for now I can only hope. I have a long way to go, not meaning my travel plans, I mean my healing process. The hole in my chest returned and it's even more painful than before. I can feel every wall I've built around my pain, breaking. The tears just keep coming as if my eyes are flooding. Edward would be waking up soon and my heart raced in fear of what I've done to him.

**Edward's POV**

My arms felt empty and it was weird, I usually woke before Bella. I slowly opened my eyes to stare at nothing, she wasn't in the bed. I quickly lifted my head and found the room empty. I yawned while I stretched out my body and when my arm came back down, it brushed against what felt like paper. I propped myself onto my elbow and found a white envelope on Bella's pillow with my name on. My heart started pounding painfully against my chest as I opened the envelope, revealing a letter with Bella's handwriting.

**My dearest Edward**

I closed my eyes when I read the first line. My heart is breaking into a million pieces already and I've only read the first line, but I know what this is about. Why didn't I see this?

**By the time you read ****this, I'll be long gone. You're probably shocked and I'm sorry about this. This is probably the most painful thing I've ever done in my entire life. I have to leave someone I care for behind to sort out my shit. I'm so sorry that you've got caught up in the middle of my messed up life and getting hurt in the process****. **

Why would she do this to me? I knew her life was a mess, but it's not that bad that she has to leave everything behind, or is it? I'm confused and fucking annoyed that I didn't pick something up, I could have stopped her.

**I know you're pissed right now and probably angry, but I need you to know and understand that this is the only and best decision I could have made. There is no other way for me to sort myself out. **

**I know I seem fine right now, but it will only be a matter of time before I freak out and break down. I can feel it happening Edward, and I don't want you to be in the middle of it all. I'm not fine, actually I'm fucked. **

**I'm not mourning Jake's death the way I should because I'm scared I'll loose you in the process. That is so unhealthy for me right now; I can't just forget the love I had for him. I feel so incredibly guilty every time you touch me or kiss me, because it feels like I'm cheating on Jake. Yeah I know his dead, but that's just the thing I haven't made peace with that yet, so to me he still feels alive. I can't help the fact that I loved him Edward, but he is dead now and I have to deal with it. It's the only way to let go of him and open my heart for someone else. Jake has been my love for almost all my life and now he's gone. I need to deal with that and I need to let go of him. I'll never be able to give myself to you completely if I'm not able to let go of Jake. **

Fuck, I'm so stupid. What have I done? I've pushed her away from me, just because I couldn't handle the fact that she dreamed about a dead guy. This is all my fault. I cried out in agony, realizing that Bella's gone and not coming back, this isn't some kind of joke. I tried to finish reading, but my tears blurred my vision and I viciously tried to wipe them away.

**Then there's the other things that happened to me. I have to deal with that as well. Those memories alone will be my downfall. I'm suppressing the memories for some reason and I have to figure out why. That's another reason I'm leaving; I can't face you with those memories. I know what you're thinking (it wasn't my fault) yeah I know that, doesn't change the way I feel though. **

**Edward, I feel…I feel dirty, damaged, unworthy of love and affection and nauseous at the thought of sex. I won't drag you into that, I'm sorry. I know it won't seem that way right now, but your well being were in every decision I've made about leaving. I won't hurt you anymore, I've done that twice and I'm done hurting everyone around me especially you. **

**I'm not making promises of ever coming back, because I don't know if I'll come back. Plus I don't know how long I'll need, I've been through some really brutal shit and facing it would be horrible for me. Please don't wait for me Edward. If you find someone else, I'll be happy for you. **

**I wish we could have met under different circumstances, but unfortunately, we didn't. Don't be mad please, I need this Edward. This is me being unselfish and thinking about you and Emmett. Please take care of Emmett, as I know he'll take care of you. Good luck with the band and with your song writing. **

**I'll let you and Emmett know where I am, but only if you promise me that you won't come and see me. I really need to be alone away from everyone I love.**

**Take care of yourself Edward, I'll miss you.**

**Always yours**

**Bella xxxx**

I quickly wrapped my arms around my torso as I felt the hole in my chest returning. It's been gone for so long now that I've almost forgotten how much it hurts. It feels like someone ripped my heart into pieces, there's nothing there, and it's so hard just to breathe. Raw sobs escaped my throat as the reality of the situation sunk in.

I went to Emmett's room but he wasn't there so I quickly ran downstairs to find him. He was sitting on his favorite couch when I entered the living room. He held a white sheet between his fingers and tears covered his face. He didn't even look up when I walked closer, he just sobbed louder.

"She's gone," he said, his voice trembling from all the tears and emotions. I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed a little.

"Yeah I know," I said and showed him my letter. His eyes widened as he looked up at me and for the first time since we've met, we shared the same pain. We were both crying over Bella and the fact that we don't know if we'll ever see her again. He gave me his letter to read, I knew he wanted to read mine so I gave it to him, besides there was nothing personal in and it wouldn't hurt if he read it. I took his letter and felt my heart ache when I saw her handwriting again.

**My dearest brother**

**I'm sorry for doing this to you, but you know it's for the best. I wish I could have said goodbye to you properly, but I know that you would never have let me go. This is the only way.**

**You've always been my rock, my strength. I love you for it Em, you're the best brother in the whole world, and I'm so proud to call you my brother. You've always put my needs before yours and always took care of me first before turning to yourself. I won't lie to you, I'm scared to death about my decision, but it's something I should have done a long time ago. One of these days, you'll get married and start your own family, and I'll be all alone. Please don't feel guilty, this is something that I have to get use to. I need to know how to stand up for myself and fight for myself. I know you'll always be there, but Em you don't understand how much I've relied on you through my life and it has become a habit. **

**Please take good care of Edward and don't let him leave the band. You guys are going to need each other and your music. I know you care about Edward as if he's your brother. **

**Go on with the band and don't wait for me to come back. I'll be watching you guys. **

**I know both of you will be hurting right now, but know that I didn't do this to hurt you guys, you'll see that someday and I hope you'll be proud of me someday. **

**I'll let you know where I am as soon as I'm settled in and only if you promise not to come see me, until I'm ready. **

**Love you so so much, Em**

**Your favorite sister (Ha, and your only)**

**Bells xxxx**

I found myself grinning at her last line. This was so Bella, trying to make Emmett laugh while I know for a fact that she's crying her eyes out right now. She's falling apart and I don't know how she thinks she's going to get over this alone.

"I didn't think she'll actually do it," Emmett whispered and my head snapped up.

"Wait, what? You knew about this?" I asked him shocked and a bit pissed.

He nodded before he answered, "I figured it out last night and asked her about it. She didn't deny it and explained everything to me, but I didn't think she'd be gone when we woke up." He sobbed again.

"Why didn't you tell me Emmett?" I screamed, but he just shook his head.

"You were already in bed and Bella promised me that she'd warn me before she was leaving. I didn't know her plans were already in motion Edward. Do you really think I would let her leave if I knew?" he said also a bit pissed now.

"Forget it, I'm sorry. We're both emotional right now and not thinking straight. Blaming each other won't resolve anything." I said and he nodded. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I love her so much and I needed her. I screamed out as I fell to my knees. Emmett rushed to my side placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, are you okay?" he dared to ask me. I laughed out in anger.

"Fuck, no Emmett I'm not okay. The only woman I've ever loved has ran away, because I showered her with love, because I care for her too much and because I'm selfish for wanting her for myself. She ran away because she wants to deal with her problems alone, because I'm too pushy. Does that answer your fucking question Emmett?" I asked him harshly and out of breath. I've been through so much and I'm barely back on my feet, I don't need this shit right now. I don't need this fucking pain again.

"I'm sorry Ed, really I am. She'll be back." He said with confidence, but I didn't believe him.

"No she won't, besides I don't think I'll want her back." I said with anger. I'm furious at Bella for leaving me and the best part of it all was that we weren't even in a relationship, we were nothing more than friends at least from Bella's point of view. I felt a lot more for her than just friendship.

"You're just hurting right now Ed. I know you don't mean it," he said smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes.

I got up from my knees and went to my room without answering Emmett or even looking at him. I'm hurting right now and don't want to be in his presence. I can't believe that Bella did this to me. Here I thought we were getting somewhere, especially since last night when I told her about my daughter. A sob escaped my mouth when I thought about it, I told her about Allison and she pretended that she cared. I'm so stupid, and I'll never learn. I always make bad decisions about woman.

**Bella's POV**

I have only stopped twice since I left Seattle and my body aches. I'm about one mile away from Redding and am feeling anxious to get there. I sighed out loud when I turned onto Hilltop Dr. knowing that I've almost reached my destination for the night. Edward has been in my thoughts constantly, and I wondered what he thought of me right about now. I didn't feel anything, only numbness.

I pulled into a parking space right in front of Quality Inn. I took a deep breathe before I climbed out and walked through their doors. The reception area welcomed me with a big sign on the floor that said Quality Inn and there was a lounge area in the one corner. The ceiling was full of little lights and it made me feel warm, just what I needed. I walked straight to the receptionist to book myself in.

The room was small, but it didn't bother me that much, I'll only be here tonight. I had a queen size bed for myself tonight and I felt the emptiness crawling into my heart. I'm going to miss Edward tonight and I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. I dropped my overnight bag on the red carpet and walked to the bed, which was covered in cream sheets. I fell on the bed and for the first time since I left my house in Seattle, I opened my heart and cried my eyes out. I've never been more alone in my life than right now. I already miss Edward and Emmett and if it weren't that far, I would go back right now. I'm thankful again that I've decided to go far away from Edward, it won't be so easy to just go back. Plus I'm thankful that I have my car, because I'll never leave my car and get on a plane to go back to them. I have to do this the hard way, and I know I'll pull through.

The bathroom was just as small as the room, but at least the bath was big. I opened the taps and went back to the room to get my clothes. I stripped out of my clothes and climbed into the bath, laying back and relaxed. I closed my eyes while I laid back and of course, images of Edward went through my mind. I quickly wrapped my arms around my torso when I felt the big hole in my chest growing. I sobbed loudly at my confusing life. How did everything get so fucked? I have to deal with the rapes and Jake's death and now I have to deal with loosing Edward as well, of course it's my own fault for leaving Edward, but I never thought it would hurt so much.

After my long, relaxed bath, I climbed into bed. I was exhausted from the long drive and all the crying. I don't feel so brave anymore, maybe it's because I'm lying in this big bed all by myself. This was probably the biggest decision I've ever made in my life, not even my pregnancy was this big for me. Now it feels like I've done everything blindfolded. I'm unsure about everything I've planned and it's scaring the shit out of me. I haven't thought about Jake or the rapes today and it felt weird because that was the whole reason why I left Seattle and Edward. The only constant thought I had the whole day was Edward. I felt him everywhere and images of his face were a constant reminder of what I left behind. Right now, I can hear his velvet voice, singing the song he wrote for me. New tears formed in my eyes as I heard every word of the song and I can feel his love in every word. I punched the bed repeatedly with my fist out of hurt and frustration and started crying loudly. The pain in my chest was getting worse and I felt like dying, not having the will to live. I'm twenty-one years old, but already I feel like an old lady that had a really tough life and lost everything because she couldn't get through her pain. My life with Jake was carefree; we understood each other in a way that I always thought was impossible, well except for the marriage-thing. We had a good life until after he proposed and I realized that I don't want to get married at such a young age. I still had my whole life ahead of me and I didn't want to be a wife and everything, especially a mother. There was a pain in my chest thinking about my pregnancy, it was so short, and the feelings for loosing my baby are still hiding somewhere. I feel like a horrible person not crying for Jake or my baby, but the truth is that I haven't had the time to really think about everything.

I climbed out of bed to get my Blackberry out of my handbag. I have an intense need to speak to my brother and hear his voice. I ignored all the missed calls and texts and dialed Emmett's number.

"Bells?" he answered the phone after only three rings. Tears stung my eyes when I heard the sadness in his voice, but I quickly swallowed them back.

"Yeah, it's me. I just wanted to say "hi" and I wanted to hear your voice," I said my voice trembling.

"Are you okay? Where are you?" he asked me quickly and I heard him sniffing. I knew he was crying, but didn't say anything, I didn't want to make it worse.

"I'm fine, just missing you." I answered ignoring his other question about where I was. I don't want them to know where I was just yet. "How is Edward?" I asked the hardest question, just to get it out of the way.

"He's falling apart, but what else did you expect?" he said and sighed before he continued, "Bella, none of this is making any sense. How will you get through this alone? I don't even know where you are and if you'll be okay, you said that you don't want to be selfish, but what is this then Bella. You're thinking only about yourself, it doesn't matter who you're hurting in the process." He said angrily and his words hurt me more than he will ever know.

"It seems that way now Em, but you'll see some day that I did this for you and Edward. Anyway, I didn't phone you to get a lecture and if this is the way you are going to react everytime I call, I'll stop calling all together. I don't need this shit right now," I said pissed. If Emmett is this angry then I don't even want to know Edward's reaction. "I'll phone again Emmett, I have to go. I'll send you regular e-mails and texts okay. I love you," I whispered and heard him sigh.

"Yeah, love you to Bells, and I'm sorry about what I said. Just please take care of yourself," he said. I closed my eyes while I tried to memorize his voice. I just hung up the phone without saying anything else; I knew I wouldn't be strong enough not to cry. I've never been away from Emmett; we've got a really close relationship and since our parents died, we've become even closer. I can imagine how hurt he must feel about my leaving and that's why I didn't tell him last night when I was planning on leaving, because I knew he would stop me or try to stop me.

I scrolled to my e-mail application and typed in Edward's e-mail address. I know I'm breaking my rules by doing this, but I wanted to make sure he was okay. He also has a Blackberry, so I know he'll read his e-mail as soon as I send it.

**I know I'm not suppose to e-mail you, but I wanted**** to make sure you were okay. I'm worried about you.**

I waited patiently for him to reply, but after thirty minutes, I gave up and started crying. I knew this was going to happen, and it's my own fault. I crawled into bed and pulled the sheets over my body. My heart is breaking and it's my own fault. Images of Edward's eyes filled my mind and I remember all the pain I saw in them last night, and probably it's still there. Why did I have to meet Edward and hurt him? Why did I have to meet him after I've been raped? I know he has an idea what happened to me, and that's even worse for me. I didn't want him to know, and if it weren't for that flashback I had at the barbeque he wouldn't have had an idea. I had to face him everyday since then, knowing that he had an idea what happened to me. I don't know if I'll ever have the strength to tell Edward exactly what happened that night, and if I'll be able to face him after that. My phone startled me when it vibrated against the bedside table and send my heart racing when I opened the e-mail and saw that it was from Edward.

_You're right, you're not suppose to e-mail me especially after you left me. How do you want to make sure I'm okay, because I'm not Bella. Don't worry about me, just take care of yourself!_

**I'm sorry. I'm breaking you're heart in the worst possible way and I can't do anything about it. I w****ish this could have been easier, believe me you're not the only one hurting. **

I hit the send button and cried out loudly. I could feel Edward's pain and it's killing me.

_Bella, just stop please. You're not making this easier for me or for yourself. Just forget about everything, you made your decision. I can't deal with this now, I have to try and keep myself together before I fall into my old depression. Just forget about me and forget about my pain. You need to focus on yourself, like you said, your life is screwed up and you've got the perfect opportunity to fix it, besides this is what you've wanted so deal with it._

These were harsh words and for them to come from Edward was hard to handle, but he was right, I did want this and it's my own fault. He'll never forgive me and I know I'll never see him again. I have to make peace with that and leave him alone. So I started typing the last e-mail I'll ever send to him, ever.

**You're right. You just made my decision about coming back so much easier. I know you'll never forgive me and you'll never want me back, not**** that you ever had me. So this is goodbye Edward Cullen, I'll never bother you again. Thank you for making my life worth living for, the three weeks I got to spend with you.**

I wrapped my arms around my torso as I felt the all familiar pain returning. It's so hard for me to breathe and it hurts with every breath that I take. It's weird for me to believe that Edward has grown to me in just a few short weeks, and I won't ever get the chance to be with him again. My phone vibrated and I felt my heart racing in fear as I opened the e-mail. New tears formed in my eyes and blurred my vision, making it hard for me to read the last e-mail from Edward.

_This is what you wanted Bella, I don't understand what you want. If you don't want to come back it's fine, it's your decision. I'm done pleading a life with you Bella. I know now where I stand; I just wish you could have made this decision before I fell in love with you. I love you more than life, but it's not enough for you and I can't give you anything else. So then, I guess this is goodbye forever. I honestly hope you resolve your life and all your problems__. Honestly, I don't think you'll be able to do this alone, but that's my opinion. Take care of yourself Isabella Swan, the only woman I've ever loved._

Tears were streaming freely down my face as I read Edward's e-mail again and again. Raw sobs escaped my mouth realizing that I'll never see Edward again. I'm going to miss his crooked smile and his green eyes, which only showed me love and adoration, I'm going to miss his warmth and his arms around me. I cried myself to sleep; dreaming of Edward's arms around me.

I woke the next morning; feeling like a train has hit me. I'm going to be in a crappy mood the whole day, and it's not helping that I'm going to be on the road the whole fucking day. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I brushed my hair and had to look in the mirror, which I dreaded since I woke up. My eyes were puffy and had black rings around them, I looked awful. It doesn't matter anyways, I'm going to be on the road most of the time and besides, I'm in no mood to look or feel good.

I checked out without eating breakfast and threw my overnight bag into my car. I climbed in and started the engine to start my trip. I probably have another nine to ten hours to go before I reach LA. Then I can start forgetting about Edward, and get over Jake's death and the other things. I'm not looking back, and Edward is wrong about one thing, I will make this on my own.

**Edward's POV**

"Emmett, I think I should look for a place of my own." I said softly. The last thing that I want to do is move out, but since I've decided that I don't want to see Bella again, it's probably for the best. His eyes widened and shock covered his whole face.

"What the fuck are you talking about Ed?" he asked, "Why the hell would you want to do that?" he continued.

"Look, Bella is your sister and I've decided that I don't want to see her again, ever. It's going to be awkward when she comes back and I'm still here," I explained but Emmett shook his head.

"Edward, that is if Bella comes back." He said and I could see the sadness in his eyes. "She's my sister, but she has to face the consequences of her decisions and mistakes. Believe me, she is making a huge mistake right now, and although I love her with my whole life, she needs to grow up. Bella is used to getting what she wants and maybe this isn't such a bad thing for her right now." He simply said. I couldn't understand that he could be so calm about Bella being alone somewhere, and after what she's been through, it doesn't make sense but I didn't push the subject. I'm not interfering in her life ever again.

"Okay, I'll stay, but as soon as she comes back…" I said but Emmett interrupted me.

"You'll move out. I get it Edward, but for now you're safe." He said and chuckled. He is taking everything so lightly, I'm barely holding on and he's fucking laughing about it. I love Emmett as if he's my brother, but sometimes he annoys the shit out of me.

"I'm going to the Fun House Em, I don't know when I'll be back." I said and walked out of the front door. I just felt the need to get out of that house and away from Bella's presence. I see her everywhere, feel her everywhere, I can even smell her everywhere and it's fucking me more up than I'm capable off. I jumped in my car and started the engine driving off to the Fun House.

I took a seat at the bar and ordered a double Jack. Why the hell I decided to come here is beyond me. Images of Bella are everywhere as I remember the last time we were here; she sang a song for me asking me if I was for real? How could I have been so stupid? I downed the whisky and ordered another double.

"Weren't you with Bella the other night?" some guy asked me and I noticed that it was the same guy that made the speech before Bella performed. It was also the same guy that freaked her out because she was holding my hand. I grinned at him and turned back to my drink, downing it again and ordered another.

"Look, I'm sorry about the other night. I was wrong to treat Bella so harshly, but Jake was my best friend and it was kind of weird to see her with someone else. I freaked out and I'm sorry." He apologized and I could hear the honesty in his voice. I sighed loudly when I turned back to face him.

"It's fine, really, besides she left me before the memories of you're precious Jake could disappear." I said a bit too harshly, but couldn't control my anger any more. I'm pissed at Bella for leaving me and I'm pissed at Jake for being dead and for being the love of Bella's life, for loving her before me. It's killing me that Bella is alone somewhere far away, not feeling the need to be with me. I'm pissed at Bella for wanting to do this alone, not needing me in her life or in her heart.

"You'll never understand the love Bella and Jake had, but I can tell you something tonight, she's crazy about you. I've only seen her look at one other man the way she looked at you and that man died seven weeks ago. You're fucking crazy for letting her go over a dead guy," he said grinning before he walked away.

I snorted at him, he does not have a clue what he's talking about. I didn't leave Bella, she left me. I'm definitely tipsy, but I can still feel Bella's lips on mine, so I ordered another double. The bartender placed the drink before me and I placed it between my fingers, staring at the whisky inside. I felt the warmness of the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. I brought the glass to my mouth and downed the whisky. I lifted my hand for the bartender, showing him that I wanted another and he came over with the bottle in his hand to pour me another drink.

"Why don't you just leave the bottle? I'm going to fuck you around the whole night because I'm not planning on leaving," I asked him and saw him smile. He gave me the bottle and I poured myself a drink. The alcohol isn't working at all, I can't get Bella out of my head and it hurts so much. I downed another double and knew I was beyond drunk. There's no way I would be able to drive home, but I didn't care about that right now. I was about to down another drink when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to the side and looked straight into Emmett's face.

"Whattt wu fuck?" I said slurring. If I wasn't so broken I would have laughed at myself, no wait, if I wasn't so broken I wouldn't have been here and definitely wouldn't have felt the need to drink my pain away.

"Dude, let's get you home," he said and pulled me out of the chair. I didn't speak because I really felt embarrassed and I didn't have the strength to fight Emmett on this one. He helped me to his Jeep and I saw Jasper leaning against my car. Emmett searched through my pockets and threw Jasper the keys of my car. When Emmett helped me into the Jeep, I rested my head on my knees, feeling like shit. I closed my eyes for a second, the world spinning around me but didn't care. I couldn't open my eyes again and I knew I was about to pass out.

"Come on bro, we're home." Emmett said waking me up. Again, he helped me out of the car and into the house. He led me to the couch in the living room and I fell straight on it.

"Thanks Em, I owe you one," I said and I heard him chuckle. I feel like such an idiot, trying to drink my memories away. I snorted at myself, I should've know better than that. I've been through this shit and nothing helps. I have to face it, deal with it, and go on with my life. It's just so hard, especially since I love Bella so damn much.

"Ed, drink this." Emmett said. I propped myself onto my arm and took the glass of water and Tylenol from him nodding my head at him.

"We'll talk tomorrow, right now you need to get to bed and sleep it off." Emmett said and I couldn't agree more.

"I'm sleeping right here Emmett," I said.

"If you're comfortable sleeping on the couch it's fine with me. Goodnight," he said as he walked away. I heard him laughing to himself and if I weren't so drunk I would have ran after him and tackled him. I laughed at myself seeing the images in my mind, but my smile soon faded when I started thinking about Bella. My heart pounded painfully against my chest and it felt like someone punched a hole through me. I felt tears sting my eyes and when I closed them, the tears rolled down the sides of my head. I miss her terribly and I don't know where I found the strength last night to have told her that I didn't want to see her again, but maybe it's for the best.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Avril Lavigne and Skillet own the songs.**

**I'm so sorry it took so long for me to upload, but my computer crashed and had to wait for my new laptop, so now I have it and it won't crash again. I've been writing none stop since I got the laptop. Thanks to everyone who's been reading my story.**

**A special Thanks to whatwouldjesusdo for the review. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story.**

**Chapter 14**

**Bella's POV**

I reached my destination ten hours later after I stopped a couple of times. I've rented a house on Manhattan Beach for a couple of months, I have only seen pictures on their website, but now that I'm in front of the house I'm in awe. It's beautiful; it's very modern and has a cute little patio on the top floor. The house has big open windows for the perfect view; I can look at the ocean all day long if I want. Well this has been a really long and hard day and I just want to get into my little house and relax. I climbed out of my car, walked to the door, and unlocked it with the key I got from the property owner. I slide the door open and went back to my car to unload my luggage. I have to get new clothes now that I think about it, but I'll do that when I'm settled in and when I'm ready to leave the comfort of my house.

I walked into the open plan living area; the living room had a two seated black leather couch and two chairs. There was a white rug with a white coffee table in the middle of the living area to complete the lounge. Right between the living area and the kitchen was a cute dining table for two. The stools are white with a black square table. On the right wall was a big flat screen, not that I watch a lot of television. The kitchen was small, and I couldn't help but grin at myself, I can't even cook. It consisted of a fridge, a microwave, and a small stove. It's actually a really cool kitchen, maybe I could learn to cook while I'm here. I sighed as the memory of Jake returned, finally, I thought to myself. I was wondering when he'll return to my thoughts and my heart. That's why I was here and I don't want to waste my time. My heart tightened when I remember the last morning we spent together having pancakes. He was teasing me about not cooking and if he wasn't around I'll get fat, living off take-outs. I didn't even bother to wipe the tears away, I was alone and could cry the whole day if I wanted.

I went upstairs to walk into my bedroom; there was a double bed with cream and brown sheets. There were two chairs a cupboard with drawers and a black dressing table. In the corner of the sliding door was a big pot plant. The bathroom had a bath and shower, and was very modern. I'm going to enjoy living here, it's very open and I have good views from every angle of the house.

I packed the last of my clothes away when I heard my phone ring. I answered the phone when I saw Emmett's number. "Em," I simply said. I don't feel like talking now, but he might get worried if I don't answer.

"Bells, are you okay?" he asked me and I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I am, really. I just unpacked my clothes at my new home and I was about to take a shower and get into bed, I'm bushed from driving all day." I explained.

"Driving the whole day, Bella where the hell are you?" he asked. I sighed as I thought the idea of telling him through. It's probably for the best if he knows where I am.

"Los Angeles." I answered and I heard him gasp.

"Why the hell did you go there for? You don't even know the place and it's so far," he said annoyed. I grinned at his annoyance, he is just pissed that I'm not around the corner and he won't be able to just come over.

"I wanted to live in a sunny place for once Em, besides it's almost winter in Seattle and I miss surfing," I answered him and heard him huff. I chuckled a little and it felt real.

"Edward went to Fun House," he said but I didn't answer him. He continued when he heard my silence, "I probably have to go get him; he was a mess before he left and I know he's going to drink too much."

"Why are you telling me this Em?" I asked.

"Bella, he loves you dammit and you just pushed him away…" he started saying but I quickly interrupted him before he could say anything else that could hurt my feelings. "Emmett stop, Edward text me last night that he doesn't want to see me again, we said our goodbyes, so just stop with the blaming. I really don't need that right now." I said angrily.

"I'm sorry Bells; I just miss you and want you to come back." He sighed.

"I know, I miss you too, but I'm not coming back." I simply said. "I have to go Em, I love you." I said and hung up when I felt tears stream down my face. It's so hard hearing his voice and knowing that I'm hurting him. He's always been the strong one; when our parents died he gave me comfort while he must have gone through hell himself, and now with Jake, he's the strong one once again. He took everything into his own hands and took control, not thinking about himself for one second. Jake was his best friend and it must have been hell for him too. At least I was in a coma and he could have looked after himself for once.

I went to the bathroom and took a long shower, enjoying the water running down my body. I used to love it when Jake showered with me, he would sponge my whole body, and after the water washed away the soap, he'd kiss almost every part of my body. My hand pushed against the shower wall as I remember the numerous times we made love in the shower. I cried out in agony when I could still feel Jake's warm lips against mine and his sweet "I love you" whispers against my flesh. I tried to grab my heart with the other hand as I felt sharp blades cutting through my heart, the pain was excruciating as I felt my heart bleeding at the raw cuts. This is a new pain, it's much worse than anything I've ever felt. I know now that I've been suppressing my emotions as well. I never would have broken down like this in front of Emmett; it would kill him to see me like this. I was still crying when I dried my body with the towel and walked to the room. I just pulled on some knickers and of course Jake's shirt, which I placed in my handbag when I left Seattle. The only difference now was that I could smell Edward on the shirt and it made me miss him more than anything.

I went downstairs to make myself some coffee, still crying. It feels weird that I can cry all the time without being afraid that someone might see me. I can let everything out, and although it hurts like hell, it feels good to let everything out. I poured the coffee from the percolator and took my coffee upstairs. I climbed in under the sheets and rested my head against the headboard of the bed, sipping my coffee. Well this is the first day of my new life, alone. My heart tightened at the thought but I quickly shook my head to get rid of the thoughts. My phone vibrated and I opened the text seeing it was from Emmett.

_Hey Bells just wanted to let you know that we're going to be on MTV tomorrow night for a live interview. Love you_

**Em, that's awesome. I'll watch the interview. Good luck. Love you too.**

_Thanks Bells, wish you could have been here…_

**Me to.**

I felt a bit sad, this was one of our dreams, and it just came true, without me. I'm loosing all my dreams and it feels like my life is slipping away from me, like I'm turning into someone else. I have to do something for myself without Emmett, maybe I could just be a solo artist. It won't be that hard, everyone knows me and loves me. I felt a bit more confident after my decision of going solo and it would definitely help take my mind of some stuff, I'll just do something small. I drifted to sleep lingering on the thoughts about my music career.

**Edward's POV**

I slowly opened my eyes when I felt the extremely painful headache. "Aah, fuck" I screamed out and heard Emmett laughing. I ignored him obviously, not in the mood for his jokes today. I grabbed my head in between my hands, but it didn't help.

"Here you go," Emmett said, but I screamed out again when it sounded like he was shouting at me.

"I'm right here, you don't need to shout." I whispered because even speaking made my head pound. Emmett doubled over in laughter and if I weren't feeling like shit, I would have kicked him right now.

"Dude, I'm whispering. Are you going to drink this or not?" he asked me. I groaned when I moved and my head pounded harder. I propped myself onto my arm and took the black coffee from Emmett with Tylenols. I swallowed the tablets and took a sip of the very strong black coffee. I choked from the coffee and Emmett started laughing again.

"Fuck bro, are you trying to kill me with this coffee, and stop laughing, it's fucking annoying." I said irritated. That only made him laugh harder and I groaned when my head ached again.

"The coffee will help with the hangover." He explained. "You better pull yourself together, Jasper organized a live interview on MTV for us, and you have to perform a song, preferably a new one." I quickly jumped up in excitement but regretted the action as soon as I've done it. My head is killing me, but Emmett's right, I have to pull myself together because this is big for the band.

"Yes, this is amazing news. This is what we've been waiting for, and I've got the perfect song…" I said ignoring the pounding in my head. Emmett chuckled but I saw the sadness in his eyes.

"I wish she could be here too man, really." I said softly and placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'll be in the music room and I'll call you when I'm done," I said excitedly. He just nodded his head and switched the TV on. I can see that he misses his sister and it freaks me out, because I feel his pain and I miss her to. I really need to find myself a distraction.

I threw my guitar down in frustration, not about the song, but about Bella. I dreamed about her last night and wanted to write this song, but it's killing me. I'm constantly thinking about her and miss her so damn much. This was one of the easiest songs to write, even the music is easy, it's just the memories of Bella that's making everything so hard. Thank goodness the real hangover is better, it's just the hangover I have in my heart that's going to kill me. I stared at the piano and felt my heart tighten when I remembered Bella singing while I played for her, the song was filled with pain and agony, and I remember feeling every emotion she felt. Her memory is everywhere I look, but what did I expect, she's in my heart and will never go away.

Jasper and Emmett came into the music room all smiles, I share their happiness for the interview thing, but my heart is crying for Bella, it dampers the mood for me. Jasper came to give me a manly hug and he couldn't hide the sympathy in his eyes. I hate when they do that.

"Are you ready?" Jazz asked me and I snorted at him

"I'm always ready. Plus I've written a new song just now and that's the song I'm going to sing tonight," I said while punching him playfully on the shoulder.

"Let's hear it," he suggested and I grinned at him, he obviously has doubts about the quality of the song and wants to hear it before he gives me the thumbs up. I grabbed my guitar, started playing the intro of the song, and then played the chorus for Emmett, he nodded, and I could see that he liked it. He took a seat behind his drums and I started from the beginning. I sang the song for Jasper and from the expression on his face, I knew he loved it.

"Impressive Edward, that's like one of your best songs ever. The pain in the song feels real and I'm sure the fans will love it," Jasper said excitedly. He can be an idiot sometimes and it pisses me of.

"The pain is real Jazz, you idiot. The song is about me not wanting to wake up from the dreams that I'm having about Bella, because it's literally too fucking painful to open my eyes and try to live through the day." I said irritated and there's that sympathetic look in his eyes again. I know I'm being a pain, he probably tried to make me feel better, but right now nothing will make me feel better. "I'm sorry Jazz, it's just…" I sighed but he interrupted me.

"I know Ed, believe me I know." He whispered and patted me on the back

"So where is the interview and everything?" I asked and saw Emmett grinning. His excitement is obvious and it's contagious because I'm feeling it too.

"They wanted to do it at the place where Bella and Emmett first started, where they had their first gig and everything," he explained and I remember Bella telling me that they started at the Fun House.

"You don't look happy," Emmett said with a grin. I pulled my face and snorted at him.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked sarcastically and Emmett doubled over in laughter.

"Yeah bro, it's that obvious. I would feel exactly the same if I drank a bottle of Jack last night at the same place we're having the interview." He said laughing. I rolled my eyes while snorting again.

"I'm going to get ready, see you later." I said and didn't wait for his answer. I stormed out of the room and went straight to my room. I stripped down and took a long hot shower. Bella's been gone for two days and it feels like two years. My heart longs for her and I wanted to be with her forever. I dried my body off and wrapped the towel around my body, walking into my closet. I decided on skinny black ruined jeans and a black and white skull hoodie with low _all-star Chuck Taylor _sneakers. I ran my fingers through my hair to mess it up and was ready for the night. The excitement is taking over now and was looking forward to tonight. I wanted to text Bella so bad, but ignored the thoughts.

I went downstairs and found Emmett in the living room. He also had skinny black ruined jeans on with his _Chuck Taylor _sneakers but his hoodie was black and red.

"Are we ready to go?" I asked him and he only nodded. He's thinking about Bella, I could see it in his eyes.

"You okay bro?" I asked.

"Yup, perfect, I just miss her." He whispered and I could understand his pain, I mean I miss her too and it's been hell these past two days. "Anyway, let's go. Jasper is meeting us at Fun House." He continued and I nodded.

We drove to Fun House in Emmett's Jeep in total silence, not even making a sound and that made the distance feel so much longer. When we finally arrived, Jazz was waiting outside for us. I walked to him with my guitar in my hand. Emmett followed me and when we reached Jasper, he greeted us excitedly and led us inside. Embry closed Fun House for the interview, and in the middle of the floor were three black chairs and a black coffee table in the middle. There were cameras almost everywhere and my stomach turned. It felt unreal until now; now that I see the cameras, I can believe it. Emmett looked at me and grinned, this was one of Emmett's biggest dreams, and I'm happy that it came true. A short woman walked my way and stretched out her hand, "I'm Jane, you must be Edward Cullen," she said. She has blonde hair and the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen, and a pale skin tone. She's actually beautiful, but not like Bella. I nodded my head in agreement and took her hand in mine, squeezing lightly.

"I'm doing the interview," she explained. Okay well that explains a lot, for instance, how she knew my name. She cleared her throat before saying, "You can go over there for make-up."

"Oh hell no, I'm not doing make-up. I didn't sign up for that," I said and heard her chuckle.

"It's for the cameras, you have to. Your friend is already there, they're waiting for you to join him." She continued. Wait, what? Emmett Swan is sitting for make-up, this I had to see. I walked over and saw Emmett on a high chair while some girl is powdering him. I roared in laughter and if Emmett's eyes could shoot fireballs, I'd be dead right now.

"It's not funny, Cullen." He hissed and I laughed even harder.

"Dude you're wrong, it's beyond funny." I laughed. I went to sit next to him and another girl came to powder me up. It felt weird to wear this stuff on my face, but what the hell, if it's for the cameras who am I to argue. Emmett and me went to the middle of the floor and took a seat on the black chairs where Jane was already seated with her legs crossed and I must admit that she looked very professional. I miss Bella now more than ever and I wondered if Emmett told her about this and if he did, will she be watching?

**Bella's POV**

I've heard that August is one of the hottest months in Los Angeles, but that it would get this hot was not expected. I was sweating the whole day and I could swear that I had hot flushes. I've spend almost the whole day in the sea, not surfing because I don't have any gear. That's number one on my shopping list. I ordered a pizza from Beach Pizza and while I'm waiting I took a quick shower. I don't want to be interrupted when Emmett's interview is on. My pizza was delivered to me just in time because I saw our logo on the TV.

My heart tightened when I saw Edward sitting next to the blonde-haired woman and I felt a bit jealous, she was really beautiful and I couldn't help but notice how she stared at Edward.

"Good evening, I'm Jane Volturi and I'm here with the Punk Rocking Skulls at the Fun House where everything started, well almost." Jane introduced them. The camera zoomed in on Edward and my heart ached, his eyes were filled with sadness and he looked broken. "Guys why don't you introduce yourselves to the viewers and tell them what it is you do in the band," she said smiling.

Edward moved in his chair and cleared his throat, "I'm Edward Cullen, I'm new in the band, but I do vocals, piano and guitar and write my own lyrics and music." He simply said without a hint of a smile. He looked so serious and almost tensed. The camera moved to Emmett and I missed him instantly, he looked better than Edward did, but I didn't miss the hint of sadness in his eyes. A big smile spread across his face, which showed off his dimples, and it made him so sexy, "I'm Emmett Swan and I play the drums." He said in a short sentence. Just like Emmett, sweet and short. I smiled at my brother's face and missed him so much.

"Emmett, where is your sister, Isabella Swan?" Jane asked and I cringed at the name she called me. I hated it when someone called me that. Edward couldn't hide his feelings and it hurt me so much to see the pain in his eyes, but Emmett kept his cool and cleared his throat before he answered, "She's taking some time off from the band, she's been dealing with a lot after the death of her fiancé." He said and smiled. Luckily, Jane changed the subject not caring about me obviously.

"Emmett how did the band start and where did you come up with the name?" she asked and I saw Emmett grinning. He loved the fact that he came up with the name all by himself.

"Bella and me have been singing and writing songs since, well forever." He started answering with a smile, but I didn't miss the sadness that crawled into his eyes. "We only started getting serious at about eighteen. Our manager, back then he was just a life-long friend, started working here at the Fun House and he organized a gig for us. After that we made Jake the manager and we had a lot of small concerts in this club," he said and I could see that he missed Jake as much as I did. He grinned before he continued, "The band name was easy, we're crazy about punk; everything about it, the music and the clothing, especially skulls. Then lastly, we loved rock music as well. Our name says a lot about us actually," he said smiling and Jane smiled back.

"Edward, how do you fit into all of this?" she asked him and I couldn't help but notice the lust in her eyes. _What a bitch _I thought to myself.

"I'm really not going to go into detail about this, so to make a long story short; Emmett needed a new manager and found Jasper who was my manager at the time. And Jasper suggested that I stand in Bella's place until she returns to the band, now I'm part of the band." He shrugged. There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and in his eyes and I felt extremely guilty, knowing it was my fault.

"What's next for the band?" she asked them both but only looked at Edward. I couldn't tell if it made him uncomfortable, and if it did he had a shit way of showing it. It actually looks like he's enjoying the attention. _Urg, get a grip Bella, he's not your property remember _I scolded myself.

"Well, Edward's working on his first album which is very exciting for the both of us." Emmett answered before Edward could. Edward cleared his throat and also answered, "Yes, it's something to look forward too."

"When will this album be released?" she pushed them. I saw Edward sigh and he looked kind of irritated. I smiled to myself.

"I'm trying for October," he answered and I gasped. How long has he been working on this? I didn't know about this and October is in two months, he must have been working on this for a while.

"I'm sure the fans are excited since this will be your first album. Any tours planned?" she asked. Emmett moved in his chair and looked straight into the camera with finality and grinned.

"Yeah, after Edward's album I think we'll head to Los Angeles." He said again with the finality and if he were here, I would kick his ass. Damn him, it's because he knows I'm here. I knew I shouldn't have told him where I was. He'll do anything in his power to convince me to come home. Edward turned his head to look at Emmett and if I weren't so mad I would have burst out in laughter at Edward's expression. He looked at Emmett as if he was crazy and I hoped that Edward would change Emmett's mind, which I highly doubt. Emmett has his mind set on this and he won't back down.

"It sounds like fun and I wouldn't miss it for the world." Jane said excitedly before she continued, "Will you be playing one of your new songs for us tonight, Edward?" she asked.

"Yes and it will be on the album as well," he answered her politely but I could see he was bored out of his mind with her attentions. Edward wanted real love not some cheap fling he made that perfectly clear. I felt my cheeks burn by the memory of our first night together in Forks, I wanted him to have sex with me but only that one time and he made it perfectly clear that he didn't want me as a one night stand. He wanted a real relationship, and that's the only thing I couldn't give him right now.

"Well, it was really cool to have you on our show. We look forward to your new album and the concert in Los Angeles." She said to them and turned to face the camera, "I hope you enjoyed their presence as much as I did, and with that I say goodnight with the new song from Punk Rocking Skulls," she said and turned to face the little stage.

Edward sat on a high stool with his guitar against his body. I longed for his touch and I longed to run my fingers through his bronze hair while kissing him on his head. I closed my eyes remembering the last night I spent with him when he held me so close and I could still feel his warm lips on my shoulder blade. My body shivered as if he was here and really kissed me. I opened my eyes when I heard him strumming the intro of the song and when he started singing I felt my heart melt at his velvet voice.

**I went to bed I was thinking about you**

**Ain't the same since I'm living without you**

**All the memories are getting colder**

**All the things that I wanna do over**

**Went to bed I was thinking about you**

**I wanna talk and laugh like we used to**

**When I see you in my dreams at night**

**It's so real but it's in my mind**

**And now I guess, this is as good as it gets**

**Don't wake me**

'**Cause I don't wanna leave this dream**

**Don't wake me**

'**Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough**

**When it's you I'm dreaming of**

**I don't wanna wake up**

**I went to bed I was thinking about you**

**And how it felt when I finally found you**

**It's like a movie playing over in my head**

**Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends**

**All the words that I said that I wouldn't say**

**All the promises I made that I wouldn't break**

**It's last call, last song, last dance**

'**Cause I can't get you back, can't get a second chance**

**And now, I guess this is as good as it gets**

**Don't wake me**

'**Cause I don't wanna leave this dream**

**Don't wake me**

'**Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough**

**When it's you I'm dreaming of**

**I don't wanna wake up**

**Don't wake me**

**We're together just you and me**

**Don't wake me**

'**Cause we're happy like we used to be**

**I know I've gotta let you go**

**But I don't wanna give up**

**These dreams of you keep on growing stronger**

**It ain't a lot but it's all I have**

**Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer**

**Don't wanna stop 'cause I want you back**

I could see tears in Edwards's eyes and the agonizing pain on his face made me cry out. I've hurt the man that loves me and would have done anything for me. Just listening to the song he just sung proves that he's in so much pain. I wrapped my arms around my torso where the pain was so much worse, where I felt hollow. I cried for Jake and I cried for Edward; how could you love two people at the same time. If Jake was still alive I never would have fallen for Edward, but I have to ask myself if I really wanted that. Of course, I would have wanted that, I never wanted Jake dead and him being dead makes everything so much worse.

I switched the TV off and went straight to bed. I can still hear Edward's song and his velvety voice is lingering in my ears. I reached for my phone knowing that I'm not suppose to text him, but I miss him so much and would be happy to hear from him even if it's only to blow me off.

**Saw the interview, amazing. Love the song, when did you write it? **I typed and hit the send button. I was nervous while I waited for him to reply, if he's going to. I shouldn't have done that, but my heart longs for him and I regret my decision about leaving more and more, but I can't go back and change everything. I'm here and I'm living through it, it's just hard without Edward. I almost threw my phone against the wall when it vibrated and scared the shit out of me. My hands trembled as I opened my inbox, closing my eyes before I read the text.

_This morning, thanks_

Was that it? It's my own fault though, he told me the other night he doesn't want to see me or hear from me, but I just had to push.

**Edward's POV**

Emmett and I had a couple of beers after our interview and since the Fun House was open now, we decided to spend the night there and enjoy ourselves. Jasper went home to pick Alice and Rose up and I actually dreaded the fact that I had to see Alice tonight, she could always see through me, but she's also my strength and maybe I need her more than I'm leading on. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and my heart pounded painfully against my chest when I saw that it was from Bella. I'm happy to hear from her but also pissed, I thought we ended everything the other night.

**Saw the interview, amazing. Love the song, when did you write it? **

So, she saw the interview and heard the song. My arms longed for her and I miss her terribly, if only she knew how much it hurts to read her texts. It's destroying my self-control and I don't need this shit now, I'm falling apart, I know the feeling I've been there and it's becoming familiar. I've known this feeling for more than a year and for a short time I was alive, the numbness is returning.

_This morning, thanks._

I felt guilty for being so cold, but it's nothing compared to the emptiness I'm feeling right now or the fact that I'm in constant pain over this woman. I emptied my bottle of beer when I saw Jane walking towards me. My phone vibrated again and I felt my heart pound excitedly, knowing that it was Bella. On the one hand, I wished she would stop with the texts and on the other, it made my day to hear from her. It was the only connection I had to her.

**Good luck with the album, I'll be the first in line to buy ****it. Sorry about the text, I couldn't help myself. I'm not as strong as I thought I'd be. Goodnight Edward.**

I wanted to text her back but Jane was already by my side and I quickly put my phone back in my pocket. Jane took my hand in hers and I hated the feeling, but didn't say anything. I needed something stronger to drink and ordered a few shots of tequila, which I downed immediately. Jane laughed at me and it freaked me out, so I took another couple of shots. My head spun and Jane's face blurred, and I knew I was ready for Jane's company. I walked to Emmett's table and was happy to see my sister has arrived. She screamed my name and jumped into my arms. I chuckled at her and held her close.

"Are you okay?" she whispered for only me to hear and I only nodded. I was okay now that I'm drunk and for a few hours Bella's memory would be in the back of my mind. I won't think about her and the pain is gone. I've learned to do this a year ago after my daughter's death. This is the best way I know to deal with my pain. Concern covered Alice's face and I squeezed her gently, telling her that she shouldn't worry and that I'll be fine. Emmett ordered some more tequila shots and I sighed loudly because I'm going to need a lot more of those. I was shocked when Jane grabbed my shirt and pulled me to her, kissing me. Her lips felt good against mine, but it weren't the lips I wanted to feel right now. She plunged her tongue into my mouth and I surprised myself when I started kissing her back. She was a very good kisser and she distracted my mind from Bella. Her tongue explored my mouth with fast actions, which made it purely lust and nothing else. She gently bit my bottom lip and I groaned from the pleasures it caused my body, I couldn't believe that I wanted this; I wanted to take Jane to my bed and have sex with her. She looked into my eyes with pure lust and I wanted to take her right there. Emmett cleared his throat and when I turned my head to face him, he looked pissed. I shrugged at him and blew him off with my hand, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Jane.

"What the fuck Edward?" he hissed. I narrowed my eyes at him and asked him very calmly, "What is your problem Emmett?"

"You're my problem, how the hell can you kiss Jane, Bella's been…" he said furiously but I quickly held my hand up to stop his sentence and interrupted him, "Bella is gone, she left me remember? I'm not going to sit around and mope all day, plus I have a fucking life. I'm not waiting for her Em, I explained that to her the other night, you said it yourself Emmett, you don't even know if she's coming back," I hissed back. Where the hell does he come off telling me how to live my life? "I'm sorry I know she's your sister, but I can't wait forever Emmett, and it's fucking unfair of you to expect that from me. You're supposed to be my friend," I continued.

"I am your friend, that's why I wanted to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life, but I can see that you're not going to listen to reason so go ahead and go fuck her Edward. I'll see you in the morning." He said and stormed off. Shit, now I need some more tequila. I went to the bar to order a few shots of tequila and downed all of them. When I walked back to the table, I could feel that I was totally wasted. Jane pulled me in for another kiss, but this time I didn't kiss her back not that it stopped her. She forced her tongue into my mouth and pressed her lower body against mine. I knew she felt my erection, it was so obvious, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to sleep with her anymore. I just wanted to go home and cry my heart out for the woman I love and miss. I pulled my face as I gently pushed Jane of off me. Shock crossed her face, as she couldn't believe what I just did. Alice didn't hide her resentment towards Jane and I chuckled more to myself than anyone else. Everyone is destined to be happy and have happy endings, except for me. I'm going to die a lonely old man, loving all the wrong women. With that thought I pulled Jane to me and kissed her with all the anger I had inside me, which she enjoyed more than she should. I heard Alice gasp but ignored her, I've had it with her and Emmett.

We took a cab home and I was glad that Emmett wasn't home yet. I took Jane to my room and started kissing her again when I locked the door behind me. Our kisses were pure lust and it made me even harder. She started taking her clothes of and I didn't mind, saved me the time. I unzipped my jeans and pulled it down, throwing it in the corner along with my hoodie and boxers. We were completely naked as we started kissing again, my head was spinning and my heart pounded painfully against my chest at the thought of what I was about to do, but didn't have the strength to stop it. I needed to get my mind of Bella and maybe this was the way. Jane lightly pushed me onto my bed and I felt her lips all over me, it was grossing me out. I was very drunk and I felt a bit out of it and knew I was about to pass out. I grinned at the thought and closed my eyes as the blackness took over.

**Bella's POV**

I shopped online for a recording system. I wanted to record my songs and send them to Emmett, since he announced that I'm taking a break from the band, I can't start my own thing, it would just start gossip and it's the last thing I want. If I return to Seattle, I want to be ready and have a couple of songs. I want to send them to Emmett so he could practice them on his drums and make changes if he wants. I miss the times when we wrote songs together.

I almost waited the whole night for Edward to reply on my text, but he never did. I get the message now loud and clear, but it's still hard for me to except that he could be so cold. I've spend the whole morning in the house searching the internet for the equipment I wanted. I want to go to the beach right now and watch the waves crash. I quickly changed into my pink and black bikini and grabbed a beach towel. I locked the doors and went down to the beach sitting on top of my towel. This was also a fear I had to overcome; I'm terrified of being alone in public where everyone can see me. I'm scared of men, even if they just look at me, it freaks me out and I'm not able to trust anyone. My whole body is tensed while I'm sitting here, exposed for everybody to see. I looked at the sea and the sound of the waves crashing is amazing, it's the best sound in the world for me, well except for Edward's heartbeat. I shook my head not wanting to think about him right now, but it was too late, tears rolled down my cheeks and my heart ached. It's going to be more than impossible to forget about him.

"Why are you sad?" someone asked and I felt my body tense up. I slowly looked up and looked into the brown eyes of a young boy, about fourteen years old. He has the same black hair that Jake had and the same brown eyes. He has a dark skin tone, which made me think that he was also Native American, like Jake.

"Um…I just miss someone," I said honestly. He smiled at me and plumped himself next to me.

"Is the guy dead or alive?" he asked and I chuckled at the weirdness that it was both, but he continued without waiting for an answer, "I'm Seth by the way," he introduced himself. I liked this kid, and I immediately trusted him.

"Bella," I said back. He smiled again and shook his head. I furrowed my brow at him but he only chuckled while saying, "You ignored my first question," I rubbed my forehead with my fingers, not knowing how to answer his question. "That's because I don't know how to answer the question, because the answer is both," I said honestly. His eyes widened in surprise and I wanted to laugh, he was so not ready for adulthood, although he was trying to be. He is still a child and should act like one, he should enjoy being a teenager. "His either dead or alive, it can't be both," he said confused and that's when I lost it. I bursted out in laughter at his confusion and the expression on his face was priceless.

"The one is dead and the other one is alive," I explained and at first realization crossed his face as he understood what I was saying but then the shock returned. "My fiancé died about nine weeks ago, and I met someone three weeks ago. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I love them both. My heart loves two men; the one is dead the other alive." I whispered.

"So what's the problem, obviously you can't have the dead guy. You're stuck with the one that's alive," he simply said and I couldn't help but laugh at his innocence.

"It's not that easy Seth. I haven't accepted my fiancés death yet, and therefore can't give myself to the other man. I have to let go of Jake first," I said and didn't mention the other things I have to get past. Thank goodness, I haven't had a flashback yet, it's the only thing I'm not able to handle. I hate the hell that I've been through that horrible night nine weeks ago, and to relive it makes me sick.

"How old are you Bella?" he asked and I laughed again. "Seth, you don't ask a woman's age, it's rude." I said and saw him blush. "I'm twenty-one years old, and you?" I asked him. He cleared his throat before answering me, "I'm fourteen years old" he said proudly. I remember the feeling when you become older, it felt great, but I would give anything for being a teenager again, in the safety of my parents' home with no worries about anything. Seth stood up while saying, "I have to go, my mom's probably wondering where I am. I'll see you around Bella," and smiled at me. "I'm sure you will Seth," I said smiling back. He walked away and I noticed that he was actually quite big for a fourteen-year-old boy. I enjoyed his company and even though he is still a child, I'd like to see him again. I didn't feel like the old Bella around him, and I didn't care about him knowing about me. I could see that he was very mature for his age, maybe he had an older sister, or maybe he is an only child. I stood up from the towel and picked it up, walking back to my house.

I was in desperate need of playing my guitar and writing some music, so I picked my guitar up but notice my phone's LED light flashing. I had numerous missed calls and my heart sped up when I saw that every single one was from Edward. I quickly re-dialed his number.

"Bella," he answered in his velvety voice after only two rings. My heart tightened at the sound of his voice and it became more painful when I heard the tiredness in his voice.

"Why did you call me?" I asked in a whisper and heard him sigh. My voice trembled and I'm sure he could hear it.

"I just…I miss you so much and it's so fucking hard without you in my life," he said as a sob escaped his mouth. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks as I wept with him. "Me too Edward,"

"I almost fucked another woman last night, desperately trying to get you out of my head and out of my heart. I don't know how to go on like this Bella, I honestly don't know." He whispered and I felt sick.

"We're not in a relationship, you can do what you want Edward." I said the only thing that came to mind. I was hurt by his honesty and that he almost slept with someone else pissed me off, not that I had any right to be. He laughed, but it wasn't his beautiful laugh that I remember, it was bitter.

"I know I could have Bella, luckily I passed out and couldn't do anything. I would have regretted it today, besides I want a real relationship remember, no one-nightstands. I just want to be happy for once in my life, but that life isn't cut out for me." He whispered and there was so much pain in his voice that I started crying again. "How are you holding up?" he asked me.

"I'm barely holding on, I'm scared that I'm about to break down and I wouldn't know what to do, but it's okay." I sighed.

"Bella, will you ever come back?" he asked me and my heart tightened, maybe there was a chance for us, but I couldn't give him an honest answer.

"I don't know Edward, as soon as I sort myself out I'll know, but until then you won't see me. It's not fair to you," I said as honest as I could.

"I guessed that much. I think I know that I'll never see you again and that's the hardest part for me to deal with, because I love you so damn much and our relationship never got a chance." He sobbed.

"Edward," I started saying but he quickly interrupted me, "Bella, don't worry about me please, just think about your recovery and your life. Don't worry about me or my feelings, your life is far more important to me and if it would help you I'll leave you alone, just tell me what to do." He begged.

"Don't wait for me Edward; don't put your life on hold waiting for me. I'm not worth it believe me," I whispered with tears in my eyes.

"When will you ever see yourself clearly? You're everything to me Bella, you're my whole life, you're my air that I breathe and without you I'll suffocate, I'm already suffocating." He explained and continued before I could say anything, "I get it now and Bella, you're wrong, you're worth a lot more than you'll ever know." He whispered. Raw sobs escaped my throat as I fell to my knees listening to his voice. "Good…" I started saying but he stopped me, "No, don't say goodbye, 'cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight," he sang the words to me. "Take care love; I love you more than my own life." He whispered and hung up the phone. I screamed out in pain, feeling so confused. I'm supposed to be here because of Jake, but since I arrived the only one that's been in my thoughts constantly was Edward, I've thought about Jake, but the memory of Edward was more painful for me. How could I forget the love I shared with Jake in only three weeks? Right now I wished that I could just go back and face my rapes. I wanted to see it from the beginning and get it over with, but I knew it was almost impossible. It's the most brutal thing that ever happened to me, facing it would be so painful, and it's scaring the shit out of me. The worst part for me is to face Edward with the facts, obviously, he knows that I've been raped, but I know I'll have to tell him everything and it's scary. There's another matter I'll have to face him with, and I haven't been thinking about it because honestly it didn't bother me at the time. Now, that I know Edward's past, it's bothering me and my heart started pounding painfully against my chest as I remembered the conversation I had with Carlisle.

"_Bella, there was a lot of damage to you__r uterus and there's a big possibility that you might not have children. There's tests we can run, if you'd like..." he whispered with sympathy. I've lost Jake and our baby, I've been brutally raped and now I have to hear that I might never have children. What kind of life is this? I'm fucked, no matter what. I just shook my head while the tears streamed down my face._

"_If it's okay, I don't want to know right now," I sobbed, "Besides, it's going to take a very long time before I'll be ready for a relationship. I wasn't ready for the baby I lost, and I don't want one anytime soon. I can't deal with this right now." I stated. Carlisle placed his hand over mine and nodded. _

"_I understand Bella, but what if it's something I can change or help you with. Wouldn't you want children one day?" he asked. I started crying aloud and I felt my heart breaking, I'm damaged, I'll never be whole._

"_Okay, I'll do it." I whispered and saw relieve in Carlisle's eyes._

I've never heard back from Carlisle, but he assured me that he'll call if he finds out anything. I haven't worried about that until today, I know Edward would want children and I won't take that away from him. He would be a great father, and I'm sure he was. He spoke only with love about his daughter and I wish I could have known her. I sighed loudly before picking up my guitar and brought it to my body. My fingers played with the strings and I started playing a melody, words already forming in my mind that would go with the melody.

_**I cannot find a way to describe it**_

_**It's there inside**_

_**All I do is hide**_

_**I wish that it would just go away**_

_**What would you do**_

_**You do if you knew**_

_**What would you do**_

I strummed the intro again as I wrote down notes and words on my music sheets. I wrote what I felt and it was usually good songs. My fingers trembled a little when I wrote down the next words;

_**All the pain**_

_**I thought I knew**_

_**All the thoughts lead back to you**_

_**Back to what**_

_**Was never said**_

_**Back and forth**_

_**Inside my head**_

_**I can't handle this confusion**_

_**I'm unable come and take me away**_

My fingers played on the strings, writing down the notes for the chorus. I started playing from the intro and had to start over a couple of times, trying to find the best notes for the chorus. I changed it a couple of times until it sounded perfect and then continued with more lyrics.

_**I feel like I'm all alone**_

_**All by myself I need to get around this**_

_**My words are cold**_

_**I don't want them to hurt you**_

_**If I show you**_

_**I don't think you'd understand**_

'_**Cause no one understands**_

I threw all my emotions into the song, every word was about me. I sang the chorus again and wrote down the bridge. It was easier now that I had most of the notes, and started playing the song from the beginning, and still changed a few notes that didn't sound right.

_**I'm going nowhere on and on and**_

_**I'm getting nowhere on and on and on**_

_**I'm going nowhere on and on and off**_

_**And on and off and on**_

_**Take me away**_

_**Break me away**_

_**Take me away**_

After I wrote the ending, I realized that I wanted Edward to come take me away and maybe save me from myself and break me away from my sadness. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to be with him forever. Tears rolled down my cheeks at the knowledge that I've thrown Edward's love away. How I long for his love now and to be with him right now, safe in his arms forever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Skillet owns the song. The original songs name is Lucy, I didn't change lyrics just a name in the song.**

**Chapter 15**

**Edward's POV**

It's August 14 and my daughter would have been six today, it's also the day she died a year ago. I imagined this day differently; a few weeks ago I wouldn't even thought about it and probably would have freaked out. I'm still hurting over her death and miss her terribly, but I think I can honestly say that I've made peace with her death. I'm on my way to her grave with a dozen white roses to put on her grave. I slowly walked to her grave, my heart pounding against my chest; my feet feeling heavy with every step I take towards her grave. I stopped in front of the headstone where there was an angel on top, and slowly fell to my knees, tracing my fingers over Allison's photo in the middle of the headstone. My hands trembled a little when I pulled away from her photo and saw her smiling face staring back at me. "Hello baby-girl," I sobbed and my whole body was shaking. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared at the photo of my little girl. "I miss you terribly and my life feels empty without you. I wrote you a song baby-girl." I said smiling through my tears. I pulled my guitar to my body and started playing the intro.

**He Allison, I remember your name**

**I left a dozen roses on your grave today**

**I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away**

**I just came to talk for a while**

**I got some things I need to say**

**Now that it's over**

**I just wanna hold her**

**I'd give up all the world to see**

**That little piece of heaven looking back at me**

**Now that it's over**

**I just wanna hold her**

**I've gotta live with the choices I made**

**And I can't live with myself today**

**Hey Allison, I remembered your birthday**

**They said it'd bring some closure to say your name**

**I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance**

**But all I got are these roses to give**

**And they can't help me make amends**

**Here we are, now you're in my arms**

**I never wanted anything so bad**

**Here we are, for a brand new start**

**Living the life that we could've had**

**Me and Allison walking hand in hand**

**Me and Allison never wanna end**

**Just another moment in your eyes**

**I'll see you in another life**

**In heaven where we never say goodbye**

**Hey Allison, I remember your name**

"That's for you baby-girl, just know that I miss you so much and I wish you were here." I whispered with tears in my eyes.

It felt weird to talk to her but it was a big comfort to me, so I kept talking to her, telling her about Bella and how much I loved her. I sat there for almost an hour, crying, talking, and crying some more. I finally placed the dozen white roses in the middle of her grave while whispering, "I love you baby-girl, always and forever." I walked away from her grave smiling through my tears and sobs. That felt so good and I promised myself that I'll do it again. I don't have anyone to talk to and that's my problem, I'm keeping everything locked inside and no one knows better than me how that can fuck you up. Sure, I have Emmett, Alice, and even Jazz, but it's not the same, especially when they give me their sympathetic stares. Plus the only person I want to talk to doesn't want to see me or hear from me, Bella's been gone for almost two weeks. The last time I phoned her was the night after our interview and since then not even a text. I've tried to be strong, but my inner strength is starting to crumble and I'm close to breaking point.

When I arrived back home Emmett was in the kitchen, talking on his phone. I grabbed a beer, opened it and took a long swig from the bottle. I waited for Emmett to finish his phone call, but he looked pissed and I wondered who he was talking to when he suddenly said her name. My heart ached and my breathing became heavy, and with every breath I took, I felt my heart tighten as if breathing was impossible. It hurt like hell and I wanted to run from the kitchen, but couldn't push myself to do it.

"We're coming to LA in less than two months Bella. Jasper is already organizing the concert," I heard him say to her. Is that why Emmett wants us to go to LA? Is that where Bella is living now? I should really stop this shit over Bella; she's just going to hurt me again. I have to forget her and move on…ha…that's easier said than done, Bella is not some high school crush, I thought to myself grinning.

"That's a great idea; I'm looking forward to the first recording." He said and didn't make any sense. I wish he would get of the phone so I can get some info, I was becoming more and more anxious to know what Bella's been up to.

"Bells, I want to see you when we come down for the concert and you better make this happen." He said seriously and I smiled. Bella is a very stubborn person and I doubt that she will compromise on Emmett's request.

"I'm your brother and I miss you dammit," he said furiously and I chuckled. He glared at me with annoyance before saying goodbye to Bella. I couldn't contain myself any longer; I wanted to know where she was and how she was doing.

"How is she?" I asked simply. Emmett slightly raised his eyebrows before answering, "Great, just fucking great." He said sarcastically and I swallowed my smile. He was in a pissy mood and I'm not going to make it worse.

"Where in LA is she staying?" I asked and he narrowed his eyes at me. I huffed at him; he should know me better than that. "I won't go after her Em, I know she doesn't want me and believe me, I won't humiliate myself like that again, ever." I said with finality.

"That's not what I was thinking, and you're wrong she wants you, she just doesn't want you to wait for her. She claims she's unselfish, but I don't agree, of course, that's my opinion." He explained. He sighed before answering my first question, "Manhattan beach and she still doesn't want to see either one of us. She sounds good though, stronger, but I know my sister, she's going through hell."

"She's right, I won't wait for her," I simply said and I meant every word. I won't sit around and wait for her, if she comes back and I'm still single, we'll work through it, but if I find someone who I can be happy with I'm taking it. I'm not doing lonely anymore, I'm done. "Anyway, I've done two more songs for the album; I'm working on the last three songs. I don't think we'll pull this off in less than a month and prepare for a concert," I said changing the subject. As it is, I'm sad enough today and don't need more sadness. Emmett laughed and I knew he knew what I was doing, but he dropped the subject and we spoke about the album and the concert. He was sure we could make it, we had two weeks to finish the songs for the album, and then we'll start recording. We're going to have to work very hard recording the songs to finish the album in time.

Emmett and I were watching a game when Jasper came through the living room. We greeted each other and he took a seat in one of the couches. I stood and went to the kitchen to get us all a beer. I threw them each one as I took my seat on the couch. "Jane calls constantly Edward; she wants you to phone her back." Jazz said with a grin. I groaned at the though and both of my friends doubled over in laughter.

"Screw you both," I said and pulled my face. Emmett laughed even harder and I threw the cushion to him just as he was about to take a swig of his beer. It hit him in the face and the beer spilled all over his face, and to make my day, he choked a little. He stopped coughing and his eyes were watery and I couldn't help myself when I started laughing, "Good work, Cullen." He hissed and I laughed even louder. The beer dripped off his face and even Jasper laughed loudly. Emmett threw the cushion back at me and I caught it before it hit something else and caused destruction.

"If Jane calls again give her my number Jazz, I'll deal with her." I said and that's when Emmett lost it. His roaring laughter echoed and it annoyed me a little.

"What the fuck is so funny Em?" I asked him and he wiped the laughing tears of his face before answering me, laughing in between.

"How will you handle it bro? You'll just pass out again and leave her unsatisfied…again," he grinned.

"Look Em, I'm actually grateful that I passed out on Jane, I wasn't ready for that and to be honest I'm not ready now. " I whispered and Emmett stopped laughing. He knew that I was heartbroken over his sister. Why did Bella have to leave?

"I'm sorry Ed. Just so you know, I won't stand in your way if you find someone. I'll be happy for you, 'cause man you deserve it." Emmett said and I felt relieved. Emmett is now one of my closest friends and I wouldn't want to lose his friendship over his sister.

"So Jazz, we're going to LA in October or what?" I asked Jazz to change to subject. I don't want to think about Bella, not today.

"Yes, it's already organized and I thought since the La Push concert was so successful on the beach that we should do it again on the beach, I was thinking Manhattan Beach." He said and both Emmett and my heads snapped up. Jasper didn't look like he knew something.

"Why Manhattan Beach?" Em asked. Jasper looked at Emmett and frowned. We never question Jasper's decisions and this was weird for him. He cleared his throat and looked guilty, and now I also wanted to know why that beach.

"Um, it's a nice beach, plus, we can all use a vacation and I've booked us a house there." He said and I started laughing.

"Thanks Jazz, that'll be great." I said.

We spent the afternoon in the music room where I played a few songs for Jasper. I was extremely grateful for the recording studio we had in the house. I've spent so many hours in this room since the interview and there were times that I was so exhausted that I've passed out in front of my guitar or piano. I'm working on a song that's not going to be on the album and I want to perform it at the concert. I'll tell Emmett about it a week before the concert. I grinned at the thought, because he'll be so pissed and excited at the same time and it's always fun to see Emmett like that. I heard the doorbell and ran to open it, it's probably Alice. I gasped when I opened the door and my whole family stood in front of me. Tears filled my eyes when I looked into their smiling faces and I knew why they were here.

"Thank you so much for coming, mom and dad." I greeted them and they both came to hug me. The tears streamed down my face now as I sobbed loudly in their arms. "This feels amazing," I whispered into my mother's hair.

"What about me?" I heard Alice squeal and I chuckled.

"Yea yea, come here you. " I said and pulled her into my arms. I felt her body shake and knew she was crying with me. She was the closest to Allison, next to me. "I miss her so much and it's killing me to think about her," she sobbed into my chest. I gently rubbed her back trying to comfort her, but I'm just as heartbroken as she is.

"Hey Carlisle, Esme." I heard Emmett say. I've never told Emmett about Allison and maybe I should do that now. "What the hell's going on? Why is everyone crying?" he asked and I heard the panic in his voice. I slowly released my sister and Jasper came to take my place. He squeezed my shoulder and I was so grateful for having my family here with me today.

"Um, Em, let me tell you about my past," I said and he looked confused. I started telling him about my wife and Allison. I told him everything just like I told Bella two weeks ago. I'm not ashamed anymore and I don't feel guilty anymore and I don't care who knows about Allison now. The whole world can know. When I told Emmett about the night Allison died a year ago, tears streamed down his face. All of us were crying and when I finished my story, Emmett came and gave me a manly hug. "I'm sorry bro that must have been hell for you." He said and I smiled and nodded. No one will ever really know the pain I went through and how much it hurt, and that I'm going through almost the same pain now, loosing Bella.

"Son, how are you doing, really?" my father asked. The room became quiet as everyone waited for my answer.

I smiled at everyone before answering, "I'm fine dad, really. My heart is broken into a million pieces, but I'll survive, just like I survived Allison's death." It's the truth and I'm not going to lie about it. "Since Bella left I'm barely hanging on and it brings back a lot of painful memories." I explained as honest as I could.

My father walked over to me and gave me a hug. I closed my eyes while taking in his scent; I miss my father the most. He always knows what to say and what to do. "I'm proud of you son, and you'll get past this you'll see." He whispered for only me to hear.

We shared some memories of Allison and went through the albums I had of her. Emmett invited Rose and since she knew Allison she shared a few memories as well. We cried together and laughed together.

"I always told Allison that if she gets hurt and I kiss the wound, it will heal and the pain will go away," I started saying and Alice chuckled and she continued,

"Yup and when you bought Allison her first bicycle and tried to teach her to ride it she fell and she had a deep cut on her knee," she said laughing. I smiled with tears in my eyes remembering my daughter's first lesson without wheels.

"_Daddy I'm scared," Allison cried. I chuckled at the expression on her __face. She'll do anything to get out of this lesson. I pulled her into my arms and picked her up. _

"_Baby-girl, I'm right here and I won't let anything happen to you." I said while I kissed her on her forehead. Her tiny arms went around my neck and she squeezed tightly. "I love you daddy." She said and kissed me with her wet lips. I could only smile at my daughter. "Love you too baby-girl" I said and put her back on her feet._

_She climbed on her bicycle as I held it for her. She started to peddle and I ran along with her until I thought she could do it. I ran next to her but I didn't hold the bicycle anymore. She's doing great, I thought to myself but the next moment her front wheel hit a big rock that was lying in the road and she lost control. She fell hard on some rocks and cut her knee. My eyes widened in horror when I saw my daughter lying on the ground, grabbing her knee where blood gushed out. I quickly picked her up and ran to the house calling Alice and my mother._

"_Daddy, it hurts." She cried when I put her down on the couch. I looked into her eyes for the first time and couldn't help but smile. Her face was stained with tears and her lips shivered. I kissed her cheek and smiled at her. "I'm sorry that you've fallen down baby-girl. Are you okay?" I asked her softly and she shook her head sideways._

"_My knee hurts daddy, and I want you to kiss it better." She cried. I looked at her and looked back at the knee, it was full of blood and she was serious, I saw it in her big green eyes. I lifted her leg slowly and brought my lips to her knee, kissing it. It surprised me when Allison's cries got louder. Alice came into the living room with lukewarm water, cloths and bandages. "Aah Alli, are you okay?" Alice asked and Allison's cries got louder when she heard her aunties voice. "Noooo" she cried on. Alice placed the bowl with water next to Allison and wrapped her in her arms, cooing and kissing her. "What's the matter?" Alice had to ask. I was shocked at my daughter's behavior and I don't understand why my kiss made her cry even harder. "Daddy lied," she sobbed and my eyes widened in surprise. "When was this Allison?" I asked her completely shocked; I wouldn't lie to her intentionally. "Daddy, you always told me that if I get hurt and you kiss the place where I got hurt, it will get better, but when you kissed me right now it just got worse daddy." She explained through sobs and I saw Alice grinning at me. Wow, this was a mess. I sat on my knees in front of my daughter and knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself out of this one, "I'm sorry Allison, I shouldn't have lied to you, it was wrong." I apologized and decided to be honest and promised myself that I'll never lie to her again, about anything. She looked into my eyes and frowned, "so it's not true, daddies can't kiss away their little girls' owies?" she asked. I shook my head sideways and smiled kissing her tiny hands. "No, but every time that I kiss you, you can be sure that I love you more than life itself." I smiled and she jumped into my arms and I felt so proud to be her father. _

"She wasn't mad that you made up that story?" Emmett asked and I smiled.

"Yeah she was, but Allison was a very forgiving child. Plus she was very mature for her age because she was an only child and spent a lot of time with grown-ups and had a mother that didn't give a shit." I said harshly and everyone's eyes teared up. "She understood what I told her that day and she forgave me for telling her a story that's probably been told so many times to so many children," I whispered and continued, "she teased me a lot after that, especially for kissing her bloody knee. It's memories like that, that I'll always cherish and it keeps me going." I said and felt an ache in my heart. I miss her so much now, especially after talking about her the whole night and reliving some memories. I wished Bella was here tonight, I really needed the comfort. Alice saw my sadness and came to sit by my side, taking my hand and resting her head on my shoulder.

"Call her Edward," she whispered and I smiled down on my sister. She knew me so well and knew exactly what I needed, but I don't know if I'll have the guts to phone Bella. I don't want to be a burden and push myself into Bella's life after she made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want me. "I can't Al," I whispered back. Everyone changes the subject and we talked about our up-coming album and tour to LA. Alice and Rose would be joining us, so the excitement was pretty high. Alice left the living room and went upstairs leaving all of us to talk about the vacation without her.

**Bella's POV**

"You just keep your eyes on our steaks and I'll go make the salad," I laughed at Seth. We've become very good friends and I've grown to trust him and even though he is so young, he's very mature for his age and I've been confiding in him a lot these last two weeks. He has been spending a lot of time at my house and I enjoy his company. I met his mother and his sister and liked them as well. They were good people and were fun to be around with.

"Bella you have to forgive me for burning the chicken, we have to get past that," he said and I chuckled. Seth was funny and had a lot of energy and it was contagious, well sometimes.

"I forgive you, now if you'll excuse me I'll go make that salad." I said and went into my house and walked to the tiny kitchen. I've learned a lot since I've moved here and I'm actually very proud of myself. My phone's ringing startled me and my heart pounded when I saw Alice's number.

"Alice" I answered and heard her sigh on the other side. I have hurt a lot of people when I left without saying goodbye.

"Bella, I'm so relieved that you actually answered. How are you doing?"

"Um, under the circumstances I'm doing very well. What's wrong?"

"It's my brother…"

"Alice please don't," I pleaded.

"Bella just listen please."

"Okay Alice, but just so you know it's hurting me just to hear his name." I said irritated.

"Today's Allison's birthday and the day she passed away." She said and I gasped. My eyes filled with tears imagining his pain and knowing what his going through right now. "He's handling it well actually, but I can see that he really needs you and I know I'm breaking all the rules phoning you, but I can't sit by and see my brother so miserable. He really needs you Bella and I wouldn't have called if it weren't important. Please find the strength or will in your heart to phone him, I'm begging you Bella?" she pleaded and I sobbed loudly.

"I have guests right now, but as soon as they leave I'll call him Alice."

"Thank you so much Bella. I have to go. Keep well and take care of yourself."

"Thanks, I will"

I quickly wiped my tears away and tried to pull myself together before going back outside to where Seth was waiting. I made the salad and joined Seth. My mood wasn't the same as before and Seth picked it up but never asked about it or saying anything. After we ate our dinner he said goodnight and walked home. I felt guilty for ruining our evening and promised myself that I would make it up to him. Now that I had time to think about Edward I wasn't so sure that I wanted to phone him. It's hard as it is without hearing from him and I know if I call him now it's going to make everything so much worse for me. I sighed and scrolled to his number.

"Bella?" he answered and it sounded like he was asleep. "I must be dreaming" he whispered into the phone and I chuckled.

"No you're not," I laughed. I heard him sigh and my heart longed to be with him now.

"Alice called you didn't she?"

It amazed me that he knew his sister so well and that he could tell that I spoke with her. I chuckled and confessed that she did call me, but that she was concerned about him.

"How are you Bella?" he asked me.

"I'm sorry you had to go through today alone Edward. How are you holding up?" I asked him instead of answering his question. I didn't want to tell him that I'm going through hell without him and that I've made a big mistake leaving him.

"It's hard and I really needed you today. I'm just so unhappy all the time and it's just so painful,"

"Well I've got all night to talk to you and I promise you that I won't hang-up." I promised him, but didn't mention that I would love to talk to him whole night long.

"Do you promise?" he asked hesitantly and I felt the wounds in my heart open up. I'm going to be an emotional wreck after this phone call, but for now I heard his voice and it was enough for now.

"I promise"

"Bella, how are you? And please don't ignore the question, don't do that to me please."

I sighed loudly and decided to tell him the truth.

"Honestly, I'm not that good. I'm not sleeping that well and I … I … I miss you so much." I sobbed.

"Come back to me Bella?" he asked.

"I can't Edward. I'm so screwed up it's not even funny. I wrote you a song…"

"Really, how will I hear it?"

"I bought a recording system and I've recorded the song and mailed it today"

"I can't wait to hear it. Bella I love you so much that it hurts and I know I shouldn't wait for you, but just so you know, for now I'm waiting Bella."

My heart ached hearing his words and I wish I could drop everything and go back to him, but we'll be over before we even started. I still don't know if I'll be able to make love to Edward and I can't be with him and not give him any children.

"I'm not worth it Edward, just go on with your life."

"You are worth it Bella, you're the only woman I love and it has to count for something. I've never felt this way Bella and I know we are meant to be together if only there was a way to change your mind"

"We'll see, but don't get your hopes up okay"

We spoke for about an hour and then said our goodbyes, not knowing when we'll speak again. I already missed his voice when I climbed out of the shower and dried my body. I wished that I could be normal right now, not being raped and to be able to have children and to forget about Jake. If I wanted to be selfish I could go to Edward right now and give myself to him, but I would only think about myself. I climbed into bed and turned off the light. I was exhausted after crying and fell asleep fast.

_**Laurent**__** threw Jake down and he fell on his face. I hated the fact that they hurt Jake and it really scared me that he had to witness them raping me. Jake screamed out in pain and my heart pounded painfully. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw Laurent removing his clothes once again, and I sobbed softly. How long was this going to go on, I'm so sore and can't take anymore? I'm exhausted and feel so weak. James grabbed Jake and held him up just like Laurent did. Laurent's hand covered my breast once again and he squeezed again and it hurt like hell and I screamed out in agony and he slapped me across my face, which also hurt. I've been punched, thrown against a tree, raped over and over again and I could feel my life slipping away from me and I kind of welcomed it.**_

"_**Don't you dare touch her you piece of shit," Jake yelled at Laurent and James punched Jake. I saw Jake's head fall and he cried again. My heart ached for him and wanted to take every bad image away from him. . My hand was still pointing towards Jake and I closed my eyes imagining I held Jake's warm hand in mine. I whimpered when I felt Laurent enter me, it was so painful and I started crying. Jake cried along with me and I saw that he tried to encourage me with his eyes. Laurent pounded harder and harder and it felt like I'm being ripped apart. Right before he was done he tried to kiss me and I found a little strength and bit his lip, and I hoped that by my actions that he would kill me right now and that it was the last time one of them raped me.. He screamed out in painful agony and I saw Jake running towards me but James kicked him down and I wanted to tell them to stop but Laurent started kicking me in my stomach and wouldn't stop, I cried out in pain as he kept kicking me. I couldn't register anything anymore and felt weak. I welcomed death and wanted to die right now, not thinking about anybody. I heard a gunshot and couldn't tell if I've been shot, and that's when I felt a hand on me and I screamed out in fear again. Not again, I can't take anymore.**_

"_**Shh baby it's me, I want to know if you are okay?" I heard Jake ask and I heard him struggling to breathe. **_

"_**J..a..k..e.." I whispered struggling to speak. "J..ak..e." I whispered again with fear. I'm so scared right now and I can feel that I'm not going to make it. **_

"_**Yes baby it's me," he confirmed and placed his hand in mine**__**. It felt so good to hold his hand and knew that I was safe now. I couldn't really speak, I didn't have the strength and I could hear that Jake also had hard time breathing. I heard him sob and I wanted to comfort him, but didn't know how, because right now I didn't want to live anymore, I wanted to die.**_

I woke up sweating and gasping for air. I cried out and heard funny sounds coming out of my mouth. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I rinsed my mouth afterwards and climbed back into bed, still crying. It's been weeks since I had a flashback and I almost forgot how much it hurt and how sick it made me feel. I sobbed loudly, curling up and thinking about everything I went through that night. I also missed Jake now that I remembered him again so clearly and how he tried to fight for me. "Jake, why did you have to die?" I whispered sobbing. I drifted to sleep with tears on my cheeks and dreamt about Jake and Edward fighting over my love and that I had to choose between them. It's a very hard decision, even in my dreams and I felt the love I had for Edward was pure and true and the love I had for Jake was that of a friend and brother. And that should make my decision so much easier, but it doesn't.

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. My hand automatically reached for my belly and the emptiness overwhelmed me. I never thought that I'd miss not having children, but I miss my baby now and it's a new kind of pain in my heart. I would have loved my baby and would have given him or her everything I had. I lost a baby a life that grew inside me and I'll never get to see him or her. When did my life get so fucked? In one night everything changed, my perfect planned out life changed.

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	16. Chapter 16

Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Avril Lavigne and Skillet owns the songs!

Thank you so much for all the story alerts and favourite story alerts. **But a very special thanks to HIDDENANGEL7 and CHUCKTASTIC for your reviews, and I'm so happy that you are enjoying my story. Even if I'm just writing it for you guys it will give me pleasure. Keep reviewing and tell me what you think!**

Chapter 16

Jane's POV

I finally got Edward's number from Jasper after I have tried a hundred times. I dialled the number and hoped that he would be awake. I could hear that he was still sleeping when he answered.

"Cullen" he simply said with his sexy velvet voice and I felt my excitement rise. I am so pissed that I didn't get to sleep with this delicious man and I wanted him more than ever right now.

"Edward, it's Jane." I said and heard him groan. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing, but it sounded bad and my good mood turned sour. I narrowed my eyes while waiting for his response.

"What the fuck Jane, it's not even six 'o clock in the morning. What do you want?" he asked pissed. I heard his anger, but didn't give a shit about that right now.

"I've been looking for you…" I started saying but he rudely interrupted me and I felt my anger rise.

"The other night was a big mistake and I'm so grateful that nothing happened. You're a great girl, I'm sure, but you're just not my type and I would appreciate it if you stopped harassing me and Jasper."

"You son of a bitch, you're going to regret this, do you hear me? Big time Edward Cullen," I hissed and hung up the phone. My whole body was shaking from anger.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and while I sipped it down, I text my brother and asked him to come to my place. If there's someone that will be willing to help me it's Alec; he is my twin brother with dark brown hair and green eyes. He's been in and out of jail for domestic violence. He loves to beat woman especially when he's had too much to drink. Other than that he's actually sweet and that's how he gets women to fall in love with him. My doorbell brought me back to reality and I went to open the door to find my brother standing in front of me. He smiled widely and pulled me into his arms, kissing me on my cheek.

"It's good to see you sis," he said and I grinned. He walked past me into the living room and fell down on my very expensive white leather couch. I wanted to hit him in the head, but needed his help so I quickly changed my mind.

"Alec thank you for coming over so soon," I said and he nodded so I continued, "I want you to find out as much as you can about the Punk Rocking Skulls, there must be something about them especially Edward Cullen. And I want you to bring me the info as soon as possible."

"Okay, give me everything you've got on them and I'll start searching. I'll need names, addresses and whatever you can think of." He said and it satisfied me so much.

We spent the rest of the morning talking about Edward and the other band members. I wanted to find out more about Isabella, because something tells me that she's hiding something. After my brother left I phoned my friend who lives in Forks, Jessica Stanley and who also works at Forks Police Station. I asked her to find out what happened the night when Jacob and Isabella were attacked and she promised that she would call me as soon as she pulled the file.

I felt satisfied with myself and couldn't wait to find out everything I wanted to know and get back even with Edward Cullen.

I booked a flight to Seattle after Jessica phoned me back with some very interesting news. Plus I wanted to tell Edward about my plans and I wanted to see his face when I tell him. I couldn't help but grin at the thought of Edward Cullen's life that was about to change.

**Edward's POV**

It's been two weeks since I last spoke to Bella and I've been missing her a lot. I've been irritated and grumpy and Emmett ignored me because I took it all out on him. I had a call from Jane the other morning and didn't know what to expect from her threats. The doorbell rang and I went to open the door.

Shock crossed my face when I opened the door and Jane stood in front of me, but it only took a second for the shock to turn into anger. I felt my jaw tighten while I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What do you want?" I asked and turned angrier when I saw the smugness on her face.

"Can I come in?" she asked with a grin and pushed me out of the way. I slammed the door and followed her to the living room.

"Jane, just leave. You are not welcome here," I said and she slowly turned around to face me with an evil look in her eyes. My eyes narrowed knowing she's up to something.

"You shouldn't have treated me like shit," she said smiling.

"Get to the point Jane." I said a little irritated.

"I have something that might be of interest to you." She grinned and threw a brown file on the coffee table. My eyes moved from her to the file and I gasped when I saw a picture of Bella, all beaten up, slip out of the file and fell on the floor. My jaw clenched and I pulled my hands into fists to stop myself from strangling her.

"Aah, now that I've got your full attention, this is what I want…" she started saying but I quickly interrupted her.

"Where the hell do you come off demanding shit all of a sudden?" I asked furiously. Where did she get those photos of Bella, I can only guess that it's from that horrible night, but I thought that Emmett made sure that no one would find out. Shivers ran down my spine when Jane laughed.

"Let's see, if you don't do what I want I'll go to the press, I'm sure they'll be very interested in knowing the truth about what happened to the lead-singer of the Punk Rocking Skulls." She grinned evilly. I grabbed the file and took a seat on one of the couches. I opened it and my heart ached when I saw the first picture of Bella's face, badly bruised and I can see that her nose was broken. Tears stung my eyes when I looked at the next photo of the front of her body, her stomach was black from bruises and I've seen the scar on her breast, but to see it now where it's still raw and full of stitches is excruciating and I feel like killing the fuckers who did this to her. Her breasts were full of bruises and also her neck; I can see the finger-marks. I went through every single photo and I didn't even care that I was crying in front of Jane, I felt heartbroken for what Bella really went through and I wished I could hold her right now. I can honestly understand why she's been supressing memories from this horrible night; I don't blame her at all.

"Aah, it's touching Edward really, but unfortunately your tears are meaningless to me. So, let's get this over and done with," she grinned again.

"I'll do anything you want Jane. Bella didn't do anything to you please leave her out of your scheme." I pleaded and felt sick when Jane laughed.

"I won't touch your precious Bella, but I want you." She answered and I frowned in confusion.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand." I said.

"I want you to be mine, Edward all mine." She said evilly.

"You're insane Jane I'll never be yours, besides my heart belongs to someone else." I said and felt sick. Jane laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Silly Edward, I don't want your heart, I want your body. Plus you're forgetting something, you don't have a choice."

I knew she was right, but how can I give myself to her while my heart is with Bella. How can I get out of this one without exposing Bella and what happened to her that night?

"You have to be pretty convincing Edward, and we'll go public, with you as my boyfriend. If I feel that you're not giving me everything, I'll give your Bella to the press. Do you want to think about it?" she asked and I nodded my head. "I'll come back tomorrow morning and then I want your answer. Oh before I forget, I've got copies of the photos so please keep those." She said and walked out of the living room and I sighed in relief when I heard the front door slam. I pulled my hands through my hair in frustration. How the hell did this happen? I will protect Bella with my life if I have to, so I don't really need to think about Jane's proposal, but I want to talk to Em and then phone Bella. I sighed aloud and felt my hand shaking that was still holding the photos of Bella's bruised body.

I dialled Bella's number and my heart sped up when I heard her sweet soft voice answer, "Edward."

"Bella," I said and started crying. I couldn't get anything out as I sobbed loudly.

"What's wrong Edward?" she asked softly and I could hear the tears in her voice as well.

"Bella, I just wanted to hear your voice and I wanted to tell you that I love you more than life itself."

"Edward, don't…"

"Just listen; I want you to know that not everything is always as it seems. Please promise me that you'll remember that and that you'll remember that I'll do anything for you Bella."

"I promise Edward, but what is this about?"

"I can't tell you, but Bella I'll never forget you and you are the only woman I'll ever love."

"Edward you are scaring me." She sobbed and I felt my heart break into a million pieces.

"I have to go, I love you." I said and felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

"I love you too Edward." She whispered and I felt my heart go into overdrive. I quickly hung up before I could say anything else and cried out. I've lost the love of my life and I know I'll never be with her.

**Bella's POV**

"I love you too Edward." I whispered and the phone went dead. I dropped to my knees and cried my heart out, knowing that Edward said goodbye to me. I felt new cuts form in my heart and the pain was excruciating as I felt my heart bleeding. I also realized that Jacob Black no longer owned any part of my heart, there was a time that I truly loved him but that time has passed. I'm in love with Edward Cullen, but lost him before I gave him a chance.

I ran to the beach and dropped into the wet sand where the waves stopped. It was dark and I was all alone on the beach, but couldn't care less. I screamed out Edward's name. It felt like someone is ripping my chest open and the pain felt so real that I struggled to breathe. I heard grunting noises coming out of my mouth and felt my chest heaving. I screamed out in fear when I felt a hand on my shoulder and my head snapped up, but I couldn't see clearly in the dark.

"I'm sorry to have startled you, but I couldn't help overhearing your painful screams and I had to see who you were." He said with a soft husky voice.

My chest was still heaving and now my breathing was heavier from the fear I felt. I'll never overcome this fear because of what happened to me that night. I stood up and without looking at him or answering him; I started walking to my house. He never attempted to follow me and that's when I started running. I kept looking over my shoulder, but couldn't see him anywhere. When I opened my sliding door, I sighed in relief and fell to my floor as my legs were shaking so bad I couldn't stand any longer. I started breathing in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down. My hands were shaking and I felt my whole body trembling out of fear. I started crying for feeling so helpless and it's so frustrating. I'll never be normal and everything's going to freak me out.

When I finally calmed enough to walk; I went upstairs and climbed into my shower. My thoughts went back to the mysterious man on the beach and although he seemed harmless there's just something about him that scared the shit out of me. Maybe I'm just paranoid and maybe I should start thinking about getting a life. I climbed out of the shower when the water turned cold and wrapped a towel around my body. I didn't even bother getting dressed and climbed into my bed feeling totally exhausted. I groaned when my phone vibrated as I was about to drift off to sleep. I reached for the phone and opened the message.

**Bells, I received the recording of your song this morning and it's awesome**

If Emmett received the recording then Edward must have listened to it as well. Why wouldn't he say anything? I mean I did tell him that the song was for him.

_Thanks Em! _I'm disappointed that the message wasn't from Edward.

**Bells, I miss you and can't wait to see you at the concert.**

_Me too Em_

**Just so you know Edward is a fucking mess. He's going through hell.**

_I know, he called me earlier this evening and he didn't make any sense at all, but I guess that was his way of saying goodbye to me. _

**You don't know anything Bells, anyways love you**

_Yeah love you too_

I placed my phone back on the bedside table and turned on my side. I'm emotionally drained from all the crying and I closed my eyes to try and sleep.

_**Flashback/dream**_

"_**His hands went around my throat and squeezed while he licked my lips. I gasped for air when he released my neck and pulled himself out of me"**_

My own sobs woke me up and I felt out of breath. My hand reached for my throat and I swallowed hard. It terrifies me to dream about Laurent, he was the brutal one, the one who liked to hurt me for pleasure. I quickly jumped out of my bed and ran to the toilet to throw up. I could still smell his breath and feel his saliva that he left on my lips after he licked them. I cried out while throwing up, because every time I close my eyes, I see his face coming closer to mine and I feel his tongue on my lips. After I emptied my stomach I sat back against the wall wiping the sweat off my face. I'm getting more and more flashbacks and it's scaring me. I don't want to think about that night not now, not ever. Tears streamed down my face and I laid my forehead against my knees.

**Edward's POV**

"I'll do it, but I have a few conditions." I started saying when Jane sat across from me. I felt my insides turn at the thought of sleeping with her or even kissing her.

"You are in no position to make any conditions, but let's hear them." she said.

"I want you to leave Bella alone and I won't marry you or give you children. I'll rather die before having children with you." I said with disgust. She laughed out loud while rolling her eyes.

"Oh please, like I said I'm not interested in your heart Edward, which means no children and no marriage. As for Bella; if you keep your end of the bargain, I'll keep mine. But Edward, don't try and screw me over because you will regret it." She said with venom in her voice.

"I hate you so much right now," I hissed, "and I'll get you back for this Jane, if it's the last thing I'll ever do."

"Looking forward to it. Now when can I move in?" she asked bluntly and my eyes widened and shock crossed my face.

"You want to live here?" I asked.

"Oh come on, you honestly didn't expect me to keep living in LA, it's so far away and besides I'll want to be with you every day. I want to keep an eye on you and make sure you stay faithful." She said and narrowed her eyes.

"When do you want to move in?" I asked her and felt sick to my stomach. How did my life get so fucked?

"I'll need about two weeks to get everything sorted out. I'll have a talk with my manager, I'm sure they won't have a problem if I work from Seattle. I'm sure that will give you enough time." She said and I felt relief wash over me.

"My album is being released in two weeks, but I guess you can move in then." I said.

Jane walked up to me where I sat and climbed on top of me. My hands were shaking out of anger and I felt my face harden. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face towards hers. I quickly pulled away and I saw anger flash in her eyes. "Kiss me Edward" she hissed and I felt bile rise in my throat. She pulled me by my hair and brought her lips to mine with force. I groaned out of frustration and helplessness as she plunged her tongue into my mouth playing around with my tongue. I wanted to push her away so bad, but this is going to be my life soon and I'll have to get used to it. I'm doing this for Bella and that thought will keep me going and will keep me strong. I kissed Jane back with brutal force, but instead of her pulling away she used just as much force. I pulled away from her once again and I saw her eyes narrow. Both of us were out of breath from the forced kiss.

"You're not very convincing Edward, but you have two weeks to get yourself together because I won't tolerate this shit when I come back. You will be mine Edward Cullen." She said furiously and climbed of my lap.

I let my head fall into my hands and started crying. How can I pull this off? I sobbed loudly thinking about how much I wanted Bella and how much I loved her. I felt a hand on my shoulder and knew it was Emmett. I'm so thankful to have him in my life as a friend. I have told him yesterday, after I spoke with Bella, about Jane and what she wants me to do. He was furious at first, but after everything sunk in he was just grateful that I was willing to give myself up for Bella's privacy. I assured him that I'll do anything for her because I loved her more than life itself. He promised me that we'll come up with some kind of plan to get rid of Jane.

"I can't do this Em, I mean I love your sister more than anything in the world, but how can I pretend to be with this Jane. I couldn't even kiss her now without feeling sick." I whispered with tears in my eyes.

"There has to be another way Edward." He insisted but I shook my head sideways.

"There's no other way. This is the only way to protect Bella. She doesn't need this shit in her life Em, she's going through enough." I explained and felt my heart ache.

"Bro, thank you so much for doing this," he whispered with his own emotion. Emmett loved his sister and would also do anything for her, but what I'm willing to do is not only going to fuck up my life, but also my mind.

"Don't thank me, I wouldn't let anyone touch Bella, I'll die first." I said seriously.

"Bella's recording came yesterday morning." He said changing the subject. My head snapped up and I stared at him.

"There's a song for me on that recording," I said and felt my heart break for the millionth time. Emmett threw something on the table and I saw a cd. My heart filled with strength just knowing that whatever was on that cd, it was for me and it was from Bella. I grabbed the cd and ran to the music room. I placed the cd in the music player and hit the play button. When I heard the first notes from her guitar my heartbeat picked up. I closed my eyes waiting for her sweet voice.

"_**I can be tough, I can be strong**_

_**But with you, it's not like that at all**_

_**There's a girl that gives a shit**_

_**Behind this wall, you just walk through it**_

_**And I remember all those crazy things you said**_

_**You left them running through my head**_

_**You're always there, you're everywhere**_

_**But right now, I wish you were here**_

_**All those crazy things we did**_

_**Didn't think about it just went with it**_

_**You're always there, you're everywhere**_

_**But right now I wish you were here**_

_**Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here,**_

_**I wish you were here**_

_**Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near,**_

_**I wish you were here"**_

I pressed pause as I was sobbing so loud that I couldn't hear anymore. She wanted me with her and that made me so happy. I'm overwhelmed with emotion and I missed Bella now more than ever. I wish I could be with her and make her wishes come true. I pressed play again to listen to the rest of the song.

"_**I love the way you are**_

_**It's who I am, don't have to try hard**_

_**We always say, say it like it is**_

_**And the truth is that I really miss**_

_**All those crazy things you said**_

_**You left them running through my head**_

_**You're always there, you're everywhere**_

_**But right now, I wish you were here**_

_**All those crazy things we did**_

_**Didn't think about it just went with it**_

_**You're always there, you're everywhere**_

_**But right now I wish you were here**_

_**No I don't wanna let go, I just wanna let you know**_

_**That I never want to let go, let go, oh oh**_

_**No I don't wanna let go, I just wanna let you know,**_

_**That I never wanna let go, let go, let go…."**_

I closed my eyes remembering her soft lips moving against mine, her sweet tongue dancing with mine. I sighed loudly as the familiar ache in my chest returned. I want to be with her so badly, but soon I'm going to have a new life and I'll never be with Bella. My head snapped up as I thought about something and I felt a huge smile spread across my face.

**Bella's POV**

It's been four days since I last heard from Edward and I've been an emotional wreck. I haven't eaten in three days and I keep having flashbacks about the night I've been raped. I've been sitting in front of the toilet almost constantly since I'm sick all the time. I don't care about anything anymore and couldn't care less if I died right now. Seth has been coming and going and he doesn't understand what I'm going through right now, but I can see that he's so worried about me. He's been bringing me food and making me coffee, but I didn't eat and only drank the coffee.

I climbed out of the shower and jumped into some boy shorts and a tank top, since I didn't need Jake's shirts anymore. Tears were streaming down my face as I sat on my bed, thinking about Edward and how much I missed him. I haven't slept in almost two days; too scared to close my eyes and having some more flashbacks and seeing Laurent or James hovering over me or feeling them inside me. I cried out in agony just thinking about it. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I thought that I could get over this alone. I'm so ignorant and now I'm too proud to go back and admit that I made a mistake by going off on my own.

My head snapped up when I heard someone knocking on my door and I sighed, I wasn't in the mood for Seth right now and I tried to ignore it. He knocked again with more force this time and I wanted to scream in frustration.

"Go away Seth," I screamed as tears rolled down my face. I started crying out loud feeling so exhausted and depressed and broken. I heard Seth talking to someone and I heard my sliding door open. I didn't have the strength to get up and chase him away.

"Bella," I heard my favourite velvet voice say. I cried as my heart started bleeding again, this is getting ridiculous, I can hear him so clearly as if he was standing right in front of me. I remembered that Seth was in my house and I quickly opened my eyes, only to stare into two emerald green eyes. Edward's beautiful face was staring back at me and he was smiling. I sobbed loudly and jumped into his arms. He held me close and buried his face in my hair. I couldn't stop crying and he kept whispering soothing words into my ear.

"I came to make your wish come true love," he whispered and I frowned in confusion.

"I don't understand," I said out of breath. My chest heaved up and down from all the crying and I felt so weak.

"Your song Bella. I'm here just like you wished." He said and I only saw love in his eyes.

"How could I have left you?" I asked and felt my body shivering. I tried to sit down, but Edward picked me up instead and laid me on my bed. I saw the worried look on his face and felt ashamed that he had to find me like this. I let my head fall in embarrassment, but he lifted my head with his index finger.

"What's going on Bella?" he asked and I only shook my head.

"I'm just so tired Edward," I whispered back. I saw him clenching his jaw and anger flashed in his eyes.

"Fine, we'll talk tomorrow." He said and I only nodded. "I'm going to prepare some food and after you've eaten I'm going to make sure you get some sleep." He said and started walking down the stairs. I didn't argue for the simple fact that I didn't have the strength to take him on tonight and I couldn't get up, feeling too weak. I heard him working in the kitchen and smiled to myself, wondering what he's making.

My heart went into overdrive thinking that he's actually here; I'm not dreaming or imagining this. After about half an hour I heard him coming up the stairs and my heart sped up. He was carrying a tray and I wondered what he made. He smiled when he looked at me and his eyes were filled with only love and concern for me. I was so stupid to leave him behind and try to handle everything on my own. He placed the tray on the bed and came to sit next to me.

"I made you some soup, Seth explained that you haven't been eating." He said with concern. I took the bowl of soup and tried to finish it, but my stomach couldn't handle it. Edward took the tray back to the kitchen and brought me a glass of water and a sleeping pill. I took it without a word and swallowed it quickly. Edward crawled into bed with me and pulled me into his arms. I sighed out loud when I felt the familiar warmth of his skin against mine and when he kissed me on my forehead my heart raced away. I heard him chuckle, but the sleeping pill was starting to work and my eyelids became heavier every second.

I slept soundlessly that night without one bad dream or flashback and when I woke up in Edward's arms I couldn't contain myself anymore. I turned around slowly and stared at his beautiful sleeping face. I traced my finger down his cheek and brought my lips slowly to his, kissing him softly. He stirred and when I opened my eyes after kissing him, I looked straight into his green eyes. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"It feels like heaven to actually hold you in my arms for real and knowing it's not some kind of dream," he whispered while breathing against my neck and kissing me along my jawline. I felt shivers run down my body and felt my hands trembling against his chest. "You have no idea how happy I am that you are here with me Edward. I don't want to let you go," I whispered and felt my heartbeat pick up when his lips came closer to mine and finally rested on mine. I quickly parted my lips, inviting Edward inside and when our tongues started dancing together, I moaned in pleasure. He pulled me even closer as our kiss deepened and I felt passion fill my body. Our breathing became heavy and Edward left my mouth to continue his kisses onto my neck. His hand ran up my waist over my breast and I gasped, arching my back a little, and it surprised me when Edward pulled away from me. His chest was heaving up and down and I couldn't stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks. "I love you so much Bella and I don't want to hurt you," he whispered and turned his head to look at me. He slowly brought his hand to my cheeks and wiped the tears away. "I love you Edward and I want to give myself to you, completely," I sighed and took his hand in mine and kissed him softly. "But first I want to tell you what happened that night,"

"Bella you don't have to explain anything, besides I don't want you to think about bad things that might screw you up," he said and I loved him even more at that very moment.

"I've been having awful memories these last couple of days and I want you to know," I said and took his hand in mine as if I gained strength from him. I started telling him off that night, every brutal memory and everything I went through.

"_**Panic filled my body when James hit Jake over the head and Laurent stood in front of me. "Please don't hurt me, I'll give you anything, take all my money," I cried in panic. They both laughed at me and Laurent answered "We don't want any money, we want you," and he grabbed my arm. He pushed me against Jake's car and when his hand ran up my shirt, I felt sick. His hand rested on my breast and he squeezed too hard. I screamed out in pain, but he didn't back away, instead I saw his face coming closer to mine and he started licking my lips. I turned my head away, but he slapped me across my cheek in anger. My whole body was shaking out of fear and knowing what they've got planned for me. James started dragging Jake's body into the forest and Laurent pulled me by my wrist. They took us deeper into the forest and my body was filled with panic. They stopped at a clearing and it looked like they knew the place, like they came here often. "I'll go first, James." Laurent said with lust in his voice. "Just go easy Laurent, we've got the whole night." James warned Laurent. My eyes widened in fear and I shook my head sideways when I saw Laurent grinning. He still held my wrist and I knew there was no way I would get away. He tried to undo my pants but I fought him and tried to run away. I was too weak against the both of them and Laurent grabbed me by my hair and slapped me across my face. I cried out as he punched me in my stomach and I fell to my knees struggling to breathe. They both laughed and James held my arms while Laurent ripped my clothes off my body. Fear overwhelmed me and my body started shaking. James threw me on the ground and I started kicking and screaming, trying to fight them off, but James held me still while Laurent hovered over me. James spread my legs open for Laurent and when he plunged himself into me, I screamed out in agony, but he just kept penetrating me. James reached for my breast and squeezed hard just like Laurent did and I couldn't help but scream out in pain and agony. James grinned and licked his lips, while Laurent licked my breast and bit hard into my flesh. I screamed out in painful agony, but Laurent forced himself deeper and deeper into me until his body collapsed onto mine. I cried out in disgust and felt sick to my stomach. He ejected himself from me and I started crying again when I saw James walking to me completely naked. I jumped up and tried to run, screaming for help, but James caught up to me and he grabbed a fist full of my hair. "Shut up" he hissed and I started sobbing softly. My eyes searched for Jake, but he was still lying unconscious on the grass. I wished that he would wake up, but knew in my heart that he wouldn't be able to stop them. My body filled with pain when James threw me into a tree and my eyes blurred. I screamed out in agony and fell to the ground on my face. James was on top of me in an instant, but I tried to wiggle myself out of his grip but he hit me on my head. My head ached and my vision was blurred and when he grabbed me by my hair I wanted to die. He pulled me by my hair to make sure I didn't move and I felt his knees pushing my legs apart, right before he penetrated himself into me. I sobbed out loud while I tried to get away from him, but he slapped me on my back. It burned like hell and I couldn't feel my body anymore. I'm dead on the inside and I have no will to live. James penetrated deeper and deeper until I felt his body shaking and when he collapsed on top of me, I groaned in disgust. I could smell his sweat mixed with his semen and I wanted to throw up. I welcomed the blackness when I felt dizzy and knew I was going to pass out. I woke up and saw James naked preparing himself to enter me again and I screamed out in pain. I don't know how long I've been out and I don't know how many times I've been raped, but I was feeling sore and exhausted and with every time he penetrated deeper it felt like he was destroying my insides. It was excruciating and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I prayed that they would kill me after they were done. James slapped me across my face, but I only cried. I had no will inside me to fight and it angered them. James plunged harder and faster and tried to go deeper and I screamed out Jake's name. James slapped me again and I only whimpered. I turned my head away so I wouldn't see James' face hovering over mine. I stared to where Jake was lying and when I saw him move my heartbeat picked up. I couldn't see what he was doing but the next thing I knew he jumped up and ran towards James, "Nooooo, you bastard," he shouted, but James didn't even look up. Laurent came from the side and kicked him down. He kept kicking Jake and I wanted to beg him to stop. James was grinning and it felt like he was getting more excited over the violence. I felt sick and as Jake rolled over to look at me I couldn't help but feel ashamed. He has to witness them raping me and I could see the pain in his eyes. I tried to say something to him, but no words came out only my whimpering. Jake started crying and I felt my own tears fall. I wanted to be strong for him so they won't hurt him anymore, but I'm already too weak. "No need to watch from the back, we've got you front row tickets," Laurent whispered into his ear and made Jake sit on his knees right in front of me. Jake tried to lie down but Laurent grabbed him by his hair and held his head in place. I saw the hurt in Jake's eyes and I wanted to die right there. I hate that he is in so much pain. Raw sobs escaped his throat and the sound made my heart break. Jake reached for my hand and I tried to stretch my hand to his but Laurent pulled his arms back. "Baby, look at me, I love you okay" Jake said. New tears formed in my eyes and my heart pounded painfully against my chest. I nodded and felt sick when James' body collapsed on top of mine for what felt like the millionth time. His warm breath against my neck made me nauseous and when he pulled himself out of me, it felt like he's taking my insides with him. I felt something was wrong inside me, but didn't care about it now. Laurent threw Jake down and he fell on his face. I hated the fact that they are hurting Jake and it really scared me that he had to witness them raping me. Jake screamed out in pain and my heart pounded painfully. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw Laurent removing his pants once again, and I sobbed softly. How long was this going to go on, I'm so sore and can't take anymore? I'm exhausted and feels so weak. James grabbed Jake and held him up just like Laurent did. Laurent's hand covered my breast once again and he squeezed again and it hurt like hell and I screamed out in agony as he slapped me across my face, which also hurt. I've been punched, thrown against a tree, raped over and over again and I could feel my life slipping away from me and I kind of welcomed it. "Don't you dare touch her you piece of shit," Jake yelled at Laurent and James punched Jake. I saw Jake's head fall and he cried again. My heart ached for him and wanted to take every bad image away from him. My hand was still pointing towards Jake and I closed my eyes imagining I held Jake's warm hand in mine. I whimpered when I felt Laurent enter me, it was so painful and I started crying. Jake cried along with me and I saw that he tried to encourage me with his eyes. Laurent pounded harder and harder and it felt like I'm being ripped apart. Right before he was done he tried to kiss me and I found a little strength and bit his lip, and I hoped that by my actions that he would kill me right now and that it was the last time one of them raped me.. He screamed out in painful agony and I saw Jake running towards me but James kicked him down and I wanted to tell them to stop but Laurent started kicking me in my stomach and wouldn't stop, I cried out in pain as he kept kicking me. I couldn't register anything anymore and felt weak. I welcomed death and wanted to die right now, not thinking about anybody."**_

I've never seen so much pain in someone's eyes as I saw in Edward's when I stopped telling him what happened. I didn't tell him about my last moments with Jake as I felt it was unnecessary. Edward's face was stained with tears and he sobbed softly. He pulled me into his arms and that's when I realized that my body was shaking and I was crying out loud. He hushed me while gently rubbing my back.

"I love you more than ever Bella." He whispered into my ear while rubbing my back. I whimpered against his chest feeling weak. We cried together, holding each other and gaining some strength from of each other.

"I feel so weak and so scared. I don't know how to get over this and I'm really freaked," I whispered and Edward pulled me back into his arms.

"You are one of the strongest persons I know Love, you will get through this and you will be so much stronger. Don't let them ruin your life Bella, fight this, I know you can Love," he whispered into my hair and I started crying. He didn't say anything else and only rubbed my back gently. I sobbed my heart out as Edward held me and kissed me.

"Come with me," he whispered and pulled me up, leading me downstairs. We went to my recording system and he switched it on while I made us coffee. He plugged his guitar into the system and played with the strings and I felt my heart skip a beat. I loved the way Edward played guitar and I loved his voice. I smiled when I walked to him and handing him his coffee.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, but he only smiled while drinking his coffee.

"I wrote you a song and I've wanted to sing it to you for a while now, but never had a chance. You don't ever have to feel alone, Bella." He said and I saw tears form in his eyes. He started the intro and it sounded like a slow song, but when he started singing my heartbeat raced away.

"_**Despite the lies that you're making**_

_**Your love is mine for the taking**_

_**My love is**_

_**Just waiting**_

_**To turn your tears to roses"**_

I was surprised to hear drums and other instruments and realized that he must be singing from a backtrack. His guitar was real though and it sends my heart into overdrive.

"_**Despite the lies that you're making**_

_**Your love is mine for the taking**_

_**My love is**_

_**Just waiting**_

_**To turn your tears to roses**_

_**I will be the one that's gonna hold you**_

_**I will be the one that you run to**_

_**My love is**_

_**A burning, consuming fire**_

_**No**_

_**You'll never be alone**_

_**When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars**_

_**Hear the whispers in the dark**_

_**No**_

_**You'll never be alone**_

_**When darkness comes you know I'm never far**_

_**Hear the whispers in the dark**_

_**Whispers in the dark**_

_**You feel so lonely and ragged**_

_**You lay here broken and naked**_

_**My love is**_

_**Just waiting**_

_**To clothe you in crimson roses**_

_**I will be the one that's gonna find you**_

_**I will be the one that's gonna guide you**_

_**My love is**_

_**A burning, consuming fire**_

_**No**_

_**You'll never be alone**_

_**When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars**_

_**Hear the whispers in the dark**_

_**No**_

_**You'll never be alone**_

_**When darkness comes you know I'm never far**_

_**Hear the whispers in the dark**_

_**Whispers in the dark"**_

When he stopped playing I walked to him and wrapped my arms around him. For some people that would just be another rock song, but for me it was like a love song that Edward sung to me telling me that I'll never be alone and although I'm hurt and broken and scared he'll be with me always, Edward is the whispers in the dark that I'm hearing. He's encouraging me to be strong and to believe in myself.

_**Please please please review and tell me what you think. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and for all the alerts. You guys are my inspiration. ;-)**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading and all the alerts. It keeps me going, thank you. **

**Chapter 17**

**Edward's POV**

I had to control myself after Bella told me how those fuckers raped her. She is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for and I'm so very proud of her. My heart is breaking for what she's been through and now that I know exactly what happened, I can't seem to get the images out of my mind. I've seen the pictures that Jane stole and heard the story directly from Bella now and it's breaking me apart. After I sung to her, I felt strong and seeing her response filled me with so much happiness that I wanted to cry. I'm going to miss her so much and I just hope that she'll understand someday that I did it for her. I'm going to hate every minute of my life with Jane, but it makes it all worth it, if it keeps Bella safe.

I went to take a shower while Bella made breakfast, which also surprised me because I thought she couldn't cook at all. I grinned while stripping down and climbing into the shower. I lifted my face towards the water and let the water run down my face. My head snapped up when I heard the shower door open and saw Bella climbing into the shower with me. I stared at her beautiful face and pulled her into my arms. "What are you doing, Love?" I asked her and heard the passion in my own voice. She giggled and it was the most beautiful sound in the world at that moment.

"I want to wash your back Edward," she whispered out of breath and I saw her chest heaved a little. I pulled her face to mine and rested my lips on hers. She parted her sweet lips and I entered slowly, playing around with her tongue. She gasped when I trailed my hand down her back and stopped on her backside, pulling her closer towards my body. Her hands came around my neck and I felt her fingers lock in my hair. Our kiss turned deeper and into a kiss of need. She clung to me when I pulled away from her lips and trailed my kisses down her jawline and continued to her neck and stopped at her shoulder. I felt her body arch a little and both of our breathing were frantic and out of control. I was fully aroused and so ready for Bella, but it was wrong for me to do this and it took every ounce of control I had to pull away from her, gasping for air.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I can't do this. You're not ready for this…" I started saying, but she interrupted me with tears in her eyes.

"Don't use excuses for not wanting to make love to me. You've been hesitant since yesterday when you arrived." She said hurtful and I knew it was the truth, but how could I tell her that I only have a week with her and then it's goodbye forever. How can I make love to her and walk away, forever, pretending that I don't want her. Both of our chests were heaving and we were out of breath.

"It's not an excuse Bella," I whispered and felt my own tears sting my eyes. The water turned cold, but none of us were planning on leaving the shower. Bella's lips were turning blue and she was shivering, but she looked me straight in the eyes when she answered.

"I want you Edward, I want you to make love to me and I want to give myself to you completely. I love you with my whole heart dammit and I need you to love me back. I need you to love me like you wanted me too and I need you to pretend that I'm not damaged. Could you pretend for one day that I'm not damaged or broken, please Edward." She said while tears filled her brown eyes. That was it; I couldn't stand here and pretend that I didn't want her and that I didn't love her. I closed the water and climbed out of the shower, grabbing two towels. I wrapped one around myself and pulled Bella closer to me, wrapping her in the other towel. She was sobbing softly and I felt like such an ass for hurting her, again. I picked her up and walked to her room and laid her on the bed, hovering over her. I started kissing her again with much more need than before and I could feel her need for me too. I lifted myself off of her and slowly opened the towel which covered the front of her body. I looked at her body and her beauty struck me yet once again. "You are so beautiful Bella," I whispered and started kissing her again. I trailed my kisses down her neck and shoulder and when I started kissing her breast, her whole body shivered and she arched her back completely. "I need you Edward, please don't make me wait any longer. Make love to me now, please." She pleaded and I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled the towel of my body and hovered over her, looking into her eyes and saw love and passion, not one hint of fear or uncertainty. I kissed her softly while entering her. "Open your eyes, Love." I whispered and when she looked into my eyes, I felt tears form. She was so beautiful and her eyes were filled with love for me.

**Bella's POV**

"I need you Edward, please don't make me wait any longer. Make love to me now, please." I whispered and saw him remove his towel. I felt overjoyed and happy that I'm going to be with Edward completely. I didn't feel fear or hatred, only love and passion and need. He kissed me slowly while I felt him entering me and I closed my eyes at the most amazing feeling I have inside of me. "Open your eyes, Love." He whispered and I opened them to look straight into Edward's green eyes filled with tears. "Are you okay Bella?" he asked me and I smiled at him. "I'm more than okay Edward. I love you so much," I said and felt him sigh. We started moving in unison and my heart raced as I never felt anything like this before, not even with Jake. Edward and I came together and when Edward's body collapsed onto mine I screamed out his name.

We were breathing heavy and Edward slowly moved to my side, pulling me into his arms. Tears rolled down my cheeks from the happiness I felt.

"Do you hate me now?" he asked and I was surprised at his question.

"Why would I hate you?" I asked and frowned.

"You told me once that you don't know how to make love to me without hating me and to be honest with you, it scared the shit out of me. I would hate myself if I ever did something to hurt you." He answered and I remembered the night at this parents' house when I begged him to sleep with me and he wouldn't.

"I don't hate you, I love you more than words can say Edward." I said honestly. I wouldn't be able to live without him any longer and was planning on going back to Seattle as soon as possible, but I wanted to surprise Edward. I won't tell him I'm going back.

"Promise me that you're not just saying that to make me feel better." He said and I heard the fear in his voice. I propped myself onto my elbow and looked into his eyes.

"You just took every bad memory away from me and every bad touch, and turned it into something good. You just completed me Edward. You poured your love onto me when you made love to me and it filled me. I love you so much," I said and saw tears fill his eyes. He pulled me even closer to him and kissed my forehead.

"You have no idea how much I love you Bella and that I'll do anything for you, will you please remember that?" he said and I felt his body shivering.

"Edward what's wrong? The other night when you phoned me and told me the same thing, I could hear something's wrong. Please tell me." I begged with concern, but he only shook his head and sighed. I could see the change in his eyes and it scared me. He didn't say anything and I felt my heart pounding painfully against my chest. "Let's go to the beach, it's not that cold yet and I would like to go surfing and we could have a picnic or something." I suggested and saw a smile spread across his face. I loved him so much and if he knew how much I wanted him when he smiled at me like that, well he'll probably do it all the time. I chuckled softly at myself and saw Edward frown. "It's nothing, just me being silly." I said smiling.

"I think the beach is an excellent idea, plus I've missed watching you surf." He said and I couldn't help but remember the first time that Edward took me to the beach at La Push where he also kissed me for the first time and I was a mess back then. Not that I'm fine now, but I'm better and I know that everything's going to get better from here on out. I had sex without freaking out and without being scared and terrified.

Edward went to the store to get our picnic stuff. I pulled my pink and black wetsuit on and took my surfboard outside to get it ready. I haven't been out much for the last four days and to be honest I was terrified of the mysterious man from the other night.

"Bella," I heard a familiar voice call my name and I couldn't help the big smile that spread across my face. I immediately felt guilty when I looked into Seth's eyes and saw the hurt expression on his face.

"Hello Seth, how have you been?" I asked nervously. He didn't answer me and only stared at me. I sighed loudly and motioned for him to come and sit with me.

"Seth, I'm sorry for the way I've treated you the last couple of days. I've been going through a lot and I didn't want to see anyone." I explained to him.

"I was so worried about you Bella. When I came here yesterday and saw you, it terrified me. You looked like shit and to be honest you still look like shit, much better than yesterday, but still you are not the same." He said and I wanted to warn him about his language, but it would only anger him more. I didn't know that anyone would notice, but I do feel like shit. Even though I slept through the night and ate a little soup, I still feel exhausted and nauseous and I could still feel my insides shivering. If Seth can see that I look like shit, than I know Edward will also see it. Even though I'm so happy, I feel like crap.

"Seth, I'm sorry that I worried you. Would you like to know what happened to me and why I went through all this shit?" I asked him and decided that if he wanted to know, I'll tell him everything. Seth is, besides Emmett and Edward, the only person I'll trust with my past and what has happened to me.

"Bella, if you don't want to talk about it than it's fine. I don't want you to be uncomfortable." He said.

"I want you to know, besides it will help me if you know." I said and started telling him everything that happened to me and Jake. I didn't leave the Jake part out, because Seth wasn't Edward and I needed to tell someone about Jake and how he died in my arms that night. I felt tears roll down my cheeks when I told Seth how I wanted to die with Jake that night. I haven't told Edward or Seth about the baby I lost or the fact that I won't be able to have children anymore. I wanted to tell Edward, but was scared that I will lose him forever. I'm being selfish again and hate the fact that I'm doing this to Edward. He deserves to know and he deserves to have children, he needs to have children. I decided to tell Edward as soon as I get a chance.

"Bella, I don't know what to say…I'm so sorry that those guys hurt you and I'm sorry that you had to see the love of your life die in front of you." He sobbed. Seth's whole body was shaking and I saw his hands pulled into fists and my heart filled with brotherly love for this boy. I ran my fingers through his black hair and kissed him on his head.

**Edward's POV**

"Bella, I don't know what to say…I'm so sorry that those guys hurt you and I'm sorry that you had to see the love of your life die in front of you." I heard Seth say and my heart ached hearing that Jake was the love of her life. Bella ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him on his head. I could see that she cares a lot for this boy and I can't blame her, he's a good kid and I would like to get to know him better.

"Seth, Jake wasn't the love of my life, although at that point I though he was. I was so used to Jake, I mean we grew up together and when we started dating I thought that Jake was the one, even though I always felt that something was missing between us." She said and I felt my heartbeat pick up. I love her with everything I am and it's going to kill me to say goodbye to her and be with Jane.

"So have you found the love of your life?" Seth asked and I held my breath while waiting for her answer.

"Yup and I love him more than anything else in this world. You met him last night, it's Edward." She said and I heard myself exhale. She loves me more than she loved Jake. I decided to make my appearance as I couldn't wait to kiss Bella and know that she truly loves me. I walked up to them and Bella's face lit up when she saw me. I felt concerned when I saw the tears on her cheeks and frowned, but she quickly shook her head. I bent down and kissed her on her forehead and softly wiped away her tears. "I love you, Bella." I whispered and softly kissed her sweet lips. She moaned when I pulled away and I chuckled. I looked at Seth and smiled.

"Why don't you join us on the beach today? I'm sure you miss Bella's company and I would like to get to know you." I asked Seth and he quickly nodded his head.

"I would love to, thanks man." He said and I knew we were going to be close friends.

Bella was in the kitchen preparing the picnic basket when my phone rang and I saw that it was Jane. I clenched my jaw and walked out of the house.

"What" I answered.

"What the hell are you doing in LA?" she hissed and I knew she knew where I was. I sighed and tried to deny it.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play innocent with me Edward, I've got my own recourses and I know you are with Bella. What the fuck are you doing there?" Her voice was filled with anger and it scared me, because I was putting Bella's safety on the line.

"I needed to say goodbye to her Jane, besides after this I'm yours remember." I said and tried to hide the disgust I felt.

"Edward, I made myself clear, I'm not sharing you with anyone and I want you to go home." That just pissed me off; who the hell does this woman thinks she is.

"Jane, you can go and screw yourself. I promised to do anything after two weeks and I'll keep my promise, but I still have ten days left of my own damn freedom." I said furiously and heard Jane gasp on the other end. My heart tightened at the thought of leaving Bella today and I would fight Jane on this one.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about this Edward." She hissed and I sighed.

"I don't care if you aren't happy Jane, I don't care about you and just so you'll know, I'm not going to jump when you say jump. I'm a fucking grown-ass man and you're not my mother. I'll keep my end of the bargain, but you're not going to treat me like a child and as if you're my boss."

"Watch your tone, Cullen. You are in no position to treat me like this."

"If that's all you wanted to say then I'll see you in two weeks," I said and hung up. My whole body was shaking from anger and if she was here right now I would have strangled her. I don't know how I'm going to go through with this without killing myself or Jane. I went back inside and walked to Bella, where she was still busy in her little kitchen. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her with everything I had. She tasted so sweet and I could smell the cinnamon on her breath from the cinnamon roll she ate. Her hands locked into my hair and pulled me even closer to her, moaning when I entered her mouth with my tongue. Our lips moved together while our tongues danced and I moaned into her mouth while pulling her body closer to mine. My chest heaved up and down and I felt out of breath from kissing Bella with so much need. I cupped her face with my hands before I pulled my lips away from hers. I have so many mixed feelings inside of my heart right now; I'm so overwhelmed with love for Bella, but also scared to death for the fact that I'm going to hurt her and lose her. And what pisses me off is the fact that I'm not able to do anything about it. I can't stop Jane and I can't stop from hurting Bella. I have made a huge mistake by coming to see Bella, I should have stayed away, and it would have been easier on the both of us. I have made everything worse by making love to Bella and she's going to be heartbroken when I leave her for Jane.

"Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?" I asked her and could still feel her lips on mine. "I love you Bella," I continued.

"I love you," she whispered and I felt her lips move against mine while she answered me. I kissed her softly before I left her arms. She looked confused but didn't say anything and I helped her to get everything ready. When we were done I carried the basket and she insisted on carrying her surfboard. I chuckled when I saw the black and pink surfboard. I only shook my head when she looked at me. Seth was waiting for us on the beach and when he saw us he ran towards us and helped with the basket. I took Bella's hand in mine and it sent shivers down my spine. I love the affect that Bella has on my body and on my heart. I wanted to marry her and have children with her; I furrowed my brow at the thought of children. We never used protection this morning and I was silently hoping that Bella was on the pill. I will speak to her about it when we're alone.

As soon as we were settled, Bella kissed me and ran into the sea with her surfboard. She looked so free and I wished that I could understand why the ocean takes her fear away. I remember the first time that she surfed in La Push; I saw the fear and hurt disappear when we were in the ocean and the moment we left the sea, she broke down. I could never understand why and I wanted to ask her, but I don't want to intrude in her privacy. Watching her ride the waves is amazing, she looks so strong and so confident; it's impossible to think that she's so fragile and could break down any moment. It's like she's two different people and I wished that she could stay strong just like when she surfs.

"So you are the other guy she's in love with." Seth said and brought me back to reality. I didn't understand the what he was trying to say and frowned.

"What do you mean Seth?" I asked and he smiled.

"The first day I met Bella, she was sitting here alone, crying. I knew something was wrong and walked up to her and asked her about it. She told me that she loved two men and didn't know what to do. I remember feeling confused and asked her about it and she explained that the one is dead and the other one is alive. I laughed because it was actually very easy if you think about it, and I told her to choose the one that is alive because the other one is dead and can't come back," he said grinning and I laughed out loud at his innocence. I'm so happy that Bella had Seth all this time and that he made her days shorter.

"What did she say?" I asked curiously. Seth laughed but it didn't reach his eyes.

"She said that it wasn't that simple, that she still loved the one that's dead and that she has to get over his death. I never knew that they shot him in front of her and that he died in her arms while she was singing to him. It must have been horrible and I can understand now what she meant by, getting over his death." He said while tears streamed down his face. He is so young but understands a lot of things, especially what Bella's going through. I never understood and feel like an idiot for being jealous of a dead guy. Why didn't Bella tell me about Jake this morning?

"She said that she wished that she would die with him, she said that she had no will to live anymore and that she was in so much pain. Why did that happen to Bella?" he asked while sobbing. My own tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn't know what to say to him.

"I don't know Seth, but Bella needs us to be strong for her and to help her through this. She told you because she trusts you and she wants you to help her and be there for her. I'm leaving in two days and you have to promise me that you'll take good care of her and not let anything happen to her." I said seriously and his head snapped up.

"Why are you leaving? You just got here and Bella needs you too." He said.

"It's complicated, but I'll give you my number and you can call me anytime okay." I said but felt like a coward.

He didn't say anything and we sat in silence until I saw Bella running out of the sea with her surfboard. She fell down next to me, out of breath. I bent down and kissed her on her forehead, tasting the salt of the water. Her chest heaved up and down and she was breathing heavily. After a few moments she propped herself onto her elbow and pulled me towards her mouth, where she started kissing me with her salty lips. Seth cleared his throat and jumped up, running into the ocean. I was glad that I had a moment alone with Bella since I wanted to ask her about protection.

"Bella, we never used protection this morning and I was wondering…" I asked her and it felt awkward but she quickly answered before I could continue.

"Edward, there's something that I didn't tell you." She whispered and I heard her voice trembling.

"What is it Love, I don't understand?" I asked and fear crept into my heart.

"I can't have children," she sobbed. My eyes widened in shock and I couldn't get anything else out but, "How".

"I was pregnant with Jake's baby. The night I was raped was so brutal and hurtful that I lost the baby and there was too much damage to my uterus. I went for tests, but never went back for the results. Your father tested me and explained everything to me. I'm sorry Edward," she cried. I pulled her into my arms and rocked our bodies slowly, hushing her.

"It's not your fault Bella," I whispered and she shook her head.

"I never wanted the baby and I feel like I'm being punished for not wanting it. I miss the baby now, though, but it's too late and I'll never be able to give you children Edward. I'm just damaged and no matter what happens, I'll never be whole." She said and I finally understand what she means by saying she's damaged. She's damaged as a woman, as a mother and she'll never be able to have children.

"I want to get out of this wetsuit and take a shower, I'll be right back." She said and kissed me tenderly. My heart longed to comfort her, but right now I didn't have any words of comfort. I admire Bella so much, I mean, she's been raped, her fiancé is killed in front of her and then she has to hear that her baby died and she can't conceive children and now she's going to have to hear that I'm leaving her for another woman. I just hope she's strong enough to face this as well.

**Bella's POV**

I opened my door and found a man sitting in one of the couches. I wanted to run, but was frozen. My heart pounded so fast that it hurt and I knew it was out of fear.

"How did you get in?" I asked him and felt my body shaking. He only laughed and when he answered I immediately recognized his voice. It was the man from the other night.

"I have my ways darling, now let's get to business." He said and my heart pounded in my throat. He got up and walked towards me; he was short and lean with dark brown hair and green eyes. He looked so much like the woman that interviewed Edward and Emmett the other night; only she had blonde hair with blue eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked with fear in my voice.

"I want you to leave Edward Cullen." He said and I gasped. Why would he want me to leave Edward?

"No," I said and glared at him. "There's no way I'm leaving the only man I love."

"You don't have a choice darling, you see Edward is a famous singer and I wonder what the world would think if they knew he was responsible for his daughter's death." He said with a smug smile on his face. How did he find out about Edward?

"If I do this, you'll leave him alone?" I asked and he nodded.

"But there's one more thing you'll have to do." He grinned and I felt my stomach turn.

"And what is that?" I asked with fear.

"You'll have to pretend that I'm your boyfriend until he leaves; we'll make public appearances and then I'll leave." He said and I wanted to throw up.

"You've got to be kidding me. I can do this without you, I've done it once and I can do it again." I said with disgust. I don't want to pretend anything with this guy.

"If you don't pretend to be my girlfriend, he won't go on with his life and we need him to think that you're happy without him." He simply answered.

"Who's we?" I asked and he just laughed.

"Someone that Edward Cullen shouldn't have messed with. Now, go take a shower and we'll walk to the beach together." He said and I wanted to die. I'm going to hurt Edward again, but most of all I'm going to hurt myself. But I'll do anything to protect his name and honour. I love him more than my life and will do anything for him.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Skillet owns the songs!**

**Thank you so much for all the story alerts and favorite author alerts. A very special thanks to THEKATIEMADELINE for your awesome review. You made my day and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Please review guys and I'm sorry this took so long. I'm going through a rough patch and don't have a lot of time on my hands right now, but I promise you that it will get better and I'll upload more. Love you guys**

**Chapter 18**

**Bella's POV**

My body was still soaked from the shower and I quickly wrapped a towel around my body to dry myself. Rage suddenly filled my heart and I felt my body shaking. Damn all these people that keeps on hurting me, first it was Laurent and James and now this Alec wants me to leave the only man I'll ever love. I walked to my room and started thinking about the situation. I'm going to fight back and I'm not going to let Alec win. I pulled on some black shorts and a pink tank top and ran downstairs where Alec was still waiting. He had a huge grin on his face and I felt my hands shaking.

"Are you ready Isabella?" he asked.

"First of all, my name is Bella and secondly I'm not going along with your plan. I'm going to tell Edward everything and leave it up to him. You will not ruin my life." I said simply and started walking towards the sliding door but Alec's next words pulled me to a stop.

"Did Edward tell you that he is in a relationship with my sister and he being here means that he is cheating on her?"

I felt my heart pounding hard against my chest and every beat is so painful as if someone is trying to rip my heart out of my chest. How can Edward do this to me?

"You're lying." I accused him and he started laughing. Tears formed in my eyes as I thought of Edward's betrayal and couldn't help the sobs that escaped my throat. I turned around and ran to the beach where Edward was waiting for me. I heard Alec following but couldn't care less what he did. I wanted to know the truth and I wanted to hear it from Edward's mouth. Edward looked up when he saw me and worry crossed his face when he noticed the state I was in. He reached for my hand but I quickly pulled away and crossed my arms across my chest. Alec joined me seconds later and took a stand next to me which made Edward furious. I could see the anger in his eyes and also the way he clenched his jaw.

**Edward's POV**

I looked up when I saw Bella running towards me but my smile faded when I saw her face. She's been crying and her eyes are filled with pain and agony. What the hell happened? I reached for her to pull her to me but she pulled away and crossed her arms. Some dude with brown hair joined her and took a stand next to her. Who the fuck was this guy and what the hell is he doing here with Bella?

"Bella…." I started saying but she held up her hand to stop me from saying more.

"Just tell me that it's not true that you are in a relationship right now." She said and I felt my stomach turn. How did she know about Jane? I could deny it but it would make everything so much worse if I did. I sighed loudly and let my head fall. Bella gasped and started crying. I couldn't even comfort her because she's obviously furious right now and wouldn't want me to touch her.

"Let's go Isabella." The guy next to her said and I wanted to rip his head off when his arms went around Bella. She pushed him away and narrowed her eyes.

"I want you to leave Alec and I mean right now. I want to talk to Edward alone and besides you don't have to blackmail me anymore." She said and I felt my body shaking. What the hell is she talking about? What is this guy doing to her? Alec walked away and Bella looked me straight in the eyes. I felt like an asshole and I know that Bella's going to be hurt and there's nothing I can do about that.

"How could you do this to me? I mean how the fuck could you do this to me Edward?" she yelled. She looked angry but what's worse is the pain in her eyes. I've damaged Bella and it's killing me.

"I'm…shit this whole situation is fucked-up and…" I said and I wanted to tell her the truth, but I knew that Jane wouldn't allow it. She'll get her revenge somehow and it will be so much worse for Bella.

"I gave my heart to you and just to think that I had sex with you this morning makes me sick." She said while tears flowed down her cheeks. My heart is breaking and there's definitely a hole now.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"You're sorry? Well guess what Edward, it's not helping me. It's not fixing my broken heart…" she cried while falling to her knees. I couldn't stand it anymore and rushed to her and took her into my arms. Surprisingly she didn't push me away and she sobbed loudly while I held her to my chest.

"I love you more than you'll ever know Bella and I'm really sorry about everything." I whispered while my own face was drowned in tears. I've lost Bella and we'll never be together. My heart will be broken forever. She lightly pushed me away and looked into my eyes. There's only pain in hers and I felt my heart tighten in pain.

"If that was really true, you wouldn't have done this. I love you more than my life and I really thought that you loved me to, but I was wrong. I was just another one-time thing while your girlfriend is away on business."

"Bella…"

"No Edward, stop. This is not helping anything, just go please." She cried. I sighed loudly and knew she was right. I'm in this relationship with Jane to protect Bella and arguing about it won't help me or Bella. I can't tell her the truth.

"Okay Bella I'll go but just remember that I do love you and this morning when I made love to you didn't make me sick at all, it made me the happiest man alive and I'll never forget it. You're the only woman for me and the only owner of my heart." I said and heard my own voice trembling. My heart is broken and I feel so helpless.

"It's just too bad that you broke my heart Edward. I know it's my entire fault because when I left you I told you to go on with your life and find someone else, and now you did and I don't blame you. I just wish that you told me before I made love to you."

"It wasn't my intention to hurt you Bella. I tried to stay away from you but I couldn't. I'm really sorry." I whispered and kissed her softly on her forehead. Every part of my body is aching. I love this woman with everything inside of me and I'll never be with her again. I stood up and walked away from her and with every step I took; I felt my heart break into a million pieces. Tears streamed down my face while I packed my stuff. I walked to my rental car and threw my bags in the trunk. I drove off to the airport leaving Bella behind, leaving the woman I love behind. It's hurting so bad and I'm struggling to even breathe. I can only hope that Bella would be okay and that she'll get over this.

**Bella's POV**

His footsteps disappeared and I knew he was gone. I lifted my head and stared at the sea, wishing I was in there where I've always felt so safe and where I can't feel any heartache. New tears streamed down my face when images of our love-making flashed in front of me. I shook my head sideways trying desperately to erase the images but it's not working and I can now feel Edward's lips on me where he kissed me and I can even feel how his lips burned my skin. A loud sob escaped my throat when the realization that I've lost Edward sank in. I couldn't think straight and when I finally decided to get up and go back home, it was already dark.

I took a sip of my coffee while I lay in my bed. I miss Edward so much and I can't imagine life without him. I also know that I have to go on and start my healing from the beginning; it's just so damn hard. When Jake died, I thought that I'd never love again and also thought that I'll never get past the rapes, but I did. Now I have lost Edward forever and I know I'll never love again because Edward is really my true love. He is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and now I've lost him to another woman because I left him. I was being foolish. I can't help but wonder if there's a happy ending for me, and if it's even possible for me to be happy without the man I love. My heart longs for Edward's touch and his lips against mine, my heart longs for his presence and his whispers in my ear. I silently cried myself to sleep and couldn't stop the dreams I had of Edward, kissing me, touching me, telling me that he loves me and then it turned into nightmares where Edward kisses another woman and they're both laughing at me.

I woke up with a massive headache and puffy eyes. I rolled around most of the night and the pain in my chest is so much worse this morning. I need my brother and I think it's about time that I go back home.

**Edward's POV**

I woke up feeling like shit. When I got home late last night I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and finished it. Emmett didn't say anything and left me to drink down my heartache, but only if it was that simple. I feel worse this morning; the hole in my chest has just gotten bigger and it's just so much more fucking painful than yesterday and the bonus part is, I've got a hangover with the heartache. I groaned when I climbed out of bed to brush my teeth. After that I went downstairs to find Emmett and apologize about last night. I found him in the music room playing something on his guitar and it sounded really cool. He looked up when I entered the room and a grin spread across his face.

"What's up Cullen?" he said joyfully and I felt like an ass for not sharing his happiness. I'm in so much pain right now and wished that I was dead.

"I made a mess of everything Em, I shouldn't have gone to Bella. I should have left things the way they were because now I've hurt her so much and it kills me to know that I'm responsible for her pain." I said and felt tears sting my eyes.

"Stop doing this to yourself Edward. You did what you thought was right at that moment. Bella is strong and she'll get past this, it's you I'm worried about."

"Me? Why me?" I asked in confusion.

"Edward, you have to pretend to love another woman and you'll have to have sex with her and kiss her in public. You're giving everything up for Bella." He explained and a shiver ran down my spine just thinking about having sex with Jane.

"Don't remind me of that please. How will I cope with all this Em? I can't even think about touching that woman without getting sick."

"You'll get your strength from somewhere. You just need to figure out what gives you strength. I'm so proud of you." He said while he pats me on the back.

"I just hurt the most important person in my life and you're proud of me? Seriously bro, there's something wrong with you." I said but Emmett only laughed.

"You're protecting her name Edward and that makes me proud." He grinned.

"Anyways what was that song that you played?" I asked him.

"It's a song Bella wrote the night before Jake died, he actually helped her with the song." He said and I saw sadness flash in his eyes.

"You miss him don't you?" I asked but knew the answer before he gave it to me. Jake was his best friend and I know he misses him.

"Yup I do a lot actually but wouldn't go back in time if I could. Don't get me wrong I loved Jake like a brother, but I knew Jake wasn't the guy for my sister and I knew she was making a huge mistake if she would have married him. Jake's death made Bella stronger and made her realize that Jake wasn't the man for her." He explained and it surprised me that he knew Jake wasn't the man for Bella.

"What's the songs name?" I asked to change the subject. I don't like seeing Emmett sad besides it only reminds me of Bella.

"What the hell? It's one of Bella and my favorite lines so Jake suggested that we write a song about it and Bella took him serious. It's a really good song and I wish she would come back and perform the damn song."

"Can you believe that the album comes out in a week?" I asked changing the subject once again. I miss Bella so much and just standing here with Emmett and talking about her makes it almost unbearable for me.

"I'm so excited and I'm also excited about the concert in LA and the vacation." He said and sounded like a little kid. We talked about the concert and the songs we're going to perform and the stuff we're going to do while on vacation, but we never once spoke about Bella again that morning.

**Bella's POV**

My life just sucks, Edward left two weeks ago and since he left I haven't done anything. I barely ate and I can't sleep which makes me weak and fucking exhausted. I'm an emotional wreck and don't have the will to get out of this bed and live. I don't even feel alive, my heart and body feels numb and it's like I'm already dead. My heart keeps bleeding and it's getting more and more painful with every memory of Edward. I felt the warmness of my tears when it rolled down my cheeks and started sobbing loudly as I felt my heart tighten. Even breathing became hard because it was so damn painful to take a breath without the man I love. It just seems so hard to live without him and if I only had the strength to get out of this bed and go back to Emmett, but I don't want Emmett to see me like this it will kill him. My head snapped up when I heard a knock on my door. I groaned loudly before I shouted "Go away". I wasn't in the mood for Seth right now; the kid's been bugging me every day since Edward left.

"I've got a delivery for a Miss Swan." The unfamiliar voice of a man answered back. I frowned while getting out of bed. Who would send me something? My legs are shaking as I walk down the stairs and I can feel that I haven't really been eating. I opened the door and by the look on the man's face, I must look like shit but I couldn't care less. I signed the delivery note and he gave me a small black box and left. I went back to my room and opened the box and gasped when it revealed a cd. It's not just any cd; it is Edward's first album and I feel like an idiot for not remembering it. It was beautiful; the background was black and in the middle was a big white skull and our band name was written in red. The albums name came as a shock to me because he named it after his daughter, Allison. Tears immediately flowed down my cheeks when I turned the cd around and saw the first songs name was Allison. He wrote her a song and I couldn't help but feel proud of him. He has overcome so much and I hate the fact that I love him even more now than I have ever loved him. I opened the jewel-case and took out the booklet and felt my heart bleed when I turned to the first page and saw the smiling faces of Edward and Emmett. I miss my brother so much and I really want to go home, back to Em and back to my life. I turned to the middle of the booklet and gasped when I recognized Edward's handwriting.

_**To a very special woman**_

_**This is the very first copy of our new album and it's just for you. You were the inspiration to every single song, except for the song of my daughter. I love you so much Bella and miss you more than words can say. Your face is painted on my heart and I'll never forget you. Enjoy the songs.**_

_**Love, Edward.**_

I screamed out his name while crying. Why did he do this to me? I gave him everything I had inside of me. How am I supposed to live without his love or his presence in my life? I slowly walked downstairs and put the cd into my laptop. I pressed play and started listening to the first song which was about his daughter. It made me so sad to hear his voice in so much pain. I can hear and even feel his pain through the song he is singing and I can feel him longing for her. I cried through most of the song and wished that I could have known her. The second song drew my attention and I took the booklet and read through the lyrics. I can hear him playing his guitar as he started the song and also where Emmett's drums come in. My heart broke into a million pieces when Edward started singing and tears stung my eyes.

_**To find this love of mine**_

_**I'd walk through wind and fire**_

_**Forever and always**_

_**These hollow hands reach out**_

_**For you to touch me now**_

_**Forever and always**_

_**Dead inside**_

_**My heart and soul flatlines**_

_**Put your mouth on mine**_

_**And bring me back to life**_

_**Dead inside**_

_**No other satisfies**_

_**My blood runs dry**_

_**Take my life**_

_**Save me from this death inside**_

_**I can't escape this love**_

_**I want it the way it was**_

_**Forever and always**_

_**Don't you leave me here**_

_**Alone in all this fear**_

_**Forever and always**_

_**I can't escape this love**_

_**I want it the way it was**_

_**You remind me of a time**_

_**When I felt alive**_

I feel like this song was for me and I can almost be certain that he wrote this song right after I left. How could I have been so wrong about his feelings for me, I mean I was so sure that he loved me and I really felt it when he made love to me. That's why it was such a surprise when Alec told me that Edward was in a relationship with his sister, Jane. And even the message he wrote me in the middle of the booklet of his album, it doesn't make sense. Ever since I met Edward we've only been through hell. We've hurt each other more than once and we're just not able to make each other happy. Maybe we should just face reality or let me rephrase that, I should just face reality and accept that I have lost Edward and that I'll never be with him. We're not good for each other and it's probably for the best if I just get over it.

**Edward's POV**

It's been two weeks since I last saw Bella. I've been a wreck most of the time and really miss Bella. Luckily Jane couldn't be here the day my album was released, but she's coming today and I'm really not looking forward to it. My phone vibrated and I hoped that it wasn't Jane, but was surprised that it was from Bella.

_Just received the copy of the album, it's amazing. Congratulations and thank you. B_

My heart started pounding faster against my chest and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. She received the album I send to her. I didn't know if I should do it or not, but now I'm glad that I did and I know Bella would listen to every song and go through the lyrics.

**It's a pleasure Love, hope you enjoyed it. Miss you terribly and wish you could be here. **

_Don't do this…you've got a new life with another woman and you shouldn't wish stuff like that. Stay committed to her Edward besides I've decided to go on and live my life without you and I've accepted the fact that I've lost you. I wish you well with everything._

My heart tightened at her text. This is hurting me so bad to know that she's decided to go on and forget about me. I want her to be happy and I know if she's happy I'll find a way to be happy, but I wanted her to be happy with me, I wanted us to have a future and get married and everything. My hands were shaking when I text her back.

**I'm sorry Bella, you're right. Take care of yourself and just remember that I really truly do love you Bella and I'm sorry about everything. Remember that I once told you that everything is not always what it seems…I meant it. **

_If you truly loved me Edward, and I mean really truly, you wouldn't have broken my heart the way you did and you wouldn't have lied to me. Just stop confusing me please and leave me be. I want to live again and I want to be happy, not that that will happen any time soon, but I want my life back. I have faced so much in these last couple of months and I want to believe that I'm stronger because of everything I went through. My main focus now is to patch up my heart and try to get you out of my mind and heart. _

I know I should be unselfish and be happy for her and wish her luck, but I'm not able to do that. I don't want her to forget about me because that will mean that she'll find someone else. I feel selfish and I hate myself for hurting Bella.

**Well it's obvious that you don't believe that I love you so I won't waste anymore of your time by saying it. Good luck with the getting me out of your mind and heart stuff. I honestly hope that you succeed. Keep well.**

I waited for over an hour but she didn't reply on my text. If only Bella knew how strong she really is, she can climb mountains with her strength and that's where I get my strength from. I just think about what Bella's been through and I gain strength and my love for her keeps me strong as well.

I was busy in the kitchen when I heard the doorbell and luckily Emmett got it. I'm sure that it was Jane and I couldn't face her just yet. I had four beers already and still feel to sober to see her. She came into the kitchen with a big grin on her face and I wanted to scream. I took another swig of my beer and managed to smile at her, but my heart was screaming hate. She slowly walked to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. My body stiffened, but I managed to kiss her. "Mmmm, I have missed you so much." She whispered. I couldn't say anything back because I didn't share her feelings. I know I'll have to sleep with her tonight and it's fucking scaring the shit out of me. My stomach turns just to think about it and I really need something stronger to drink.

"I'm going to unpack and I'll see you in a few minutes. I'm really exhausted and would like to go to bed early." She said and gave me a quick peck. I sighed in relief when she left and I had to hold on to the kitchen table for support. My whole body was shaking and I felt sick to my stomach. I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder and new tears formed in my eyes. Will I be sane after this relationship?

"Find your strength Ed," he simply said and I immediately thought about Bella's love for me and my love for her. I kept thinking about her beautiful body against mine and her soft, sweet lips kissing me.

"I need something stronger than beer Em," I said and he nodded his head. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured me a glass. I downed the whiskey and asked for another shot. Emmett looked concerned but poured another and before I knew it, I was wasted. Emmett helped me to my room and Jane was surprised that I was so wasted. I fell on my bed and Emmett removed my shoes.

"Don't worry Emmett; I'll remove the rest of his clothes." Jane said and I could hear the lust in her voice. I'm definitely not drunk enough and I just hope that I can stay drunk through everything.

I felt Jane's hands on my jeans as she unbuttoned them and I kept my eyes closed so she couldn't see the hate in them. I just realized something, no matter how drunk I am, I won't be able to skip through the sex. I can feel every touch of Jane and it's killing me.

"I realize that this is difficult for you Edward, but I don't give a shit about your issues. You better make this worth my while and you better be convincing. Oh and Edward, I'm not going to tell you this again, you know the rules and you better stick to it. I hate repeating myself," she hissed.

"Jane I'm not in the mood for your crap. I'm exhausted and if you want to have sex with me you can do it yourself. I'm not in the mood." I hissed back.

She pulled my jeans down with as much force as she was capable of and I felt my heart started pounding painfully against my chest. Her lips crushed against mine and at first I kept my mouth closed but she forced her tongue inside my mouth and I knew that I have to start living my new life. It was something that I couldn't run away from and if I want to keep Bella safe I have to pull this off, so I started kissing Jane back and with every touch and every kiss from Jane I felt a piece of me die.

I woke up feeling Jane's head on my chest and I wished that it was Bella's. Bella is the only person that keeps me going and keeps me in this bed with Jane. I pushed her head away and climbed out of bed. I've got a massive hangover and this is something that I have to get used to. I walked to my bathroom and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I look like shit and I can't believe that I slept with Jane last night. I'm just relieved that I was able to use a condom. The person staring back at me from the mirror looked so unfamiliar and I hardly recognize him. His eyes are lifeless, full of pain and bitterness. I sighed and quickly brushed my teeth before I took a quick shower, trying to wash Jane's touches and kisses away. I scrubbed my body until it was red and then I climbed out of the shower and dried my body off. When I went to my closet and looked in the mirror again I saw a love bite in my neck and I felt anger fill my body. I'll kill her for doing this. I hate that she made a mark on me. I pulled on some pants and stormed into the room.

"What the fuck is this Jane?" I screamed while pointing towards the love bite. She yawned and stretched out before looking at me with a smile on her face.

"It's called a love bite Eddie-boy…" she said but I interrupted her. I was furious with this woman that thinks she can do anything to me and call me anything.

"I know what it's called and I want to tell you now that you will never and I mean never make a mark on me again. Bite yourself and suck yourself dry. And my name is Edward." I yelled furiously and stormed off. I can't deal with her shit right now.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer and downed the whole bottle. Emmett cleared his throat and I knew he was going to flip because of the beer. I stopped drinking when I came to live with him and didn't feel the need to drink so much, but now, now is a different story.

"Isn't it a little early for that Ed?" he asked and I could tell that he was concerned.

"With all due respect Em, I'm not in the mood for your speech. I've had a rough night and…"

"Yeah I know Edward, but beer is not the answer to your problems and what will Bella think if she comes back and find you drunk all the time. Please don't drink so much." He pleaded and I felt guilty for lashing out on him. He wants to help me and to be honest if it wasn't for Emmett, I'll be a wreck right now. He has helped me through so much.

"I'm sorry and you're right," I sighed.

"I understand what you're feeling Ed, but alcohol is not the answer. We'll find a solution for this, I promise you."

Emmett makes me feel so good and apart from Bella, Emmett also gives me strength. I decided to work on my music today and start to practice for the concert which is in three weeks. I miss Bella with all my heart and I feel like a monster for hurting her. This is one situation that I can't fix or get out of and since Bella is moving on, I should do the same.

**Please please review! I hope you liked this chapter and I will try to upload soon. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Skillet owns the song. Also the "what the hell" hoodies and tee's belongs to Avril Lavigne!**

**A big thank you to everyone who has been reading my story so far, and for all the story alerts and favorite story alerts. I would really appreciate it if everyone would review and tell me what you think.**

***I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been reviewing, all of you made my day***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

**Bella's POV**

Everyone is talking about the concert. I've decided to go but wouldn't tell anybody about it. I know my heart is broken and that I'm hurt, there's times that I'm coping and sometimes days goes by without me even crying, but then I get my off days, my depression days as I like to call them. I can cry for hours if I'm in the mood. There are days that I miss Edward so much and my heart longs for him, my body longs for his touch and my lips longs for his kisses and those days are the worst. It's been six weeks since I last saw him and four weeks since I last text him. I was being serious about trying to forget about him; only problem with that was that I haven't realized that it would be this hard. I can't even get him out of my mind for one minute, never mind a lifetime.

I was busy making coffee when I heard a knock on my sliding door. I turned around to see who it was and looked into my brothers' face. I screamed before I ran to the door and opened it and before I knew it I was in his arms. He held me so tight and I haven't even realized that my body was shaking from crying. He let me down and we took a seat on the black leather couch. Emmett only stared at me and I knew he was seeing my pain.

"Bells…" he whispered and I wanted to cry when I heard the concern in his voice. For six weeks I took care of myself and I'm not used to someone's concern. I can't handle that right now.

"Don't." I simply said, but actually pleaded with Emmett to not do this right now.

"How are you?" he asked with a smile.

"Great, I just miss you so much and I can't believe you're actually here." I said and punched him playfully.

"You have lost a lot of weight Bells," he said and I could see the concern on his face increase. I sighed and felt the all familiar pain in my chest return while tears roll down my cheeks.

"What did you expect Em, I mean I've been through hell. Just when I got over Jake's death and started dealing with the rapes, Edward fucks me over and breaks my heart into a million pieces. I'm so lost and so broken, I feel dead," I whispered and heard the tremble in my voice just before a loud sob escaped my mouth. Emmett wrapped me in his arms and cradled me like a little baby. I cried my heart out into his chest and he kept whispering soothing words into my ear.

"I can't do this anymore Em, it hurts so much. I love him with everything that's in me and without him…I'm just…I'm just so broken and dead and lost…" I sobbed.

"Bells listen to me; you've got to stop this. I mean look at you, I know this is painful and my heart is breaking with yours, but this is going to kill you and it kills me seeing you like this," he said and sighed before continuing, "I don't know who looks worse, you or Edward." He said and it surprised me. Why would Edward look bad?

"What do you mean?" I asked shocked.

"Edward loves you Bella and he is going through hell right now just like you. This whole situation is fucked up and I can't help either one of you." He explained.

"I'm confused here, he found someone else and starts a relationship with her and breaks my heart into a million fucking pieces, and he's hurting just as much as I am. That's just bullshit Emmett." I hissed.

"You have no idea what you're talking about and you shouldn't judge Edward. He's going through some hectic shit now but I'll shut-up now 'cause I've already said too much." He said sounding angry. "Are you coming to the concert tonight?" he asked.

"I wanted to go, but didn't want anyone to know. But now that you're here and asked me to come, I guess I don't have a choice." I smiled.

"Thanks Bells, it would mean the world to me having you there." He said and smiled back.

"I'll do anything for you Emmett and besides it's my band too you know." I said jokingly. I missed the band and I miss my music.

"Come home Bells, please." He begged. I think about going home and seeing Edward every second of every day and how painful it would be, but I'll be close to Emmett again and I know he'll help me through everything.

"Okay Em, I'll come home," I said and before I knew it he pulled me into a hug and kept saying thank you. Tears rolled down my cheeks, regretting my decision for leaving home in the first place and causing my brother to go through hell.

Emmett left to get ready for the concert and I text Seth to meet me in two hours. He wanted to know why and I only replied that it was a surprise.

I took a long hot shower and washed my hair. I'm nervous as hell for seeing Edward tonight and I'm wondering how I'll handle it. I know it's going to be heartbreaking for me because his girlfriend would probably be there, but it's just something I'll have to get used to. I climbed out of the shower and dried my body off and walked to my room. I've decided to wear my new strapless, sequined black dress and my _14 eye doc Martins boots. _I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that Emmett was right; I have lost a lot of weight. I dried my hair and used my flat iron to straighten them and after that I made a big bubble on top of my head. I applied extra dark eye-shadow to my eyes to make them smokier than I'm used to. It looked really dark and I must admit that I love it. I decided on a light pink lip-gloss and stared back in the mirror feeling satisfied. I grabbed four heavy studded silver cuffs and applied two on each arm and wore a silver collar necklace with a star in the middle around my neck. It's been a while since I dressed up like this and I almost look like the old Bella, well except for the emptiness in my eyes and all the weight loss.

Seth knocked on my door right on time and when he heard that I'm taking him to my band's concert, he went crazy. He loves our music and thinks that having Edward in the band was a bonus. He loves Edward's voice and his music and he can't wait to meet Emmett.

Jasper organized for a huge part of the beach to be blocked off. From where I'm standing the stage looks amazing. Jazz is really doing a great job with our band and I'm happy Emmett found him when he did. Seth followed me to the backstage and he couldn't contain his excitement anymore. I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes or heart and that's what I call fake. I could hear Emmett's laughter and when I walked through the door my heart went into overdrive seeing Edward. He hasn't noticed me yet because he is standing with his back to me, but Emmett noticed me and came to give me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Edward turned around and shock was written all over his face. I immediately noticed the bottle of vodka in his hand and that his eyes are blood red and he has black circles around his eyes. He is not sleeping and from the redness in his eyes I know he's been drinking the whole day. Behind the redness though is pain and emptiness and I can't seem to understand why he looks so bad.

"Bella," he simply said and only nodded his head. He doesn't sound drunk and I'm grateful for that because he has a concert to perform in a few minutes.

"Edward," I answered back. Seth runs to Edward and a genuine smile spreads across Edward's face. He is truly happy to see Seth and they start to talk while walking away from me and Emmett.

Emmett pulls me to the corner and I can sense that he wants to talk to me in private. We walk to the farthest corner away from Edward when Emmett starts talking, "He's been drinking a lot lately and I'm really concerned. That's one of the reasons why I'm glad that you're coming back home," he whispered.

"I'm confused Em," I said honestly because I was confused. What happened to Edward that he suddenly needs alcohol to get by and why is there so much pain and agony in his eyes.

"I know you are, but I'll try and explain everything later," he whispered and we started walking back to Edward.

**Edward's POV**

"You're such an ass." I said to Emmett and he started laughing. He's been going on about me drinking so much and that he can swear that the alcohol wouldn't make Jane more appealing. Suddenly Emmett's eyes light up and he walks around me toward someone. I don't have to guess who that someone is, I can smell her perfume, but I'm still shocked that she came. I silently cursed my heart for beating uncontrollably and slowly turned around to look at her. My eyes automatically searched for hers and when I looked into them, I wanted to die. There's nothing there, it's as if her eyes are hollow and I know it's my entire fault. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. She also lost a lot of weight and it worries me. I see her eyes resting on my bottle of vodka that I'm holding, "Bella," I said and simply nodded my head. I know I sound rude, but I was actually trying to be formal.

"Edward," she nods back and just hearing her voice sends my heart into overdrive. I miss her so much and it takes all my self-control to not wrap her into my arms. Seth walks to me and a smile spread across my face. He's a good kid and I'm genuinely happy to see him. He started talking about what he's been up to and everything that went on after I left.

"Bella's been a real mess. For two weeks solid she wouldn't get out of bed or try to eat. I tried to force some food down her throat, but after a while she didn't even respond when I came by. She cried constantly and I must admit that I was scared to shit seeing her like that. I literally saw her life slip away from her, even now; to look into her lifeless eyes breaks my heart." Seth blurted out and I can hear that he's trying to blow off some steam. He sounds pissed at me and I can't blame him.

"Why are you telling me this Seth?" I asked even though I know the answer but still it breaks my heart hearing the hell Bella's been going through. I took another swig of vodka and Seth looked at me accusingly.

"Are you for real? You did that to her! And now you're drinking like a coward, trying to drink your problems away. You're drinking your life away Edward and it won't solve anything, it's making everything worse!" he said an I can understand why Bella hangs out with Seth, he is really mature for his age and I know he is trying to help me, but he doesn't know the whole story.

"I know Seth, but it helps me to forget and it takes away the pain. You wouldn't understand anyways and I know what I did to Bella, but it's not what it seems. I love Bella, but I'm not allowed to be with her." I explained.

"I don't know what you mean, but whatever. You're an ass for letting her go, she's really great." He said irritated.

"You're wrong, I'm a fucking monster." I said with a smile, because it's the truth. I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved by Bella. Even though I'm doing this for her, she can't know about it and as far as Bella knows, I'm a monster 'cause I crushed her heart and trampled on the pieces that were left over.

"Hey Seth come over here and meet my brother." I heard her sweet voice say. He smiled at me and playfully punched my shoulder. I couldn't help to look at her, she looks really, really sexy. It's the first time I've seen her in a dress and it's just so hot.

"Edward love," I heard the most irritating voice in the world. I groaned and took another swig from my vodka bottle. She came over towards me and pressed her lips on mine. I closed my lips and pressed them together, refusing to kiss her back. She narrowed her eyes and I looked away from her and looked straight into Bella's eyes and regretted it immediately. Her eyes are filled with tears and the pain that reflected in them was excruciating for me.

"Drinking again?" Jane asked and it irritated the shit out of me.

"What, are you like my fucking mother now?" I asked her sarcastically. Her face turned red from the anger she tried to keep inside.

"Watch your tome Edward. Do you know how it feels like to have sex with a drunk every night?" she hissed.

"So then don't have sex with me. The alcohol is better than having sex with you. Even the hangover the next morning is better than having sex with you." I yelled back. We were face to face and yelling at each other completely forgetting that we're not alone. Jane stormed off and I knew it wasn't the end of our fight. I sighed and let my head fall as I felt tears stung my eyes. I turned around and mumbled "sorry" as I walked away, drinking more of my vodka.

I walked to the stage and the moment the fans saw me and Em they went mad, screaming and whistling. I lift my hands up to calm them down.

"Hello LA, it's so amazing to be here tonight. We hope that you enjoy our show and the two new songs that I'm going to perform tonight." I yelled.

My fingers slammed on the strings of my guitar, starting the concert of with one of my new songs. It's really a hard rock song and since I'm sharing the feelings of the lyrics, it's easy to perform. As soon as Emmett falls in with his drums the red lights explode and the adrenaline it causes is extraordinary. The crowd goes mad as the lights explode and I jump up in the air slamming on my guitar strings.

"_**The secret side of me**_

_**I never let you see**_

_**I keep it caged**_

_**But I can't control it**_

_**So stay away from me**_

_**The beast is ugly**_

_**I feel the rage**_

_**And I just can't hold it**_

_**It's scratching on the walls**_

_**In the closet, in the halls**_

_**It comes awake**_

_**And I can't control it**_

_**Hiding under the bed**_

_**In my body, in my head**_

_**Why won't somebody come and save me from this?**_

_**Make it end!**_

_**I feel it deep within,**_

_**It's just beneath the skin**_

_**I must confess that i**_

_**Feel like a monster**_

_**I hate what I've become**_

_**The nightmare's just begun**_

_**I must confess that I **_

_**Feel like a monster**_

_**Feel like a monster**_

_**My secret side I keep**_

_**Hid under lock and key**_

_**I keep it caged**_

_**But I can't control it**_

'_**Cause if I let him out**_

_**He'll tear me up**_

_**And break me down**_

_**Why won't somebody come and save me from this?**_

_**Make it end!**_

_**It's hiding in the dark**_

_**It's teeth are razor sharp**_

_**There's no escape for me**_

_**It wants my soul**_

_**It wants my heart**_

_**No one can hear me scream**_

_**Maybe it's just a dream**_

_**Or maybe it's inside of me**_

_**Stop this monster**_

_**I, I feel like a monster**_

_**I, I feel like a monster**_

_**I, I feel like a monster**_

_**I, I feel like a monster**_

My fingers played the last notes of the song as I scream "I, I feel like a monster" for the last time. The crowd goes crazy and my heart is pounding so hard against my chest that it actually hurts. My adrenaline is pumping after performing the song. I turned around to look at Em, who has a huge smile plastered on his face. He gives me thumbs up and I know it was because of the song and the fact that it really rocked.

It wasn't hard to write that song at all. After everything I've done to Bella, I don't just feel like a monster, I am a monster. Also, I thought about Jane when I wrote that song, she's like the things that are hiding under my bed and closet. She wants my soul and my heart and she's breaking me down. So the song has two meanings for me. Emmett helped to compose music for the song and he loved every minute of it. He suggested that we make it hard rock because of the lyrics and said that hard rock music would suit the lyrics. I couldn't agree more and seeing how our fans react to our song is really satisfying.

"Thank you guys," I shouted out of breath.

My fingers started playing the notes of the song I wrote after I left Bella and when my arms would miss holding her and when my arms felt so hopelessly empty without her. "The next song is dedicated to a very special woman who owns my heart forever." I said still out of breath.

Every night after Jane and I had sex, I would leave my room and go sit in the music room with a bottle of whiskey or vodka or whatever I could find. I would sit there trying to drown my sorrows night after night. I feel so lost and without emotion and my arms would miss the feel of Bella's warm body and my lips would miss the feel of her warm, sweet kisses. Then I would start to scribble down words in my music book and this song turned up one night. I've been sleeping with Jane for four weeks now and it's killing me, I can feel my life slipping away from me. I don't feel anything anymore. My eyes search for Bella, knowing she's in the front row and when I find her, I want to scream from the agony I'm feeling. Her face is stained with tears and I know it's because of me. I keep my eyes locked on her and start to sing the first verse.

"_**I see you standing here**_

_**But you're so far away**_

_**Starving for your attention**_

_**You don't even know my name**_

_**You're going through so much**_

_**But I know that I could be the one to hold you**_

_**Every single day**_

_**I find it hard to say**_

_**I could be yours alone**_

_**You will see someday**_

_**That all along the way**_

_**I was yours to hold**_

_**I was yours to hold"**_

**Bella's POV**

While he is singing his eyes are locked with mine and I can't break the contact. With every word he is singing I can feel that he is singing it for me. Edward is so lifeless and unhappy and it's breaking my heart to see him in this state. I know something's wrong, I sensed it when he and Jane had the argument in front of me and Emmett, but it's none of my business. I just hate to see his eyes filled with nothing, it's as if I'm looking into a mirror as the same emptiness and pain that's in my eyes, reflects in his.

"_**I see you walking by**_

_**Your hair always hiding your face**_

_**I wonder why you've been hurting**_

_**I wish I had some way to say**_

_**You're going through so much**_

_**Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you**_

_**Every single day**_

_**I find it hard to say**_

_**I could be yours alone**_

_**You will see someday**_

_**That all along the way**_

_**I was yours to hold**_

_**I was yours to hold**_

_**I'm stretching but you're just out of reach**_

_**You should know**_

_**I'm ready when you're ready for me**_

_**And I'm waiting for the right time**_

_**For the day I catch your eye**_

_**To let you know**_

_**That I'm yours to hold"**_

When the last notes of the song ended, I couldn't take anymore and ran back to my house. Instead of going in I took my boots off and sat on the beach looking at the waves crashing and listening to the beautiful sound of the waves. My face was wet with all the tears and my heart is cut open again. I can feel my heart bleeding as the open wounds gush out blood and it's so painful. I try to grip the place where my heart is, knowing it's useless, but still trying to soothe the pains. I screamed out Edward's name feeling the pain increase. I don't know how long I've sat there crying my heart out, but I could feel the exhaustion taking over. I stood up and slowly walked back to my house and after I closed the sliding door, I went upstairs and undressed and climbed into bed. I almost immediately fell asleep; completely exhausted from all the emotional breakdowns I had today.

**Edward's POV**

I woke up with a major hangover, yet again. I'm getting used to this and it's not that bad anymore. I wish I could get used to the heartache as well so it wouldn't be as painful as it is and instead of getting better it just gets worse. The first thing I see is Jane's blonde hair spread across my chest. I silently moaned thinking about last night, thank goodness it's a blur and I'm so grateful that the vodka helped me through last night. I feel sick every time Jane touches me or where her lips touch me. I throw her head off my chest and ignore the moans coming out of her mouth. How I hate this woman, she has taken so much from me and the fact that she wanted to hurt Bella in the first place infuriates me.

I have an interview today with some magazine and then after that my holiday starts; something I'm not looking forward too. I sit on the side of the bed rubbing the sides of my head when I feel her cold hand against my back, and a shiver run down my spine. I close my eyes to try and stay calm, keeping myself from saying something hateful to her.

"I'm going away on business tomorrow and I'll be gone for maybe three weeks," she whispered against my back where she's kissing me. I'm screaming from happiness on the inside and can't wait for her to leave. I'll be free most of my holiday, but I'd rather just go home and spend the time alone. I can't face Bella again; it rips my heart open every time I do see her. I feel exposed in front of her and I don't know if I'll be able to contain myself if I'm around her.

"Aren't you going to say something?" she asked and I heard the anger in her voice.

"Like what Jane? You know how I feel about you and I won't pretend in the privacy of my own room." I said through clenched teeth. She huffed and jumped out of bed and I quickly looked away from her naked body.

I took a shower after Jane was done and dressed in black pleaded shorts with _low Chuck Taylor _sneakers and a black and white skull hoodie. The interview is taking place in this hotel and I'm relieved that Jazz organized it like this. I left the room without saying goodbye to Jane and when I arrived in the lounge-area where the interview would take place, I saw a young woman waiting for me. I groaned silently when I saw the look in her eyes, as if I'm something to eat. Next time I'm demanding a male to interview me.

"You must be Edward Cullen, please to meet you. I'm Lauren Newton." She said and stretched her hand out towards me and I took her hand in mine. "Please to meet you Lauren," I said. The photographer took a few photos before she started the interview. She asked me about how I met Emmett and how I became a member of the P_unk Rocking Skulls. _She asked me about my life before the band and that's when I decided that I'm going to tell her about my daughter. I think it's time and I'd rather tell the whole world myself before someone digs into my past. I started telling her everything, from the moment I met Tanya up to the night my daughter died in my arms.

"My first album is named after her, Allison, and the first song is dedicated to her." I said and feel all the emotion my voice is filled with. "You are the first person from the press that I'm telling this to and I want the whole world to know about my daughter and I want everyone to know that she was everything to me"

"I'm so sorry to hear that Edward, wow, you have been through a lot," she said shocked.

I smiled at her before replying, "I've been through worse, but yes, that was hell nevertheless."

After the interview I joined all my friends and sister on the beach and of course Jane was waiting with them. My heart stopped when I saw Bella with them and I wanted to turn around and walk away, but Jane came running to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. This is the acting part which I hated more than anything else, I smiled at her and gave her a quick peck but she wasn't satisfied with just a peck, so she pulled me to her lips again and deepened the kiss. My heart and mind kept screaming for her to stop and I felt so sick, sick to my stomach. I pulled away from her, but not before I saw the satisfied expression on her face. She must have enjoyed that and she knows that it would have hurt Bella to witness that.

"How was the interview?" Jazz asked and I smiled.

"Very good, but I'm not saying anything. You have to just wait and see when it comes out next week." I said.

Through the day I couldn't help but steal glances into Bella's direction and couldn't help the concern creeping into my heart. She really looks horrible and from the puffy eyes I can see that she's been crying the whole night. She left the concert in such a hurry that we never saw her after that.

"Bella we really need to talk about your designs. They are finished and I really want to show them to you." Alice said her voice full of excitement. A faint smile spread across Bella's face and she didn't look that excited about her designs.

"Thanks Ali, how about tonight?" she suggested and Alice squealed from excitement. "Rose can join us, if you'd like to," Bella said.

The day went by fast and before long we walked to our holiday house that Jazz rented for us. Bella came with us and then all the girls, except Jane, will go to Bella's place. Bella hasn't spoken one word to me the whole day and it breaks my heart, but I'll have to deal with it. After the girls left, Jane went to get ready for the next morning, not that it was necessary because we spent last night in a hotel and Jazz organized to move our stuff to the holiday house while I was at the interview, so all her stuff is already packed.

"Guys, I'm going home when Jane leaves tomorrow," I said out of the blue and I can see the shock on their faces and before they could ask me why I quickly answered, "I need to be alone right now."

"Dude, I'm going to miss having you here with us, but if you feel this is what you need then do it." Emmett said. He is the only one that knows about Jane.

"Thanks bro," I said to Emmett and turned to Jazz, "Will you please book me a ticket?" I asked and Jasper nodded.

I dreaded the fact that I had to go to bed, but I was exhausted. When I got into my room I sighed in relief when I found Jane fast asleep. I climbed into bed and before my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

**Bella's POV**

When we arrived at my home I made coffee and we relaxed in the living room. Alice started packing out the designs and I felt a little excited. I'm going to have my own clothing-line and it's going to be so cool.

"Okay Bella this is just the beginning, I wanted to get your approval first before I went further." Alice explained and I nodded. She picked the first piece up and I couldn't contain my excitement. It was a black hoodie with "WTH" written in white on the front.

"I've made this for men and woman and they'll be available in different colors." She explained.

"It's so cool Ali, I love it." I said and she picked up the next piece which was a long white tee with "WTH" written in gold. "Now this one I absolutely love Alice," I said.

"I have to agree with Bella, it's gorgeous." Rose said with a smile.

"I thought you guys would like it, and Bella this is an off-the-shoulder tee and will also be available in different colors." Alice said excited. The next piece was just a plain tee with the "WTH" words on the front and also a tank top with the same words on. The last piece was a black hoodie with little pink skulls all over. I jumped up in excitement seeing my two favorite colors.

"Alice I love it." I said.

"I thought you would and we can also bring it into your WTH-line. Then I've been thinking, we should design a few jeans and some more tee's and hoodies for men and women and then we should organize a fashion show to launch your _What the hell_-line." She suggested.

"It's an awesome idea." I said.

"Em said that you're coming home?" Rose asked and I nodded my head.

"Yes I am, I'm tired of being alone and besides, I miss you guys so much." I explained. They both looked worried and decided to tell them everything I went through, from the day I got here until the day Edward left and up to the day of the concert. I cried most of the time while Rose and Alice comforted me.

"I don't know about the part that he doesn't love you Bella, I know my brother and I can see that he loves you." Alice said while gently rubbing my back.

"If he loved me…he…he…he wouldn't have done this to me Ali, my heart is broken and I don't know how to live like this anymore," I sobbed.

"Something's off about Edward and Jane's relationship. I mean since Edward and Jane are together he's been drinking a lot and that's not normal, they constantly fight and they don't show emotion of affection towards one another. Edward's eyes are cold and sometimes when he looks at Jane he looks at her with hate and anger and it's really confusing." Alice explained and it just makes everything worse. He left me for another woman whom he most probably despises. How much can I really mean to him then?

"You're right Alice, Edward has been acting strange and he drinking so much has me worried." Rose said agreeing with Alice.

"This is so confusing you guys," I whispered.

Rose and Alice left shortly after we talked about everything and I started packing my stuff. I'm going home tomorrow morning and I want to load the car before I go to sleep so it will be ready when I want to leave.

I grabbed my phone and text Emmett.

**Em, I'm leaving in the morning. I'm going back home and spend some time by myself before all of you come back**

_Bells, it's fine with me. Just drive safely and take care of yourself._

**Okay, I will. I'll let you know as soon as I get there. Love you**

It's weird that Emmett's not fighting me on this. After I loaded everything into my car, I climbed into bed thinking about the fashion show that Alice and I are going to plan. I'm really excited about it and I'm excited about the clothing.

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><p><strong>Please review and tell me what you think!<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and Avril Lavigne owns the song!**

**More and more people are reading my story; I just wish that everyone would take the time to review. Thank you all for reading though and everyone that has reviewed thank you. You guys are my inspiration. **

**Anyway, Bella and Edward still have a road to walk and there are still some mountains in their way that they should climb. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

**Edward's POV**

I had to wait two days to get back home, but at least Jane wasn't with me which was a bonus. I haven't seen Bella since the day at the beach and I've been missing her so much.

After I unpacked my stuff I went to the music room and played a little on the piano. It was soothing to hear the clear notes and feeling the keys underneath my fingers was calming me. I've played for a couple of hours and when it finally felt like my soul was filled with calmness I went to my room to get some sleep. Even though my heart is breaking, I'm smiling, because I'm sober for once and I don't have to sleep with Jane tonight. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, dreaming of my Bella.

**Bella's POV**

I'm so exhausted after the last twelve hour drive of my trip and I just want to go to bed and sleep. I'll unload my car tomorrow morning. I've been gone three months and it feels like years, but everything is still the same. I climbed the stairs and went to my room not caring about anything now except to sleep. I put one of my tank tops on and only boy shorts and climbed into bed, falling asleep immediately.

I woke the next morning still feeling tired. I could use a cup of strong black coffee now and jumped out of bed. While walking downstairs towards the kitchen I could smell freshly brewed coffee and I started frowning. I know I'm the only one here, everyone is still in LA. When I came around the corner I gasped, because it was none other than Edward. His back was towards me and he hasn't noticed me yet. He only had boxers on and looked sexy as hell. I could stare at him all day long, but my heart is ripped into shreds and it hurts like hell. I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I haven't noticed that Edward has turned around and has a shocked expression on his face, which tells me that he had no idea I was coming back home.

"Bella…what are you doing here?" he asked and my heart went into overdrive just hearing his sexy velvet voice.

"Um…well…um…I came home, I mean I've decided that it's time for me to come home and start working on my music again." I explained stuttering over my words. I caught him looking up and down my body and that's when I remembered that I only had boy shorts on and a tank top. I felt my face turn red and when his eyes met mine; I can see the longing in them and…love.

"Edward…" I whispered as he is slowly walking towards me and stops right in front of me. I slowly look up and feel his hands on my hips pulling me closer to him. His touch sends shivers down my spine and as his lips comes closer to mine; I can feel my heart fluttering. I know I should stop him, that's what my mind is shouting, but my heart longs for this man. I love him with my whole heart and for me to pull away now would take a lot of strength which I don't have. My hand automatically reached up to his neck and my fingers started running through his hair and as his lips rests on mine I feel myself pulling him closer to me. At first his kisses are slow and so tender. He trails his tongue over my bottom lip asking permission to enter and as I open my mouth in acceptance he slips his tongue in and our tongues start to dance together, at first it's feels like a slow dance but then as our bodies start to heat up, the slow dance turns into a tango and we're finding ourselves fighting for dominance. I'm so hungry for this man that I can't think straight anymore, but Jane's face makes an appearance in my mind and the strength I've been searching for fills my heart. I gently push Edward away from me and the loss of contact makes my heart bleed again and the excruciating pain returns. We're both out of breath and our chests heave up and down.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered out of breath but I held my hand up to stop him.

"Don't apologize please, it will make it wrong and for a few seconds it didn't feel wrong so please don't apologize to me." I pleaded while tears rolled down my cheeks.

He groans before he pulls me into his arms, comforting me as I cry my heart out.

"Bella I wish I could take this pain away from you. It kills me to see you like this." He said with a pain-filled voice.

"I'm trying to be strong, but this is so hard. I miss you and every day without you is like lungs going without oxygen. I can't go on like this Edward, I'm falling apart and I don't have the strength to help myself anymore. How did everything get so screwed-up?" I cried out.

"I hate myself for doing this to you. Bella I will get out of this without hurting you and then we can be together." He said and I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Don't worry about it, I've said too much already. Just don't lose faith in me, Love." He said.

"I'm so confused right now and how can you ask me something like that, you off all people. You've hurt me so much Edward that I'm broken beyond repair. I can't be fixed and I'm barely hanging on here," I said through sobs.

"You have no idea how much strength it took from me to leave you, and you haven't got a clue what the hell I'm going through Bella. Every day with that woman is killing me and I'm doing it for you dammit," he shouted.

What the hell does he mean, it's for me. Something's going on here and I'm going to find out exactly what. Obviously Edward is not happy and I have to figure out why.

"I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you and I apologize." He whispered and I couldn't help myself when my hand reached for his cheek and I almost cried again when he leans his face into my hand while closing his eyes, whispering "you have no idea how good your hand feels and how I miss your touch." I pulled my hand away from his cheek before I could lose control again.

"Um…since we're going to be alone for two or more weeks I think we should start working on our music. We should keep ourselves busy so we won't lose control again. I don't want to be the other woman, Edward." I said seriously.

"You could never be the other woman, you are the only woman in my heart and you'll always be the only one Bella. I promise you that I'll work everything out." He said and moved away from me, which made me sigh in relief. Having him so close to me was heaven and hell at the same time. "As for the suggestion about us working on our music, I think it's a good idea. I have written a few songs that needs a woman's voice. I have tried to sing it solo, but nothing is working out and that's when I had the idea that maybe if you could sing with me it would work." He said.

"We can try it and then you can decide if it works for you." I said and felt excited to be singing songs with Edward. I made us both a cup of coffee and we drank it in silence. _What a morning?_ I thought to myself and smiled. I really need a shower to cool down, even though it's damn cold outside, it's warm inside the house. When we bought this house, Jake installed a central heating system for the whole house. We never get cold in this house and I love it. I hate the cold.

After we finished our coffee, I went upstairs and took a long hot shower trying to relax. When I climbed out of the shower I walked back into my room and sat on the end of my bed, looking around my room. So many memories of Jake in this room, everywhere I look there's picture frames of us together. We looked so happy, and we were. I did love Jake and if he hadn't died I would have married him and I know I would've been happy, because Edward wouldn't have existed. "_Oh Jake, if only we hadn't stopped that night" _I whispered to one of the picture frames where Jake is laughing while looking at me. You can see the love he had for me reflecting on his whole face. I have to pack all his stuff away and pack his clothes away that's still hanging in my closet. Then I have to go visit Jake's grave and say my final goodbye.

I just pulled on some sweatpants and a tank top before I started to sort out Jake's clothes. I know I'm over Jake's death, but I still miss him and as I pack away his clothes and smell him in almost every shirt, tears flow from my eyes. Memories start flooding my brain and I remember every time he wore a shirt or what he did when he had a certain shirt on. It's so overwhelming and as tears streamed down my face, Edward walks in. He immediately sees the situation I'm in and I can see that he is making wrong assumptions and just as he was about to turn around I sobbed loudly.

"I was just remembering all the times with Jake and even though I didn't love him like I love you, right now I wished that he was still alive and that that horrible night never happened and that I never met you, because the pain I'm feeling right now over loosing you is just so unbearable Edward. I'll go through that night over and over again because it was nothing compared to loosing you." I said right before I broke down. He rushed to me where I was sitting on the floor and pulled me onto his lap and cradled me like a little baby.

"What have I done to you my sweet, sweet Love? How can I go on like this?" he cried. Edward is sobbing with me and it only makes me cry harder. After I calmed myself down I lifted my head and looked into his eyes which were filled with tears. I dried his face with my hands and whispered, "I can't do this anymore Edward. I'd rather die than live without you."

"Don't ever say that Bella, I won't be able to live with myself if anything happens to you." He said with so much pain that I felt my heart tighten.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you pain," I whispered but he shook his head. "No Bella, I'm the one that caused you all the pain. I'm in pain because you are in pain."

"I'll be fine; I mean I have to be." I said but couldn't ignore the familiar cutting pain in my heart and I know my heart is going to start bleeding again. "I was thinking of going to Forks." I said to change the subject and try and soothe my bleeding heart.

"Okay, why?" he asked.

"Um…I…well…I want to go to Jake's grave." I stuttered.

"So then let's go, I mean if you don't mind me going with you." He said and I only shook my head.

"No I don't mind, I was going to ask you to come with because I can't be alone right now." I said and climbed of his lap and held my hand out for his. He took my hand smiling as I helped him up. I'll rather be in Edward's life as a friend than not being in his life at all. I need him; my bleeding heart needs him because without him, my heart will run dry. For now my heart is an open wound, but they do close in time and then they turn into scars. It's just to let the open wounds heal first which I don't get to do because my heart keeps bleeding.

We only packed an overnight bag since we're coming back tomorrow and of course I took my guitar with. We went in Edward's Volvo and from all the crying today I fell asleep in the car and only woke up when we stopped at Edward's parents' house. I yawned and stretched out before I climbed out of his car.

Esme came to meet us at the car and she was really happy to see me. She embraced me in a warm hug and it felt so motherly and since I'm so emotional right now, I started crying. She held her arm around my shoulders while we walked to the house. I feel like an idiot for crying just because Esme hugged me, I don't know maybe I just miss my mother. The house was nice and warm and it felt good, since it was so damn cold outside. Carlisle jumped up when he saw me and Edward and even his embrace made me cry. Edward had a pained expression on his face the whole time and I knew he was feeling guilty.

"What's wrong honey?" Carlisle asked but before I could answer him I felt nauseous and had to run for the bathroom. I emptied my stomach into the toilet but didn't feel better. Sweat formed on my forehead and it felt good when I splashed my face with cold water. Carlisle' doctor instincts stepped in when I found him waiting for me outside the bathroom.

"What's going on?" he asked and I now feel that Carlisle is my doctor again.

"I don't know Carlisle, I just felt sick." I answered.

"And now?" he asked again sounding concerned.

"I don't feel better Carlisle, I'm still nauseous." I moaned and I heard him chuckle.

"If you're not better in the morning, I want you to come to the hospital and see me, okay." He ordered and I only nodded. We went back to the living room where Esme and Edward waited for us. Edward's face was full of concern and had a worried look in his eyes.

"Edward I was thinking that maybe we could leave later tomorrow, maybe in the afternoon." I suggested and he just nodded his head. I don't feel like going to Jake's grave now after being so sick. I'd rather just stay in and relax.

We only talked for the rest of the afternoon and Esme made me chicken soup for supper because I was still nauseous. After dinner I said goodnight and went to the same guestroom I stayed in the last time I was here. After I showered I pulled on black boy shorts and a white tank top and climbed into bed.

Even though I was emotionally drained, I couldn't sleep. I miss Edward and I know longing for his touch is wrong and will only make things worse for me, but I can't help it. Our kiss from this morning plays over and over in my head and my heart tightens by every memory. The hole in my chest is just getting bigger and bigger and the emptiness is killing me, feeling nothing is worse than feeling hatred and bitterness, believe me I've been there as well.

**Edward's POV**

I can't help but smile and feel happy because I know when I get out of this shower I will see Bella. She's really here with me and although she's not mine, just having her here makes my heart beat faster.

I dressed in black cargo pants and a red hoodie with my conversed sneakers. After I dressed I went to find Bella and see if she was still sleeping. I knocked on her door and heard her mumbling something, but couldn't make it out so I just opened the door and that's when I heard her throwing up. I ran to her where she was sitting in front of the toilet.

"Bella what's wrong?" I asked in fear and worry filled my heart. She started throwing up again and when she was done she answered me.

"I don't know, but I feel like shit," she said out of breath.

"Let's get you dressed and then I'm taking you to my dad." I said and helped her up. She pulled out some clothes and didn't even mind me being there in the room. She started undressing herself and I had to swallow after seeing her in just boy shorts. I don't have the strength to tear my eyes away from her beautiful body and it just makes the desire for Bella so much stronger. She pulls on some fishnet stockings and very, very short jeans with a black off the shoulder tee that has a pink skull on the front. She steps into her very high doc Martins and grabs a black jacket. She looks so hot and if Bella was mine I would grab her right now and make hot passionate love to her, but she's not mine to grab so I have to control myself.

"Stop looking at me like that Edward, I'm not in the mood" she said breaking the silence and waking me up from my daydreaming.

"Um…like what Bella" I stuttered.

"Like I'm the hottest thing alive and like you want me, which we both know is not true by the way." She said sounding irritated and tired. I sighed at her answer. How will I ever make her believe that I love her and that I only want her?

"Let's just go, we'll talk later." I said and frowned when she grabbed her guitar, "Where are you going with your guitar." I asked.

"Will you take me to Jake's grave after I've seen your dad?" she asked and that gave me the answer. She wants to go to his grave and I know she's going to sing to him, just like I did the other day at Allison's grave. I didn't answer her and only nodded my head.

We drove to the hospital in silence and walked to my dad's office in silence. He wasn't surprised to see us and I think he knew that Bella wouldn't feel better. I left them and took a seat in the waiting area. I just hope everything's okay and that Bella will be okay. After what seemed like hours, she steps out of the office and she's even paler than before she went in and she looks shocked. I can also see trails of tears and I wonder what's going on. My heart is beating out of control from the fear I'm feeling. Something's wrong, I can see it in her eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked when she stood in front of me.

"I'll explain later, can we go now?" she answered and I nodded my head.

**Bella's POV**

I don't even know where his grave is, but I remember vaguely when Emmett gave me directions. I eventually found his grave and I felt tears well up in my eyes. They used the photo of Jake where he sort of looks up at the sky, laughing. I remember when I took the photo; it was the day after Jake proposed to me and the day we gave Emmett the news of our engagement. I can't remember what Emmett said to him, but Jake just started laughing and he looked so happy and so beautiful that I took the picture.

Underneath the photo was the words "True Hero" and then it said beloved son, brother, fiancé and friend. The hero part was so true, he saved my life and for now I'm so grateful. I slowly went down on my knees in front of his headstone, "Hey Jake," I whispered while tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart tightened as I trailed my fingers over Jake's photo. I know I love Edward with my whole heart and that I've never loved anyone like that before but there was a time when I loved Jake and even though I don't love Jake the way I love Edward, I still miss him and still think we could have been happy if Jake hadn't died. "I'm sorry I stayed away for so long, but it was still raw and very sore. I had to let you go first and now that I have the strength to do that I came to say…I came to say….to say goodbye Jake." I sobbed while stuttering over my own words. That's why I'm here; to finally say goodbye to Jake and make peace with everything that has happened, and maybe then I can go on, but I know I'm just trying to fool myself. I'll never be happy without Edward. I sobbed loudly when I felt the familiar ache in my heart. "Why did you have to die? I mean everything was fine between us. I have never been through anything worse than what I'm going through right now. I'm so hurt Jake and it's not you; if only it was then it would be easier." I whispered while tears are streaming down my face. Everything is coming to the surface now, my feelings for Jake and Edward and also the fact that I'm left broken by the both of them. "I fell in love Jake and I mean really, really in love. For the first time in my life I know what real love feels like and also how it feels to lose that love. It's nothing compared to what you and I had, I mean don't get me wrong, what we had was very special but with Edward it's so very different. My heart belongs to him, he is like the air that I breathe and now I've lost him forever." I cried loudly.

"Jake, I've lost our baby, and then I had to deal with the fact that I won't be able to have any more children, but today I found out that that's not true. If I weren't so preoccupied in my own pain and hurt and anger I would have known this and I could have prevented myself from more pain." I whispered still sobbing and thought back on my conversation with Carlisle.

"_Bella do you remember when we did the tests to see if you could have children?" he asked with uncertainty._

"_Of course I do and also that I never got the results back." I said and felt a pain in my chest. I could never give Edward children and it's probably for the best that he found someone else._

"_Yes because you asked me not to phone you with the results and because I thought you wouldn't be interested in a relationship right away I obeyed your wishes, but Bella I should have called because there is nothing wrong with your uterus and you are in fact seven weeks pregnant." He smiled._

"_What?" I gasped and felt shock run through my body. I should have known something wasn't right, I haven't had my periods in almost two months, but I was so broken over Edward's deceit that I wasn't paying attention to anything. "How am I going to tell Edward?" I said loudly without thinking that I was with Edward's dad._

"_Edward's the father?" Carlisle asked shocked._

"_Um…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't even realizing that I was speaking out loud." I said._

"_Bella is Edward the father?" he asked again with urgency._

"_Yes he is, but please don't tell him." I begged._

"_Bella you have to tell him, you can't keep this from him." He pleaded._

"_I know and I promise I'll tell him, just give me some time." I asked and Carlisle nodded. _

"I'm seven weeks pregnant Jake, with the love of my life's baby and I can't be with him because he is in love with someone else. How did I make such a mess of my life? Everything was fine up until the point when you died. Now I'm going to be a single mom that's probably doomed for life and I'll never be happy without Edward. I've got this life growing inside me that I have to take care of and I'm scared to death." I said while picking up my guitar and strummed through the strings. "I wrote you a song babe, because I won't be coming back here again, this is my goodbye Jake."

**Edward's POV**

I decided to go and find Bella because she's taking a long time and I'm worried about her. I don't have a clue what my dad told her but I can't get the shocked expression on her face out of my mind. I stopped in my footsteps when I saw her on her knees in front of Jake's grave. I can hear her crying and it breaks my heart to hear her cry like that. Her fingers strum on the strings of her guitar and I feel my heartbeat accelerate.

"I wrote you a song babe, because I won't be coming back here again, this is my goodbye Jake." She said and started playing a melody on her guitar.

"_**Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my love**_

_**I can't hide, can't hide, can't hide what has come**_

_**I have to go, I have to go, I have to go and leave you alone**_

_**But always know, always know, always know that I love you so**_

_**I love you so, I love you so, **_

_**Ooooooohhh**_

_**Goodbye brown eyes, goodbye for now**_

_**Goodbye sunshine, take care of yourself**_

_**I have to go, I have to go, I have to go and leave you alone**_

_**But always know, always know, always know that I love you so**_

_**I love you so, I love you so,**_

_**Oooooooohhhh"**_

Her singing brings joy into my life, but hearing her sing with so much emotion that's filled with sadness, agony and pain breaks my heart into a million pieces.

From the song she's singing I know she's saying goodbye to Jake and it's thrilling to hear that she's over him, but what breaks me is the fact that Jake has never intentionally hurt Bella, but I have over and over again. Jake would have treasured her heart, but I have broken her heart.

"_**La lullaby distract me with your rhymes**_

_**La lullaby**_

_**La lullaby, help me sleep tonight**_

_**La lullaby**_

_**La lullaby**_

_**La lullaby**_

_**I have to go, I have to go, I have to go and leave you alone**_

_**But always know, always know, always know that I love you so**_

_**I love you so…. I love you so**_

_**Goodbye brown eyes**_

_**Goodbye my love…."**_

As the final words of her song flows out of her mouth and the last notes on her guitar stops, she sobs loudly. I wish I could go to her and comfort her but I know this is something she needs to do by herself. I feel guilty for eavesdropping on her but I was worried about her and just wanted to see if she was okay.

"I feel like I'm getting a second chance Jake and I'm not going to let anything happen to this one, no matter how hard it will be to do it alone. I know I'll pull through…." She said while wiping tears from her eyes. "Thank you for all the love you have given me and for all the good times. Goodbye Jake…" she whispered. I turned around and walked back to my car before she could notice me. I didn't wait long before I saw her walking towards my car and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. My heart accelerated as she smiled back while climbing into the car.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yea, couldn't be better." She said and sighed, "I just wanna go home now Edward," she continued.

"Let's get our stuff from my parents' house and then we'll leave okay?" I suggested and she nodded. I drove back to my parents' house and wondered on the way what's going on with Bella. That something wasn't right was obvious and as soon as we're alone I'm going to find out what it is. She said something at Jake's grave that's bothering me and it's confusing. What the hell did she mean by, I'm not going to let anything happen to this one? As soon as we get to Seattle I'll talk to her and get the truth out of her.

**Bella's POV**

"I'm going to lie down for a while Edward." I said after we walked through the door. The drive from Forks felt so long, maybe it was because of the absolute silence we drove in or maybe it was because I was emotionally drained from all the crying. Carlisle told me that I would get tired quickly in my first trimester and I will be very emotional most of the time and since I'm so broken it's not that hard to get extra emotional. But Carlisle said that it's not good for the baby if I'm sad all the time and cry all the time, so I have to get over this depression and start to take care of my baby.

Edward cleared his throat before he asked, "Bella can we talk?"

"Um…really Edward can't it wait, I'm bushed." I said tiredly.

"No Bella, I'm sorry but it can't wait," he simply said and I sighed while walking to the living room and fell on one of the couches, feeling irritated with Edward.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. I huffed in unbelief and narrowed my eyes.

"Is that what's so important? You want to know what's wrong with me." I asked and he nodded his head with a frown. "Gosh Edward, you are a piece of work you know that?" I said while standing up. "I don't owe you an explanation; in fact I don't owe you anything. If there was something wrong with me, it would be none of your damn business. I'm not your girlfriend nor am I your responsibility." I hissed and walked away. I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door behind me and fell onto my bed weeping. I know I was unfair to Edward right now, but I couldn't contain my anger any longer. I'm so angry at him for breaking my heart and leaving me and now I have a baby on the way. I'm furious not just at Edward but at myself; I should have waited for the test results, I shouldn't have assumed that I couldn't have children and now, now I'm pregnant with the love of my existence's child and he doesn't want me. I don't even know if I want to tell him about the baby, but it wouldn't be fair to him if I don't. How will I tell him though?

I woke up after what only felt like minutes. I must have fallen asleep while crying my heart out over Edward and my baby. I'm going to have to tell him, but I don't know how and I don't know how he will react. I stood up and walked down the stairs to look for Edward and heard him in the music room playing the piano; I froze because it sounded just like the song I sang to Jake this morning, but it sounded different. He definitely changed some notes, but my question would be where he got the song? I walked up to him with determination and as soon as he saw me he stopped playing. He looked into my eyes and it felt like his eyes burnt mine. His eyes were filled with hurt and I knew it's because of what I said this afternoon so I let my head fall and sighed, "I'm sorry about what I said to you this afternoon, it was unfair to treat you like that."

"No Bella you were right, I had no right to ask you that and to demand an answer was wrong. I'm sorry." He said. I went to sit next to him in front of the piano before I asked, "Where did you get the song?"

"I'm sorry about that too; I went to look for you after you took so long. I was worried and then I found you kneeling at Jakes' grave and playing on your guitar while singing. I should have left, but I couldn't tear myself away from your voice." He confessed and I know I should be furious at him but I'm not.

"Don't be sorry." I said while taking his hand in mine. Just the touch of his hand sends my heart into overdrive and sends shivers down my whole body and flutters the butterflies in my stomach. I closed my eyes as the pain all this inflicts on my heart is so excruciating that it feels like someone is cutting my heart open with a rusty old dagger. I'm too late to stop the tears from falling so instead of wiping them away, I leave them to fall down.

"I hate seeing you in so much pain, it kills me Bella and to know that I'm responsible for all this pain is just too much," he said and took me into his arms, gently stroking my hair.

"I have to tell you something…" I sobbed into his chest. I can feel his heartbeat and it sounds out of rhythm. I moved away from him to look into his eyes. He looked back at me with a frown. There was no easy way to say this so I'm just going to have to toughen up and spit it out.

"I'm…I'm…um…I'm pregnant Edward," I whispered and saw him turn pale in a matter of seconds. So many emotions crossed his face at the same time that I couldn't figure out how he's feeling or what he's thinking.

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><p><strong>Please please please review! <strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters!**

**Thank you so much for reading my story. Guys I absolutely loved writing this chapter so please review and tell me what you think**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21 <strong>

**Edward's POV**

"I'm…I'm…um…I'm pregnant Edward," she whispered. Shock filled my body as her words sunk in. How the hell did this happen?

"Edward did you hear what I just said?" she asked with fear in her voice. I cleared my throat before answering her.

"How could this be, I mean you said you can't have children." I asked. My throat was so dry and I could feel my heart pounding in my throat, which made it even more difficult to swallow. Her eyes filled with new tears and she didn't even bother wiping them away as they rolled down her cheeks. She looked so fragile and so heartbroken and it caused excruciating pain in my chest where my heart used to be.

"I was wrong. I never went back to Carlisle for the results of the tests and I told Carlisle that I didn't want to know the results. I was so caught up in my own pain and fear that I never for one second thought about that, not until we made love or had sex in your case. And Carlisle thought after everything I went through that I wouldn't be interested in a relationship so soon, so he decided to keep his word and not tell me the results." She explained. My heart sank into my feet when she spoke about our lovemaking as sex. I have broken Bella after she trusted me and after she gave herself to me. How could she believe anything I say to her? How could she believe that I love her and that when we made love it was the best day of my life? How could she believe that I love her more than my own life? How could I even blame her for not believing a word I say?

The fact that Bella's pregnant is the greatest news I have received in a long time. It fills my heart with so much joy and love that I want to jump up and down from excitement and happiness, but I can't be with her. Now I not only have Bella to protect, but also my unborn child. My head fell into my hands as I sighed and felt the tears burn my eyes.

"Edward I don't want anything from you. I won't interfere in your relationship with Jane. I just wanted you to know that you're going to be a father. I guess I owe you that much." She said quickly. She must misunderstand why I've said nothing. I quickly turned to look at her and as I feel the tears streaming down my face I pull her to me, not only to comfort her but also to give my own heart some comfort.

"Bella don't you know that this is the best news I've received in so long. Don't you realize that I love you more than my life?" I said with urgency. She sobbed loudly while I feel her head shaking sideways.

"If that was true…no never mind, we've been through this already and it always ends up the same way. I'm still broken." She cried into my chest.

"Bella I love you and I will get through this so we can be together. I want to be a part of my baby's life and your life. You and this baby," I said while placing my hand on her still flat stomach, "are my life Bella and I'll do anything for you." I said while cupping her face with my hands and pulling her face closer to mine. Her chest starts heaving up and down and her breathing became heavy.

I softly touched her lips with mine and the sigh that escaped her mouth was music to my ears because she welcomed my lips on hers. She moaned softly when I trailed my tongue over her lips and as she parted her lips slowly, I gently entered her mouth with my tongue. I didn't rush into anything and I slowly moved my tongue around hers and when she started moving with me, my heartbeat accelerated. I moaned while I pulled her closer to me.

My hands trembled when I reached for her hips and as I slowly work my way up her hoodie, her breathing became frantic. She starts kissing me with more need but I keep my pace and slowly roll my tongue around hers and as her moans repeat, my heart pounds louder. She grabs my hair as she straddles herself over me and that's when my will crumbles. I unzip her hoodie slowly and work my way up to her breasts, covered in a black lace bra. My hands tremble when I cup her breasts and start massaging them. Bella's head falls back and the pleasure it gives my body feeling her so close to me is unbelievably amazing.

"Bella I need you so much," I said breathing loudly and as her lips came crushing on mine again I moan loudly. She tastes so good and it feels so good having her in my arms that I want to scream out from the joy it causes my heart.

We started pulling each other's clothes off and just looking at her beautiful naked body does wild things to my heart and body. We're still on the piano chair but it's not uncomfortable and as Bella hovers over me on her knees she looks straight into my eyes, desire and passion burning in her two brown pools and the desire in my heart grows more for the woman I love.

"Make love to me Edward, make love to me now." She whispered.

My heart starts beating uncontrollably as I rest my hands on her hips, pulling her down on top of me. I scream out her name as I enter her and the feeling of Bella makes me crazy.

"You are so beautiful Bella." I whispered and as she starts moving on top of me, my hands trail up and rests on her breasts which makes her moan out loud. She moves faster and I know she's close to reaching her orgasm. Our breathing is heavy and moans come out of our mouths as we touch each other and kiss each other. Bella's head falls back while she screams out my name and her whole body is shaking from the spasms her orgasm caused. She looks back at me with so much love that my heart starts to swell.

I stand up without breaking our connection and walk to the couch that's in the middle of the music room. I gently lay her down without letting go. "I love you so much Bella." I whispered before I started moving inside of her. Her eyes rolled back as I pushed deeper and deeper and with every thrust she moans. "Can you feel my love for you Bella?" I asked her, my voice filled with passion. "Please tell me that you can feel how much I love you." I begged moving faster and faster and before Bella could answer, we both screamed out as we came together. Bella clung to my body and I gently kissed her on her forehead. Both of us are out of breath and our chests heave up and down. Her eyes are locked with mine and when tears start to well up in her eyes, panic fills my heart.

"What's wrong, Love?" I asked her.

"Nothing, I'm just so overwhelmed with joy right now and I wish I could lay like this forever, because this is where I belong or at least I feel that I belong here with you." She whispered softly.

"Bella-" I started saying but she covered my mouth with her fingers and even the touch of her fingers causes my body to heat up.

"I did feel your love Edward, I mean I would be stupid if I hadn't felt it, but it doesn't make it right or change anything." She sighed. "I have become the other woman now, something I despise. I hate cheaters and now I have become an accomplice to one. I hate this but I can't help myself when I'm around you Edward. I love you so much and now that I'm carrying your baby, I love you even more. I have your blood growing inside me, it's a part of you and you have no idea what that does to my heart." She said further on.

"Love, you could never be the other woman, because you are the only woman for me. I know everything is confusing right now, but I promise you that I'll do whatever I can to get out of this relationship with Jane." I said. Bella can never know about Jane. I won't let anything happen to Bella and if Jane so much as touches a hair on Bella's head, I will kill her myself. "I love you," I whispered while rolling to my back and pulling her into my arms.

"I know you do, but it's not enough. I can't do this anymore Edward; I can't live here and be this close to you every day without touching you. Plus to see you with another woman will destroy me completely. I'm not strong enough to face this every day." She said and my heart started pounding painfully against my chest in fear of Bella leaving again.

"Bella promise me you won't leave again. If I don't see you every day, I'll die Bella. I know it sounds selfish but I need you. You are my rock, my stronghold Bella." I whispered feeling a little desperate. If Bella leaves again, I'll die. I can't lose her again.

"Edward I don't understand, why do you stay with Jane if you're not happy." She asked. And I'm surprised that she hasn't asked this question long ago.

"It's complicated Bella and I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. Just trust me on this please; I'm begging you not to leave again. Don't disappear out of my life." I pleaded.

"I won't go anywhere, besides I need my friends and family now more than ever…" she promised.

"I hear a 'but' in that promise Bella," I prompted.

"We can't be together like this again Edward. I won't be the reason for your unhappy relationship with Jane. You chose to live with her and whether you're happy or not it was your choice and I won't come between you two." She said with determination.

"Okay from my side I promise I won't touch you again. If it means you'll stay here I know I'll be able to keep my promise, but Bella can I ask one last favor?" I asked and she nodded her head. "Can I have one last kiss?" I begged and when the smile formed on her mouth my heartbeat picked up.

I would love to give you one last kiss." She whispered before she offered me her lips.

I gently placed my lips onto hers and it sent shivers down my whole body and this time her tongue moved into my mouth and started playing with my tongue, exploring my mouth. Every time her tongue rolled around mine I moaned in pleasure and pulled her closer.

**Bella's POV**

Our kiss deepened and I knew we wouldn't be able to stop now. "Don't stop Bella," he begged as I pulled my lips away from his. I only smiled because I knew Edward felt the same way I did, none of us had the strength to stop this even though we knew it was wrong. I started kissing him again and our tongues danced in unison and with every touch of his tongue my heart starts pounding against my chest in joy. I can feel Edward's arousal against me and my body tingled all over. We were still naked from our previous lovemaking and as our kiss deepen with more desire and passion, Edward's hands tremble while trailing up my sides. Where his hands touched my body, it left my skin burning with desire. Edward's mouth left mine and I groaned from the loss of contact, but he started trailing kisses down my jawline and onto my neck, all the way down until I feel his warm mouth on my breast. His tongue feels like fire as he starts sucking my nipple and I moan at the pleasure it causes my body.

"I need you Edward, make love to me." I begged out of breath.

Edward lifted his head and looked straight into my eyes, his eyes filled with love, passion and desire and I'm sure my eyes have the same emotions in them because I've never loved Edward more than I love him right now.

"Are you sure Bella?" he asked with a strained voice and I only nodded my head.

My heart went into overdrive when Edward hovered over me and I knew it wouldn't be long before I felt him inside me again. Edward moaned when he slowly entered me and I gasped.

"It feels so right to have you inside me, as if you belong with me. I love you so much Edward Cullen, so much." I said.

He smiled down at me, "I belong with you Bella, and my heart belongs to you always and forever. I love you my Bella." He whispered back and it sent my heart fluttering. He started moving and I pulled my legs up and wrapped them around his waist so I can feel him deep inside me. Our lips reconnected while Edward moved slowly inside me. He didn't rush anything this time and tears welled up in my eyes. This feels so amazing and I can kick myself for doubting Edward's love for me. My breathings starting to become heavy and my body feels all hot and tingly. Edward starts to move faster and I know his orgasm is as close as mine, and before long both of our bodies collapsed into spasms as we reached our orgasms together moaning loudly. Edward's body collapsed onto mine as he kissed me with so much love that I don't know how to pull away from him and never touch him again. How do you let go of the one person you love more than anything in this world?

"Thank you so much Edward," I said while tears rolled down my cheeks. He gently wiped the tears away, smiling at me.

"For what, Love?" he asked.

"For making love to me like I've never experienced before and for not stopping." I smiled back.

"To make love to you Bella is so easy, because I love you with a depth I can't explain," he whispered and kissed me. "As for the stopping part, that was just as easy because I tend to forget everything when I'm around you." He whispered against my lips and it made my whole body shiver. "You know I only asked for one last kiss?" he said and chuckled. My face turned crimson red and I huffed.

"Well can you blame me for not stopping at just a kiss, I mean we're naked for crying out loud and you were fully aroused against me which drove me right over the edge," I said but rolled my eyes, "Well your kisses alone can drive me over the edge." I said grinning at him and he laughed out loud. I was surprised to hear him laughing like that and I widened my eyes in surprise.

"What?" he asked still laughing.

"It sounds so good to hear you laughing like that," I simply said.

"Can I ask you one more thing, Love?" he asked, his voice filled with emotion and I nodded my head before I answered, "Anything."

"Do you promise that I can ask you anything?" he asked again.

"I promise."

"I know I promised to never touch you again, but can I start living up to that promise from tomorrow?" he asked and I felt my heart run away. "It's okay if you don't want to, but please just give me tonight with you and then I'll never touch you again. I'll keep my promise to you Bella, just give me this night with you." He begged.

"This is so wrong Edward, but I can't deny you this because my heart longs for the same thing." I said. "But you now we're going to regret this tomorrow and we're just making it harder on ourselves."

"I'll never regret today Bella and as for the other matter, that's tomorrow's problem. I'm so happy right now that I get to spend the whole night with you." He said and sounded just like a little kid the night before Christmas.

He picked me up and walked to my room and into the bathroom. He went into the shower and started running the water. I climbed into the shower to join Edward. I let the water fall onto my face and hair and closed my eyes when I felt Edward behind me. His presence alone in this shower will send me over the edge. He reached for my shampoo and started washing my hair, massaging my scalp with his fingers.

"It feels amazing." I whispered and I heard him chuckle. I let my head fall back as Edward starts rinsing my hair. A shiver runs down my spine as I feel his lips on the back of my neck, his hand reach around my waist and gently turned me around to face him.

"Your body is so perfect and so beautiful," he whispered before he reached for a sponge and some soap. He starts sponging my body with soap, but with every touch I want to scream. My body is filled with heat and desire and I could scream out of frustration from Edward turning me on like this and taking his time with everything. He chuckled again and I opened my eyes and met his gaze, staring back at me with pure lust. My chest starts heaving up and down, my breathing out of control as Edward's finger moves up and down my stomach. I gently rub my palms against his chest and lock my hands around his neck, pulling him towards me. He gently brushed his lips over mine and I felt like screaming. Why does it feel like Edward's teasing me? He starts to kiss me very slowly and by very slow I mean very slow. I have never experienced a kiss like this before, his tongue is moving inside my mouth dancing with my tongue, but with every plunge from his tongue I feel shivers down my body and it almost feels like he is giving me an orgasm without touching me, crazy I know, but like I said, almost. It's enough to drive me crazy and scream out in frustration.

"You're really trying to kill me here aren't you?" I asked frustrated.

"What do you mean Bella?" he chuckled.

"Yea, like you don't know. My body aches for you Edward, and I mean that literally. Just your kiss alone turns me on in such a way that I'm this close to having an orgasm." I said while pinching my thumb and index finger together showing him how close I am to an orgasm.

"Patience, Love." He said and pulled me into his arms. Now his kisses were the familiar needy kisses and it filled my heart with even more desire.

Edward picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I moaned in pleasure when I felt his arousal against me. Edward moved me against the wall of the shower and I locked my hands in his hair pulling him to me. His lips connected with mine again and our tongues started fighting for dominance. Edward's hands rested on my hips and he gently pushed me away and pulled me onto him. I gasped when I felt him entering me and my heart started fluttering out of control. He pushed me against the wall and started moving, thrusting deeper and deeper. It wasn't long before I felt my body shiver and as I scream out Edward's name he moved faster. Edward's body shivered as he came right after me. He kissed me gently before pulling himself out of me.

"Thank you Love," he whispered and kissed me on my forehead.

"What an absolute pleasure.' I said and we both laughed. We washed each other's bodies and after we were done we wrapped towels around our bodies and walked to my bedroom. Edward climbed into my bed completely naked and I quickly joined him. He pulled me close to his body and I cradled myself next to him. I gently rubbed my back while I lay on his chest.

"I'm so happy right now; I've got the woman I love in my arms and she's carrying my baby. I'm going to be a father again." He whispered.

"Yea it's amazing," I whispered back before I yawned. Edward chuckled and kissed me on my hair.

"Sleep my sweet Bella." He said and I drifted to sleep without any delay.

_Bella's dream_

"_**Edward doesn't love you, he just used you." Jane said with a grin.**_

"_**That's not true," I cried. "He does love me, he made love to me like never before and I felt his love for me."**_

_**She laughed evilly before she turned to me. "Sweetie, he makes love to me every night and you are forgetting one very important thing…he is in a relationship with me, he sleeps in my bed every night. You are the mistress Bella and that's all you'll ever be, the mistress." She grinned.**_

"_**No, no, no, no," I screamed out. She laughed out loud before she walks to someone who's standing in the corner. When he turns around I recognize Edward's face and he smiles at Jane. He pulls her into his arms and kisses her like he kissed me before.**_

"_**Edward what are you doing?" I asked him in shock.**_

"_**What do you mean Bella?" he asked confused.**_

"_**Why are you kissing her like you used to kiss me?" I asked again feeling my heart break into small pieces.**_

_**Jane and Edward start to laugh at me while I'm crying my heart out.**_

"_**She is my girlfriend Bella, the woman that I love and I like kissing her like that." He said.**_

"_**What about me?" I asked and saw Edward grinning.**_

"_**You were just a toy Bella, you were someone that I could play with while Jane was away on business, but she's back now and I don't need you anymore." He said and laughed. I ran away and their laughs echo's in my mind. **_

_**End of Bella's dream**_

I woke up crying like a baby and found Edward's arms around me cradling me like a baby. I quickly moved away from him and I tried to ignore the hurt expression on his face.

"Bella what's wrong?" he dared to ask me. What have I done to myself**? **I shouldn't have let things go this far, I should have stopped it.

"I'm so stupid," I said. "I fell for all your sweet talks about how much you loved me and how much you cared for me and blah, blah, blah." I said furiously.

"But Bella I do love you." He said.

"Liar, stop lying to me Edward." I screamed. "You keep saying that you don't love Jane and that you love me, but why are you with Jane and I'm like the mistress in your bed?" I asked him.

"Bella it's complicated." He whispered.

"No Edward, it's not complicated. Either you love me or you don't and if you love me then you choose me, but you don't. I want you to leave my bed Edward and never return." I said my heart filled with rage.

"Bella don't do this please." He pleaded.

"GO!" I shouted and closed my eyes. I felt him climbing out of my bed and walking out of my bedroom. Once I knew he was gone I broke down and cried. How could I have been so stupid? I gave myself to him completely and I believed his lies that he loves me. How can he love me and be with someone else? The decision should be easy; I mean if you love someone you choose the person you love. Clearly Edward doesn't love me at all. It feels like my heart is being cut open with a rusty old dagger and blood gushes out of every open wound. The pain is excruciating and I wish that I could die right now. My hand quickly moves to my abdomen and I take back what I just wished for. I don't want to die; I want to live even if it's just for my baby.

"Hey baby, I'll take good care of you. I promise." I whispered to my baby that's still growing inside of me. I love Edward and I'll never keep him from his baby, but I'm done with Edward's lies and deceit.

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><p><strong>I thought that after everything Bella and Edward went through, that they deserved a little quality time together, but their troubles are not over. Sorry about the lack of detail, I'm just not a big "lemons" writer. So I would really like to know what you thought about this chapter and also what you think about Bella being pregnant. Would you like it to be a boy or a girl? Please share some thoughts guys and REVIEW!<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Disciple owns the song!**

**Okay so the song in this chapter is owned by Disciple, it's a really good song, please if you don't have it, download it and listen to it. It's an awesome song guys, really hard hard rock and the words is just AMAZING, it fits the chapter! Please review after reading and tell me what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

**Edwards' POV**

It's been two weeks since Bella threw my out of her bed. It's been two weeks since she said a word to me. I don't blame her though; she has every right to be furious with me. Plus she's right, who in their right mind loves someone but stays with someone else. She doesn't understand my decision because I'd rather die than tell her how Jane's been blackmailing me. Jane…urg, she's coming back today. I'm not looking forward into seeing her at all and I know it's going to be hell for Bella seeing me and Jane together. My stomach turned thinking about Jane, I have to tell Jane that Bella's pregnant with my baby, I don't know what she's going to do but I'll protect Bella with my life.

Emmett phoned and they are also on their way back which makes me happy because Bella would have someone to comfort her. I know how difficult it would be for Bella seeing me with another woman; I mean if the tables were turned and I had to see her with another man, I would probably die. The pain would be excruciating and just thinking about it now makes my heart feel empty as if there's nothing there as if I'm dead.

Bella's been spending most of her days in the music room; playing on the piano, strumming her guitar and I know for a fact that she's been writing lyrics and composing music. I don't know Bella that well, but I've come to know her as someone that scribbles down all her emotions and write songs about it. It helps her to heal her heart and forget, just like me. I remember when there was a time that I was constantly in front of my music book, writing lyrics and constantly sitting in front of my piano or guitar composing music to the lyrics I've written. All of them filled with agonizing pain, 'coz it was the time I lost my baby-girl in that car accident. I can't explain the amount of pain I went through at that time. And now I'm going through that same shit again, only this time the person I lost is still alive and wants nothing to do with me. It's so painful knowing that she's just around the corner and I can't be with her or even speak to her. I can't even bare to look at her 'coz the pain that reflects in her eyes is too much to handle.

Two weeks ago there was no pain in her eyes, no agony. Her brown eyes were filled with passion, desire, longing and love, so much love and it was all for me. I have never seen so much love in someone's eyes as I've seen in Bella's two weeks ago. Every touch, every kiss, every whisper from Bella was of love and it made my heart swell. I realized that I'm not good enough for Bella; I don't deserve the love she gave me or has for me in her heart. I've broken her beyond repair as she put it. I just can't seem to get her out of my mind; images of our lovemaking plays over and over in my head and as gloriously wonderful as it was that day, to think about it now is excruciating none the less. It feels like there's a hole in my lungs where all the air is sucked out and I'm suffocating. I close my eyes as I remember every touch of Bella and how it burns my skin now, it is as if she's standing right here beside me and touching me.

How do I get over this? How do I forget her and continue to live a lie with Jane? How do I stay out of her life knowing she's carrying my baby? A moan escaped my throat just thinking about letting Bella go forever. Just thinking about it makes it hard for me to breathe. I know she said I'll always be a part of the baby's life, but that's just it, I want to be in his or her life permanently not just some part of it, I want all of it and I want to share it with Bella. She doesn't even want me to go with her to her doctor's appointments, just explained that I'm not a part of her life and that she doesn't think it's a good idea. She came back from the doctor yesterday and left a photo from the ultrasound on the kitchen table for me to see, not that I know anything about that stuff. But to have seen the photo and know that my baby is in that photo was so overwhelming that I burst out in tears. My life filled with so much joy at that moment seeing the photo and as the tears kept streaming down my face I couldn't help but smile through the tears. I'm going to be a father again, it's not some dream its reality and I couldn't be any happier, well except if by some miracle Jane gets tired of me and leaves and I could get back with Bella, but even then we would have a lot of work to do in our relationship.

My head snapped up hearing a car door slam and I knew it was Jane. I sighed before I left my room and walk to the front door. She opened the door before I could open it for her and she looked really happy to see me as if she really missed me. She dropped her bag and ran to me, almost jumping into my arms if my arms would have caught her, but I only gave her a quick hug like I would hug my mother or sister. Lightning flashed from her eyes but I ignored her by picking up her bag.

"What's wrong baby?" she asked me sweetly but I heard the hidden venom in her voice and I flinched hearing her call me baby, the same name Bella called me the night we made love.

"Don't call me baby." I hissed and answered her question before she got a chance to say anything else, "And for your question, everything was fine up until, well I don't know shall I say two minutes ago when you walked through the door." I said glaring at her. I had no intention on being even polite to her now. I hate her with every beat of my heart and nothing would ever change that. She walked up to me really angry now and wrapped her arms around my neck, crushing her lips on mine and that's when I heard the gasp behind me and I knew that Bella was behind me.

"Um…sorry…I thought….I thought it was Em. Sorr-" she stumbled and I couldn't make myself turn around to face her knowing just by her voice that she's hurt by Jane's kiss and I couldn't make myself turn to look into her eyes.

"Yes well as you can see it's not your brother," Jane rudely interrupted her and I wanted to throw her across the room for being so rude to my Bella.

"Like I said, I'm sorry." She said with more confidence and that's when I turned around, but regretted it the moment I did. Although she seemed confident her eyes were filled with agonizing pain and I could see that she was fighting to hold back tears. I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her and take her into my arms but I know I'm in no position to do that. Bella met my gaze and the hurt was replaced with coldness. Ever since she threw me out of her room that night, two weeks ago, she turned into this cold, hard woman. As if she was made of stone and I must admit that it's kind of scary 'coz I haven't seen her like this ever, not even after she's been raped. I flinched at the last thought because knowing that I've hurt her more than those scumbags was my limit.

"Next time you should get a room." Bella hissed and turned to walk away, but Jane's laugh made Bella stop.

"You know darling, jealousy doesn't suit you." Jane laughed. I narrowed my eyes at Jane wondering what she's up to.

"First of all, I'm not your darling and unlike you I don't need to blackmail people into staying with me. So keep your shitty remarks to yourself, not that it doesn't suit you because it does actually." Bella said. Horror crossed Jane's face and I knew the same emotions were on my face. How does Bella know about the blackmail?

"What do you mean by blackmailing people?" Jane dared to ask and I heard the panic in her voice.

Bella grinned before she answered, "Aw come on Jane, don't tell me you already forgotten how you sent your brother to me trying to blackmail me. Well you should also remember that your plan back-fired. I'm not a naïf little girl that you can walk over, I won't be controlled."

"What the fuck is she talking about Jane?" I asked furiously. Jane turned pale and I thought I saw fear in her eyes, but only for a second before she got her emotions under control again.

"Don't start something with me Bella; believe me when I tell you that you **will** lose the battle." Jane threatened Bella, ignoring me flat. I grabbed Jane's arm and pulled her to me.

"I warned you about not hurting Bella. I told you when we made the deal that I'd do anything you want as long as you leave Bella out of it and you deliberately ignored my warning." I hissed through clenched teeth. Shock crossed my face when I heard Bella gasp; I completely forgot that she was still standing there.

"What did you just mean Edward?" Bella asked me and she sounded mad, well that was putting it lightly. Bella's eyes were filled with rage and if it was possible for her to shoot fire from her eyes, me and Jane would be ash right now.

"It's none of your business sweetie; it's between Edward and me." Jane grinned.

"The hell it is Jane, if it was about me then I want to know what it was." Bella hissed. I've never seen Bella this angry.

"Don't get upset over this Bella, it's not good for the baby." I whispered really concerned. Jane's head snapped up and narrowed her eyes at me.

"So, Bella's pregnant?" she asked and I nodded.

"Almost ten weeks," I said.

"You cheating son of a bit-"Jane screamed.

"I'd love to listen to you to arguing over shit all day, but I've actually got a life to live." Bella interrupted Jane while glaring at me before storming off. I have never seen Bella like this, so distant and angry and cold. It hurts to see her like this and it hurts to know she doesn't give a shit about me anymore.

"Well, well, well, this ought to be good." Jane grinned.

"Yes I'm sure it will be. What did she mean you blackmailed her?" I asked through clenched teeth.

Jane laughed evilly, "I have no idea what she's talking about Edward, I mentioned her to my brother and he went looking for her. I don't know what he said or what he did, I'm not responsible for his actions I mean his a grown man." She explained but I still have a feeling that Jane is lying through her teeth.

"If I find out you were behind anything that could have upset Bella or hurt her, I'll kill you Jane. That's a promise." I said.

"So you had sex with the rape-victim, how did you do that? Aren't they supposed to be scared out of their minds of sex?" she asked sarcastically.

"Don't you fucking dare go there Jane, you know nothing about what Bella went through. You are a heartless bitch and I wish that I never met you." I hissed but she only grinned. It seems that Jane has no emotions and I wish she would disappear out of my life.

"I don't think that she could have enjoyed it though," she said sarcastically while rolling her eyes. I know she's talking about my lack of interest in bed but she doesn't know half of it.

"I know what you mean, but you should know Jane, sex with you is like a dirty job that I have to do and I hate every moment of it. Sex with Bella though was like heaven and I loved every moment of it, it was like honey on my lips, so very sweet." I said. "And don't you ever talk about her as a rape-victim again, because I swear Jane I'll rip your fucking throat out." I said and stormed off.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and went to the music room. For two weeks I didn't drink one drop not even feeling the need to drink, but she's not even back one hour and here I am, already downing half the bottle of vodka, trying to drown my sorrows. Images of Bella in my mind make my heart ache and I'm having a hard time to breathe.

**Bella's POV**

I fell onto my bed before I finally broke down, crying my heart out into my pillow. My chest heaves up and down as I struggle to breathe. Strange whimpering sounds escaped my mouth as it was so painful to take a breath and I gripped my shirt where my heart is supposed to be situated, trying to soothe the agonizing pain that's coming out of my heart. My lungs are filled with little holes where all the air escapes and in less than a second I'm left without oxygen which makes it impossible for me to breathe and by every breath I take it hurts like hell. Tears escape the corner of my eyes as I lie on my back sobbing.

I have tried really hard these two weeks that passed to ignore Edward and I've even given him the cold shoulder. I have this cold attitude towards him and even though I love him more than anything, well except for my baby, I have to let him go. I have to get him out of my mind because he belongs to another woman and I won't come between them. I have to be like this towards Edward, he has to see that I'm going to move on and maybe then he'll be happy with Jane. I thought these couple of weeks that he must have felt sorry for me and that he must feel guilty for leaving me, that's the only reason why he is so concerned about me. It's not love or anything else, only guilt and pity and I don't want his guilt or pity.

I remember yesterday when I came from my first doctor's appointment after hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time and seeing my baby for the first time, I was an emotional wreck. I never pictured myself doing something like that alone; I never pictured myself being a single mother. It was heartbreakingly difficult to stay in control of my emotions and not break down in front of my doctor. When I came home I placed the ultrasound picture on the kitchen table not knowing how to give it to Edward without breaking apart. After a couple of hours I went to the kitchen and found Edward crying while holding the picture in his hand. I turned around and ran to the privacy of my room, not strong enough to see Edward in so much pain. But I didn't miss the smile on his face before I ran off and I know he is extremely excited in becoming a father again. I felt so guilty for not letting him come with me to the doctor, but I won't be able to handle it. We would seem like a couple and it would just make everything harder for me once we come home. I know I must sound selfish but my already fucked up heart can't handle any more.

From the day I chased him out of my room I've been through hell. I can't even begin to explain the excruciating pain I've been through and how much strength it took to not speak to him or even look at him. That's how I've become so cold and distant because I thought it would be the only way to get over this and in a way it helped. My hand automatically reached for my abdomen and I smiled, it comes so easy when I think about my baby that's growing inside me. The ultrasound showed that my time was around May and I was really excited and maybe just a little scared. I wouldn't know what to do and I don't have a mother to help me, I only have Emmett and Rose of course but just like me they don't have a clue about babies. My mind trailed off to Edward but I quickly shook my head to ignore the idea. How am I going to do this? How will I spend so much time with Edward and the baby without falling apart? I will never keep Edward from his child but I know it will mean spending a large amount of time with him especially in the beginning while our child will only be a baby. I have a little more than six months to prepare for that and gain some strength.

What did Edward mean by when he made the deal with Jane? What deal was he talking about? He didn't answer me and I wasn't going to beg him for an answer and besides, I was growing tired of Jane's sarcasm and her evil grins. That woman sends chills down my spine and it's kind of scary, no creepy is the correct word. But I won't back down, I won't let her win or walk over me. I've had it with people walking over me and trying to control me, she's going down if it's the last thing I do.

I lifted my head and frowned when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I hope that it's not Edward; I'm in no mood for him. I didn't even have a chance to say anything before the door opened and revealed my brother. I screamed and ran to him jumping into his arms. He held me so tight that I had a hard time breathing.

"I'm so glad you are here," I whispered before I started crying again. He gently rubbed my back whispering words of comfort into my ear.

"What's wrong Bells?" he dared to ask.

"I'm…I don't even know how to say this Em, but I'm pregnant." I whispered. Shock crossed his face but only for a little while and then the biggest smile that I've ever seen spread across his face, showing off his two dimples and he grabbed me into a tight hug, swinging me around and around until I felt dizzy.

"I'm so happy for you Bella, but…wait, how can this be I thought that-" he asked and I quickly interrupted him telling him all about my visit with Carlisle and how everything was just a misunderstanding.

"It's Edward's baby right?" he asked and I huffed. How could he ask me such a stupid question?

"No Emmett it's not," I said and rolled my eyes while hitting him playfully against his head, "of course it is you big dummy." I said smiling but it only lasted for a second before the sadness returned to my heart and my eyes.

"I hate seeing you in constant pain Bella. I miss the full of joy Bella, the strong and confident Bella but most of all I just miss the Bella that was always filled with love and happiness." He said and the same pain that's in my eyes is reflecting in his and new tears formed in my eyes. I hate it when my brother is sad and now I know how much it has to hurt him seeing me in so much pain, but it's something I can't help.

"That Bella is gone Em, I've been broken beyond repair and my heart is all fucked up. I'm just so lost at the moment Emmett and I'm sorry for putting you through hell." I sobbed.

"Bella I know you better than anyone else does and I know you are one of the strongest persons I know. You'll get through anything and besides you never backed down from anything ever. I have faith in you and that you'll pull through this." He said trying to comfort me or whatever but it wasn't working at this moment. I was in too much pain and I just needed Edward right now.

"I just love him so much Em and to see him with another woman is absolute hell. Now I'm pregnant with his baby and I'm all alone, I've got no one Em…yea I know I've got you but it's not the same, I want my baby's father." I said before I broke down and cried into my brothers' chest.

"He loves you too Bella and I know he's broken over the fact that he can't be in your life and in the baby's life-" he said but I interrupted him.

"Just stop, he doesn't love me…I'm sorry but I don't believe that because if he did he would be with me right now, but it doesn't matter anymore." I said trying to sound strong but my voice trembled and my hands were shaking.

"Bella you don't know what Edward is going through and don't judge him just yet." He cooed.

"I don't want to hear it Em." I said with finality. "How was your holiday?" I asked him to change the subject.

"It was awesome, I really needed this break and to have spent it with Rosie was the most memorable vacation ever." He grinned and I felt my heartbeat accelerate seeing my brother so happy. He deserves to be this happy.

"How's things going between you and Rosalie?" I asked him and he smiled. He's not telling me something, I can see it in his eyes and I punched him on his shoulder, "Spit it out Em," I said.

"Well, I asked Rosie to marry me and she said yes. I know it's too soon and blah, blah, blah, but Bella I've never loved anyone the way I love Rose. It's as if she was made for me, like she's my soul mate and I can't imagine my life without her in it." He said and I could hear the love and affection he had for Rose in his voice and the way he spoke about her. I placed my hand on his and smiled.

"I don't think it's too soon Em, I've seen the way you two look at each other and I can see that you two are made for each other. I'm so happy for the both of you and I know Rose will make you happy and that's what's important to me. I just want you to be happy Emmett; I mean you really deserve it." I said honestly.

"Thanks Bella. I am happy and I know you don't believe me now, but you and Edward will be together and you will be just as happy as I am now. Just don't give up on your love for him Bella and have faith in Edward." He said and I just nodded. I didn't want to get into this with my brother right now so I just agreed with him.

Me and Emmett went to the kitchen but I regretted it immediately because Edward was there. My heart sunk into my shoes when Edward turned around and stared at me, he was drunk and reeked of alcohol. Why does he drink so much when he is around Jane? When we were alone these couple of weeks he didn't have one drink and I don't understand the need he has to drink so much when around Jane.

"Ed man, please tell me that you're not drunk again?" Emmett said disappointed and Edward's head snapped up to face Emmett.

"I'm not in the mood for your preaching Emmett." Edward said rudely and sounded angry. Emmett just sighed and walked to the fridge, grabbing a bear for him and a soda for me. I took the soda but placed it on the kitchen table and walked to where Edward was standing and placed my hand on his arm. He closed his eyes when I touched him and I felt the electricity go through my body, wave after wave shocked the hell out of me and it made my heart beat uncontrollably fast and out of rhythm.

"Why do you drink so much Edward?" I whispered and when he opened his eyes I gasped. His eyes were filled with tears and agonizing pain.

"Because I don't want to feel any more pain Bella," he whispered back and it broke my heart to see Edward like this.

"What pain are you talking about?" I asked.

"The pain over losing you…and the fact that I can't be in my baby's life." He said.

"You will always be in our baby's life Edward, I'll never keep him or her from you I promise." I said ignoring the other confession he just made. If he was in so much pain over losing me he never would have left me or chosen Jane, but he did so how much can he really love me.

"I…-" he started saying when he suddenly stopped and was rudely interrupted by Jane.

"Are you drunk again Edward?" she asked him and sounded pissed.

"Yes dear I am and I must admit it's the only thing that keeps me going." He said annoyed and Jane huffed.

"I don't even know why I bother to try and have a relationship with you, you're just a drunk." She said and I was starting to get mad now. Edward wasn't like this when he was with me and I know there must be something wrong with him. He slowly approached Jane and she backed away from him but she reversed into a cupboard. Edward was in her face now and I've never seen Edward so angry and fear crossed Jane's face.

"Then why don't you make my day and fuck off. You'll do me an enormous favor by disappearing Jane and then you don't have to bother with a drunk anymore." He said through clenched teeth. To my surprise Jane started laughing in Edward's face.

"I'll never and I mean NEVER leave you Edward Cullen. You are mine forever and I'll never let anyone else have you." She hissed back at him. Emmett came to my side and tried to take me out of the kitchen but it was as if my feet were glued to the floor.

"Then start getting used to being with a drunk and start getting used to sleeping with a drunk, because this-" he said and pointed to himself, "this is all I'll ever be around you, no let me rephrase that, this is all I'll ever WANT to be, around you." He said and turned around grabbing his bottle of vodka and stormed out of the kitchen. Jane glared at me hatefully before she stormed off in a different direction than Edward.

"What was that about?" I asked shocked. They don't seem in love at all and I can sense that something's wrong with their relationship and that Edward doesn't seem happy.

"Like I said Bells, everything is not what it seems and Edward is going through hell right now. He could sure use a friend Bella," he said accusing me with his eyes and I frowned, "Yea I know all about the way you've been treating Edward and to be honest with you Bella, it's fucking him up even more. He needs you right now Bella and you being so cold towards him are not helping his condition. I know it's hard for you but-"

"No you don't know shit Emmett; I love that man with my entire existence. You don't know anything about what I've been through the last couple of weeks and how fucked I am. So Edward drinks a little; I'm pregnant for crying out loud, I'm going to be a single mother in six and a half months Em and I'm scared to death. I don't have a bottle of vodka that gives me comfort, because I'm pregnant so I have to do this alone." I said hysterically while tears rolled down my cheeks.

**Edward's POV**

I walked back to the kitchen because I forgot my full bottle of vodka on the table, this one is almost finished and I really needed some more alcohol. I stopped when I heard Emmett and Bella in a deep conversation. I didn't catch Emmett's whole sentence but it sounded serious.

"…I know it's hard for you but-" he said but Bella interrupted him and she sounded pissed

"No you don't know shit Emmett; I love that man with my entire existence. You don't know anything about what I've been through the last couple of weeks and how fucked I am. So Edward drinks a little; I'm pregnant for crying out loud, I'm going to be a single mother in six and a half months Em and I'm scared to death. I don't have a bottle of vodka that gives me comfort because I'm pregnant so I have to do this alone." She said and sounded hysterical but I heard the tears in her voice. I have done so much damage to Bella's heart it's hard for me to believe that she just said that she loves me. I lifted my hand that held the bottle of vodka and stared at it, so I drink to forget, so what. I have to sleep with that awful woman every night while my heart and body longs for Bella. Who the hell can blame me for this? I did feel a little guilty though but ignored that stupid emotion. I cleared my throat so they can know I'm here and when I came around the corner seeing Bella's tears; just send me over the edge. I quickly looked away from her without saying anything and grabbed the bottle of vodka.

"Do you really need another bottle?" she asked with venom in her voice.

"Yes as a matter of fact I do." I hissed back.

We stared at each other and for a split second I saw my own pain reflecting in Bella's eyes. Just looking at her reminds me of my own scars and my own agonizing pain. My heart is like an open wound that keeps on bleeding and bleeding, gushing out more and more blood and I can feel my life slowly slipping away from me. It's hard though to look at Bella because seeing her with so much bitterness and coldness is very unfamiliar and it's hurting me more. I stormed out of the kitchen and ran straight to the music room where I could get rid of this pain or try at least.

I took another swig of the vodka and fell on the couch, the exact same one where Bella and I made love two weeks ago. Images of her body crossed my mind and I could feel the longing in my heart for her, the longing in my heart to touch her, to kiss her, to embrace her in my arms and make love to her over and over again. I close my eyes as the blood streams out of my open wound which was once my heart. My hand reached for my guitar that was lying next to me and as my fingers strummed on the strings I felt it numbing the pain a little. Whether the open wound stops bleeding or not there will always be a big scar, because scars remain. I grabbed my music book and started scribbling down some words and working out the notes. It's not even difficult writing a song because of the emotional state I was in. I remember writing lyrics when Allison died and they were all filled with pain and depression and it's as if I'm going through all that again, only this time the pain is more excruciating than ever probably because I lost the only woman I'll ever love and she's expecting my baby.

"_**What is all this? The question I am asking**_

_**It's not what is, I feel like I was promised"**_

I feel angry not only towards myself but towards Bella. I have asked her so many times to not give up on me and to have faith in our love. I have confessed my love to her over and over again and she still doesn't believe it, I mean I've showed her how much I loved her for crying out loud, I have poured my love out on her and she threw it back into my face.

"_**This hurts, this leaves a lasting laceration**_

_**I can't believe that this is what my faith was for"**_

I screamed out the lyrics as I played the notes on my guitar and it sounded really good, I wasn't planning on shouting or screaming but I'm just so hurt and angry that it came out that way and to my surprise it sounds amazing. I'm really expressing myself and my emotions in this song and I love it. I started playing it from the start writing down the notes to the intro that I worked out.

"_**The scars remaaaiiiiinnnnn, reminds of paaaiiiiinnnnn**_

_**The scars remaaaaiiiiinnnnnn"**_

I screamed out again and felt even better. I took another drink from my bottle before I started playing again and started writing the chorus. My fingers played through the strings of my guitar finding the right notes for the lyrics of the chorus.

"_**When I see you, I see scars that are matching**_

_**When I see you, I see scars that are matching**_

_**I know what I'm feeling**_

_**You are feeling scars remaining through**_

_**When I see you, I see scars"**_

I sang this a couple of times only because it reminded me of Bella so much. When I look at her I see her scars matching mine and I know she's going through the same shit I'm going through.

"_**My feet will sink in this quicksand around me**_

_**Unless something or someone comes to save me**_

_**The scars remaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn, reminds me of paaaaiiiiinnnnn**_

_**The scars remaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn**_

_**When I see you, I see scars that are matching**_

_**When I see you, I see scars that are matching**_

_**I know what I'm feeling**_

_**You are feeling scars remaining through**_

_**When I see you, I see scaaaaaaaarrrrrssss!"**_

I screamed the last words of the song as I ended it. I was out of breath after all that screaming, but I felt really good after I expressed myself that way.

I sighed after throwing my guitar down. Not everything lasts forever, obviously I learned that the hard way and in this case I can't sing forever and get lost in my songs. Life goes on and now I have to go to bed where I know Jane is waiting for me. I downed the last of my bottle of vodka before I dragged myself to my bedroom.

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW GUYS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Tell me what you thought of the song and if you listened to it.<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**First of all, a big thanks to LUST516 for your review, you literally made my day and I just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. **

**To everyone else who's been reading thank you but please, please review?**

**Okay so this is a very short chap, I'm really sorry about it. Enjoy and tell me what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

**Bella's POV**

I closed my bedroom door behind me after running to my room. I was about to go to the music room when I heard Edward singing, or rather screaming a song. I wanted to leave but the way he sung that song was just so intense that I had to listen to it and now I regret it, because I heard the pain in his voice. That's when I ran back to my room. Tears were streaming down my face again and the more I tried to wipe them away the more they came, like a river over flowing. _"Get a grip Bella, think about your baby. Wipe these damn tears and start living your life!"_ I whispered to myself while stomping my foot. I heard Edward's footsteps as he walked passed my bedroom and into his own. Why did I have to be next to them?

I could hear Edward slurring and Jane sounded really pissed and I knew they were arguing again. I shook my head and groaned while getting off my bed. I remember the magazine Emmett brought me and grabbed it and walked into my bathroom. I took a seat on the floor next to the bathtub and opened the magazine. I turned through the pages and gasped when a familiar crooked smile greeted me. It was a photo of Edward where he sat with his hand in his hair and smiled my favorite crooked smile. His emerald green eyes sparkled but I could see the enormous amount of pain that reflected in them. This must be the interview they had with Edward when they were in LA. I started reading through the article and it was basically about how he met us and how he became a part of the band. What really touched me though was the story about his little girl. I'm so proud of him, he told them everything not leaving out one detail and that inspired me. It made me think about how I've tried to hide away from what happened to me and how ashamed I felt. I think it's about time that I tell the world my story, but not just yet, I think I just need a little more time and when I'm good and ready I'll tell everyone my story. I took one last look at the love of my life before I closed the book and sighed.

I went back into my room and climbed into bed feeling really exhausted. When Carlisle warned me that I'll be very tired in my first trimester I never thought for one minute that I'll be this tired. It feels like I haven't slept in days and being emotional doesn't help me in any way, it just makes things worse. I heard a lot of commotion in Edward's room and I felt my heart stop when I heard moans escaping Jane's mouth. I don't have to guess what they're doing right now and it really kills me to listen to them. It just reminds me of our night together two weeks ago and it's not something that I want to remember or think about. It's just too damn painful and I don't think my heart can take anymore. I jumped up, grabbed my pillow and blanket and went downstairs to the living room. I wasn't going to listen to them having sex all night long and I made myself a bed on the couch. I switched on the TV and went through the channels finding nothing interesting. I left it on some cooking channel and smiled, remembering when I lived in LA; I had to cook for myself and most of the time I had to watch these cooking programs to learn something. I have to say that I learned some very interesting stuff and I enjoy cooking now. My eyes got heavy and before long I fell asleep.

**Edwards' POV**

"Urg" I groaned when I felt my head pounding. It's been a while since I woke up with a killer headache and this hung over. I managed to open just one eye and felt the pounding increase. I felt Jane's arms around me and I felt sick remembering last night. It's hard being a man because even though I don't want to sleep with her it's impossible for me not to get hard when her mouth is around me and sucking and licking and I don't even know what else. I have tried so many times not to get hard but nothing is working, I mean I'm a man. I threw her arms off of me and rolled out of bed and pulled on some pants. I dragged my body downstairs to get a cup of coffee and some painkillers. I stopped in my steps when I saw Bella's body spread across the couch. Why did she sleep here? I slowly walked towards her and knelt in front of her pulling back the strand of hair that was in her eyes. She whimpered a little before she moved and the blanket rolled of her body, revealing her stomach. I swallowed hard when my hand slowly reached for her stomach and rested on her abdomen. She's not even showing yet but just to know that my hand is resting on my baby gives me a great amount of pleasure.

"Edward," I heard her whisper and my head snapped up looking at her but she was still sleeping. She must be dreaming and I know she talks in her sleep so this is not new to me. It sends shivers down my whole body from head to toe, to know that she's dreaming about me and saying my name in her sleep. I withdrew my hand and covered her in the blanket again before walking to the kitchen. I turned on the coffee maker and grabbed some Tylenol while waiting for the coffee. My head is pounding painfully and I regret drinking so much last night but it really does help with the Jane situation.

I turned around when I heard footsteps and my heartbeat accelerated when I saw it was Bella. She froze when she saw me leaning against the table and I couldn't help but smile at her. She looked breathtakingly beautiful in just her boy shorts and tank top.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked irritated and I chuckled.

"Someone's in a good mood today." I said sarcastically and she rolled her eyes. She poured us both a cup of coffee and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said and she just nodded her head while yawning. "Are you still tired Bella?" I asked in concern. She did look tired and Bella had black rings under her eyes which worried me.

"Wouldn't you still be tired if you had to listen to my sex-moans the whole night through?" she hissed in irritation and my head fell to my chest knowing she heard us last night. That must have been awful for her and I can't even begin to imagine the pain she went through listening to Jane's loud moans, which irritates the crap out of me by the way. If I was in Bella's shoes last night I would have gone mad listening to her having sex with someone else.

"I'm sorry about that Bella," I whispered.

"Yea whatever," she said and I heard the bitterness in her voice. While she was sleeping she looked so peaceful and so warm, now she's just bitter and cold and I can't help but wonder if there's any love left in her heart for me. Does she hate and resent me now? I still didn't look into her eyes, coward that I was.

"Good morning," Jane said when she walked into the kitchen and I flinched hearing her voice. She came over to me and climbed onto my lap, wearing only one of my tee's. I had no choice but to make space for her on my lap and wrapping my arms around her was so painful that I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. Jane kissed me on my forehead and I forced a smile.

"Morning Jane," I whispered without any emotion and gave her a quick peck on her cheek. Bella stood up from the chair and was about to leave when Jane spoke to her.

"Urm Bella, don't you think your clothing is a bit…well…" Jane said but Bella interrupted her.

"Go on Jane, finish your sentence," Bella dared her and I could see the fury building in her eyes.

"Inappropriate, I mean my boyfriend-"

"You know what Jane I don't give a shit what you think, this is my house and I'll wear whatever I want to wear, besides, Edward has seen me in less clothing than boy shorts and a stupid tank top so keep your concerns about my clothing to yourself." She hissed and I couldn't help but laugh. Jane glared at Bella and pumped me in the ribs with her elbow. I stopped laughing but kept the smile on my face.

"Oh and by the way Edward, I read your interview and I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you." Bella said and walked away from me and Jane. My heart went into overdrive. I never told Bella about the interview and to be honest I have totally forgotten about it.

"What is she talking about?" Jane asked and I groaned while I pushed her off my lap. No one was around and I'll be damned if I was going to pretend in front of no one.

"You don't remember the interview I had in LA?" I asked sarcastically knowing that she doesn't remember it, we don't have that kind of relationship anyways, so I don't care that she forgot.

"Yes I remember but what was so special about it?" she asked while rolling her eyes.

"Go and read it Jane and then you'll know," I hissed. "Excuse me, I want to go and get dressed." I said and walked around her back to my room.

**Bella's POV**

I'm twelve weeks pregnant and on my way to another doctor's appointment. It's still too early to know what I'm having but I'm excited to see my baby again and to hear his or her heartbeat and to know if he or she is healthy.

As I lay on the bed waiting for the doctor to do another ultrasound, I can't help but think about Edward. How I wished that he was here with me, not just as the father of my baby, but as my partner. It's so hard to go through all this alone and I just wish that I had someone to rely on. The doctor startled me when he barged through the door.

"Hello again Mrs. Swan," he greeted me, "How are you doing?"

"Hello Dr. Uley, I'm fine, no actually I'm not fine, I'm exhausted like, all the time and the morning sickness is at its worst." I said and he smiled.

"The morning sickness should pass in about four weeks and you are exhausted because your body is going through a lot of changes and I mean big changes, but it'll get better." He explained and I groaned hearing that I still had about four weeks to go with the morning sickness. I heard him chuckle before he put some very cold gel onto my abdomen. This was different because the previous time, two weeks ago, I had a vaginal scan, which was very freaking embarrassing. Thank goodness that's over and from now on I'll get normal ultrasounds. I turned my face towards the TV screen to wait for my baby's appearance. As soon as I saw my baby on the screen tears filled my eyes, but it looks different from the previous time I was here.

"Why-" I started asking but quickly shut my mouth when I saw Dr. Uley's face. His face was filled with shock and as he was frowning my heart started pounding against my chest in fear.

"What's wrong with my baby?" I asked feeling really scared.

"Nothing's wrong with your babies Bella," he said and it took me a while to register that he was saying babies and not baby.

"Wait what?" I asked shocked.

"Bella you are not only expecting one baby, but three. You're having triplets Bella." He explained and I felt my heart beat in my throat.

"But…but…how can this be, I mean two weeks ago I only expected one how the hell does one baby turn into three?" I asked hysterically. How the hell does this happen, I mean this is real life not some sort of soap opera.

"I can't explain this to you Bella, but it's not the first time something like this happens. I can hear three heartbeat's and I can see three babies now Bella there's no doubt about that." He said still shocked.

It's so hard hearing this, I mean don't get me wrong I'm thrilled about the triplets and I'm extremely happy that they are healthy and everything, but to find out that I'm not only going to be a single mother to one baby but to three babies was just too much for me to handle. I needed to get out of this place before I break down in front of this doctor and he wouldn't know what's going on with me.

"Okay Bella, I'll see you in four weeks. Good luck with the morning sickness, which reminds me, that's why you are so sick and exhausted all the time, having triplets is really tiring for you and your body. But you will start feeling better in four weeks." He said.

"Thanks, see you in four weeks then." I groaned and when I walked away I heard him chuckle. I'm actually pissed at him, I mean what kind of doctor makes mistakes like that and then claims that it wasn't the first time it happened. What the fuck?

When I walked through the front door of our home I heard Emmett and Edward arguing and I guessed that they were in the kitchen. They didn't hear me arrive so I walked to the kitchen where I could hear Edward's rage.

"I'm getting sick of your moaning in my ears Em, get the fuck off my back okay!"

"Edward I'm worried about you bro, you start to drink from the moment you open your eyes until you go to bed at night. It's not right man, I know it's hard for you to be with Jane but drinking yourself to death won't help anything-" I heard my brother say and I could tell that he was really concerned about Edward. Edward's been drinking a lot and even I'm worried about him.

"You don't know shit, you don't know how it feels to sleep with that woman and pretend to have a relationship with her, you don't know how it feels to look at Bella every single day and know that she hates you and wants nothing more to do with you. You don't know what it feels like to look at her and know she's carrying your baby and you love her more than life itself Emmett, you don't have a fucking clue what I'm going through so back the fuck off!" Edward growled and I had to hold onto the doorframe where I appeared in sight now and both their heads snapped up towards me, shock on both their faces.

"I don't know why you have to pretend to be in a relationship with Jane and frankly I don't give a shit, you obviously don't trust me enough to share it with me. As for the baby," I said and walked towards the kitchen table, placing the ultrasound picture on it and looked Edward straight in the eye, "which is three now by the way, as for them I don't want them having a drunk for a father. So you better pull yourself together Edward because I promise you if you keep this up I will leave with my babies. Its hell enough for me knowing that I'm going to be a single mother of three babies and that's why I don't need to worry about you drinking so much because you can't handle the choices you've made. Grow-up!" I said and walked away. I couldn't stand there any longer as the tears stung my eyes and I knew they were going to come down now like a river that's over flowing.

**Edward's POV**

"Grow-up" she said and walked away. I was so stunned right now, in less than three minutes I had to hear that Bella's expecting triplets and if that wasn't enough to shock the hell out of me she announced that if I don't stop drinking she will leave, which didn't shock me it scared the hell out of me. I won't be able to live a life without Bella in it, even if she is just around, it's better than nothing. But just thinking about having sex with Jane sober, shivers run down my spine and I can feel my hair standing up at the back of my neck. It's going to be awful, but what choices do I have, I can't lose Bella.

"Did she just announce that she's having triplets?" Emmett asked just as stunned as I was.

"Yup," I answered. I'm going to be a father to three babies at the same time. My whole body started shaking as I started sobbing and fell to my knees. I'm beyond happy right now, my heart is suddenly filled with joy and love for this triplets and it's just so overwhelming. Emmett knelt beside me and gently rubbed my back.

"We'll find a way bro, I promise, we'll find a way." Emmett whispered.

"I'm going to be a daddy to triplets Em," I said and Emmett placed the ultrasound picture in my hands. I can clearly see the three babies and although I don't know what's going on in the picture, I can see the three babies and that's all that matters to me. Bella is twelve weeks pregnant now and honestly I can't wait for the next 28 weeks to go by so I can hold my babies in my arms. I gave the bottle of vodka to Emmett and he knew what I have decided so he took the bottle and poured it down the drain with a smile I might add.

I knocked on Bella's door, hoping she would speak to me because I really needed to talk to her.

"Come in," I heard her yell and I went in, she narrowed her eyes at me at first but then her whole body relaxed.

"I'm sorry about earlier Edward, I had no right to say those things to you." She apologized and I quickly shook my head sideways.

"No you were right Bella and I promise you I won't drink so much anymore. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through." I said and she came to me and wrapped her arms around me. I inhaled the scent of her hair and closed my eyes as the feeling of having Bella in my arms at this moment felt so good that it made my heart beat out of rhythm and made it skip a few beats.

"So, triplets hey?" I asked her and she chuckled.

"I'm still in shock, believe it or not. I can't believe that the doctor didn't see this two weeks ago, but he explained that this wasn't the first time it happened, still it pissed me off you know. It makes me wonder if I'm with the correct doctor, maybe I should see someone else and get a second opinion. What do you think?" she asked me and it made me happy that she included me in her decisions.

"I think it's a good idea Bella, maybe this isn't the best doctor for you and I'd prefer it if you only had the best." I said.

"I'll make another appointment with a new doctor, um…well I was thinking, would you like to come to the appointment and see your babies for real and hear their heartbeats for real?" she asked me and tears sprung to my eyes as a sob escaped my throat.

"That will be great thanks Bella. This really means so much to me."

"Edward," she whispered while taking my hand in hers, "I will never leave you out of their lives and from now on, if you want, you can come to all my appointments and, you can think about this, you can be in the delivery room when I give birth to them." She whispered her hand still on mine and it actually burned my skin.

"I don't have to think about anything Bella, of course I want to be there when you give birth to them. Wouldn't miss it for the world." I said excitedly.

"Well then let's go find a new doctor or midwife and confirm that we'll be having triplets. I have to start the nursery and buy stuff, which I know nothing about by the way." She said with a smile and I couldn't help but laugh and it honestly felt good to laugh like that again.

"Don't worry Bells, I've been through that and I can give you some pointers," I joked and she chuckled.

"I was kind of hoping on that Edward, thank you for making the right choice about your drinking." She whispered and I only nodded feeling really good about everything. Not even Jane could ruin my good mood.

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><p><strong>Before anyone freaks out about Bella's triplets, I did my research and I did find out that it's possible to make such a mistake. It also happened to my aunt (but she expected twins not triplets) the doctor told her she was having one baby and then when she went for her 20 week ultrasound he heard another heart beat and found out that she was expecting twins. I'm sorry if this will confuse some of you but just go with it. Also any doctor can make a mistake!<strong>

**I'm also sorry for this short chapter and probably a boring chapter, but I really needed to make the announcement of Bella's triplets. I'm thinking about a short time gap in the next chapter; let me know what you think. **

**Okay this is the longest author's note I have ever written and I' sorry about that, but if anyone could review and tell me what they think about the triplets and if you want boys or girls or boys and girls, and name suggestions are welcome. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. **

**Big, big thanks to THERESA24 and WHATWOULDJESUSDO for your reviews and ideas. I loved it. **

**So first off all I'm really, really sorry for neglecting Alice and Jasper and Rose, I've been so caught up in Bella and Edward's life that I've been keeping them out of the story. I wrote this chapter to bring them back into the story. So this is a short chapter (sorry about that) and I won't be jumping time for maybe two more chapters.**

**Bella and Edward's shit is not over guys…be warned to not get excited about their problems coming to an end. Or let me say Jane is the least of their problems…. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

**Bella's POV**

I'm nervous as hell as I ring the doorbell to Alice's house. I haven't told her or Jazz about my pregnancy yet and I'm all shaken up about it. The door opens to reveal a very dull looking Alice which is weird because I don't know Alice like this. As soon as our eyes meet she smiles and jumps up and down in excitement.

"Bella" she shouts and pulls me into her arms, "Where the hell have you been? I've missed you so much and-"

"I've missed you too Ali, but before you get carried away, can I come in?" I interrupted her, because knowing Alice she would talk and talk for hours without realizing that we're standing outside.

"Urm sure," she giggled "Sorry Bells" she apologized while pulling me into her house. I followed her to the kitchen where I took a seat by the kitchen table. She started making coffee and when she placed the cup in front of me she smiled. "Thanks," I muttered and she nodded.

"How have you been Bells?" she asked and I grinned. It was so Alice to jump right to it. She obviously knows something is wrong.

"How was your holiday? I'm sorry that question is a bit late since you've been back almost three weeks," I asked trying to delay what I came here to say to her.

"It was absolutely awesome but like you said you are a bit late with the question which reminds me; why the hell haven't I heard from you in almost five weeks Bella?" she asked accusingly. I felt awful for ignoring her but I went through some hectic shit since I came back from LA and I wasn't in the mood for anyone, especially Alice, who is always so bubbly and happy.

"I apologize for ignoring you Al, but things were hectic and-"

"That's not an excuse Bella, you are like a sister to me and I've missed you and I was so worried about you and-"she said but I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm thirteen weeks pregnant-"I mumbled and let my head fall as soon as I felt the tears well up.

"WHAT?" she yelled out in surprise.

"I said-"I started saying but Alice rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"I know what you said Bella, I'm just surprised that's all. How do you feel?" she asked and as I looked up into her eyes I felt all my strength disappear.

"Well except for the nausea, swollen feet, tender breasts, totally fucked up heart; I think I'm doing fine." I sobbed and Alice hurried to my side pulling me into her arms. She gently rubbed my back comforting me.

"Bella I'm so sorry. Why don't you wipe your tears and we'll talk about it." She said and I nodded while wiping my tears off my cheeks.

"Okay so let's start from the beginning," she encouraged me and I started telling her about our trip to Forks and how Carlisle, her father, found out I was pregnant. I told her about my weeks alone with Edward, skipping the sex part of course, and about my first doctor's appointment.

"Do you have any idea how shocked I was when Dr. Uley told me that he made a mistake about me having only one baby and that he is seeing three fetuses and hears three heartbeats-"

"Wait, are you telling me that you are expecting triplets?" she asked shocked and I nodded. "Wow Bella that is amazing." She said excitedly.

"Really Alice, do you really think it's amazing because right now I'm barely hanging on. I mean don't get me wrong I love my babies more than anything in this world, but I'm going to be a single mother Alice." I sobbed again. I do love my babies and I'm thrilled that I'm given another chance to be a mother; it's just hard to think about doing it alone.

"You know what sweetie; you've got me and Jazz and your brother and Rose, you won't go through anything alone. Plus I'm sure Edward would want to be a part of the triplets' life-"

"Alice I know I've got all you guys but it's not the same. I wanted my babies' father to share our lives and I know Edward would be a part of their lives but he won't be a part of my life and that's the heart breaker right there." I blurted out. "I've been trying for a week to pretend that I'm fine and happy and blah, blah, blah, but as soon as I go to bed I have to cry myself to sleep."

"Oh Bella, I don't know what to say." She whispered.

"Honey I'm home," Jasper shouted and Alice grinned. I couldn't help but smile at my manager, "In here," Alice shouted back and we heard him walking to the kitchen.

"Oh hello Bella, I didn't know you were here." He said with a smile before he came to give me a hug. He then walked to Alice and pulled her into his arms and gave her a passionate kiss. I can tell that they love each other more than their own lives, just like I love Edward.

"Guess what Jazz?" Alice asked and as Jasper only shook his head she blurted out, "Bella's pregnant." His eyes grew wide with shock as he took in what Alice said and as he looked into my eyes, I can see he starts to worry.

"I'm fine Jazz. I'm just emotional right now and a little hurt, but I'll get over it or rather I have to get over it." I said.

"And it's triplets," Alice couldn't help but squeal out.

"Shit triplets hey?" Jazz said in unbelief and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Jazz, seriously I'm fine. Just chill okay and be happy for me." I said.

"Oh darlin' believe me I am thrilled but I can't help but worry about you. I can see that you're hurting and it breaks my heart seeing you like this, you are like a sister to me and Alice and it's killing us to see you in so much pain." He said and I felt the new formed tears burn my eyes.

"Thanks Jazz," I said and smiled. "I feel the same about you guys."

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the band and what Jazz' plans are for the rest of the year. I told him about Edward's idea of me and him singing a few songs together and Jazz was thrilled of the idea. He said it was a great idea and that the fans would love that. I also thought it was a great idea but the thought of singing with Edward was damaging my heart even more.

"So Alice, what about the fashion show?" I asked and she clapped her hands together while jumping up and down.

"Well Bella you should come over more often so we can start planning it. Jazz is talking about a New Year's concert and I was thinking of doing it the same day, what do you think?" she said.

"What? That's in one month and I'll be four months pregnant, almost five months, probably looking like a woman in her last trimester," I groaned and pulled my face. Alice and Jasper laughed at me while shaking their heads.

"Silly Bella, you'll look beautiful and that gives me an idea," she said.

"Urm your idea doesn't involve me does it, because I'll start running now." I said pretending to be afraid.

"Why don't we design a maternity-line? I mean you'll soon need new clothes Bells and I don't mean to burst your bubble Bella but I know what clothes you need and what you like to wear," she hinted and I couldn't ignore the fact that she had a point.

"I'm not walking down some runway, forget it." I said and she groaned.

"I knew it. I knew you had something up your sleeve, you wanted me to be the pregnant model didn't you?" I asked in shock.

"Well you are pregnant and since you'll look nine months pregnant in one month I thought-"

"You thought wrong Alice, find someone else." I said in definite and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Bells I'm organizing a meeting for tonight, just the band-members, here at our place to discuss the New Year's concert." Jazz said and I nodded.

"In that case Bella, you can stay for dinner." Alice said and I agreed.

"Jazz do you mind if we invite Rose? I haven't seen her in, well a while, and I really need to see her." I asked.

"Sure Bells, I just meant that the Jane's are not welcome." He said and I sighed.

"You don't like her do you?" I asked him and he huffed.

"Are you kidding me? She irritates the shit out of me and Alice and not to mention Rose." He explained and I can only imagine Roses' face as she listens to all the shit Jane talks.

**Alice's POV**

Bella and I have been discussing the fashion show while Jasper ordered some pizzas for all of us. I can't believe how much I've missed Bella over these last weeks. First when she disappeared and moved to LA and then when I finally found her again she moved back to Seattle but ignores me. I can't believe she's actually sitting in front of me right now and we're discussing and planning our first fashion show. Plus the fact that she's pregnant with my brothers' babies. I'm going to be an aunt again to triplets and I'm super excited.

I'm just a little worried about her though; I can see that she's not sleeping well and that she's really heartbroken over Edward. Ug, he is such an idiot for giving Bella up and now he's not only giving her up but his triplets as well. Boy I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

"They're here," Jazz yelled before he opened the door for all my friends and brother.

Rose ran to Bella and gave her a hug, she also missed Bella. They have this amazing connection even though they don't know each other that well, I think it's because they went through the same thing. Edward walked towards me and I had to admit that he looked like shit.

"Hey," he said and pulled me into his arms, kissing me on my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

"Do you want to help me in the kitchen?" I asked knowing that he would want to talk to me and that's our usual spot where we talked, in the kitchen. Edward only nodded and he followed me to the kitchen.

"What am I going to do Ali?" he asked and I could tell by the way his voice sounded that he was tired and also broken.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Never mind," he said and I felt the anger fill my body.

"You are such an ass you know that?" I huffed and walked past him to put the kettle on.

"You don't know shit Alice" he hissed.

"I know you've lost Bella and now she's pregnant, with triplets, and you're in this ridiculous relationship with Jane which I can see is a fake by the way. You're a mess Edward, when are you going to realize that?" I asked him and he only sighed.

"Bella gave me an ultimatum last week; she said that if I don't stop drinking she would move away and I'll never see her or my babies, ever."

"And-"I prompted.

"I stopped drinking and she invited me to the doctor's appointment and asked me if I wanted to be with her if she went into labor." He said without any hint of happiness.

"Why aren't you happy about that?" I asked shocked. "Seriously Edward, it looks like somebody died the way you're acting."

"None of you have any idea what I'm going through, except Emmett, so keep your opinions to yourself. I am thrilled over the fact that I'll be there when my babies are born and I'm so excited that I'll be with Bella in every doctor's appointment," he said with a sigh.

"But-"I prompted and he rolled his eyes.

"But…urg never mind Ali, I should get back before Jazz throws a fit or whatever." He said with a smile. He didn't fool me though, I saw right through that stupid act. He is broken just like Bella, but I don't understand why he stays with Jane.

Edward helped me carry the tray of coffee mugs. When we came into the living room, everyone grabbed a mug and took a seat. Jazz cleared his throat and everyone stopped talking.

"Guys I'm organizing a New Year's concert, but more like a party if you know what I mean. I was thinking of doing it at Fun House or the beach. We should discuss this and make a decision so I can start organizing everything." Jazz said and I was distracted by his sexy voice. Also how sexy he looks when he takes control like this and start organizing things. I love him more with every beat of my heart. I run my hand through his blonde curls and he looks up to meet my gaze and I kiss him on his forehead. "What was that for?" he whispered softly so only I could hear.

"Just because I love you so much Jazz." I whispered back before I take his lips captive. "Love you too Alice," he whispered against my lips.

"Uhum…" Emmett cleared his throat and everybody started laughing. Leave it to Em to ruin the moment.

"Okay Emmett you have our attention," I said and narrowed my eyes at him. He roared in laughter and Rose smacked him playfully against the back of his head.

"Oh Rosie you know I love you but please stop hitting my head," he smiled before he pulled Rose in for a kiss. I haven't seen Rose this happy in, like forever, and it's all thanks to Emmett. They look so good together like they fit or something, just like Edward and Bella.

"Can we just please get back to the meeting, there's pregnant people here who would like to get some sleep?" Bella said sarcastically and that's when Emmett lost is completely. Not even Bella's glare could shut him up.

"Bells stop being such an old lady," he said through his laughter.

"Emmett I'm not joking about this dammit, I'm tired as hell." Bella said while stomping her foot and even I started laughing because Bella really looked cute. I can see Bella's abdomen under her hoodie now and there's a little lump so I can definitely see that she's pregnant. It's a pretty big lump for thirteen weeks but then again she's expecting triplets.

"Okay, okay jeez Bella just relax." Emmett said.

"I kind of like the beach idea Jazz, we've done it three times and it was a hit every time. Besides, who doesn't like a beach party for New Year's?" Edward suggested and Bella and Emmett agreed.

"And that will be perfect for the fashion show." I said.

"What fashion show?" Edward asked.

"Bella designed some clothes and I made them so we're planning a fashion show to launch the clothing line and we want to do it right before your concert. That way the fans could see Bella's clothing line and enjoy your concert afterwards." I explained.

"Wow I didn't know." Edward whispered.

"You were kind of busy remember?" Bella sneered at him and when my brother's head fell, I felt sorry for him. I know Bella doesn't mean to be a bitch but she should wake up and see what my brother is going through as well.

"Rosie's going to be the lead model or whatever you call it." Emmett bragged and I couldn't contain my laughter.

"Yea well she is the perfect model. Bella's going to be the pregnant model-"I started saying but Bella glared at me.

"The hell I am Alice, we talked about this." She said through clenched teeth.

"No Bella _you_ talked about it," I simply said.

"I refuse to be the pregnant model and walk down a runway showing off my own line of clothing." She said.

"Bella there's no one else I know that looks sexy in the clothes you wear, there's only you and you'll look amazing." I said.

"Bella's going to be four months pregnant, almost five, are you feeling up to the concert?" Jazz asked Bella.

"Sure, I mean I wouldn't miss it for the world, besides I've missed too much already and it's time for me to get back into my music and band." I said.

"Maybe you and Edward could work on a song together, either for the opening or ending, you decide but I do think it would be amazing if you could do it." Jazz said to Bella and Edward and they both looked at each other first and then nodded.

After the meeting we ate pizza and joked around. Rosalie announced that she's moving in with Emmett and Bella almost fell off the chair hearing this. Looks like someone wasn't informed of this but she doesn't look pissed or anything, just surprised.

"I'm so glad you made that announcement now 'coz I have my own announcement to make." Bella said and everyone looked up at Bella waiting for her to tell us what's on her mind.

"Urm well, I've been looking for a place of my own-"she said but Emmett interrupted her.

"WHAT?" he yelled. "Why the hell would you wanna do that Bells?" he asked sounding mad.

"In six months I'm going to have triplets Emmett and I want to be in my own place when that happens." She said simply and Edward's face turned pale and then he widened his eyes in shock. I can see that this is hurting him just like it's hurting Emmett.

"Bells you're going to need help with three babies," Emmett said but Bella shook her head.

"I'm sorry I already bought the place and I'm moving in next week." She said and this was news to me. I don't think Bella realized that triplets are a big issue, especially when you're single.

"What kind of place did you buy?" Edward asked for the first time with sadness in his voice.

"I bought a four bedroom house, all with en-suite bathrooms. It also has an indoor swimming pool and an extra room where I can create my own music room and recording studio. It's big but since I'm going to have a big family I might as well go all the way. I'm going to pick out some furniture tomorrow for the whole house and also for the nursery." She said and I thought I saw a sparkle in Bella's eyes. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing, this is just what Bella needs right now and I would help her in any way I can.

"Do you mind if I come with you?" Edward jumped me to it and I sighed.

"Not at all, they're your babies too." She said.

Edward never took his eyes off of Bella throughout the whole night. Emmett was pissed at Bella, that's for sure. He hasn't spoken to her since she announced she's moving out but I think he'll talk to her when they get home.

After everyone left, I made me and Jazz some hot chocolate and we went to bed.

"What do you think about Bella moving out?" I asked Jazz.

"I think it's a good idea, Bella's one of the strongest woman I know and if this is what she needs then she should do it and Emmett shouldn't stand in her way." He said.

"I'm just afraid that Bella's taking on too much you know? Triplets is a lot of work and she'll be all alone Jazz," I explained my fear to him and he nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean, but Bella's a grown woman and she has to start living her single-mother-life sooner or later Ali, besides Emmett and my sister are engaged and they'll probably get married soon." He said.

"And your point is?" I said and he chuckled.

"Oh Alice, if you are a newlywed couple you don't want to live with other people, even if it is your sister." He explained and I nodded. I can understand that, I mean I can relate to that.

"You're right, Edward should probably do the same, but I've got a feeling that Emmett helps him through a lot of shit right now and even though Edward is the most unselfish person I know, he wouldn't let go of Emmett if Emmett's helping him." I said.

"You're right, Edward has been acting strangely and his relationship with Jane is…um…odd to say the least."

Jasper crawled underneath the sheets and hovered above me, kissing me lightly. "Enough about our friends and family Ali, I've wanted you ever since I walked through the door and said 'honey I'm home'" he whispered against my lips and I chuckled.

"Well then Mr. Whitlock what are you waiting for?" I asked him. His blue eyes are filled with passion and desire as he starts kissing me.

"I was waiting for you to shut that sexy mouth of yours," he said while kissing me.

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><p><strong>I hope this was okay, it's the first time I've done Alice's POV in this story and it was hard to say the least. Are there any suggestions on the babies? What would you guys like? Please review and tell me, also name suggestions! <strong>

**Please, Please, Please REVIEW. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Flyleaf and Simple Plan owns the songs!**

**Another BIG thanks to ****THERESA 24**** for your review, I loved it. I like that you share your thoughts and ideas and it brightens up my day. Thank you so much **

**Thank you to everyone who listed Goodbye Lullaby as a favorite story and for listing me as a favorite author (My brain is working overtime for another story, just wait for the alert ;-) I think it's going to be awesome)**

**Okay here is the new chapter…enjoy! Oh don't forget to REVIEW pretty please.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"I just don't understand why you would want to live alone Bella." Edward sighed. We were standing in front of baby cribs in Tottini's arguing about my decision to move out.

"I don't think it's any business of yours Edward, I'm expecting your babies; that's where our relationship end. You don't have to understand anything else." I simply said. I was looking for dark colors, I know everybody always uses light colors in baby nurseries, but frankly I don't give a damn. I'm different and I'll be damned if everything in my babies' room is going to be white. I was standing in front of a dark brown crib made of durable birch wood. The name on the tag said Papa crib and I chuckled to myself.

"I like this one." I said and Edward took the tag out of my hand to read everything about the crib.

"Wow it's got two mattress platform heights and it has open slats on all four sides. Plus it has maximum air flow and patented compact-fold construction for easy storage. Are you sure about the color though?" he asked me.

"Yup, I told you that I didn't like the color white so much, I realize this is going to be a nursery but don't worry, I've been to an interior decorator and he's given me some great ideas." I said with a smile. This day has been really tiring and it took me almost two hours just to find the right crib. Edward nodded and we started walking to the changing dressers. I must admit to myself that I'm thrilled having Edward with me today. It's nice to hear his opinions and having him share his thoughts on what he'd like. We've decided to not really buy any clothes yet as we were hoping to find out the sex of the triplets first, which might be in seven weeks.

"Bella, please reconsider about moving into this house you bought. I can't stand the thought of you being alone." Edward started again.

"When I moved to L.A. four months ago Edward, I was all alone and I survived. I need to do this so please just drop it okay?" I hissed.

"Four months ago when you moved to L.A. you weren't pregnant Bella with triplets I might add." Edward said while he walked straight to a changing dresser and took a stand next to it. "I'm guessing that you want this one?" he said pointing towards a dark brown birch wood dresser and I started laughing.

"You're right, it's perfect and it matches the crib that we decided on." I said and smiled at him. "I can take care of myself Edward and I would prefer it if we could talk about something else." I sighed.

"It has four large drawers and a removable wooden toiletry holder." He read from the tag. He dropped the subject of me moving into my own place, but he wasn't happy about it. We went to the sales lady and ordered three of each and I gave her my new address where it should be delivered to. Edward demanded on paying for everything and I wasn't in the mood for another argument so I let him pay for everything.

I unlocked the front door to my new house and excitement filled my heart. I bought this house and I'm going to live here on my own with my triplets and to be honest, I can't wait. I'm over excited about my decision and I know I'm doing the right thing. It's also weird that I'm already starting to feel stronger and more confident about becoming a single mother. Don't get me wrong, I still miss Edward and I sometimes still feel broken and I still love him with every beat of my heart, but I now loved my triplets more. I'm living for them and my heart is beating for them. They are my strength, my rock.

"Wow, urm Bella this is awesome." Edward said while walking into my new house. It was still empty because I was so busy shopping for furniture for the nursery that I haven't done any furniture shopping for my house at all. The living room was very spacious and also had a fireplace, not that I'll need it because I've installed central heating systems.

"It feels like this house was built for me," I whispered and he nodded. We walked to the kitchen, which was my favorite place at the moment, maybe it was because of the colors, I don't know but I loved it. The kitchen floor consisted of black tiles and all the cupboards were a rich red with black granite tops. My favorite was the big island in the middle of the kitchen.

"I love the color in the kitchen Bells, it's so…so warm." He said.

"I know it's amazing." I whispered back and I led him out of the kitchen into the hall where we went up the stairs to where all the bedrooms were. All the bedrooms had wooden floors which I loved. We went into the main bedroom and I don't know if it's my imagination or not, but every time I see this room it seems bigger. It consisted of two big windows, a walk in dressing room and an en-suite bathroom. The bathroom was black and white with a huge shower and bath. I took Edward into every single room, only because he insisted on seeing every room, and I explained that the room next to mine would be the nursery.

"Thank you for letting me go with you today Bella" he said while driving back to Emmett's house, which wasn't far from my new home.

"It was nothing Edward, besides I did promise you that I won't keep you out of the triplets' lives." I said. The rest of the drive was silent.

Emmett hasn't spoken to me since last night when I've made the announcement of me moving out. I don't know what to say to him or how to handle the situation, but he has to realize that we've both got lives to live. He and Rosalie are now engaged and I'm pregnant, it's time to part. It breaks my heart to know that we're all grown-up and we can't live together forever.

Everyone was sitting around the kitchen table when Edward and I walked in. I didn't miss the hateful glare that Jane gave me before she pulled Edward into her arms and kissed him passionately. I couldn't see Edward's face because he was standing with his back to me but Jane looked like she enjoyed the kiss. I met Emmett's gaze and a smile appeared. I grinned at him before falling into his lap like old times.

"I'm going to miss you Bells." He whispered and I felt tears sting my eyes.

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you," I said while sobbing.

"I'm sorry for being an ass about this whole thing," he grinned and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You were an ass, but I understand why you reacted that way Em. We thought that we'd be living together forever, we forgot that we'll be growing up and have families and actual lives. I love you to death, but we need to do this." I explained.

"You're right," he said.

Emmett and me started making lasagna for dinner and I must admit that I haven't had this much fun with Emmett in a long time. We had a really hard year and I just hope that all that is behind us now. We invited Jasper and Alice as well.

For the first time in a long time we're having dinner at our huge dining table which seated twelve people. We were all laughing and joking around drinking wine, well they drank wine, I had mineral water. Everyone looked so happy, except Edward. His constant sadness was a riddle to me.

"Wow this lasagna is the best." Rose said and everybody agreed.

"Bella why are you so quiet?" Alice asked.

"I don't know Alice; I guess I'm just tired." I said annoyed.

"I've got an idea, why don't we all go to the Fun House?" Jasper suggested and even though I'm pregnant, I thought it was a great idea. I haven't seen Embry in a while.

"Bella's pregnant Jasper or have you forgotten that information?" Edward asked Jasper.

"Edward I can answer for myself thank you very much." I hissed and turned to Jasper, "I think it's a great idea Jazz, besides I don't need to drink and I'm not that big, yet." I said with a smile and heard my brother chuckle.

Edward and Jane went in his Volvo and the rest of us went in Emmett's Jeep. I struggled getting dressed for this occasion, no matter what I wore the little bump showed. I wore skinny black jeans with my fourteen eye doc Martins and a white off the shoulder tee and a black jacket. When Emmett pulled into a parking space I jumped out of the Jeep and found Edward and Jane waiting for us by the entrance. Edward looked sexy as hell with his black cargo pants and combo boots and a white tee. He also wore a black jacket.

"Bella, long time no see girl." Embry yelled above the music. He pulled me into a hug and I smiled because I really missed this place and I missed Embry.

"I've been living in L.A. for a few months and just recently moved back here." I said and it didn't surprise me that this wasn't news to him. I'm a celebrity and I'm always in some magazine or newspaper or news.

"How have you been?" he asked and I told him all about L.A. and everything, I just skipped the Edward part and also the pregnancy part. I'll announce it as soon as someone asks. I'm just stressed as to what I'll tell everybody, I mean Edward is the father but he is in a relationship with Jane and to explain that to the world would be, well confusing.

I excused myself after a while and found my way back to Emmett and the rest of the gang. Everyone was drinking, even Edward, not that I mind. He did promise me that he wouldn't drink like he did a week ago and as long as he keeps that promise I don't mind him drinking. I can almost see him relaxing and having a good time.

**Edward's POV**

My eyes kept searching for Bella and I stole glances in her direction. She looks beautiful tonight and it amazes me to see how strong she is. Here I am, falling apart, but Bella is pulling through and I can see the change in her eyes. She doesn't have that emptiness in her eyes, I know it's because of the triplets and I'm so grateful for that. Once they are born, she can forget about me and our love and focus on the triplets. She'll be so busy raising three babies that she won't have time to think about me anyways.

I ordered another beer and took a swig. I promised Bella that I wouldn't drink so much anymore and I kept my promise. I won't drink like that again that's why I'm drinking beers only. I glared at Jane with hate. I don't know why she stays with me, I mean I treat her like shit and even when we have sex; I refuse to do anything. I usually just lay there to get it over and done with. Every time when she's done she would tell me how useless I am and how I can't please a woman. I would just turn around and pretend that I'm asleep. I don't care what she thought about me.

"We've got royalty in the house, guys." I heard someone announce and when I turned around I saw that it was Embry. "Punk Rocking Skulls in the house." He yelled and everybody started cheering and clapping hands some people whistling. All of us lifted our hands and waved to everyone. "Why don't you sing something?" Embry asked.

"Okay," I yelled back and Bella widened her eyes in shock. "Don't worry Bella, I've got this covered." I whispered while winking. She was about to open her mouth and say something, but I was already up and started walking to the stage. Emmett followed me and he seemed excited.

When I walked onto the little stage the crowd went crazy and I felt my adrenaline started pumping. I wondered if this feeling will ever go away, I hope not because this feels great and to know that we are loved by our fans is awesome. "Thank you guys, I want to sing a different kind of song tonight, it's more punk than the other songs I used to perform. I hope you enjoy it and welcome to my life." I yelled and started strumming on my guitar. Emmett knows this song, we've practiced it a couple of times.

"_**Do you ever feel like breaking down?**_

_**Do you ever feel out of place,**_

_**Like somehow you just don't belong**_

_**And no one understands you?**_

_**Do you ever wanna run away?**_

_**Do you lock yourself in your room**_

_**With the radio on turned up so loud**_

_**That no one hears you're screaming?**_

_**No, you don't know what it's like**_

_**When nothing feels all right**_

_**You don't know what it's like**_

_**To be like me**_

_**To be hurt**_

_**To be lost**_

_**To be left out in the dark**_

_**To be kicked when you're down**_

_**To feel like you've been pushed around**_

_**To be on the edge of breaking down**_

_**And no one's there to save you**_

_**No, you don't know what it's like**_

_**Welcome to my life"**_

I looked at the crowd jumping up and down, shouting and whistling and I couldn't help but think if they even knew what I was singing. To them this was just another song performed by Edward Cullen, did they even stop to think why I'm singing this song or that this is not just words, they are what my life was about right now. I'm not happy at all and it seems that no one knows me as well as they thought they did.

"_**Do you wanna be somebody else?**_

**Are you sick of feeling so left out?**

**Are you desperate to find something more**

**Before your life is over?**

**Are you stuck inside a world you hate?**

**Are you sick of everyone around?**

**With their big fake smiles and stupid lies**

**While deep inside you're bleeding**

**No, you don't know what it's like**

**When nothing feels all right**

**You don't know what it's like**

**To be like me**

_**To be hurt**_

_**To be lost**_

_**To be left out in the dark**_

_**To be kicked when you're down**_

_**To feel like you've been pushed around**_

_**To be on the edge of breaking down**_

_**And no one's there to save you**_

_**No, you don't know what it's like**_

_**Welcome to my life**_

_**No one ever lied straight to your face**_

_**And no one ever stabbed you in the back**_

_**You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay**_

_**Everybody always gave you what you wanted**_

_**You never had to work it was always there**_

_**You don't know what it's like, what it's like"**_

I sang the chorus in silence just like me and Emmett practiced. It just sounded better to sing this part without instruments or music. When I stopped singing everybody cheered and whistled and yelled. A huge grin spread across Emmett's face and I couldn't help but smile. That was fun to say the least. Emmett lightly punched my shoulder when we walked back to our table. "Awesome bro," he whispered. It was strange to say that I didn't feel awesome, I expressed a lot of feelings through that song and I can feel my heart bleeding again. Jane stood up and wrapped her arms around me giving me a really deep kiss, which I hated. I lightly pushed her away and took another swig of my beer.

"I hope you're not getting drunk tonight." She said simply and I clenched my jaw.

"What the fuck is your problem Jane? I haven't been drinking in a week," I said through my teeth.

"It's just better to have sex with you when you're sober." She grinned and I knew she was doing this to hurt Bella and I wanted to ring her neck.

"How about this, we don't have sex tonight." I said and she narrowed her eyes. This woman was like a sex maniac and I can't believe she would do it every night with someone that wasn't interested in having sex with her and where she has to do all the work.

"I'm sorry, but we don't want to hear about your sex stories and I think you're being rude to talk about it in front of us, Jane." Alice said through her teeth and I knew Ali was pissed now.

"Who asked for your opinion Alice?" Jane hissed.

"You know what Jane, no one asked but I'm giving it anyways because that is a private matter and I'm sure I'm speaking for everybody here; keep your sex stories to yourself." Alice said as calmly as she could. I could see deep down that Alice is absolutely furious and she would attack Jane if Jane didn't shut up.

"Aren't you a fun crowd to hang out with?" Jane said sarcastically.

"Would you two stop bickering please?" Bella hissed. Jane wanted to say something but I quickly interrupted her.

"What time will the cribs and changing drawers be delivered Bella?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning at nine-"

"Bella please come and sing us a song." Embry announced over the mic. She couldn't say no to that and stood up, walking towards the stage. "Everybody put your hands together for Bella Swan." He yelled and everybody started clapping hands, some guys were whistling. Bella looked sexy as hell and I can't blame any man that longed for her now.

"Thank you guys, it's been a while since I was on a stage. Anyways I wrote a couple of new songs and you will realize that they differ from my previous songs, a lot." She said with a shaky breath. Emmett smiled behind the drums. "Okay guys this is called, Sorrow." She said and I felt the hole in my chest grew.

She strummed on the electric guitar and when she started singing my heart went into overdrive. I never seem to get enough of her voice.

"_**Sometimes life seems too quiet into paralyzing silence**_

_**Like the moonless dark**_

_**Meant to make me strong**_

_**Familiar breath of my old lies**_

_**Changed the color in my eyes**_

_**Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by**_

_**Sorrow lasts through this night**_

_**I'll take this piece of you**_

_**And hope for all eternity**_

_**For just one second I felt whole**_

_**As you flew right through me**_

_**Left alone with only reflections of the memory**_

_**To face the ugly girl that's smothering me**_

_**Sitting closer than my pain**_

_**He knew each tear before it came**_

_**Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by**_

_**Sorrow lasts through this night**_

_**I'll take this piece of you**_

_**And hope for all eternity**_

_**For just one second I felt whole**_

_**As you flew right through me**_

_**And we kiss each other one more time**_

_**And sing this lie that's halfway mine**_

_**The sword is slicing through the question**_

_**So I won't be fooled by his angel light**_

_**Sorrow lasts through this night**_

_**I'll take this piece of you**_

_**And hope for all eternity**_

_**For just one second I felt whole**_

_**As you flew right through me**_

_**And up into the stars**_

_**JOY WILL COME"**_

She yelled the last sentence and to say it was different from her other songs was an understatement. I didn't even know Bella could shout like that, it sounded…it was like she wanted to shout joy into her life. Everybody cheered and went crazy and as I looked at Bella I notice her little blush, the one that I've missed for so long. I haven't seen it in a while and to see it now was beautiful.

**Bella's POV**

Emmett and I walked back to our table and I was exhausted after that performance. I'm thrilled that everybody loved it, well everybody except Jane that is. I saw the hateful glare she gave me but it didn't bother me at all because Jane wasn't a factor in my life. I know she's jealous of me; maybe she's afraid that I'll steal Edward from her, if only she knew that Edward wasn't interested in me as a life partner. He chose her and that's it.

"Bella as your manager I just wanted to say that that was fucking brilliant. I loved every minute of that song and the way you sung it was amazing. I loved the shouting at the end." Jasper said.

"Thanks Jazz," I said with a smile. Jane huffed but I ignored her.

"I'm sure everybody's having a good time, but my sister is pregnant and I want to get her home if you guys don't mind?" Em said and I sighed in relief. I was about to ask him if we could go because I felt tired.

When we got home I went straight to my room and took a long hot shower. It was freezing cold outside and I once again silently thanked Jacob for installing the central heating system. My hand went to my abdomen and I traced my fingers over the little bump. "_I love you guys so much."_ I whispered while a tear rolled down my cheek. I miss Edward, I miss his touch, his kisses but most of all I miss the way he said 'I love you'. I really thought that I was getting past all this but I guess I was wrong. The open wounds are still open and the blood still streams out and it's still fucking painful. Why the hell can't I just get stitched up and get on with my damn life?

I crawled into bed after that long shower and although I was beyond tired, I just couldn't fall asleep. I kept hearing Edward's song that he sung. I just can't explain the hurt expression on his face or the painful agony in his eyes, I can't think of a logical explanation. He chose his life and left me broken, but I'm sure I'm better off than Edward is. I have a few breakdowns but I look happier than Edward does, he is in constant pain and agony.

"Bella,"

I groaned hearing my name and someone constantly knocking on my door. I was still tired and wasn't ready to wake up yet. "Leave me alone," I mumbled so softly that I barely heard myself. Edward opened the door and came to stand next to my bed.

"Have you forgotten about the cribs being delivered today?" he asked. My eyes flew open and jumped out of bed.

"Shit," I said and felt a blush on my cheeks when I caught Edward staring at me. I only have my boy shorts on and a white tank top. He has seen me in less clothing than this, but that was when I thought he was single or when I thought he would choose me. I ignored him and ran to safety, my closet. I just pulled on some skinny jeans, a tee and hoodie for warmth and my low chucks. I want to be comfortable today. My head was pounding from the little sleep I had but ignored it.

Edward drove to my new house in silence. When we got there the delivery van was already parked in the driveway. Edward ran to the guy and apologized for us being late. After they carried everything in, I went into the nursery and looked around. The walls are white at the moment and I'm not sure if I'm going to leave it white or paint it.

"I know you've already decided on a color scheme for the nursery, please tell me." Edward said and startled me a little. I haven't noticed him come into the room.

"The interior decorator helped me with the color matching and since I don't know what we're expecting and even if I did know it won't make any difference. What if we have two boys and one girl or one boy and two girls or all girls…well you get the picture; they will all share a room for the first two years of their lives and I wanted the colors to match boys and girls. I saw these cute duvet sets for the cribs, which I haven't bought yet, still waiting to know whether it's boys or girls or both, well anyways, they were a light turquoise blue and chocolate brown-"

"What if its girls, then they'll have a blue room?" he interrupted me and I huffed.

"There were two duvet sets, one for boys and one for girls; the girls' had the cutest butterflies on and the boys' had bugs on. It was designed for twins or triplets…anyways those colors look good together and can be used for girls or boys." I said excitedly. I know I'm probably just weird but I don't care, and besides I don't think it's that weird since there are people who have done this. I have seen the pictures from the interior decorator and that's where I thought about it.

"Well it's different but I like it Bella. When do we start?" he asked and I chuckled.

"I think after the New Year's concert, then I'll be twenty weeks and we'll maybe see what we're expecting." I said. I loved looking at Edward when we spoke about the triplets; that's when his eyes lit up and fills with love and adoration. One thing I'm sure off is that Edward will love his children more than anything else in this life. He will adore them and put them first in his life and keep them safe.

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><p><strong>Please Review guys! <strong>


	26. Chapter 26

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Skillet and Avril Lavigne owns the songs!**

**I've jumped four weeks in this chapter. Thank you for reading. Don't forget to review please!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"Why did I agree to do this again?" I asked annoyed. Alice just giggled while straightening my hair. The fashion show starts in two hours and we want everything to be perfect. Alice, Rose and I worked really hard the last month to organize this fashion show. Alice sent VIP invites to all her famous designers and also a few reporters. I sighed thinking about the paparazzi's whom I've been stalked by for the last four weeks. The whole world knows that I'm pregnant now and I haven't commented on any questions. Alice promised me that the press she invited agreed to not ask about my pregnancy.

Alice hired a huge tent, almost like a circus tent, for the fashion show on the beach. The runway wasn't that long, thank goodness. I'm seventeen weeks pregnant and look like a woman who's almost nine months pregnant. I feel huge, no let me rephrase; I am huge. I'm just relieved that the nausea is gone, but guess what; it's been replaced with heartburn. I also felt the triplets move last week. It was amazing to say the least. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started crying and laughing at the same time. I was a bit disappointed when I couldn't share the news with anybody since everybody was out, yeah I still haven't moved into my house. The triplets' movement felt like butterflies fluttering around in my stomach or like a shiver. It was weird at first and I haven't realized what happened until I phoned my doctor and he explained that it was the triplets moving. He also said that from now on they will move more frequently and they will kick more often. Edward hasn't felt them kick yet, every time they kicked he wasn't around. It frustrated the hell out of him.

"Bella wake up," Alice said while snapping her fingers in front of me.

"I'm sorry I've been thinking about the triplets-"

"Yah I know, we've got less than two hours before the fashion show starts. Let's get your items ready and see if Rose needs some help." She said and I chuckled. Alice was a control freak; I've learned that the hard way over the last four weeks. She didn't care if I was pregnant and exhausted, we worked until late at night and started early in the mornings. Plus I had to squeeze practicing for the concert in there somewhere. Luckily the exhaustion of the first trimester isn't so bad now.

I'm standing in pink and black knee shorts, a pink and black 'what the hell' tee that hangs loose around my stomach and to round it off I'm wearing my ankle high Chuck Taylor's with the outfit. My makeup consisted of black eye shadow around my eyes to make it smoky. That would be my makeup for the rest of the afternoon. With this first outfit I'm wearing big round earrings with black stars, a black star pendant necklace and pink and black star cuffs around my wrists.

Alice has disappeared again probably helping Rose get ready. I kept looking at myself in the mirror, gently rubbing my belly. Even though I'm all alone, I couldn't be any happier right now. I love my triplets more and more every day and with every kick my heart beats faster and my love grows for them. _"I can't wait to meet you guys" _I whispered so softly that I barely heard my own voice.

**Alice's POV**

I can't believe the fashion show is today. We've been looking forward to this day for four weeks now and I'm super excited about it. Bella is a little stressed but I think it's probably because she's pregnant and she believes she's huge. _Pft, _not likely, she looks more like a woman that's seven months pregnant but she thinks she looks nine months.

The first appearance is shorts and tee's. We were able to pull all the men in, Edward and Jasper included. They moaned a lot but Bella's argument were that if she had to do it then all the men must take part. Let's just say that Bella's been really moody lately and no one argued with her over this matter.

"Okay guys this is it, see you on the runway and good luck." I said to everyone. Every one of them looked freaked except for Rose and Em. They are like naturals. I walked to my position as both me and Bella decided that it would be best if I did the announcements on what they wore.

Every seat was taken and the adrenaline started pumping. I'm so excited about this fashion show and I've got a good feeling about this. The music we played was of Bella and Emmett's band before Edward joined, let's just say that those songs were the happy songs, the songs Bella performed before her life got so fucked.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. You are all here to see the 'What the hell' clothing line designed by me, Alice Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan." I said with a smile and everybody clapped hands. "As you all know Isabella Marie Swan is one of the lead singers in the band Punk Rocking Skulls. Her love for punk and rock shows in everything she wears and that's when she decided to design a punk\rock clothing line. The 'what the hell' clothing line is not only for women but we designed clothing for the men, plus pregnant women. So sit back and enjoy the show." I said. Sk8er boy started playing, one of their first singles and Jasper made his appearance. He looked amazingly hot and I found myself staring, almost drooling over him. He walked like a real model and I smiled, because it was just the way we practiced.

"Jasper is wearing a white 'what the hell' tee with black knee shorts." I announced just as he turned around and walked back to the backstage. I know that he had about four minutes to dress in his next item before he would come back out. Jasper and Rose walked past each other right before Jazz disappeared. I heard myself gasp for air when I saw Rose, she looked beautiful. She started walking down the runway and everybody went "oe" and "aah".

"Rosalie is wearing a grey 'what the hell' tee with very short black and grey shorts and black and grey striped knee high socks with ankle high Chuck Taylor all-star sneakers." I announced. Rose walked back to the exit and met Emmett. He stared at her with his mouth open and I wanted to laugh at his expression. His head snapped up when I started announcing him and his clothing and he started walking, "Emmett wears a grey 'what the hell' tee and black knee shorts." Emmett walked to the front of the runway and back to the exit where Bella waited for him. She looked kind of pale and it had me worried. She made her entrance and before she started walking camera flashes went off like crazy, every single person who had a camera took a picture of Bella. It didn't put her off though, she just kept walking and I must admit that she looked sexy and wild. Nothing could stop her.

"Bella is wearing a black 'what the hell' tee that hangs loosely around her stomach and black and pink maternity knee shorts." I said with a smile. After Bella walked to the exit, Edward appeared.

"Edward is wearing a red 'what the hell' tee with black and red pleaded knee shorts." I said and felt proud of my brother. He looked sexy as hell and I could see every smile on every woman's face in this room. Most of their eyes were filled with pure lust.

"All the models wore ankle high Chuck Taylor all-star sneakers" I said. I watched as everybody whispered excitedly to one another and it got me even more excited. This clothing line was going to be big.

Jasper walked in and once again I couldn't breathe.

"Jasper's wearing a black and red hoodie with black skinny jeans and fourteen eye Doc Martins." I said. Jasper walked off. That was his last item for the afternoon, since he still had stuff to do before the concert.

Bella walked past Jasper with her hand on her hip, just like I showed her and walks down the runway trying to swing her hips, but she's too pregnant to get it right. I chuckled softly to myself, if she ever knew what I was thinking now she'd kill me.

"Bella's wearing a black and purple star hoodie that's specially designed for pregnant women, and black ruined maternity jeans with fourteen eye Doc Martins." I smiled while she walks back to the exit.

Edward came in next and again every woman in the room went "aah" and I could see the longing and the lust in their eyes.

"Edward's wearing a black and white star hoodie with black ruined skinny jeans and the fourteen eye Doc Martins." Edward's annoyance as he walks back to the exit is easily visible and if anyone saw that expression I would kill him personally. But for now it looked funny as hell. Rose walked past Edward and I saw her swatting him playfully on his ass. Again every male in the rooms' eyes popped out.

"Rosalie is wearing a black and pink 'what the hell' of the shoulder tee with skinny patent leather pants and fourteen eye Doc Martins."

"Emmett is wearing a red 'what the hell' hoodie with skinny black jeans and also the Doc Martins."

I announced that we're taking a ten minute break before the last item. I ran backstage and jumped up and down from excitement.

"Bella did you see their expressions?" I asked still jumping up and down.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I did this today." She said honestly.

"Are you ready for the last part of the show?" I asked and both Bella and Rose nodded. I took my place and announced that this was the last item of the show.

Bella walked in and every flash went off in the room. I saw Edward peeking around the corner and his eyes popped, if that was possible. Is he insane? What if someone sees him peeking? Luckily everybody was so interested in Bella that no one noticed Edward's head around one of the curtains.

"Bella is wearing a maternity floor sweeping black strapless gown with black pumps. This dress was designed for women that's pregnant and needed a gown for that special occasion, like Bella. She just looks ravishing." I said. Bella turned around after posing for pictures and walked to the exit, relief washed over her face.

"Rosalie is wearing a black organza strapless cocktail dress with a purple sequined hem and wears black pumps." I said and Rose posed for pictures before walking off.

"I hope you enjoyed the afternoon just as much as we did and I hope to see everybody soon. Remember the Punk Rocking Skulls' concert tonight at the beach." I said and walked backstage.

**Bella's POV**

I threw the dress down and sighed in relief. That was rather exhausting. How will I get through the concert tonight, it's a four hour concert and it stops right before the countdown to midnight.

"Bella that was awesome." Alice said and pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Thank you for everything Ali, you really helped me a lot you know and it's nice to have you as a partner." I said.

"Thanks to you too Bells," she said. "Listen we need to get out there and talk to the press." She explained and I groaned. Why would I want to go to the sharks? They'll just eat me alive, I know this. I pulled the dress back on and followed Alice to our table. There was about ten reporters standing there just waiting for me. As soon as I took a stand behind the table they started peppering me with questions about the fashion show and the clothing line. Most of them wanted to know why I named it the 'what the hell' line and I just explained that they had to come to the concert to get the answers. Luckily no one asked me about my pregnancy and about the father of my children.

After the interviews I ran backstage to get ready for my concert. I pulled on my black leggings, which was now maternity black legging, and a white 'what the hell' tee with a pink and black star zip-up hoodie. I pulled my fourteen eye Doc Martins on and touched my makeup up.

I'm nervous as hell, because tonight me and Edward performs a song together. I'm going to sing with him and it's nerve wrecking to say the least. Jane obviously freaked when she found out that we'll be singing together, but Edward just ignored her.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper waited for me backstage. "I'm sorry for running late, it's been hectic." I said out of breath. Edward came to my side and helped me to a chair.

"Are you okay Bella?" he asked with concern and I only nodded, trying to catch my breath. I still have four more months to go and I can't wait.

"Seriously, I'm a bit freaked out about all of this. I'm hugely pregnant, the other day at the supermarket an old lady assumed that my time was near since I was so huge. Imagine the surprise when I told her that I was only four and a half months pregnant." I explained, "I love my babies but I want them out so I can start walking normal again and get out of bed like a normal-"Emmett started laughing out loud and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Oh come on Bells, it's funny." He said.

"Yah, to you it's funny and probably everybody in this room," I huffed.

"Bella you and Edward are up. Tonight the fans get two surprises," Jasper said with a grin and I smiled. Me and Jasper talked the other day and he wants me to bring out my own cd, like Edward did. So if tonight goes according to plan, I'll have a single to start with.

Both Edward and I walked onto the stage and the crowd went wild. There were a lot of people and my heart started pounding against my chest. We waved to our fans while Edward stood in front of the keyboard and I grabbed my guitar.

"Good evening Seattle." Edward yelled and everybody clapped and whistled and screamed. This was the part I loved, the adrenaline rush. He started playing on the keys of the keyboard and soft music notes started forming, Emmett and me waiting patiently to start playing our instruments.

"**As I fall to sleep, will you comfort me?" **he sang and Emmett played on his drums softly. My lines were next and I was still nervous.

"_When my heart is weak, will you rescue me?" _I sang and started playing my guitar. Edward and I sang the chorus together and I had to admit that this song really touched my heart and my emotions went haywire.

"_**Will you be there?**_

_**As I grow cold**_

_**Will you be there when I'm falling down?**_

_**Will you be there?"**_

"**When I'm in retreat, can I run to you?" **he sang and the emotion in his voice made my knees grow week. I loved this man with every fiber in me.

"_**Will my pain release, at your mercy seat?" **_I sang while Edward sang softly with me. I could barely hear his velvety voice.

"_**Will you be there?**_

_**As I grow cold**_

_**Will you be there when I'm falling down?**_

_**Will you be there?**_

**My heart grows cold**

_**Will you be there when I'm falling down?"**_

We sang the chorus again and I was starting to feel really emotional. Edward wrote this song especially for this concert and the words just touched me in every single way possible.

"**Are you saying yes? I, aah, I"**

"_**I gotta believe it"**_

"**Are you saying **_**yeah?"**_

"_**When your love comes down I can rest my eyes**_

_**Feel your grace and power flood into my life**_

_**As my brokenness and your strength collide**_

_**When your love comes down**_

_**Falling down"**_

"**As I fall to sleep**

**As I fall to sleep." **He softly sung in his velvety voice and I can hear the emotion in his voice as well.

"_**Will you be there?**_

_**As I grow cold**_

_**Will you be there when I'm falling down?**_

_**Will you be there?**_

**My heart grows cold**

_**Will you be there when I'm falling down?"**_

We sang the chorus three times until Edward's voice slowly stopped. The crowd went crazy, like I've never seen before. They must really like us singing together. "Thank you." I yelled out of breath. Performing that song with Edward was amazing and I think we should do it more often. Edward didn't leave the stage as he was playing the keyboard for my song.

"**You say that I'm messing with your head**

**All 'cause I was making out with your friend**

**Love hurts whether it's right or wrong**

**I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun**

**You're on your knees**

**Begging, "Please**

**Stay with me"**

**But honestly**

**I just need to be**

**A little crazy"**

I sang and it brought back memories of when I wrote this song. I missed Jake a lot but not in a lover-way, I missed him as a friend and wished he could be here today. I hopped and walked as fast as my pregnant legs could carry me to the other side of the stage while singing the chorus.

"**All my life I've been good, **

**But now…**

**Aaalll I'm thinking "what the hell?"**

**All I want is to mess around**

**And IIIII don't really care about…**

**If you love me**

**If you hate me**

**You can't save me**

**Baby baby**

**All my life I've been good**

**But now…**

**What the hell?**

**What?**

**What?**

**What?**

**What the hell?"**

After singing the chorus I turned around to look at my brother and as always he was smiling, showing off his sexy dimples. He loved this song and was thrilled that we finally performed it live. Edward looked like he was having a good time as well. I slowly walked over to him and turned my back against him, rubbing my back against his side while singing the second verse.

"**So what if I go out on a million dates?**

**You never call or listen to me anyway**

**I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day**

**Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play"**

I turned around and look straight into his eyes pointing towards him with my index finger.

"**You're on your knees**

**Begging, "Please**

**Stay with me"**

**But honestly**

**I just need to be**

**A little crazy"**

I turned back to face the fans and threw my one arm into the air.

"**All my life I've been good, **

**But now…**

**Aaalll I'm thinking "what the hell?"**

**All I want is to mess around**

**And IIIII don't really care about…**

**If you love me**

**If you hate me**

**You can't save me**

**Baby, baby**

**All my life I've been good **

**But now…**

**Aaaaah what the hell?"**

I slowly made my way back to Edward, circling him over and over again. He had an amused look on his face while grinning and I thought he looked hot, but also wondered what the hell was going through that sexy head of his.

"**La, la, la, la, la, la, la,**

**Whoa, whoa,**

**La, la, la, la, la, la,**

**Whoa, whoa,**

**You say that I'm messing with your head**

**Boy, I like messing in your bed**

**Yeah, I am messing with your head when**

**I'm messing with you in bed"**

Edward laughed when I sang the last line of the bridge and I felt the heat on my cheeks, knowing that I'm blushing crimson red. Yah I'd figure he'd laugh at that.

**All my life I've been good, **

**But now…**

**Aaall I'm thinking "what the hell?"**

**All I want is to mess around**

**And IIIII don't really care about…**

**All my life I've been good, **

**But now…**

**Aaall I'm thinking "what the hell?"**

**All I want is to mess around**

**And IIIII don't really care about…**

**La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la**

**La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la"**

Everybody went crazy when the song ended and I knew just then and there that my song is going to be a success. I silently thanked Jake for giving me the idea for the song. My hand went down to my abdomen as my triplets started kicking me, they were getting rough I thought to myself and chuckled.

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't help but stare at her while she walks off the stage. She really hit it tonight and I'm so proud of her. The song she sang with me was so intense and I could feel her every emotion. It touched my heart in a way that I can't begin to describe. Bella will always be the only woman for me and I'll love her forever.

The last time our fans went this crazy was at the release of our first album. Bella really did a number tonight with her performance and that song, whoa, what an amazing song. It's just so alive, it's different from her other songs, this one made my top favorite list. I followed her off the stage and went backstage. She looked exhausted and I just wanted to take her home right then and there, but we still had the countdown to do in ten minutes. She motioned for me to come to her and I quickly made my way to where she was seated. She took my hand in hers and placed it on her abdomen. At first I didn't feel anything and I started to feel frustrated. I've been trying to feel them kick for the last two weeks, but nothing. I looked up from her stomach and met Bella's gaze as she was staring at me. Her eyes looked alive and were filled with so much love that I felt tears sting my eyes. I was about to pull my hand away when I felt a movement. My heart started pounding excitedly and I felt a huge smile spread across my face. I placed my other hand on her abdomen as well and felt another kick. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks now as love for my triplets filled my heart once more. Overwhelmed by emotion I laid my head on her stomach and sobbed silently. I turned my head and kissed her abdomen, "I love you guys so much, so very much" I whispered and heard a sob escape Bella's mouth. When I looked up she was crying uncontrollably and I quickly pulled her into my arms.

"What's wrong, Love?" I asked.

"This is the way I've always imagined myself while being pregnant. The father of my baby would be with me and support me and he…he…he would love me just as much as he loved my baby and he would also kiss my stomach the way you did just now." She sobbed and I could hear the agonizing pain in her voice. "And just now you called me Love" she accused.

I haven't even realized that I've called her that. I can't explain the emotions that's running through my heart right now, I'm at loss for words as I don't know what to say to Bella or how to respond to her confession or declaration or whatever it was that she just said. I can't tell her that I love her because she doesn't believe it anyways and I think she's better of not knowing how I feel. She'll move on with her life a lot faster if I just keep my mouth shut about my feelings for her. If she only knew that I love her more with every breath that I take. I love her more with every beat of my heart and with every step that I take. She's my air, my pulse my very life.

"Bella no matter what happens; I'll always be here for the babies always. I'll never leave you to fend for yourself and I'll be there for you and the triplets. I wish things could be different, but they're not and I'm sorry for hurting you." I forced myself saying. She just nodded her head.

"Thank you Edward." She whispered and pecked me on my cheek before walking away. My fingers lightly traced the place where she just kissed me and I swear I could almost feel my skin burning where her lips touched a few seconds ago. My pulse raced and my heart thumped and I knew that no one could ever replace Bella. The feelings I have for her is so strong and so permanent that I can't explain it to anyone. Her hold is permanent in my heart.

We went back on stage to start the countdown and then I would like to go home.

"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…HAPPY NEW YEAR" Jasper yelled over the microphone and everybody started cheering. My eyes searched for Bella and I couldn't find her anywhere. Emmett and Rosalie were kissing and Alice and Jasper stared into each other's eyes, which looked freaky by the way. I made my way towards Emmett and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked annoyed when he turned and looked at me.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"She went home, said that she was tired." He said and pulled Rose in for another kiss

I quickly ran backstage and out the exit to my car. I don't know why but I just felt a chill when he said Bella left. I have a feeling that something bad was going to happen and I wanted to get to Bella as soon as possible. I jumped into my car, started the engine and pulled away. I drove as fast as I could and sighed in relief when I saw Bella's Ferrari in the driveway. I stopped my car next to hers and climbed out. That's when shivers ran down my spine as I heard a man yelling at Bella. I slowly made my way to the living room window and saw two men standing in front of Bella. Bella looked terrified and her whole body was shaking out of fear. My mind raced as I thought what to do and fear filled my whole body knowing that Bella and the triplets' life's are in danger. If anything happened to them I would die. They are my life.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry if the previous chapter and this chapter were boring, but I had to write this. From now on until the end it would be angst and action and maybe just a little fluff. The story is coming to an end , I'm guessing three more chapters but I'm not sure. <strong>

**Can you guess who is back? Review and tell me.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

**Bella's POV**

My heart started pounding painfully in fear as someone's hand went over my mouth just when I walked through the front door. My body started shaking as the familiar stench burned my nose. I'll never forget his scent; I mean how could I forget after they raped me repeatedly for almost seven hours. Bile rose in my throat and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from getting sick.

"Hello sweet Bella." James whispered into my ear while licking my earlobe. My stomach turned as images of that night returned and was now playing off as if my mind was a DVD player. I had to remember every single touch, every single kiss and every single time they'd hit me or kicked me. The warmness of my tears brought me back to reality. My body was shaking in fear, not for my own life but for the life of my triplets. If anything would happen to them I would die, I would no longer want to live because what would I be living for then. I've lost Edward, back then, the reason for my existence but he gave me a new reason to live; the triplets. They are my strength; they are everything to me and I can't bear the thought of losing them.

"What do you want?" I hissed and James laughed while pulling me away from the door. He threw me onto the couch and I cradled my stomach between my arms trying to protect my babies. Fear filled my whole body when Laurent walked into the living room.

"Precious Bella, we meet again." He grinned. Laurent walked towards me and pulled me to him, crushing his lips on mine. I didn't fight as I was scared they will hurt me and then obviously hurt my babies, so I just let him kiss me. I felt nauseous feeling his lips move against mine while his hand slowly went up my side and rested on my breast. Tears stung my eyes feeling his hand on my breast and the all too familiar feelings that I've overcome, came back into my life. I was filled with fear, emptiness, numbness and bitterness. I have fought these feelings while I lived in L.A. and I've won. I have overcome the fear that these bastards filled my life with; I have overcome the numbness they caused me to feel after they murdered the love of my life, at that time; I have overcome the emptiness they filled my life with when they killed my baby. I have learned to trust again and to love again and to feel the joy of being pregnant. How can this happen again? Haven't I been through enough already? I know that I won't be strong enough to get through this if they rape me again, I won't pull through. I won't be strong enough if they hurt my babies. I won't be able to live with myself.

"James, did you see that our little Bella is pregnant?" Laurent laughed.

"Yup can you miss it, she's fucking huge." He sneered.

Laurent was still kneading my breasts and I wanted to throw up. His very touch sickened me and the lust in his eyes scared the shit out of me. "Please take your hands off of me." I begged him softly. At first he started laughing evilly, but all of a sudden he stopped and glared at me with rage. He pulled his hand back and slapped me across my cheek. A low sob escaped my mouth and my chest started heaving.

"YOU DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!" he yelled and I knew in that moment that my life was over. I would never see the beautiful face of Edward again; I would never see my brothers' sexy dimples which I love so much; I would never see Alice, the annoying little black head pixie again or Jazz with his blonde curls. I'll never see Rose again, my beautiful soon to be sister-in-law. My hand went over my stomach; I'll never get to meet my triplets whom I love more than life itself. I closed my eyes thinking happy thoughts, Edward is happy thoughts, I thought about the first time I laid eyes on him and how he rocked my world that very first day. I thought that he was the sexiest man alive and already that first day he made my heart beat faster. I remember when he came to L.A. and we made love for the first time in August, when we conceived the triplets. I thought about his smile, the way his mouth pulled at the one corned and became my most favorite crooked smile. I thought about his velvety voice as he sung to me that night in L.A. a song about whispers in the dark and that I'll never be alone, when darkness comes he'll be the whispers in the dark. I'm in my happy place right now, with Edward and they can do whatever they want with me now, as long as I have Edward.

**Edward's POV**

I already phoned the police and they're on their way. I made my way around the house and unlocked the music room door. I entered silently and slowly made my way to the entrance. My heart pounded against my chest as I felt the adrenaline rush though my body. If anything goes wrong then Bella and I would be dead. I picked up the big rock that Emmett brought home from some vacation he went on and brought it back as a souvenir. It was a beautiful rock and I can see why he brought it back, and it sure comes in hand at a time like this. I picked a pen up and threw it against Emmett's drums. It made a noise and I heard the two men in the living room arguing about what they've heard. I was waiting behind the door with the rock in my hand. I sighed in relief when I only heard one set of footsteps. I slowly lifted the rock above my head and when I saw him enter the room I hit him on the head with the rock and he fell to the ground. I could see the blood streaming out of his head where I've hit him. There wasn't rope or anything in this room but there was a one of Emmett's hoodies. I dragged the man's body into the room and tied his hands behind his back with the hoodie. I tried tying it tightly so he won't escape or anything, but I'm sure after I hit him with the rock that he'll be out for a while at least until the police arrives.

I tip-toed to the kitchen which had two entrances; one of them went into the living room. Once I made it to the kitchen I grabbed a knife and as I was about to pass the table I remember Bella's pepper spray in the top cupboard. I quickly opened the cupboard and found the pepper spray. I feel like such a pussy but I don't know how dangerous these guys were and if they had any weapons. The blonde guy didn't have a weapon, which was stupid on his behalf, if I might say so myself. How do you try to break into a house without any weapons?"

"I heard your lover died after we shot him?" I heard a man asked Bella. How the hell did they know Bella; unless…were these the guys that killed Jake and raped Bella? Why would they come back? Rage suddenly filled my body and I wanted to kill them with my bare hands. How dare they come back? I heard Bella whimpering and my heart ached for her. I had to get to her but how do I do that with him in the room, I don't know where he is standing and I can't peek 'coz I don't know if he'll see me. The best I could hope for was that he would go look for his friend, but still I didn't know if he had any weapons. Where the hell is the police, I thought to myself. I was frustrated and scared out of my mind for what happened to Bella or what still might happen.

"James," I heard the man yell and I knew he would go look for this man that's called James. If he found him before I could get to Bella, we're dead.

"This is not the time to play around." He yelled again. I could hear from his voice that he wasn't near the kitchen entrance so I peeked around the door into the living room and saw that he was standing with his back towards me. Bella was lying on the couch with her eyes closed…smiling. I frowned to myself seeing her in a situation like this, smiling, looking happy if I might add. As fast as I could and before the man could see me, I ran into the living room and ducked behind one of the huge couches. My chest heaved in fear, not knowing if he saw me or heard me. The only thoughts running through my mind was if Bella were hurt and if the triplets were fine. I could see the man clearly now, he was still standing with his back to me, facing Bella. Her eyes were still closed and she looked so peaceful.

"We had a really good time with you that night and we decided that we wanted more…you know Bella we didn't know that you were famous. After that night we followed your every move in the papers and magazines. We felt really bad for leaving you so we decided that we would come back and get you and take you away." He explained. Bella kept her eyes closed but I saw her flinch hearing that they were planning on kidnapping her.

"LOOK AT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!" he yelled and Bella's body started shaking uncontrollably. He rushed to her side and dug his fingers into her arms. I saw red when he hurt her like that and he was so preoccupied that he haven't noticed me walking up to him. I clenched my jaw and tapped him on his shoulder.

"Ah James-"he said but stopped when he saw that it was only me. Shock crossed his face and as his eyes widened in surprise. I sprayed him with the pepper spray. He started screaming and tried to rub his face and eyes. I kicked him in his side and heard a few ribs crack. I picked him up by his shirt and kept hitting him with my fist until blood streamed down his face. I was so filled with rage that I couldn't make myself stop. I was punching him for that first time he raped Bella, for hurting her so deeply and I was punching him now for almost doing the same thing.

My head snapped up when I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I turned around I saw Bella standing behind me her eyes filled with shock and a little fear.

"Edward stop." She demanded softly and I dropped the man with the dreadlocks. My chest started heaving as I started crying. Bella pulled me into her arms and hushed me, rubbing my back gently with her small hands.

"I'm so sorry Bella." I said through my sobs and I felt relief wash over me at the realization that Bella is safe now and that nothing has happened to her or the babies.

"For what Edward?" she asked confused.

"For not protecting you Bella, I promised that I'll always be here and that I'll never let anything happen to you and-"

"And nothing, don't you dare take this on yourself. How were you to know that they'll be here waiting for me? And you did protect me, if it weren't for you I'd be gone and…and-"she said but sobs broke off her sentence and her body started shaking. Just then the front door opened and police officers barged in. Two of them walked directly to the guy with the dreads, whose face I fucked up.

"The other one is through the kitchen down the hall on your right." I explained to them still trying to comfort Bella and try to calm her down.

I pulled her towards the kitchen so she wouldn't see the two men being dragged out by the police. I helped her take a seat at the kitchen table and I wanted to go to the officer in charge but she wouldn't let go of me.

"I'll be right back Love, I have to talk to the officer." I said and kissed her on her forehead. I walked to the music room and they were busy arresting James.

"These are the guys that raped Bella seven months ago and they also murdered Jacob Black." I said and one of the officers nodded his head.

"We know; their pictures were sent to most of the police stations. I'm just relieved that we found them now and that they won't hurt any other woman or murder any other man ever again, because they're going to be locked away for a very long time." He said and I sighed.

"Oh and take him around the kitchen just straight and then right at the end of the hall. Bella is in the kitchen and I don't want her seeing him." I said and he nodded. I went back to the kitchen and took a seat next to Bella. She crawled onto my lap and cradled herself the best way she could, I mean with a huge belly like that it was rather difficult. I wrapped my arms around her as she started crying.

"You're safe now, Love." I whispered and she nodded.

"Bells," Emmett yelled when he barged into the kitchen. Shit, I wanted to phone him and let him know but it completely slipped my mind.

"What the fuck happened here?" he asked angrily. Bella lifted her head of my shoulder and I felt worried, she looked really pale and on top of that completely exhausted.

"I'm fine Em thanks to Edward here," she said and faced me again. I didn't miss the love and affection in her eyes and there was nothing more I wanted to do then to hold her and never let her go again.

I started explaining to Emmett what happened and he turned paler with every little detail I gave him.

"Are they outside?" he asked furiously and I nodded. I couldn't get up to stop him because Bella was still cradled into my lap. One of the officers came in with a pen and a little book and I knew that he was here to get a statement from Bella.

"Bella, they want to ask you a few questions, are you feeling up to it?" I asked her softly and she nodded. She climbed off my lap and moved to a chair across from the officer. She seemed fine and I quickly made my way outside to try and calm Emmett down.

He was on top of James punching him over and over again, just like I was doing to the other guy a few minutes ago. Two officers tried to pull Emmett off of James but they didn't succeed. Emmett was a big guy and his strength was unexplainable. I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Enough Em, that's enough." I whispered. What shocked me though was when Emmett looked at me; there was nothing, not one emotion I recognized and it was scary to say the least. It looked like he was ready to kill this guy, not that I would blame him but Bella needed him out of prison. Tears started flowing down his cheeks as he got of James and walked away.

"If anything happened to her tonight, I would-"

"Nothing happened bro, I stopped them before they could hurt her again." I said. Emmett turned around to face me and he ran his hands through his hair and locked his hands on his head.

"Thank you so much Ed, I don't know what I'll do if I lose her too." He said sincerely.

"If that's what you're feeling, imagine how I would feel if I lost her. She's everything to me Em and when I saw them inside the house with Bella," I said shaking my head, "I almost went insane. My heart was filled with fear at the thought of losing her and I didn't even know they were the guys that raped her seven months ago."

"Thank goodness it's over." He said and punched my playfully on my shoulder, which never were playfully if done by Emmett by the way. He left his mark every time he did that I thought with a smirk. I was happy that Jane had New Year's interviews and would be gone most of the night. A shiver ran down my spine thinking about the situation if she would have been here. Besides, no one needs a nagging bitch in their midst's right now. She'd probably make fun of the whole situation.

**Bella's POV**

After I told the officer everything I knew he thanked me and walked away. He did promise me that James and Laurent would be locked away and obviously there would be a trial and after that they'll probably get a life-sentence for murdering Jake and for raping me with the intentions of killing me. I was relieved, I never thought that they would come back and to be honest I was so lost in my pregnancy and over the loss of Edwards' love that I have completely forgotten about James and Laurent. At least that nightmare was over and I could go on with my life.

Edward and Emmett came through the door and Emmett knelt before me. I cupped his face with my hands and kissed him on his forehead, just like he used to do for me when I was sad. Emmett broke down and started crying with his face on my lap. I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my own cheeks as I had to see my brother break down on my lap.

"Em I'm fine" I said trying to comfort him.

"I can't begin to explain to you the fear that ran through my body when I stopped here and saw all the red and blue lights, police officers everywhere. If…if anything would have happened to you I'd-"

"Shhh, nothing happened and I'm fine. It's over now, for good this time." I hushed him and gently ran my fingers through his hair.

After I was examined by a doctor, who Edward phoned, I went to my room to take a shower. I haven't told anybody that Laurent slapped me and that his hands were on my breasts. That's why I wanted to take a shower, to wash their filth of off me. I turned the water on, undressed myself and climbed into the welcoming hot water. I lifted my face into the steaming hot water and let the water run down my face freely. I saw James as he licked my earlobe and I grabbed a sponge and some shower gel and started scrubbing every part of my body, I scrubbed so hard that within seconds my body turned red and I started crying. Finally I broke down into tears and cried my heart out over what happened tonight, or rather morning. After the water turned cold, I climbed out and dried my body off with a towel and walked back into my room completely naked. I pulled on a tank top which didn't even cover half my stomach but I didn't care, I was sleeping alone anyways. The boy shorts were too tight but I pulled them on anyways. I crawled into bed and covered myself with the sheets. I felt myself drifting to sleep when I suddenly felt Laurent's filthy hands kneading my breasts and I heard myself screaming, gasping for air.

"Bella, shhh, Bella it's okay." I heard his velvety voice say and I forced my eyes open.

"Edward," I whispered and he nodded. I softly sobbed and he pulled me into his arms. "Would you stay with me please?" I asked him pleadingly and he nodded his head. It was morning anyways and it wasn't as if we're sleeping together. He crawled under the sheets with me and pulled me back into his arms. His arm went around my torso and he gasped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that… well, that you'd see me like this." I explained.

"No it's just…well I haven't seen your belly yet, only with clothes on, and I haven't touched you like this either. It feels good." He said with a hoarse voice. I turned onto my back and looked straight into his eyes.

"Look at them Edward," I commanded and he tore his eyes away from mine and rested on my belly. His hand traced patterns over my belly as he stared at my huge stomach. Suddenly he bent his head down and trailed kisses all over my abdomen, and the electricity that went through my body was beyond any explanation. It felt like his lips were burning my flesh. "I love you guys and can't wait to meet you." He whispered. I felt a kick to the side of my stomach and Edward's face lit up. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and placed his hand where one of the babies just kicked. Edward laid back but his hand was still on my stomach, still tracing patterns. Suddenly he chuckled and I furrowed my brow.

"What's so funny?" I asked him.

"Well I'm sorry to bring this up but when Laurent spoke to you," he started and I felt my body tense at that name but Edward pulled me even closer to him before he continued, "you were laying on the couch with your eyes closed and you had a smile on your face and the weird part was that you looked so peaceful, almost happy. What was that about?" he asked and I felt the heat on my cheeks knowing that I was blushing again and Edward confirmed it when the back of his hand touched my cheek lightly. How do I say this to him without making a fool of myself? Not that I cared what he thought, I mean it was no secret that I loved him. I have confessed it openly to him.

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded his head. "I was thinking about you. I knew they were going to rape me again and I wanted to be in a happy place when they did, so I started thinking of the one person that I love more than life itself, you. I thought of the first day I met you and how you already had the power to make my heart beat faster and how you already rocked my world and how I loved this," I said while tracing the contours of his lips that formed that crooked smile I loved, "beautiful crooked smile of yours, I thought about the first time we made love and also conceived our triplets. I thought about how much I loved you and that my heart was yours forever." I whispered with tears in my eyes. "That was my happy place, you." I finally had enough guts to look up and meet his gaze and when I did I felt confused, because once again I saw so much love in his eyes.

We were both startled when Jane barged through my bedroom door. Edward's face was horror struck and I couldn't help but wonder why he was so afraid of her sometimes. Jane was beyond furious, her whole body shook from the rage that probably filled her body right now and her face turned red.

"I warned you Edward Cullen," she yelled. Edward climbed out of my bed and walked up to Jane.

"Nothing happened, I swear to you nothing happened." He explained and for the first time I saw fear in Edwards' eyes.

"I don't give a shit if anything happened, you were in her bed Edward and that wasn't part of the deal." She said and yet again I was wondering what fucking deal?

"I'll do anything, just don't…please…Jane, anything." He begged her and I knew I stared at both of them with an open mouth, but this was fucking hilarious, I mean they're acting like their relationship was some kind of business deal. Jane grinned hearing Edward's pleas and walked closer to him.

"I want you to not just lay there when we have sex, I want you to actually have sex with me and do some work. I'm tired of doing all the work and you just lay there." She said and he nodded his head.

I sat there in my bed, dumbfound at what just happened. Edward didn't even look at me; he just walked out of my room. I heard them go downstairs and making plans for the day. I've had it with all this shit. I climbed out of bed and dressed in sweats and an oversized tee. I'm going to find out what Jane's been up to. I've had a funny feeling about her since the day I met her and their conversations just doesn't make any sense.

I went downstairs to make myself some coffee and found the house completely empty. Everybody left and I quickly made my way back upstairs but not to my room, to Edward's room. I don't know what I was looking for but I started going through Jane's stuff. I went into the closet and went through her clothes, I felt like a fucking criminal or worse a fucking loony that thinks the worst of Jane. I was about to give up when my hand felt something. I pulled out a brown file and I gasped when I opened it and found pictures of me. It was the file of the my rape case. This was the first time I've seen pictures of that night, I haven't seen myself because I was in a coma and to see myself in these pictures, looking so…so…so brutally fucked up is scary. I looked like shit and I can't believe that I'm alive. There were pictures of Jake as well and that left me speechless. Why does she have my file? And most importantly, where the hell did she get this? I felt furious and some things are starting to make sense now, but I want to be sure.

I went back downstairs to find Emmett and talk to him about this. He was on the couch watching the game.

"Where were you ten minutes ago?" I asked him, " because I was down here and nobody was here."

"I was in my room," he answered. "What's up Bells?" he asked.

"Can you come to my room?" I asked and he nodded and followed me up the stairs. I closed the door behind him and locked it.

"Let's go to my closet please, I don't want anyone to overhear." I said and Emmett looked confused but he still followed me into my closet.

"Okay you are freaking me out, what the hell?" he said the nervousness in his voice made me nervous.

I showed him the file and he went through it, but what bugged me was that he didn't look surprised or even shocked.

"How did you find this?" he asked and I narrowed my eyes.

"I found it between Jane's clothes, what the fuck is she doing with my file Emmett?" I asked him furiously. I can't believe that he knew about this and not say anything to me.

"Bella did you ever stop to wonder why Edward is in a relationship with someone he doesn't love? I mean you can't tell me that you can't see how much he hates Jane." He said.

"Well, I thought he did love her, why would he leave me for Jane if he hat-"I started saying but stopped when realization sunk in. "She's been blackmailing him hasn't she?" I asked but already knew the answer.

"It happened that week before he went to visit you in L.A. Jane came here and threw the file in front of him saying that if he doesn't pretend to be in a relationship with her, she would give that to the first reporter and everybody would know what really happened to you that night. Edward would never let anything happen to you or your name so he agreed." He explained. I felt like an idiot; here I was thinking that Edward loved Jane and not me after he confessed his loved to me over and over again.

"What made him think that I would care? He should have come to me dammit, he should have explained this to me and I-"

"You would have what? You would have told him that you didn't care about the publicity. Bella you weren't ready for that kind of step, you were still raw after losing Jake and you had to deal with being brutally raped. They would have eaten you alive, sis." He whispered. I knew he was right, but I would have gone to the press if I knew what Jane was doing, because I have endured much more pain over the last five months than ever before. Losing Edward was the hardest thing I had to deal with.

"We could have overcome it together, but instead I had to go through hell, thinking that he didn't love me. I had to deal with the fact that I was pregnant, with triplets and the father hated me. Don't you get it Emmett? I've been through hell the last seven months, but nothing came close to losing Edwards' love. I can face James and Laurent again; they were nothing compared to losing Edward. You don't have a clue the depth of my love for that man." I yelled.

"He tried to protect you Bella. Get off your pedestal for one second and think what the fuck he went through, kissing that woman…sleeping with her. Did you really think Edward was that weak of a man that he would just drown himself in alcohol for nothing? That's how he coped with sleeping with that bitch. She nearly made an alcoholic of Edward and if it weren't for you he probably would be one by now, but you helped him. Your love kept him going Bella and the triplets of course." He said. Tears streamed down my face after hearing what Edward went through. I screamed out in frustration just before Emmett pulled me into his arms.

"I'm sorry for the harsh words," he whispered and I only shook my head. "What are you going to do now that you know?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm going to save the man that I love and the father of my children." I grinned, tears still rolling down my cheeks.

"Good girl," Emmett swatted me playfully on my ass before I started walking away, "Hey Bells," he whispered and I turned around to meet his gaze, "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Em, love you." I said and walked out of my room. I picked my phone up and dialed an old friend of mine.

"Newton.' He answered his phone.

"Mike, it's Bella. How are you?"

"Now this is a pleasant surprise. No, I'm good you know and you?"

"I've been better, listen I need a huge favor." I said.

"Anything."

"When is the next issue of your magazine?"

"In two days, why?" he asked and I smiled.

"I have a very interesting article for you but I want a copy before it's being released."

"Um that depends on the story, Bella. This is a bit short notice and I don't think my editor would make exceptions." He said.

"Believe me Mike this is a good fucking story. Remember that night that someone murdered my fiancé?"

"Um yea why?"

"Well there's more to the story. I even have pictures for you." I said and felt my stomach turn. After this the world's going to see firsthand what happened to me and everyone would know. I'm doing this for Edward, he has done so much more for me and I know his love for me will pull me through.

"When can we meet?" he asked and I grinned. I knew he wouldn't let that one go.

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><p><strong>Please please please REVIEW!<strong>


	28. Chapter 28

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Skillet owns the song.**

**A big thanks to JanineJacobs for reviewing on every chapter so far. You're the best thank you. Okay guys, so this is the last chapter and then it's the epilogue. I've had a really fun time writing this story and it saddens me that it's come to an end.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

**Edwards' POV**

Jane left for another midnight appointment after we had sex, probably the best sex she ever had. I had to make good on my promise or she would have gone to the press with Bella's photos. I wiped the tears away for the hundredth time. I've been sitting in the music room for over an hour now, staring at the opened bottle of vodka in front of me. I feel sick after the sex with Jane and I know I promised Bella that I wouldn't drink so much anymore but I really, really need that drink right now. Fuck, what has my life become? I need vodka to get through some hectic shit. I mean I have faced my daughters' death and I have overcome the guilt and the loss. But this, this is just the worst fucking part of my life. How the hell do I get through this shit? I grabbed the bottle and took a swig, at first it burned my throat but then I took another swig and couldn't stop. I downed half the bottle and placed it back in front of me. My fingers rested on the white keys of my keyboard and when I started playing on them, perfect notes filled the room, but this wasn't that kind of a song; this was going to be a fucking hard rock song. I'm feeling miserable and like a useless piece of shit. It feels as though I'm slipping away, as if I'm falling…I shook my head and played the intro again and I'm feeling frustrated because it doesn't sound good, the song needs drums and electric guitar. I wrote this song a couple of days ago and just finished composing music for it and now that I want to practice it, it sounds horrible with just the keyboard.

"Hey bro," Emmett said walking into the room. How fucking weird was this? I was about to go and get him and ask for his help and here he comes with a big ass smile on his face if I might add.

"What's the fucking smile about?" I asked sarcastically.

"You'll see; why the mood?" he asked.

"How the hell can you still ask that question after so many weeks?" I asked frustrated. He knew exactly how I felt; he was the only one who knew what I was going through. He looked around the room and when his eyes saw my bottle of vodka it wiped that smile right of his face. Now I was the one with a big ass smile on my face, 'coz I've never seen a smile disappear so quickly.

"Aah man, if Bella sees that bottle in front of you she's going to freak out." He moaned.

"Your sister is not my boss Emmett," I said angrily.

"Don't let Bella hear that-"

"Let me hear what?" she asked and both Emmett and my heads snapped up. Where the hell did she come from?

"Um, nothing." I quickly said and met Bella's gaze, "Since both of you are here, I wanted to ask you something?"

"So then ask." She said and something was different with Bella and Emmett. They looked…fucking pleased with themselves and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is going on.

"Um…I wrote a song a couple of days ago and only finished composing the music. I wanted to practice singing it now, but it sounds like crap with only the keyboard. Can you please help me out?" I asked.

"We'll be happy to; I hope it's another hard rock song, I love your hard rock songs." Emmett smiled and I felt my heart swell. I love Emmett like a brother and to hear him say that he loves my hard rock songs does my image good. I gave them the sheet of music; Emmett looked at it and threw it down, he was really good at what he did. Bella placed hers on a stand in front of her and picked up her black electric guitar. She looked so hot and sexy; I shook my head to erase the images that flashed in my mind.

"Enjoy that last bottle of vodka Edward, because trust me, it will be your last bottle." She commanded and I couldn't believe my ears. She just gave me permission to finish the bottle and I didn't miss the stupid grin on Emmett's face. They are up to something, I can feel it. I took her advice and took another swig of my bottle.

Bella's faultless strumming harmonized with me and the keyboard as we played the intro. My heart went frantic when Emmett struck his drums with the drumsticks. Every sound and note was faultless and it sounded fucking amazing.

"_**Tonight I'm so alone**_

_**This sorrow takes a hold**_

_**Don't leave me here so cold**_

_**Never want to be so cold**_

_**Your touch used to be so kind**_

_**Your touch used to give me life**_

_**I've waited all this time,**_

_**I've wasted so much time**_

_**Don't leave me alone**_

'_**Cause I barely see at all**_

_**Don't leave me alone, IIIIIII'mmmmmm**_

_**Falling in the black**_

_**Slipping through the cracks**_

_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back?**_

_**Dreaming of the way it used to be**_

_**Can you hear me?**_

_**Falling in the black**_

_**Slipping through the cracks**_

_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back?**_

_**Falling inside the black**_

_**Falling inside, falling inside the black**_

_**You were my source of strength**_

_**I've traded everything**_

_**That I love for this one thing**_

_**Stranded in the offering**_

_**Don't leave me here like this**_

_**Can't hear me scream from the abyss**_

_**And now I wish for you my desire**_

_**Don't leave me alone**_

'_**Cause I barely see at all**_

_**Don't leave me alone, IIIIIII'mmmmmm**_

_**Falling in the black**_

_**Slipping through the cracks**_

_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back?**_

_**Dreaming of the way it used to be**_

_**Can you hear me?**_

_**Falling in the black**_

_**Slipping through the cracks**_

_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back?**_

_**Falling inside the black**_

_**Falling inside, falling inside the black**_

_**Black**_

_**Black**_

_**Black**_

_**Falling inside the black**_

_**Can you hear me?"**_

My body was shaking from the hurt that filled my heart, my mind and soul. I grabbed the bottle of vodka and downed the rest of the bottle. Like I said, I was falling and I don't know if I was able to find my way back. It's like I'm blinded. Bella's hands rested on my shoulders and a sigh escaped my lips. Her hands feel so warm as if her hands burned through my shirt and touched my skin.

"I'm-"

"Don't say anything Edward, you'll find your way back I promise. I know you're hurting now but just trust me on this." She whispered and I didn't have the strength to say anything. That song touched me in a way I never imagined was possible. I feel so depressed right now and I feel so much hurt and agony that it's impossible to think straight. I'm falling inside the black; Bella was everything to me and I've lost her forever.

"Bella, your love keeps me alive." I whispered right before I broke into sobs. She gently pulled me into her arms and ran her fingers through my hair, kissing me on my forehead over and over again. It feels like I'm in a dream, everything seems so unreal right now.

"Emmett help me to get him to bed." I heard her say to Emmett. He helped me to stand and I threw my arm around his neck. I leaned onto him but he had no trouble dragging my ass to my room. I'm fucking wasted right now; what did I expect after drinking a whole bottle of vodka. Blackness came over me as I felt Emmett pulling my shoes of.

**Bella's POV**

"How did everything go with Mike?" Emmett asked and I hushed him. We were still in Edward's room and I didn't know if he could still hear us. I pulled Emmett's arm and dragged him with me out of Edwards' room.

"Sorry Bells, I wasn't thinking." He apologized before I could say anything.

"No it's fine. The first two copies are being delivered to me tomorrow morning. One for Edward and one for Jane." I said with a smile.

"What's the plan?" he asked and to be honest I didn't have a plan.

"I don't know Em, I just thought I'd give them each a copy of the magazine and let them read it first. I don't want to get into an argument with Jane and get upset by her. I win either way."

"I'll be here anyways. That's one crazy ass bitch and there's no way I'm leaving you unprotected." He said and I started laughing. That sounded weird but I'm relieved that he was going to be by my side. I explained to Emmett what I wanted him to do tomorrow morning while I was at the doctor. I haven't told Edward about this appointment because I wanted him to be alone while reading my interview or article. Emmett agreed before he kissed me goodnight.

After I took a shower and crawled into bed I couldn't help but think about tomorrow. Tomorrow everything comes out into the open. Tomorrow I might know the sexes of my babies. Tomorrow I might get my future back. It's still hard for me to believe that Edward kept this from me. He's been having a fake relationship with Jane for almost five months; he's been sleeping with her for almost five months. I understand that he did it to protect me but still, I went through hell for five months because I thought I have lost his love forever. I had to deal with the fact that I was going to be a single mother to three babies. It's just a lot to deal with and to know it was for nothing makes me furious.

I love Edward more than anything in this world and nothing would make me happier than to be with him forever, but he has to get past his issues and get past this Jane ordeal first and then he must make a decision. If he chooses to have a life with me; we're seriously going to have to talk about the trust issues in our relationship. We've been struggling with this since the first day we met and we really need to get past this now and start building a relationship with trust. It could have saved us both a lot of pain.

**Edwards' POV**

I woke up with a headache, again. What's new? I sighed when I slowly got up and my head pounded painfully. This shit has got to stop at some point. I heard Jane in the shower, humming. Why does she get to be happy? Both me and Bella's lives are ruined because of her and she get to be the happy one. It's just so fucking unfair. I went to the kitchen to find some Tylenol or something and found Emmett sitting by the kitchen table, holding a big brown envelope in his hands.

"Morning dude, what's up" I said with a moan and he chuckled. I found the Tylenol and swallowed two down with some water.

"Never been better.' He said with a grin and I furrowed my brow. "I've got something for you." He handed me the brown envelope.

"What's this?" I asked and he stood up, punched me on my shoulder and chuckled.

"Your freedom. You might want to open that some place private." He suggested and left the kitchen still laughing. I poured myself a cup of strong black coffee and walked to the music room. I took a seat on the couch and finished my coffee first before I opened the envelope. I gasped when I saw the front page because to my surprise it was a picture of Bella, a very recent picture of Bella because she's pregnant and…and…it looked like this was taken a few days ago. I turned to page twelve where I found her article and my heart sped up.

"**Searching for my destiny…and found it," **I read and saw a picture of Bella sitting on the floor with her legs crossed and laughing, really laughing and she seems so happy.

"**Every girl has the same dream when they are little; they dream of finding prince charming, getting married and riding away on a white horse living happily ever after. But that wasn't one of my dreams because at that time I already had my prince charming. My dreams were to become a famous singer and to find my true destiny. That dream came true sooner than I thought but there was always this part in me that felt incomplete like something was missing.**

**Here I was on my first tour and we just did the Forks concert. I was supposed to be happy, out of my mind happy but I wasn't because I was twenty-two-years old on the verge of my big career as singer, my band was one the most famous bands in the world…and I was four weeks pregnant! Of course my prince charming was extremely happy but he couldn't understand my fear of becoming a mother and a wife. I didn't even understand it myself.**

**After the Forks concert Jake took me for a ride and we were stopped by two men. I begged Jake to not get out of the car, but he had such a good heart that he stepped out and asked them if he could help them with anything. Of course that decision changed our lives forever…**

**I was brutally raped over and over again by these two men. They beat me up and raped me for almost seven hours. Seven hours of excruciating pain, seven hours of pure hell, seven hours of fear, fear for your own life and fear for your prince charming's life. That's when I realized that even though seven hours doesn't seem that long, it could feel like days if you're being held captive. Jake was blacked out most of the time but when he came to, they beat him up pretty badly and he had to witness them raping me and beating me. **

**After a few hours I couldn't feel anything anymore and the will to live died with every touch of those two men. I even felt my life slipping away as they raped me repeatedly. They made Jake look while they did all these things to me and as I'm sitting here today telling the story, I can still see the agony in Jake's eyes. **

**Just before the sun came up they shot Jake in front of me and they must have thought that I was going to die anyways so they didn't waste a bullet on me. They left us for dead. I remember Jake crawling to me and I can still hear him breathing with difficulty but he never left me after that. No matter how hard it was for him to breathe he stayed with me until help arrived. Jake covered my brutally beaten up body with his shirt and made me promise that I would follow my dreams and make them come true. At that moment I felt that I was going to die so I promised him that I would do this. He also made me promise that I would live my life and be happy and so I promised him again that I would. But deep down I wished for death and would have welcomed it no questions asked. **

**I sang to him while he died in my arms, I had to watch him take his last breath; I had to watch my prince charming die. I remember when my brother found me I still had my arms around Jake and I wouldn't let go. I clung to him while crying my heart out. **

**I was in a coma for six weeks. When I woke up my brother had to tell me that I lost my baby. I lost Jake's baby. At first I thought that I was being punished for not wanting the baby in the first place, but I know better now. There's a purpose for everything that happens in life…I had to learn this the hard way.**

**I went through absolute hell when I came out of the hospital. I had flashbacks of the rapes, I missed Jake and…I met a man that awoke feelings in my heart that I never even knew existed…not even with Jake. Don't get me wrong, I loved Jake with my whole heart, just not the way a woman should love a man that she wants to marry someday. I knew Jake since I was a little girl and I grew up loving him, I was used to Jake and I never thought that the love I felt for him wasn't the real thing.**

**I had to come face to face with what happened to me and I overcame it all; I overcame the fear, the bitterness, the lifelessness, the numbness, the emptiness and the pain those men caused in my life. **

**Edward helped me face these emotions and he helped me to trade them in for so much more. I traded the fear in for Edward's arms because this is where I felt safe and I knew I had nothing to be afraid of while I was in his arms. I traded the bitterness in for forgiveness, which was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But I also realized that you can't go through life with a heart filled with bitterness and hatred. It's easier to forgive. I traded the numbness, lifelessness and emptiness for Edward's love, because his love filled my life with joy, hope, trust, forgiveness, honesty, but most importantly his love filled my heart with love. And the pain disappeared without me needing to trade it in. Edward's love erased everything I went through. I may have lost my prince charming but those only last in the fairy tales anyways, what I've got now is so much more than a fairy tale; it's true life with true love…no bullshit and no magic…it's the real thing and it's so much better than make-believe. **

**I can't say that I hate what happened to me and I can't say that I enjoyed what happened to me; what I am going to say though is that even if I get a chance to do everything over, I'll go through that shit again because it made me stronger and it made me realize what real love is, it brought me to the man I truly love with every part of me, it brought me to my triplets that I'm expecting in four and a half months, it brought me to my destiny!**

My face was soaked after reading the article about her life. The love that filled my heart for Bella just now was unexplainable. The way she talked about me in this article was so much more than I ever dreamed about. I never thought that I helped her get over her rapes, I thought she did that all by herself and Jake…oh man, how stupid of me to have felt so insecure about her feelings for him. All the times that I ran out on her because she whimpered his name or dreamed about him was unbelievably stupid. I handled everything wrong back then and I should have…my head snapped up…Bella's life is out in public now and I don't need to lie anymore. I'm a free man. I don't have to be with Jane anymore. I jumped up and ran to my room but she wasn't there. I went back downstairs and bumped into Emmett.

"Where's Jane?" I asked and Emmett smiled.

"She went to her office, but don't worry, you can expect her in about ten minutes." He said with a grin and I frowned.

"Why?" I asked in confusion.

"Because a copy of the magazine was delivered to her personally thirty minutes ago." He said calmly. He knew about this.

"How did this happen?" I asked him.

"Yesterday morning after Jane caught you in Bella's bed, Bella got suspicious and after you and Jane left she went into your room and started going through Jane's stuff. She found the file that Jane had of her and she demanded to know everything. I told her everything bro." he explained and I felt my heart pound hard against my chest and it felt painful.

"Was she angry?" I dared to ask and Emmett huffed.

"She was beyond angry bro, she was fucking pissed." He grinned. Yah I figured that much. I knew Bella and I know I'm probably not off the hook. Which reminded me…?

"Where is Bella by the way?" I asked him.

"Doctor's appointment, she moved the date so she wouldn't be here when you read the article about her. She wanted you to be alone."

Just then Bella walked through the door and I saw tear stains on her cheeks. I couldn't stand being away from her a minute longer. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her sobbing into her neck. "I love you more than words can say." I whispered and I felt her chest heave and knew she was crying with me.

"You're not getting off that easy Cullen, but I love you too and it's so good to hear those words coming out of your mouth right now." She sighed. I looked into her eyes and lifted her chin slowly with my index finger. I slowly leaned in and as our lips touched I felt electricity jolt through my whole body. I cupped my hands around her neck by her jaw-line and moaned when she lightly brushed her lips against mine. We just brushed our lips against one another's, enjoying the feel of each other. The memories of Bella and me kissing were tattooed on my heart and mind and I thought about them every minute of every day. I could remember the feelings that went through my body as I thought about the memories, but this…this was way different than anything I've ever experienced. I don't know if it's just because I've missed her or if it's because we've been longing for each other, I don't know…but these sensations that's going through my body right now while our lips move in harmony together are unbelievable. She slowly pulled away from me and I couldn't help the moan that escaped my throat. Bella and Emmett chuckled of course and for the first time in a really long time, Bella's eyes were sparkling. She was happy again and me too. The hole in my chest disappeared as if it was a bad dream. I can't even remember the emptiness that held the place in my heart. I can only feel love now, love, compassion, adoration, happiness and relief. "You're going to be a daddy to a little baby girl and two boys Mr. Cullen" she said with a smile. My heart raced away and if I thought that I couldn't be any happier I was wrong, because this was it.

Jane barged through the door holding the magazine in her hand and I felt rage fill my body.

**Bella's POV**

"Did you know about this?" Jane yelled at Edward and his face turned red out of anger. I could see his whole body shaking.

"If I would have known, you wouldn't be here now. I would have kicked you out long ago." He yelled back. Emmett held me back and we watched Edward and Jane yell at each other. Edward had a lot of anger in his heart that he took out on Jane, not that I blame him though, she caused me and Edward a lot of pain and heartache.

"You can't just kick me out." She said and I gasped. Was she for real?

"The hell I can't. Are you mentally insane or just plain stupid or thickheaded?" he hissed.

"Edward, we've been through a lot together and I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong. You have ruined my life Jane; for five months I lived in absolute hell because of you, excruciating pain filled my heart every single second I spent with you. You knew how much I loved Bella, you knew how my heart, body and arms longed for her but you didn't give a shit as long as your selfish ass got what you wanted." He said hatefully, "I almost became an alcoholic because of you, because I couldn't bear the thought of touching you without being drunk and even then…even then the alcohol didn't help because every time that I touched you or you touched me I felt sick to my stomach and it made me nauseous. I started drinking more so that I could pass out if you have sex with me. I hated you every single second of every single day for the last five months." Edward said and I saw the pain in his eyes over confessing this. It broke my heart to hear what he had to go through with Jane.

"I'm sorry-"Jane started saying but that's when Edward lost it.

"You're sorry…that's it…you're sorry. Sorry doesn't cut it Jane. I have missed five months of my life with Bella because of you. I had to witness her go through heartache over losing me to you, I had to lie to her every day about my love for her, I had to make her believe that I didn't love her because you were to selfish to think about someone else for a change. I had to see those beautiful brown eyes die because of you. I had to hurt the only woman I love in this world because of you…well no more. I'm done," he said and sounded really tired. Jane started crying and fell to her knees.

"I love you Edward, that's why I did it. I love you." She sobbed.

"You don't know what love is…" he yelled. "Unbelievable," he threw his hands in the air out of frustration. I walked to Edward and his eyes softened and the hate and anger was replaced with love and adoration and pride.

"I do know what love is," she yelled in hysterics and I couldn't take this anymore.

"No Jane you don't. If you knew what love was you wouldn't have forced Edward into a relationship with you? You wouldn't have blackmailed him. If you loved him you wouldn't have forced him to have sex with you or to even have kissed you. Love doesn't ask for anything in return Jane, you give love without expecting something back. Love isn't selfish Jane. I truly love this man with my whole life; I gave him up because I honestly believed that he loved you. I gave him to you on a silver platter because I thought he was happier with you and I never interfered even after I found out that I was pregnant. I stayed out of your relationship and never tried to get back with Edward, even though it broke my heart every time you kissed him or held his hand or when I had to listen to you have sex with him at night. You almost broke Edward, but my love kept him alive, my love gave him strength to face you every day, my love held him together. I was patient and he came back to me, because love is kind and patient and doesn't ask for anything in return." I said.

"I hate you Bella," she yelled.

"I'm supposed to feel the same about you Jane, but I've been through worse than this and I had to learn the hard way that hate is a really powerful word. It can control your life forever and I've decided that I'd rather forgive and live free than to hate and be a prisoner." I said and I knew it was true. I didn't hate Jane, I felt sorry for her but I didn't hate her.

"You've got one hour to pack your stuff and leave. And Jane I don't want to see you ever again. Believe me when I tell you that I can make your life very difficult if you would interfere in my or Bella's lives ever again." Edward said. He took my hand and we walked to the music room.

"Okay let's talk," he said seriously and I chuckled.

"I love you and I trust you. I don't want any more secrets between us from now on. I don't care who blackmails who and about what, we talk to each other from now on." I said.

"I agree and I'm sorry, I realize now that I was being stupid by keeping this from you. I should have talked to you about it and left the decision to you. But please realize that I would protect you with my life Bella, I will do anything for you." He whispered intensely.

"I realize that now baby," I smiled and he chuckled. "I want to apologize for something too." I said and Edward frowned in confusion.

"I want to apologize for leaving in the middle of the night. I was wrong in doing so and I must admit that it was utterly stupid of me. I could have saved our relationship a lot of pain if I just stayed with you and faced my shit here with you. That was the first mistake I made and first heartache I caused us and I'm really sorry."

"I agree with that as well, but it's in the past Love. We've got our whole future ahead of us and I'm planning on enjoying every moment of it." He said with a smile.

"And the arrival of our triplets," I said. Edward placed both his hands on my belly while he knelt in front of me and kissed my stomach over and over again. "We need to discuss names baby." I whispered and he nodded.

Jane left after only thirty minutes and me and Edward spent the rest of the afternoon with Emmett and Rose in the living room. We laughed and joked around.

"Now that we know everything about the triplets we can start preparing the nursery." Edward said with a smile and my heart went into overdrive seeing him so happy.

"And shop for furniture for our house." I said and Edward turned to look at me.

"That would be awesome," he said and lightly brushed his lips against mine. It sent shivers down my whole body and I realized just how much I missed Edward.

Edward and I went to bed and for the time being he moved into my room because, and I don't blame him for this, he doesn't want to be in his room where Jane was.

I lay in Edward's arms after we made love for the first time in months, which was rather difficult with the huge belly I had.

"What are you feeling Love?" he asked me while gently tracing patterns on my stomach.

"For almost five months, my heart has been an open wound. Blood kept streaming out every time I spoke to you or saw you with Jane, and every time I would come into my room and stitch the wound up but before the stitches could even do their job and before the wound could close, something happens and the wound open up again." I whispered and I remember the pain I went through then, "But now, that open wound is completely stitched up and you've done a pretty good job with the stitch work Dr. Cullen because there won't even be a scar to remind me of the pain I went through." I said with a smile.

"I love you so much Bella and I promise you that from now on we'll only be happy. No more heartache and sadness." He said and I felt his lips on my head. "Thank you for the article Love, it meant the world to me."

"No need to thank me baby; all of it was true"

"I'm proud of you Bella," he whispered and my heart beat picked up. I haven't felt this much love in a while and to know that I'm finally with the man I love and I'm lying in his arms makes my life worth living. My will to be dead, died long ago because I have something or rather someone to live for, Edward and my triplets, they make my life worth living for because they are my destiny.

**The end.**

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><p><strong>Epilogue is next! Please please please review and tell me what you thought. <strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Avril Lavigne owns the songs**

**Thank you for reading this story. I had an absolute blast writing this story. **

**Thanks to all the reviewers; for taking the time to review, you were awesome. Thanks to all the favorite story alerts and favorite author alerts and for taking the time to read my story. Please take the time now to review.**

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><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

**Edward's POV**

"Daddy, daddy." My four year old daughter yelled while running into my room and jumped onto my bed. She cupped my face between her little hands and gave me a wet kiss on my lips. I chuckled and pulled her off of me and started tickling her. She was kicking and laughing and screaming a little. I hovered over her, sitting on my knees and I couldn't stop looking at her beautiful little face. She's the spitting image of Bella; she has the same long dark brown curls, the same pale skin and the same big chocolate brown eyes. My daughter was the most beautiful creature to me, next to Bella that is. I adored my children, all of them but my daughter had a really special place in my heart. "What is it my baby-girl" I asked her. It didn't even hurt me to call her baby-girl as I used to call Allison that, in fact it made my heart swell.

"Mommy has a surprise for you, she's waiting in the music studio." She said and her eyes were full of sparkles. I kissed her on her forehead and jumped off the bed.

"Tell mommy I'll be down in a few minutes." I whispered and she hopped of the bed. "What kind of surprise is this baby-girl?" I asked and she just smiled.

"Mommy said to tell you it's the good kind." She said and started running out of the room. I heard her little footsteps running down the hall and going down the stairs carefully. Bella knew me so well; she knew I would ask our daughter what the surprise was. I smiled while walking into our closet. We had some good memories over the last five years and through every day I loved Bella more and more. My love for her never stopped to grow.

I remember the triplets' birth as if it was yesterday; it was an afternoon in May, the 8th of May, when Bella's water broke. Her belly was huge by that time and to think that the triplets' were born three weeks early made me shiver. Belly had a hard time to walk by that time and we had to help her everywhere. We still haven't moved into our house by then because we were still busy with the nursery and we were rebuilding the music studio. Plus my little Bella had a hard time with finding the right furniture for our house. I learned the hard way to never get into an argument with a pregnant woman, especially a pregnant woman excepting triplets. I know I had a lot of patience, but that was the time where I've learned even more patience.

Anyway on the 8th of May we drove Bella to the hospital and she went in for a C-section. Our three beautiful babies were born that night and they were absolutely adorable. The name picking wasn't as easy as we thought, but me and Bella decided that we didn't want any family names. Our daughters name was the easiest, because Bella named her after some girl in a band which was Bella's favorite. Her names are Korey Avril Cullen. Let me just say that we don't have identical triplets, there are similarities but they are not identical. The baby boys' names weren't as easy as we thought, no matter how we said the names, nothing sounded right. The one's names are Kevin John Cullen. I loved these names, but we hardly call him John or Kevin, he got the nickname KJ which also sounded cool. Our other sons' names are Andrew Cooper Cullen. When I placed them in Bella's arms, tears of joy flowed down her cheeks. I've never seen so much love in one person's eyes, I mean I've seen that much love she has for me, but that doubled now. I bent down and kissed her softly on her lips.

"Thank you Bella," I whispered.

"For what babe?" she asked me with tear-filled eyes.

"For giving me the three most beautiful children in the world and for loving me." I said with so much emotion that my own tears were falling now.

"Loving you is so easy Edward and as for the triplets, they are the result of our love for one another." She simply said and that's where I learned that my love for Bella will never stop to grow. I never thought that I could love her more than I already did, but that day I proved myself wrong. My heart swelled so much with love that it actually hurt and even breathing felt impossible.

Raising triplets was not easy; we hardly slept those first months. We walked around looking like zombies. Bella and I would take turns sleeping but sometimes it took the both of us to take care of our babies' needs. My mother came to live with us for a week and to help with the triplets and to make sure we ate and get some sleep. Alice and Rose helped a lot as well and even Jazz and Em helped.

Bella got her nursery by the way; it was turquoise and chocolate brown. It looked awesome if I might say so myself. We painted the walls a very light turquoise color and most of the furniture was brown. The bedding was turquoise and the two rocking chairs was turquoise. The carpets that the cribs were standing on was turquoise but the two boys' had little bugs on and our baby-girls' had butterflies on just like on the little duvet sets. They had a pretty cool nursery which is gone now. It's now one of my son's room.

Bella and I got married when our children was two years old, we wanted them to be in the wedding. It was a simple wedding, we didn't want anything fancy. We married on the beach; Bella wore a simple strapless white dress, barefoot of course. And I wore white knee shorts and a button down white shirt. Rose and Alice were the bridesmaids and wore black strapless dresses, also barefoot. Alice was pissed because of our wedding plans, but she learned to deal with it because Bella wasn't going to budge on this one. Jazz and Em were my best men and they wore black knee shorts with white button down shirts. Like I said it was a simple and plain wedding, nothing fancy but it was the best day of our lives. That's the way we wanted it and it made us happy. My little girl wore a cute white dress with white flowers in her hair, she looked beautiful that day. KJ and Coop wore black shorts with white shirts and they looked as handsome as a two year old could be. KJ had Bella's dark brown hair while Coop had my bronze curls. Both of them had my emerald green eyes and they looked a lot like me, there were differences but they were the closest to identical you could get with my triplets.

We still tour and do concerts and write lyrics and compose music but our children go where we go. We never leave them anywhere. They are my life and I'll never let any of them go anywhere without me.

Our children love our music and they can't stop talking about learning to play the piano or the guitar or even Emmett's drums. Bella and I agreed that once they are ready we'll give them lessons.

Jasper and Alice has a three-year-old son, Ashton Witlock and a one-year-old daughter, Allison Abbey Witlock. Alice asked me if I would mind if they named their daughter after Allison. I was speechless and so overwhelmed that I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I was really touched and nothing would make me happier. Abbey is the spitting image of her father, blonde curls and blue eyes while Ashton takes after Alice, except that he won't be as tiny as Alice.

Emmett and Rosalie are expecting twins; they wanted to wait with starting a family, why the hell they wanted to do that was beyond me. But it actually happened and their expecting two boys. Emmett is so excited and it's sometimes just too much to handle. He can be annoying sometimes but I still love the big man. My children adore Emmett, he's their favorite uncle, maybe it's because he still acts like a child himself when he's around children.

I slowly walked down the stairs and down the hallway to our music studio. It was different than Emmett's; this looked like a real music studio. It had a recording studio and behind the glass was the band room where we practiced our songs. Bella was sitting there with all three my adorable children. Her hand rested on her stomach, gently rubbing everywhere.

Her face lit up when I walked into the room and I felt my heart pound against my chest. My heart was too small for the love I had for Bella and my children. They are everything to me and I love them to death. I smiled at my beautiful wife and knelt in front her. I gently brushed my lips over hers and chuckled. "I love you so much Bella," I whispered against her lips. "I love you too Edward." She whispered before she kissed me back. I felt three pairs of little hands all over my head and neck and when I opened my eyes and tore myself away from my Love, I saw my children standing next to me, pulling my hair lightly and one is trying to tickle me. I knew it was Korey; she loves to do that.

"Daddy that's gross," KJ said and giggled. I quickly grabbed him and started tickling him. "Oh yea little man," I said jokingly and heard Bella and Korey's musical laughter.

"Daddy stop, please stop," KJ begged in between laughter. I kissed him on his little brown head and he wrapped his little arms around my neck. "Love you daddy," he whispered. I could never hear those words too much from my children or from Bella. And I feel overwhelmed with love every time they do. "Love you too KJ, more than words can say." I said and ran my fingers through his hair.

Cooper came to sit on my lap when KJ went to Bella and Korey. "Hey buddy, what's up?" I asked him.

"I love you too daddy." He said with a smile and Korey jumped up and ran to me, "And I love you too daddy," she chimed. I pulled both of them into my arms and hugged them, kissing them on their heads, "As I love you," I said with a voice thick with emotion. I had to swallow my tears away.

"So what's the surprise?" I asked and the triplets started jumping up and down clapping their little hands. Bella wanted to get up and I quickly ran to her side, helping her to stand up. I placed my hands on her belly and bent down to kiss it. "Love you guys," I whispered and when I looked up and met Bella's gaze there were tears in her eyes. I kissed her again before I asked, "How are you and the girls doing?"

"Expecting twins is easier than the triplets but it's still hard and I'm still so huge," she sighed.

"I love you more today than yesterday and I'll love you more tomorrow than I loved you today Love. You are sexy as hell when you're pregnant and I can't seem to keep my eyes off of you."

"Aaah babe, how did I get to be so lucky?" she asked and I grinned. I was the lucky one.

She walked to her guitar and took a seat on the stool. She looked so hot with the pregnant belly and trying to hold the guitar. My children took a stand next to her and she whispered something in their ears and they nodded their heads and smiled.

"**La la**

**La la la la**

**La la**

**La la la la" **her musical voice started singing while strumming on her guitar.

**I like your smile**

**I like your vibe**

**I like your style**

**But that's not why I love you**

**And I, I like the way**

**You're such a star**

**But that's not why I love you**

**Hey**

**Do you feel, do you feel me?**

**Do you feel what I feel, too?**

**Do you need, do you need me?**

**Do you need me?**

"**You're so beautiful**

**But that's not why I love you**

**I'm not sure you know**

**That the reason I love you is you**

**Being you**

**Just you**

**Yeah the reason that I love you is all that we've been through**

**And that's why I love you" My** children sang the chorus with Bella and I felt the tears stung my eyes, they were beautiful and they sang beautifully. How did Bella get them to do this and to remember the words? My heart swelled with pride and more love.

**La la**

**La la la la**

**La la**

**La la la la**

**I like the way you misbehave**

**When we get wasted**

**But that's not why I love you**

**And how you keep your cool**

**When I am complicated**

**But that's not why I love you**

**Hey**

**Do you feel, do you feel me?**

**Do you feel what I feel, too?**

**Do you need, do you need me?**

**Do you need me?**

**Do you need me?**

**You're so beautiful**

**But that's not why I love you**

**I'm not sure you know**

**That the reason I love you is you**

When they were done I started clapping my hands and whistled as hard as I could. "That was amazing, thank you guys so much." I said while walking to them and give them each a kiss on their heads.

No matter how hard the road was that Bella and I had to walk, I wouldn't change a thing because it made our relationship stronger and it made our love stronger. Love in our family is very important and we teach our children this every day.

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><p><strong>Please Review.<strong>


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey guys! I want to thank everybody who read Goodbye Lullaby and I want to thank THERESA24 for all your reviews. Thank you! Okay so i thought about a new story...also full of angst and hurt. I don't think it's going to be a long story, like 'goodbye lullaby' though. Please if you could check it out and review. The first chapter is up...so go and check it out!**

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><p><strong>Teardrops on my lyrics<strong>

**Summary!**

**Bella marries her best friend, Mike Newton in an act of desperation after losing her one and only love to another woman. Now six years later and with a beautiful daughter, she struggles to make ends meet. She never knew when she married Mike that he was an alcoholic and that he was abusive. He drinks away their money and she struggles to survive with the little money she gets from the songs she's writing. After applying for a personal assistant job, and gets it; she has to make a decision about her and her daughter's future. After being nearly killed by Mike she decides to take the job. On her way to South Africa where she'll be staying for a couple of months, she's wondering what her employer is like. What will Bella's reaction be when she comes face to face with a past that she desperately tried to forget? Will she be able to keep her secrets or will Edward find out what she's been hiding? Edward has skeletons in his closet as well and turned into a cold, heartless, selfish and bitter man. Bella has difficulty trusting any man and is scared out of her mind by just a touch from another man and she has a hard time showing affection and love to anyone else besides her daughter. Both of them is in a constant battle with their own hearts, fighting their feelings for one another and trying to protect their own hearts from breaking again. **

**Will Bella be able to break through the walls that Edward has built around his heart with her lyrics? **

**What will Edward do when he learns the truth about Bella's past?**

**Join Bella and Edward as they climb the mountains of hate, bitterness, pain and forgiveness and how they embark on a journey to find love and happiness. **

**This story is rated 'M' for brutality; mature themes of abuse, violence and language!**

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><p><strong>Okay so go and check it out and please don't forget to review. <strong>


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